The Chronicles of Lucius

The Chronicles of Lucius

End of an Era

Author Notes: For the sake of principle, I have to apologise for the months of delay on this chapter, but because I am idiot and tend to delay things a lot, I hope I will be forgiven. Here (be ready) is the excuse: I'm in Sweden at present and have been for the last 3 months and I, being a fool, forgot all my copies of the HP books. Instead, shame on me, I was stockpiled with a massive heap of Tolkien, which does making the final scenes of CoS and thereby CoL easy to access. Fortunately, the lovely Siria Black came to visit and with her, brought CoS in book and DVD form and thus, I was saved.

So here we are! Chapter 15! The final! The end! The over-abundance of exclamation marks!

_____________________________________

May 14th 1993

Hair beyond perfect. Evil glare replaced with one of boredom. Robes - have been changed every twenty minutes. Arse - bored off it.

Has been days since Gandalf-wannabe was kicked out of school and yet, nothing is happening. No more petrifications. No sign of snake-beast-thing. Worst of all: no death! Am v. disappointed.

One had assumed that when cracked old man left school, snake would run rampant.

Well, not quite run, but... you know... slither.

Apparently stupid little girl with bad hair has found way to resist power of Dark Lord's poetry (which really wasn't that good (Dark Lord incapable of making couplets rhyme - spam does not rhyme with plan, no matter how much imperius he uses to make you say it does), but self didn't want to be the one to tell him for fear of nasty repercussions. (Not that self was scared, but you know, you don't insult Dark Lord's precious poetry and walk away with hair manageable. Self has rather a close attachment to hair. Tis called self's head and self wanted to keep it that way. Dark Lord's hair envy was bad enough).

Either that or stupid little girl is stupider than self thought and has didn't know how to read, therefore diary could not do what it was meant to and Dark Master is - for want of better phrasing - bollixed.

Though does raise question about how prior petrifications have happened.

Hmm.

Paradoxical.

Not sure what it means, but sounds v. appropriate. And intellectual. Self always strives to sound intelligent.

Even so, one would think Hell would be in chaos now that stupid Gandalf-wannabe is out of school and big, ugly, hairy man (who would be only one really big enough to catch snake beast - would probably want it for his collection. V. strange man) is no longer there to stop it.

Perhaps self was hoping for too much.

Am desperately resisting temptation to go to school and jinx Mudbloods.

Not only would it scare children in Hell, but would be v. fun as well!

And with no Gandalf-wannabe to stop self, do believe self could take over school and be in charge and make all students bow down and serve self like filthy little slaves they are!

Of course, no purebloods because that would be v. wrong and self's friends would be v. put out if self did that to their spawn. Or mudbloods because that would be v. disgusting. Or anyone v. ugly because it would negate point of self being pretty if self can't have pretty slaves (Though not too pretty because self would not want to look bad - if that is even possible). Or anyone with bad hair, though no one with v. good hair cos self would not want to be made to look bad by silly children.

Hmm.

On other hand, would probably be easier to just go and play Quidditch with House Elves for moment. Why do matters of dominating wizarding world have to be so complicated when it comes to slaves?

***

May 18th 1993

Doesn't matter.

Still nothing. Grr.

Wife keeps telling self not to pout.

Am not bloody pouting!

Am brooding in dark, serious, sinister fashion as befits v. evil, wicked wizard.

***

May 24th 1993

Hair twisted into knots. Evil glare of disappointment directed at Hell (and son for getting self's hopes up, little git!). Robes look exceptional, as usual. Arse is seated, but is taking every effort of self not to go storming to Hell to break things (Mainly son's head for being source of great disappointment! Grr!)

Maybe self is a little too excited about thought of Hell being closed and self being blamed and Dark Master coming back and taking over the world and providing self with more power than self could ever otherwise dream of, but self does not need son to taunt self so!

