Fred and George Live!

F-Hello, My name is Fred Weasley.

G-And, I am George his brother. We are trying a little dictation spell so bear with us.

F-We needed a topic to talk about so we chose Corona Macfadden. We decided that since Corona is no longer at Hogwarts, for three years now, that we must keep her memory alive!

G-Here, here!

F-And we want to enlighten you all with the wonderment and beauty of, drum roll please.

G-Drum roll.

F-Funny. Corona Macfaden, in She Wore a Purple Crown!

G-Beautiful title.

F-Thank you.

G-The first time I met Corona was a long time ago.

F-Ah yes. I remember it well. Actually, I don't. I was just born.

G-Mum and her mum went to Hogwarts together. So she is an old friend of the family.

F-Charlie and Bill used to play with her. They are our older brothers. But, she always made Bill cry.

G-Well, he was a little wimp.

F-He got over that fast though.

G-Probably because of Cory. Anyway, Cory's dad, Phineas, is Scottish and a Muggle.

F-But we still like him. Even if he is Scottish.

G-Cory has the cutest accent.

F-Corona's mother, Danae, met Phineas in the late sixties. They soon got married and had the genius goddess whom we know as Corona Macfaden.

G-Goddess?

F-Well, she is the epitome of all that is beautiful and perfect.

G-She is hot!

F-Well, when she was really young her dad noticed she was performing spells far beyond her years. She once made Bill dance against his will when she was just four.

G-I wish I were alive to see that.

F-That's when they started to test her and came to the conclusion that she was, well, a genius!

G-She is also a natural born shape shifter!

F-She's not a shape shifter you git! She's a body shifter. A Mutacorpi!

G-Whatever, technicalities.

F-Since she was young Cory had this talent to make any feature of her's to look like anyone else's. At first she could only do eyes and such. But, by the time she was twelve she could make herself look like anyone she wanted.

G-No need for Polyjuice people!

F-1 in a million people can do that! She's been featured in Warlock Weekly and stuff!

G-She started school at Hogwarts when she was eleven.

F-No really?.

G-And was placed in the esteemed house of Gryffindor. Alas, she left when we were just in our third year though.

F-Wait!

G-What?

F-Some of are readers may be wondering about the title.

G-We have readers?

F-You see Corona means crown and her favorite color is purple. So, thus the title.

G-It wasn't my idea.

F-Now you may be thinking, "So she was this hot genius. Big deal!"

G-But we aren't finished!

F-Cory isn't your typical genius.

G-No bookworms here!

F-The girl knows how to party and can cause mischievous with the best of them.

G-Namely, us.

F-She has been the inspiration behind many of our early pranks.

G-But, the most amazing thing about her is her personality. So laid back and carefree. And of course her hilarious sense of humor.

F-Here is an example of what she is like. A boy approached her during the orientation one year and introduced himself. She said, "Hi, I'm Corona."

He said, "Oh you mean like the flames around the sun."

She said, "No! Like the beer!" and stormed off.

G-You're making me miss her.

F-Another perfect example is through her touching and inspiring bond with one of the Hogwarts professors.

G-Yes folks we are talking about none other than Professor Snape.

F-For some reason she likes him

G-He hates her.

F-He hates everyone, probably even his mum.

G-Anyway, since she entered school, Potions was one of her favorite classes, next to transfiguration, because she is a shape shifter.

F-Body shifter!

GI think she just likes to aggravate Snape. Speaking of shape shifting-

F-Body shifting!

G-Corona likes to play pranks even on the professors.

F-Oh yeah! She would transform herself into looking like any of the teachers that had just excused themselves and join their table.

G-She's gotten a lot better at imitating them now.

F-Back then she always got caught because she would laugh or call Snape her special name for him, Sevy.

G-They never caught her when she was being Trelawney. She's too weird in the first place.

F-Anyway back on Snape.

G-Oh yeah.

F-Neither of us has ever been in a potions class with her but the stories of what went on in there are legendary.

G-She once made Snape's hair turn into snakes!

F-I don't know why he tried to expel her. She was only trying to pay homage to the Slytherin mascot.

G-Yeah! And they weren't even poisonous!

F-And then there was that one time she tried to promote honorary "Snape Day". She tried to get everyone one to dress up like him and imitate his every move and remark.

G-Or the time she made Snape disappear for a week.

F-No one complained, except for Snape.

G-Well, anyway, in order to get a more in depth idea of what it was like we have three guests with us.

F-Please give a heart felt welcome to my little brother Ronald, his girlfriend Hermione-

R-She's not my girlfriend!

F-I think I see a friend that is a girl. Don't you George?

G-Yes, indeed.

