Harry Potter & The Daughter of Malfoy

Chapter Nine - Labouring a Point

"Ciss..."

Swatting at the hand that was poking her repeatedly, Narcissa grumbled, rolling over onto her back, legs akimbo, eyes crossed beneath half-closed lids. "Go `way..." she groaned in her normal voice, which clashed rather violently with her hairnet and nightdress. "Sleeping."

"You can´t be sleeping...not now...I´m having a bloody baby..."

"Eh?"

"Want it the hard way?" the voice said. "BOB! I´M HAVING A BLOODY BABY!"

Jerking upright in bed, her head swimming Narcissa swayed unsteadily, one hand coming to her forehead as she squinted around the dimly-lit bedroom and found Harry glaring down at her. "Whu?"

The numerous celebration parties for Voldemort´s demise had gone on well into the night of his defeat and for three and a half days afterwards, so it was hardly surprising that Narcissa was having a little trouble getting up and about.

Or even conscious for that matter.

After all, there were only so many variations on combinations of whisky and shandy that could be downed before it got to the stage of simply knocking back the booze straight from the bottle.

"Are you awake, Ciss?" he said, waving a hand in front of her face. She giggled. She had never noticed Harry had twenty fingers on one hand before. "Ciss, hello? Can you hear me?"

Nodding drowsily, she smiled blearily up at him. "You´re coming in loud and clear, Captain!" she agreed, trying to salute him and only succeeding slapping herself rather hard on the forehead.

"I think the baby wants out," he said. "Now."

"Baby?" The words registered and her eyes popped wide open. "Oh buggeration and crap with a cherry on top!"

"Not quite the way I´d put it," Harrry winced as he sat down on the edge of the bed, one hand pressing against his stomach. "It hurts, Ciss...and you never told me...how do I get this thing out of me with no hole?"

Narcissa, scrambling across her bed to grab her dressing gown gave him a helpless look. "You stay in labour until your body thinks you´ve suffered as much as a woman would normally and then your belly button opens up and lets the baby out."

Grimacing, Harry pressed his eyes shut.

"And now," he muttered grimly. "I know why you didn´t bother to tell me this beforehand. Is there anything else I should know about this before I decide to go and avada myself?"

"Um..."

"Ciss?"

"Painkilling spells don´t work," she mumbled, sliding her feet into her slippers.

"What do you mean they...don´t work?"

"I mean they don´t work," she answered apologetically. "The theory is if you wanted a baby enough to get the potion, you have to be able to take the pain that goes with it and now..."

Slowly lying back on the bed, his eyes pressed closed, Harry winced as another pain lanced through his stomach. "Remind me to kill Lucius," he said dryly. "Or castrate him. Whichever is easi...ow...owowowowow!"

"Painful?"

Green eyes opened and glared at her, as he struggled to sit back up again. "No, Ciss, not at all." Harry replied in a voice dripping sarcasm. "I thought I would practise my singing. What do you think?"

"Lowest form of wit, dear," Narcissa chastised, helping him back onto his feet, an arm going around his waist. He gave her a dirty look, gritting his teeth as they started back towards his room. "What?"

"When you´re feeling this, then you can lecture me on sarcasm."

"Been there, done that, got the T-shirt," Narcissa replied smugly.

"T-shirt...right..."

"Actually, I do," she grinned at him engagingly. "It has a picture of Draco on it and his weight, time of birth and everything...I was going to wear it when you went into labour so you couldn´t gripe and moan about how no one understands the pain you´re going through."

"Bitch," Harry moaned. "You´re just a bitch..."

"That´s the nicest thing you´ve ever said about me!"

Harry glared at her. "I didn´t mean it that way," he muttered, pausing as another stabbing pain struck him low in his abdomen, doubling him over. "Oh crap! Oh crap! Oh CRAP!"

"Easy, Harry, breathe..." Narcissa directed him to the wall, letting him bend over, rubbing his back as he sucked in deep, gulping breaths of air. "Good boy, Harry, just keep calm..."

"How could Mrs Weasley do this seven times?" Harry mumbled, shaking his head as he gripped the decorating panels of the wall for support. "I don´t understand...this is bad enough for me...and she went back for more...she must be bloody mad..."

"It´ll be over soon enough, Harry."

"You promise?" Green eyes turned to her plaintively.

"Er..."

Harry whimpered. "This isn´t fair..."

***

"IT HURTS!"

"Just try and stay calm, Harry!"

"To hell with calm!" Harry yelled hoarsely, kicking one of the house elves across the room on a reflex action. "I want this thing out of me! I want it out! Now! Get it out! make the pain go away!"

Back on his own bed, Narcissa keeping tabs on any sign of his navel opening up to allow the baby out, Harry´s face was shining with sweat, his hands bunching into the sheets underneath him.

Sponging his face, she had been trying to reassure him and received a tirade of abuse that she recognised well from her own labour, nearly eighteen years before.