When a letter arrived from Hell this evening, self imagined something of interest might have happened, but self was proven sorely mistaken and self's desire to smack son on head with cane (which has been diminishing of late - self believes it to be due to son-withdrawal) returned full force.

Son had written to self to whine about the fact that he has to do exams!

Does self even look remotely sympathetic to such a thing? Son seems to have appropriately forgotten that he is at school and therefore should be doing exams to prove he is not as stupid as silly wife!

Self wants to hear about more interesting stuff! Like Mudbloods being killed by great big snake! Or that there is a robe sale at Madame Malkin's (Self has to look good for impending return of Dark Master).

But no.

Son ranted and whined about exams for two pages, then spoke about putting friends under imperius to make them do exams for him, which would really be rather pointless as son's friends seem to share single and rather fragile braincell between them.

Would explain son's v. bad grades, though.

After all, self is v. smart so why would son be a bloody fool?

On plus side, self did have very smart friends at school. Perhaps self should see about making sure son has smarter friends, so self doesn't leave Hell looking like brain-dead ninny.

Aside from that, have noticed long-nosed house Elf watching self an awful lot of late. Am beginning to suspect that it might be up to something. Or after self's cane. After all, if Ministry types cannot conceal desire for cane, how could miserable little beast like House Elf?

To cheer self up, self kicked him down stairs.

House Elf bounced remarkably well, though self is beginning to grow increasingly alarmed by fact that by the time self had stopped berating House Elf, a queue had formed and all House Elves were looking at self expectantly.

Damnable things! Self had forgotten masochistic tendencies.

Self must find new way to torment them.

***

May 25th 1993

Hair pleasantly brushed. Evil glare on full power and directed at squealing House Elves (Am so very evil). Robes replaced with shirt and breeches (No use for robes in what self is up to, today). Arse, nicely supple.

Have found perfect punishment for house Elves.

Recalled some House Elf superstition that if given clothes, the little wretches will be forced from home and family, so self came up with a new game, whereby self has charmed clothes to chase House Elves around house.

Wife told self that self was being v. immature, but self couldn't care less because it is far too much fun seeing how fast ugly little things can run, especially when they scream like girls.

Game was made even funnier when one House Elf was attacked by wife's charmed support garments (which are v. expensive and paid for by wife, so self didn't need to worry about damage).

Have never seen wife move so fast!

Don't know what was more amusing about the situation - look of terror on the House Elf's face when he was tackled by wife, or the look on wife's face when she did said tackle.

Was most impressive, as well. Never knew wife had nerve (or love enough of anything. Well... it was for her clothing, so self should have known that) to dive down a flight of stairs, touch a filthy House Elf and wrestle for underwear.

Day suddenly got so much more interesting.

Wife is still currently battling House Elf. Will write later of wife's doubtless victory (Wife is really v. attached to that bustier).

***

28th May 1993

Hair tied in all manner of knots. Evil glare directed at wife. Robes still missing. Arse rather sore.

Bloody wife.

Clearly self's joke with wife's undergarments and self's amusement with the whole situation was not v. amusing for wife.

Have heard that Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Self believes that phrasing is wrong: Hell hath no fury like a woman whose favourite underwear is charmed to do embarassing things to the house slaves.

Self has only been saved by a letter from the board.

Had word not arrived and saved self from further humiliation, am not sure how much longer wife would have left self bound up in the basement, wearing her older and not so charming underwear.

On plus side, though, note said that stupid girl from school has been taken into Chamber of Dark Master, which means plan is working again and if so, then Dark Master should be back before day is out.

Then self will be rewarded for unfailing loyalty and coming up with cunning plan and managing to make sure self found stupid enough girl to be possessed by Dark Master, when self gave her nice little book as generous gift with intention of sucking out her soul through memories of darkest wizard in the world.

Have been wondering, though (as one does when tied up in basement by wife, wearing skimpy underwear. Though not in a kinky fashion!), will Dark Master return as himself or will he take over little girl's body?