F-But wait we are leaving out Mr. Potter!

G-Oh yes, and his most lightning boltness Harry Potter!

R-How come I didn't get a lengthy introduction?

G-Zap You-Know-Who and you'll get one!

F-Now, you three were present when Corona was made the first, and probably last, Professor's Assistant to Snape?

H-Yes.

HP-Yes.

R-Did you say something?

G-Now tell us what it was like?

R-Well-

F-Ladies first Ron!

R-Fine! Go Hermione.

H-Well, it was Corona's last year and was going to be Keeper on the Quidditch team our first year, but gave the job to Oliver so that she could be Snape's assistant.

HP-That was when we thought he was trying to kill me.

R-Now we know he's only thinks about killing Harry.

G-Continue Hermione.

H-Well she some how, I don't know how, got Dumbledore to make her Snape's assistant. I remember on our first day she was sitting, I mean floating in front-

F-Oh! I forgot! Corona is an excellent hoverer! Go on Hermione.

H-Well, she was hovering around like this purple meditating ghost or something.

R-I remember one time when she was floating around, Malfoy said something stupid to her and she didn't even grab her wand, but just snapped her fingers and he couldn't speak for the whole day! It was beautiful.

HP-She did a lot of things to Malfoy. Like when she gave him a love potion from her class book. She said, "It's the only way you're gonna get a girl." The look on his face was worth those twenty points we lost. No matter how many points were threatened to be taken from Gryffindor, or how many that were, she just kept at it. Like when it was a nice day, she would always suggest having class outside, even though she knew the his answer.

R-She got him to do it once, and the whole time she sang Muggle show tunes.

H-Well, it wasn't all her fault. Snape never actually let her help him. She was bored.

G-Now when she was singing these songs, did she look hot?

R-What?

GI'll take that as a yes.

F-I think I should share with our readers that Cory didn't really need to be in school past thirteen. She passed all the OWLS and NEWTS to get out of school by then. She just kept coming back because she thought school was fun.

R-School fun?

HP-She's a genius; they're eccentric.

G-Now thank you Hermione, Harry, and his most royal pain in the read headed ass, Ron.

R-Nice.

F-Thank you for sharing your memories with us.

G-Remember the last end-of-the-year feast Cory attended.

F-Of course.

G-Cory was head girl by this time, yet again for reasons beyond us.

F-Dumbledore finds her amusing.

G-Well as head girl, #1 in her class, and all around goddess, she asked to say a few words being it was her last year and all.

F-She stood up and said in her adorable Scottish accent, "I'm gonna miss yeh all so much. I will look back when I am really old and senile and wish for those days of fun and fit lads. And, mostly I will miss yeh." And she pointed to this random Hufflepuff boy.

G-She went up to him and asked his name. He said, "Cedric." He looked a little nervous. Then she said, "You know yer gonna be really hot when yeh get older. Oy girls! Get dibs now!"

F-And, then, here's the best part, she walked over to the professor's and said, "But seriously I will miss me favorite teacher in the whole world, Professor Snape. I'll miss yeh!" Then she began to cry, ran to Snape, and hugged him. He looked like he was about to die. It was great!

G-Then she tapped the air with her wand and a wrapped box appeared and she gave it to Snape and said, "I made it meself." Snape had to take it ‘cause everyone was watching at him.

F-He opened it and in it was a little statue of him. "Tap it with yeh wand and say, ‘Snap Snape'!" she screeched. He did and the statue started walking around his hand yelling out, "Ten points from Gryffindor! Ten points from Gryffindor!" The look on his face . . .

G-Priceless, there are some things money can't buy.

F-I almost cried.

G-Me, too.

F-Well, that is our little schpiel about our beloved friend Corona Macfadden.

G-Tune in next time for: ‘He Fancied Hermione, But Was In Denial!'

F-Good day.

F- Hello again! I'm Fred.

G- And, I'm George!

F-And this is-

G- Too doo dee doo!

1. What was that?
2. Trumpet.

F- Trumpet?

G-Yeah.

F- Anyway, this is "Fred and George Live!"

G-That would be us, again.

F- And today's topic is-

G-Why'd you stop?

F-I thought you were gonna do the trumpet thing again!

3. Oh.

F- The topic is "He Fancied Hermione-

G-Too doo dee doo

F- Stop that!

G- Sorry.

F-He Fancied Hermione but was in Denial.

G- Ah, yes. And our guest today is-Where is he?

F- I thought you knew.

G-Well, uh, it seems we are having some difficulties, folks.

F-Yeah and right now we are risking our reputations by sounding completely stupid because our damn guest is late!

G-Where's Ron?

