WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin

Sunning:

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"It's 'starring' you guys," Hermione said exasperatedly. She was ignored. "Oh, never mind."

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Fred Weasley - Bubbles

{Fred crawls along on floor and acts like a rug} & Narrator {Fred waves at the camera, dressed in his safari outfit}.

George Weasley - Popcorn

{George rubs his arm and slinks away from smug Slytherin boy}.

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"That really did hurt, you know," he said grumpily, glaring at Lee who looked only faintly guilty. "And I'm starting to think that wasn't an accident..."

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Lee Jordan - Al

{Lee dances gleefully around Harry} & Director {Lee sits in a directors chair and gives the camera a thumbs up}.

Albus Dumbledore - Confused Headmaster

{Dumbledore watches the slashkilters, feigning confusion}.

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The crowd in the Great Hall laughed and applauded.

"Hey, how come he gets applause?" George asked sulkily.

"Well," Ginny pointed out, "He is the headmaster. And he's sitting in the back."

"Ooooohhhhhhh...."

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Zacharias Smith - Hufflepuff Shield

{Small Hufflepuff looks terrified as George holds him above his head}.

Angelina Johnson - Screaming Victim

{Angelina screams and flails as the Slashkilters carry her down a hall}.

Gilderoy Lockhart - Incompetent DADA Professor

{Lockhart trips over Angelina's shoe and goes sprawling down the hall}.

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The crowd (or at least the male section) howled with laughter. Ron stood up proudly.

"This proves my theory that Lockhart is a prat!" he said proudly.

"We already knew that, Weasle," Malfoy sneered from his back row. Ron turned red and looked at Harry.

"Well, he's right you know," Harry said apologetically. "I really hate to say it, but he is." He shuddered a little.

Angelina read her title uncomfortably.

"Do I really have to be called 'screaming victim'?" she asked.

"Ah, yes," Fred said arily. "It adds to the movie's general aura."

"Yeah," George added with a grin. "We have to be careful if we want to win an Academy Award."

"A what?" Ron asked.

"Am American muggle award for movies," Hermione said, "Honestly, you should all take Muggle Studies next year. I am."

"Right," Harry said, grinning, "But I doubt you'll win, after all, anything with Ron's singing in it should be burned!"

Fred and George laughed.

"Don't you mean Percy's?" one asked, grinning.

"Yeah, maybe we should do the next film on him instead of Malfoy over there!"

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Luna Love good - Eccentric Expert

{Luna gestulates wildly and rants about Fudge and his heliopaths.}

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"Where did you find her, anyhow?" Hermione asked bemusedly, glancing back at the girl, who looked proud and completely oblivious to the snickers surrounding her.

"Daddy will be so pleased I'm spreading the word about Fudge, he always said-"

"I mean," Hermione whispered, "She's just so... odd."

"Well, apparently she doesn't believe anything unless there's no proof." Fred explained, "That's why it was so easy to convince her."

"Yeah," George said with a grin. "She still thinks Harry has 3 Umgubular Slashkilters! Watch out for her Harry!"

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Ron Weasley - Terrified Singing Sensation

{Ron nervously leads the slashkilters and belts out 'Good Ship'}.

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Harry burst out laughing again, and Ron blushed to his roots.

"Can't you lot just let it go?" he asked them all pleadingly.

"Not after the way you reacted to mine," Harry said, trying and failing to look serious.

"Sorry," Ron muttered, sinking down in his chair, "Can't even take a joke."

"Hey Fred, George," Hermione asked curiously. "Aren't you supposed to mention Harry at some point?

He's the star, right? You'd think he'd be the first one you mentioned."

"Hey, yeah," Harry said. "Where am I?"

"Yeah," Fred scoffed, "I've seen how muggles do it, most important first and all that rubbish."

"That is not how WWP does things," George said proudly. "We save the best for last, so you don't forget immediately."

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Cameramen - Michael Corner

Terry Boot

Anthony Goldstein

Colin Creevey

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"Are you sure it's not just completely random?" Hermione asked.

"You know," Fred said thoughtfully, "I think it is."

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Harry Potter - Heir of Slytherin,

Boy-Who-Lived,

Fantastic singer,

Parslemouth extraordinaire,

Hairdresser's nightmare,

Defender of the little guy,

Fighter of evil prats everywhere.

He must work out or something!

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Harry was in shock. What had followed was a clip show of sorts. What had started with Harry talking with his friends, leading the slashkilters, and glaring at Draco Malfoy had slowly progressed to Harry brushing his teeth, in the showers after Quidditch practice, and basically not wearing a shirt.

"W-where did you get all that?" he stuttered in outrage. "You three are perverted! And whichever one of you cameramen," he swung round to look at the Ravenclaws and Colin, "took those had better give me the negatives! All of them!" The cameramen shrunk down in their seats and shot accusing looks at Colin, who blushed. Everyone turned to look at him.

"What?"

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Draco Malfoy - Jealous Prat

{Several clips of Draco watching Harry jealously, Draco looking shifty and sulking around, Draco standing in front of the mirror practicing his 'Evil Glare O' Doom' in different poses}.

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There was a cry of outrage and Draco Malfoy stormed to the front, knocking over as many chairs as humanely possible, and began yelling at Fred and George, who were still being glared at by Harry.

"You can't do that to me! Creeps! I demand that you give me this film at once! Potter and I are going to make you pay!"

"Yeah!" Harry yelled angrily.

There was a shocked silence in which Harry and Draco realized what they had just said.

Hermione, Ron and the twins stared at them incredulously. A girl fainted somewhere in the back.

Harry and Draco looked at each other, and slowly backed away and sat in their chairs. The movie continued.

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Morag MacDougal - Spunky Slytherin

{Morag gets carried off to the broom closet}.

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"Spunky?" The Gryffindors asked disbelievingly.

"Spunky?" Ron asked, laughing.

"Spunky?!" The Slytherins asked, furiously. A sixth year shot a spell at the screen. It now read:

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Morag MacDougal - Slytherin Warrior

{The clip was now of Morag looking triumphant as the Slashkilters slunk away}.

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The Slytherins hooted appreciatively and clapped.

"Speech! Speech," they all cried. The second year stood up proudly.

"Augh, we don't want to hear that," Ron moaned.

"I agree completely," Fred said, shooting a discreet silencing spell at MacDougal, who looked suddenly furious.

They laughed until a Slytherin decided it had been George and hexed him.

The uproar that ensued was tremendous. Gryffindors hexed Slytherins, a Hufflepuff got hit, and a few Ravenclaws, until the entire Hall was filled with curses being hurled back and forth.

The teachers tried to restore order, whether they were yelling at the students, shooting off fireworks, or just plain waving their wands and muttering nonsense words. In any case, they weren't effective.

As a result, everyone missed the end of the film...

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The dwarf that had given Harry his valentine marched down the corridor, singing 'His eyes are green as a fresh pickled toad...' at the top of his lungs. He supported one half of a large banner, the slashkilters carrying the other half and dancing gleefully. The banner flashed its message to the Hall: "This has been a production of WWP. WWP may be a sub-corporation of WWW. Some rights reserved. WWP is not responsible for any copyright infringement. The views represented in this film are not necessarily the beliefs of WWP. Any unauthorized distribution, copying, exhibition, replication, display, presentation, or reproduction of this film may be punishable by a small fine and/or life sentence to Azkaban."