"What´s going on?"

Narcissa and Harry both looked towards the door, relief on their faces.

"Luce! Thank the Founders you made it back!" Narcissa exclaimed, standing up quickly and motioning him forwards. "Harry went into labour last night! It´s been going for nearly eight hours and he´s not..."

"BLOODY HELL! Lucius, when this is over, I´m ripping your bloody knob off!"

Lucius gave Narcissa an amused look. "That well, eh, Ciss? I remember you saying something along the same lines," he remarked dryly, peeling off his outer robes and approaching the bed. "Do you want me to do the `father´ thing, Harry?"

Green eyes stared at him wildly. "You put this thing in me and you better be here when it comes out, you bloody bastard!"

"If I had known, I would have ignored the summons from Dumbledore..."

"Dumbledore?" Harry panted, struggling to sit up a little, sheets of sweat spilling down his face. "What did he want?"

Sliding onto the bed behind Harry, placing himself between Harry´s body and the headboard, Lucius let the younger man press his bare back against his chest and grip his hands for support. "He just wanted to know what exactly happened and how you were getting on."

Panting and shaking, Harry clutched tightly at Lucius´ reassuringly firm, dry hands as another surge of pain hit him, pushing back against the older wizard. "And what did you tell him?"

"Oh, the truth," Lucius replied.

"The truth?"

"Mmm. My version thereof."

Relaxing a little, his breathing evening out, Harry tilted his head. "Which is?"

"That our Master," Lucius said in his severest of tones, his expression serious. "The dearly departed Lord Voldemort somehow spontaneously combusted in shock when he actually saw that mysterious willy which has been seen flying around the Oxford countryside in recent months."

Harry started laughing, then groaned. "Don´t make me laugh, you git! It hurts!"

"Poor little boy," Lucius snickered, propping his chin on top of Harry´s head. "I always knew that Gryffindors had low pain threshholds."

Unseen by him, Narcissa and Harry exchanged glances.

"Right, Lucius," Harry muttered. "Next time, you carry the baby."

"I think not."

"And why not, Luce?" Narcissa inquired. "After all, it would only be fair and then we would have one each!"

"Absolutely and vehemently not."

Harry´s hands clenched around Lucius´ as pain struck again. The muscles in his lean arms and torso were taut, his face going from white to scarlet in a matter of seconds, his eyes pressed shut in pain.

"How about..." he gritted out between clenched teeth. "I just kick you...in the nuts... once every day...for the next six months...that would maybe match you...to this kind of pain..."

"Amateur," Narcissa laughed. "You really do have to learn how to threaten people properly, Harry."

"Ciss, just tell me...is it coming out yet...?"

Leaning in, Narcissa gave him a broad smile. "Looks like you´re about to become a daddy...or both of you are about to become daddies..." A bemused look crossed her face. "You know, this is going to be one disturbed child."

"And you have a totally normal relationship with your son," Harry groaned, his head falling back against Lucius´ shoulder, gasps of pain tearing from his throat as his navel slowly started to open outwards. "IT HURTS!"

"I never said it wouldn´t, dear," Narcissa replied primly. "And don´t you insult my relationship with my little boy!"

"I didn´t insult it...you´re a man...and your son doesn´t know...just pointing it out..."

"Would you two please stop bickering," Lucius sighed. "Ciss, check on that hole and see how quickly it´s opening. Harry, just keep your breathing nice and steady, all right? It might sound stupid, but it helps."

"You´ll let me kick your arse when this is over, won´t you?" Harry said pleadingly, looking up at Lucius.

Lucius gave him a half-smile. "I´ll consider it."

"All right, Harry, this is it..."

Pressing his head back against Lucius´ shoulder, Harry squeezed his eyes shut, tears mingling with the sweat on his face. "Oh God..." he whispered under his breath over and over again. "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God..."

It felt like he was being torn apart, like someone had rammed a great metal fist into his belly and was slowly drawing his innards out.

It was excruciating.

And the sounds.

He could hear a slurping squishing sound which seemed to be matched up with the pressure of what had to be Narcissa´s hands trying to release the baby - oh my God! I´m actually having a baby! - from his insides.

Shudders rocketed through his body and he felt Lucius reassuringly squeezing his fingers in silent support.

"Good boy, Harry...good boy..."

The repetitive whispers seemed to soothe him somewhat, as he tried to force the pain from his consciousness.

It would be over soon.

It would be all over.

No more peeing night and day.

No more cravings or morning sickness.

But, best of all, no more belly!

"Merlin..."

He heard Lucius´ whisper and forced his eyes open, his throat tight with pain, in time to see Narcissa draw a squirming, wailing, slime-covered creature out of the hole where his belly button had once been.

Of course, then he saw his large intestine.

Green eyes went round and wide as he stared into his own guts and the famous Harry Potter, vanquisher of Lord Voldemort and all around good guy and everything else heroic, promptly fainted dead away.