F- Probably didn't want to admit to everyone he likes her.

G-Ah! Proves my theory! He's in denial!

F- What do we do now?

G- Oh hell, let's interview Harry!

F- Yeah, Harry Potter! Harry! Come here please!

G- Yes ladies and gents give a round of applause for Harry Potter!

HP-What do you guys want? And why am I being tied to this chair?!

F- No reason. Now Harry, how long have you been in denial of your feelings for Hermione?

HP- My what!?

F- Your feelings for Hermione!

G- You do fancy her don't you?

HP-No!

F&G- Aha!

F-A clear case of denial folks!

HP- But, I don't fancy her! Let me go!

G- Now what first attracted you to Hermione.

HP- I don't know her personality and wit- Wait a minute!

F-You do find her attractive don't you?

HP-Ummmmmm

F-George, get Hermione.

HP- Why? What are you gonna do?

F- All you have to do is admit you like her and we'll let you go.

HP- But I don't-

F-Stop fighting it Harry. Ah, yes Hermione welcome.

H-Hi.

G-Hermione sit next to Harry please.

H-Why is he tied up?

G-No reason, now please sit.

F-Now Harry, do you find Hermione attractive?

HP-Ummmm

H-Well?

HP- Well, I wouldn't say I'm attracted to her.

H- Be that way.

G- Not doing so well on the "Suavometer" is he?

F- I don't know, let's check it shall we? Oh, it says you suaveness is between Ron's and a turnip.

G-Disgraceful

HP- Fine! I find her attractive!

F-Thank you.

G-You may go now Hermione.

HP-Can I go now?

F-Not until you get over your denial.

H- But I'm not in denial! I don't like her!

G-Then who do you like?

HP-Ummmmm

F-You say that a lot don't you.

G-Just tell us who you like!

HP-No.

F-Then admit you like Hermione.

HP-But, I never-

G-Hermione could you come back here!

HP-Not again.

H-What now?

F-Harry has something he wishes to confess to you.

HP-No I don't!

G-Go on Harry. Now's your chance.

HP-Oh God! Fine! I like you Hermione. Now can I go?

F-Yes you can.

HP-Thank God!

H-You like me? But, you've never said anything?

HP-I didn't mean in that sense.

H-Then why did you say that? You are so mean Harry!

HP-They made me!

H-I'm not speaking to you!

HP-But, Hermione!

F-Ah yes another successful interview and diagnosis.

R-What did you guys want me for anyway?

G&F- Aaaaaah, our guest has arrived!

G-Folks give a welcome to our little brother Ron.

R-Um guys why are you tying me up?

M-Boys! Now stop that! Dinner is ready!

F-But, mum.

M-No buts! Now come along. And untie your brother!

G-But, he likes it.

M-Now!

G-Fine.

F-Well folks it was short, but we had fun. Please tune in for part two of "He Fancied Hermione But Was in Denial"

G-We'll get you Ron! Next time! Next time!

F- Good night.

Author's Notes: Um, pardon me but I have a little bit of repressed anger. When you read this you will know what I mean. Don't get me wrong, I saw the movie and I will be the first in line for the rest of the books. But, you have to admit somethings about HP get a little out of hand. And us Americans are pretty silly. If I offend anyone, I am sorry. This is all in fun. F is Fred. G is George. H is Hermione.

Episode 3: Harry Hype

F- Hallo! And welcome to the Fred and George Channel. All Weasley. all the time.

G-We were determined to finally have the last installment of "He Fancied Hermione But Was in Denial". Only problem is that Ron has magically disappeared. My guess is he is hiding under his bed.

F- We apologize folks.

GI need a hug.

F- But we will get him to admit his feelings for her if it's the last thing we do.

G-Then it will be on to getting Harry and Ginny together! Hahahahahahaha!

F- We do however have a wonderful new segment for you, "Harry Hype" with Hermione Granger.

G- Welcome to the show Hermione.

H- Thank You. Glad to be here.

F- Now before we start the show can I ask you a question?

H- Sure.

F- Don't you think it odd that an eighteen year old Bulgarian Celebrity would ask a fourteen year old nobody book worm to a dance, without wanting a little something in return?

H- Does the girl have a wand pointing threateningly at two red headed twins as we speak?

F- As I was saying it isn't odd at all.

G- No indeed.

F- Um, well, without further ado, we give you "Harry Hype." Don't hurt me.

G- Take it away Hermione!

H- Thank you. As it is well known Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, has lived in the limelight of the Wizarding world for some time now, but, not in the Muggle world. What if it was different?

F&G- Gasp.

H- What if Harry Potter was a household name with Muggle boys and girls of the world? What if they wrote books about him? About his life story? What would it be like? Would you like to know?