While balding boss with bad taste in fashion is hardly most attractive sight in first instance, am certain that he would make so many more colour co-ordination errors with hair as red as stupid girl's.

Can see horrible situations arising when Master wears favourite shades of green with awful red hair.

Actually, would rather not imagine that.

Anyway, sent message back saying self was gravely concerned, of course, and that clearly it was old Gandalf-wannabe's fault that everything at Hell had gone so horribly wrong.

Have not yet received word back, but am sure that the board agree.

After all, self specifically included a post script mentioning that self would curse them and all their families by taking beloved cane away from them if they did not believe self.

Will wait for further word.

***

28t h May 1993 (Later)

No time

Just received rather worrying owl from son.

Apparently, he saw Gandalf-wannabe return to school.

Have decided that board are quite clearly mad and therefore, self should go, set matter straight and kick old fool out again, because otherwise Dark Master's return will be ever so slightly hindered.

Will write later.

***

29th May 1993 (12.34am)

Hair dishevelled and tangled. Evil glare directed, in full power mode, at Pot-Boy, treacherous House Elf and bloody Gandalf-wannabe. Robes torn and rumpled (Bloody House Elf!). Arse bruised (BLOODY HOUSE ELF!)

Well, now self knows where House Elf was sneaking off to.

Apparently self's abuse wasn't sufficient for it, so it appears that House Elf wanted to get itself in even more serious trouble than before, so self would beat it more soundly.

Explains why it tried to break into Chronicles.

Perhaps it really was trying to find out self's cunning plan, so it could try and thwart it, leading to torment and beatings from self. Sick, perverted little git.

Should perhaps be grateful to stupid Pot-Boy for arranging for self to give sock to Elf and thereby getting rid of it.

Of course, it appeared stupid bloody House Elf was not pleased about being lost and, using defence of Pot Boy as excuse, threw self down a flight of stairs, resulting in bruised arse, sore head and ruined robes!

All this after self arrives at school, hears that stupid little girl has been rescued by none other than the oh so wonderful Pot Boy, who is really the best thing that ever happened to Hogwarts (Am being sarcastic. Please note this. Self really has deep, vile and bitter loathing for green-eyed Pot Boy).

And, not only has self's spiffy plan to resurrect Dark Master been ruined by Wonder-Pot's stupid idealistic tendency to be heroic, but now, board have been spreading rumours that self threatened to curse their families!

Self did no such thing!

All right, all right, maybe self did that a little, but not recently!

It was all going so well!

Even when self ended up confronting old fool about his presence back at Hell, self was epitome of cold, calculating and v. calm. Then stupid Pot-boy and his stupid sock show up and self's motivation to remain polite and dignified was royally bollixed.

Vaguely recall pulling wand on Pot-Boy in sheer frustration, but am not sure if self really did give into the temptation to yell killing curse, because self was so very very annoyed about loss of book, of plan and of ability to get Gandalf-wannabe kicked out.

All seems something of a blur until the moment self bounced down the stairs when stupid House Elf decided to intervene.

Am v. much not happy.

Have v. strong desire to kill something.

Wife has been giving self odd looks and asking if self is feeling all right.

Of course self isn't bloody all right!

Owl has just arrived. Will see what further nonsense has been brought up, since self refused to go to meeting with board after they admitted to self that they asked Gandalf-wannabe back (Bloody Board!)

Narcissa Malfoy here - it appears that my husband has had a relapse into the condition that our dear son's April Fools' joke triggered in him and he will temporarily be indisposed.

I did not realise he was so greatly affected when it came to the matter of being on the Board of Governors. Apparently being ejected from their esteemed ranks has caused a great offence to him.

And before he managed to seal this diary of his.

Not that I would ever take advantage of his moment of weakness and invade his privacy thus.

Of course not.

After all, I respect my husband, his opinions and I... honestly believe I am fooling no one, so since he will never again see this journal, I will finish for now.

Narcissa (Black) Malfoy.