WWP Presents: The Heir of Slytherin

The camera creeps closer to the doors. Closer, closer, until suddenly there is a cry of "Help! Help! The Heir of Slytherin's got me!" Every student and teacher in the Great Hall sprang out of their seats and raced to the doors, and in the ruckus, the camera is knocked to the floor and the screen goes black.

~

"Do you know how many galleons it cost to fix that camera?" George said conversationally. "Lucky we had two."

"Where did they get money to fix it? Why is it that they always have money?" Ron asked, his voice filled with irritation.

"If we told you, we'd have to kill you," George cackled wickedly.

~

The second camera reaches the door just in time to see the three slashkilters lifting Angelina over their heads and carrying her off down the hall. The view widens to show the large group of students and teachers panicking as Dumbledore looks on in undisguised amusement. Lockhart bounds forward crying, "I'll save her!" and promptly trips over a shoe Angelina lost in the struggle.

~

Most of the crowd (at least the males) laughed uproariously at this. George, still chortling, managed to say "Lucky Dumbledore knew about it all along. Don't know how though..."

Ron stood proudly and addressed the assembled audience. "This proves my theory that Lockhart is a prat!"

"We already knew that, Weasel," Malfoy sneered from his seat in the back row.

"He's right, you know," Harry said apologetically. "I really hate to admit it, but he is."

"Yeah... they should've stalked him instead of Harry," he grumbled darkly. "'Course he probably would have enjoyed all the attention."

~

"The Heir feels it is his motherly duty ¾

~

¾

More laughter from the crowd, Harry blushes furiously ¾

~

"¾ To protect his 'children', and cover up their crime.

Harry sidles into view, looking very shifty. He edges into the center of the crowd, attempting to go unnoticed, picks up the shoe and quickly slips it into his pocket. Everyone is now staring at him, and Dumbledore tries to look confused, eyes twinkling, beard twitching. Harry slips off down the hall in pursuit of his slashkilters. The crowd stares after him, dumbfounded, some looking accusing, Draco Malfoy looking angry and jealous.

~

"Told you he'd want people to think it was him," Ron said smugly. Nearby, Ginny had collapsed into nervous giggles.

~

"And the Heir has learned a valuable lesson: Never ignore your slashkilters. They will eat you or your friends... OR your friends girlfriends.

Angelina lies in the middle of a corridor, covered in 'blood' stains and looking quite dead except for the small grin threatening to break out on her face like a bad case of spots. George kneels over her, sobbing loudly in a vain attempt to cover the laughter in the background. Harry stands nearby looking remorseful as Fred shakes his head sadly.

"Now the slashkilters follow them everywhere, just like before. The Heir seems happy, and we are able to witness a seemingly ritualistic dance created by the monsters.

Camera zooms in on Harry, who has a strained smile on his face and leads a procession down the hall, scepter in hand, singing 'We're Off to See the Wizard' loudly. Three slashkilters follow behind him, frolicking and doing jigs. He stops and glances back uneasily, and Bubbles looks suddenly furious and glares at him menacingly, shaking his fists. Harry looks terrified and continues singing. A large crowd trails behind watching curiously, and Dumbledore lurks in the background once again, watching the group like a parade. Luna follows sneakily at the back, wand out, eyeing the monsters.

~

"Harry, how'd they get you to do that?" Hermione asked curiously. "You didn't look... well, you looked pretty serious."

"Actually 'Mione, I didn't know it was them yet," Harry began embarrassedly. "These three cornered me in their suits and handed me the music and scepter, and I, well, got the idea..." Fred and George had been howling with laughter throughout his speech, and once he finished, Ron joined them.

"Harry, you git!" Ron cried, red in the face from laughing, "Even I wouldn't have done that!"

~

"One of his fellows join the dance, and leads the group in a more...food oriented song on the way to the Great Hall."

Ron now leads the procession, glancing back nervously and belting out 'Good Ship Lollypop'. The crowd that follow them laughs and some dance with the monsters.

~

It was now Harry's turn to laugh, and Ron turned red, this time with embarrassment.

"W-where did you ¾ when¾ how did you film that?" he demanded loudly.

"Ron you prat!" Harry howled, leaning on Hermione, practically crying with mirth. "You great prat! Where did you learn to sing like that anyway?" Everyone in the surrounding area hooted and cheered for Ron's brilliant performance. Ron turned purple with embarrassment. Harry looked amused. Fred and George looked chuffed.

Hermione looked alarmed. "Ron, calm down, you look like you'll explode!"

~

"And that is a day in the life of the Heir of Slytherin! Join us next time as we follow the dangerous and elusive Giantus Pratus, aka Draco Malfoy!"

~

There was an angry shout from the back of the hall. It sounded like Malfoy had knocked over several chairs as he struggled to the front and began railing at them.

"YOU WILL NOT BE FOLLOWING ME ABOUT LIKE SOME ANIMAL! MY FATHER WILL HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THIS! GIANTUS PRATUS INDEED! YOU¾ "

...

...

...

...

"Good job on the stunner there," George congratulated a blushing Ginny Weasley.

"Yeah, amazing for an ickle firstie, you shouldn't learn that till fourth year," Fred added.

"Hmm, say Gin, wanna be a sun?"

"It's a star... oh, never mind," Hermione grumbled as they led Ginny away.

"Hey, there's more!" Angelina sounded surprised. "I thought it was over!"

"Oh, that's just the credits, no big deal," Hermione began, but Lee jumped up nearby looking hurt and said:

"Oh, sure, just the credits, never mind how hard some of us worked on them, lets all just leave, shall we?"

"Ok."

"Ron!"

"Fine, since you obviously worked so hard," he amended with a glance at Hermione.