F- If you put your wand away.

H- Oh. Well, this is what the world of Muggle Harry Potter would be like. First it would start with the books, seven in all, coinciding with his years at Hogwarts. The first would probably be called Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, but in America probably called Harry Potter and the Digital Stone of Matrix Power. Or something along those lines. The books would be translated into many languages, including Texan. Millions of readers, young and old, would become obsessed with his world. They would throw parties on his birthday, dress up like him, make stupid remarks about him on TV shows like Popular to show they are "with it." A film company would buy the rights to it before the first publication is cooled off from the printer. Then all hell will break loose! The illustrator for the American books, who seems to think cubism is still in style, will draw horrible pictures for the covers, and The Netherlands no matter how much we argue, will still have the most kick ass covers! Then the Christians will start banning Harry and his satanic ways, however they will look over the fact that in the bible and in the books the snake is the bad guy. Then when parents get a hold of the fact that their children are more interested in books than movies, they will beg Warner Brothers to make Harry Potter into a movie, so their child will have no imagination anymore! Then they will begin casting the film and decide even before the rest of the books come out to have the kids film them, one after the other, with no breaks. Then the children will be plagued with type casting, never be able to be anything else. And Daniel Radcliffe will be doomed to wear glasses in all his future cinematic endeavors. Also, seven hit songs, all sung by some busty young blonde will be written specifically for each movie, with insipid titles such as, "The Boy Who Lived" and "The Scar". The hype will be too much, and people will go insane thinking they really are Harry, and the amount of broomstick related accidents shall rise. Harry Potter will be declared bad for you health, so when the rest of the books come out, no one will care, except maybe two fans from Quebec. And those books will have to live up, or model the movie and have titles such as Harry Potter and the Crouching Lion Hidden Draco, or Harry Potter the Vampire Slayer! Back to you Fred and George.

F- Er, thank you Hermione.

H- No problem.

F- Who's Daniel Radcliffe?

G- Well, ER,……. Oh look at the time! We need to go.

F- Thank God.

G- See you next time for the never-ending battle to get Ron to admit his feelings for Hermione.

F- I don't know if I want my brother with her. She's scary.

G- Why don't we make him declare his feelings instead to a cauliflower?

F- Works for me.

G- Until next time.

F- Goodnight.

F- Hullo! And welcome to Fred and George Live!

GI'm George!

F-And I'm Fred!

G-And this is Fred and George Live!

F-I already said that!

G-Well, I'm saying it again.

F-Okay….

G-Well, we really don't have a topic today.

F-Or do we?

G-Hehehehe

F-You see Hermione is getting back from her little stay with Krum in Bulgaria or wherever he lives.

G-Yes indeed. And we are here with Harry, Ginny, and of course Ron, to see what she experienced and their reactions.

F-Truth be told, just Ron's.

G- Ron! Come here for a moment.

R-Why?

G-Because we have some questions to ask you.

R-Look I am not doing this okay! I don't fancy Hermione. I don't think she's pretty. I don't think of her other then a friend!

F-Yes, yes, yes. But, do you think she's cute?

R-Argh!!!!!!!!!!

HP-Maybe you guys should just give it a rest.

G-NEVER!

F-He has to admit he likes her!

G-Think of the ratings!

Gi-Look there she is!

F&G-Oy! Hermione! Over here!

H-Hi everyone.

F-Welcome back.

G-Now tell us what was it like? Were they nice? Were they very Bulgarian? Were they very French? Please, all the details.

H-Er, well, It was well, cold. They were very nice and very Bulgarian.

R-That is terribly fascinating.

H-Oh hush.

F-Tell us the truth now Miss Granger are you in fact Viktor Krum's girlfriend?

G-Inquiring minds want to know.

H-No, I'm not.

F-I see.

R-Can we go now?

G-Fine. Party-pooper.

R-So he couldn't seduce you in his hometown?

HP-Lay off Ron.

F-No keep going. This is getting good.

R-Sod off!

H-Are you okay Ron?

RI'm fine! Can we just go!

H-Lord why are you so moody?

RI'm not!

H-Don't yell at me!

RI'm not yelling!

G-Sounds like yelling to me.

R&H- Shut up!

GI-ER, guys your attracting attention.

HI don't care. Look Ron if you have something to say, just say it. I am tired of you being so bitchy!

F-Yes Ron don't hold it in anymore. Be free.

R-Leave me alone!

H-Why are you so mad?

R-Well…you just go off and stuff.

H-So.

R-Well you are staying in some random guy's house and you barely know him and I just don't think that's right.

H-Let me get this straight. You don't think it's right? You wouldn't be jealous would you?

G-Gah! She said the "J" word!

RI'm not jealous.

H-Good because you sounded jealous and considering you don't think of me that way you really wouldn't have any reason to be jealous right?

RI have a right to my opinion!

H-No you don't! Maybe my boyfriend would, but I don't seem to have one!

R-Then what am I supposed to do! GO OUT WITH YOU?

H-YES!

R-FINE! THEN YOU'RE GOING OUT WITH ME!

H-FINE!

R-FINE!

F-What just happened here?

GI'm not sure.

F-Er, well folks I think he admitted his feelings or something.

G-We are going to go now because my head hurts.

F-Goodnight.

F-Okay, well do to some very odd events last time, we decided to not have Ron on the show this time.

G-He is going out with Hermione now. Our lives have no meaning. Whaaaaaa!!!!!

F-Well, do to this I thought why not go back into the archives of . . .

G-FRED AND GEORGE LIVE!

F-Lovely projection.

Git's all in the diaphragm.

F-I was looking through what Hermione was talking about, concerning Harry in the muggle world. I was wondering if indeed it was possible for him to exist in the muggle world and still be as famous.

G-Yes, we went to a muggle library and used a compooter and went on the Internet.

F-It has nothing to do with spiders. Stupid muggles.

G-Yes. Well we looked up Harry Potter. Oh my god! So many sites!

F-Yes my friends, the muggles know!

G-And they have stories and pictures and look-alikes and parties and costumes and things called moovees all about him.

F-I was in awe.

G-As was I. We wanted to see what the stories were all about. You know, to see if they got them right and well . . .

F-We found a couple interesting ones.

G-Very interesting. They are known as slash stories. You know coupling of boy/boy and girl/girl. There are even some about us!

F-Yeah getting it on with each other!

GI knew the muggles were different but God! We're brothers for God sakes!

F-We looked up a lot of slash…. not because we liked it.

G-Indeed no. We don't play for that side of the team.

F-No, but of research for you, our audience.

G-Since we read so many we thought we could write one of our own.

F-Yes.

G-Not because we like to imagine girl/girl couples. Mmmmmmmmmm. Uh sorry.

F-Oh no. But because we want you to see what the muggles find……ER…entertaining.

G-Yes, if you are easily offended, please divert your attention to our brother Bill while he drops a table onto Percy's head.

F-For the rest of you sit back, relax, and prepare for the fright of your life. Mwahahahahaha!

G-One day Lily Evans woke up feeling all alone. When would James ever notice her? She came to realize he would never look her way, being that she was so unpopular and timid. So she turned to the one person who could console her. Yes, Narcissa.

F-Now Narcissa was dating Lucius who was secretly sleeping with Igor but only on the third Friday of every month. So she had no problem with skipping off with Lily through a filed of flowers hand in hand.

G-Narcissa and Lily instantly fell in love.

F-Aside from the fact that they were both completely straight.

G-Lily decided to tell James about this new direction in her life.

F-When he found out he was heart broken. So he turned to the two men who could fulfill his needs.

Yes, Severus Snape and Sirius Black. He had both fulfilling him at the same time.

G-Remus felt left out being that Sirius was his bitch.

F-No pun intended.

G-So he wallowed in his self-pity. Which he seemed to do well.

F-The threesome, James, Sirius, and Snape snuck out at night to get their groove on. When out of nowhere appeared . . .

G-Harry?

F-Yes Harry. James' son.

G-"Sirius how could you!" Harry yelled, "Don't you love me?"

F-Sirius couldn't deny he loved Harry as well. Lupin appeared out of nowhere and declared he too loved Harry.

G- So they did the next logical thing and Sirius, Remus, and Harry got it on leaving Snape and James to weep in each other's arms.

F-"Harry you whore!" yelled a voice from over there.

Git was Draco Malfoy.

F-"How could you leave me for two old guys!?"

G-"Yeah and me!" yelled Ron who was holding Draco's hand, even though they always hated each other.

F-Harry realized he had made a mistake and invited the two boys to join.

G-James and Snape were crying still and so Harry invited them too.

F-Thus there was a large orgy going on the Hogwarts grounds.

G-Dumbledore could see it from his office window.

F-"Wait for me!" he called and jumped on top of the pile of bodies.

G-Lily and Narcissa, hand in hand, watched the orgy and took pictures as the sun set.

F-And the moral of the story is Voldemort and Hermione do not make a good couple.

G-Thank You.

F-Scarred? Hehehehe

G-Tune in next time for another amazing installment of Fred and George Live.

F-Next episode is titled Evil Snakey Men and the Women who love them.

G-Good night.