Harry Potter and The Ten Sickle Hooker

Harry would still have been laughing about the whole incident, had his stomach not decided to nearly implode. Harry and a very embarrassed Ron went backstage to console the decidedly more embarrassed Hermione. Ron was still horrified at himself for thinking that he had actually thought Malfoy was a woman, nonetheless a hot one...

"It was much more convincing than that getup he wore when he first invited us to Ten Sickle Hooker! This time he actually made an effort to put on a wig! Damn, he was hot, though, wasn't he?"

They made their way back to Hermione's dressing area, marveling at how very large and spacious the Hufflepuff Common Room was. It was almost as big as the Dining Hall. They found Hermione sitting in front of her makeup table with a huge mirror and lit candles. She rested her head on the counter, her back to Ron and Harry. She was playing with a necklace with no interest. She looked miserable.

"Hey, Hermione," Harry began.

She bolted up and turned, not having heard them enter through the curtain. Her makeup was running. It appeared that she had been crying.

"Hermione, why didn't you tell us you were participating in the fashion show?" Ron began, moving toward her. She was wearing a towel around her shoulders, and they realized that she had not been crying, but was soaking wet. "What happened? Why are you all soaked?"

"Well," she began, not sounding sad at all. "When Malfoy fell on me, his face hit my shoulder, and all of his makeup and tanning lotion smeared onto my arm and stomach, and that's when I ran backstage... and I said I needed to clean myself. And, well, Eloise Midgen had a pitcher of water, and she doused me. She said 'That's for The Ten Sickle Hooker!' I'm not sure if she was referring to Malfoy or the actual Musical..."

Like the first time they had met her on the train to Hogwarts, she said this very fast all in one breath without missing a word.

"Err, yeah. In any case, we're sorry we gave you a fright! You really were beautiful and fabulous out there. You really should be a model!" Harry nodded along with Ron as he spoke.

"Oui! She should be. She is vairy good at eet. Eef eet hadaunt been faur you, Ronald, she would have stolen ze show! But of course, as usual, you and 'Arry 'ad to steal ze show from ze girls who 'ave worked so vairy 'ard." They turned to see Fleur Delacour standing in front of the scarlet curtain, looking more beautiful than ever. Ron opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He began to turn a shade quite similar to that of violet.

Fleur smirked and rolled her eyes. She walked over to Ron and momentarily touched the side of his face in happy recognition. "Oh, 'ow I 'ave missed zat face!" Ron looked utterly on cloud nine, and Harry noticed Hermione's lips getting tight. Fleur leaned over and whispered something in Ron's ear, and he turned redder, if possible. Hermione involuntarily gave a squeak, causing Fleur to pull back. She cleared her throat and her face returned to normal.

Ron looked over to Hermione. "Hermioneyoulookedabsolutelybeautifultoday," he said very quickly, running out of the room. Fleur grinned, watching him leave.

"My, Ronald 'as grown so vairy much zeez past few years... You are lucky to 'ave 'im, Hermione," she sighed. Hermione reddened at Fleur's statement.

"Oh, well, we aren't dat-"

"I 'ave ze...pleasure to...know 'is bruzzer... Guillarme."

Their expressions were blank.

"William? Bill? Surely you two 'ave met 'im."

Harry finally realized who she was talking about. "Oh! Yes, Bill! I forgot you worked with him!

Hermione looked strangely relieved at Fleur's facial expression of mischief. "Oh. OH! Well, I'm very happy for you, Fleur."

Fleur looked over at Hermione, patting her stomach. "We are vairy 'appy, too," she chuckled, winking. She kissed Harry and Hermione goodbye, and left.

Hermione laughed, heaving a happy sigh. "Ah, for a moment there, I thought she was hitting on Ron! I mean, she's not interested in Ron. OH! Neither am I... She loves Bill, obviously, if she's having his baby!"

"You got all of that information from that conversation?" Harry asked, amazed.

"Well, it's a bit obvious, isn't it? I mean... oh, never mind, Harry. We really should go. Hey! I just thought of something! Snape might have posted the cast list by now. We really should go check."

Hermione stood up and walked to the curtain, about to exit. Realizing Harry wasn't following her, she looked over her shoulder. Her hair had drip dried, and had become soft and curly. Harry looked at her, flashing back to the dream he had of Hermione in the cabaret. The innocent and nervous look on her face, the smudgy makeup. It was then that he knew that Hermione was meant for something big.

"Harry? Is there something wrong?" she asked, looking worried.

"Er, no! Let's go find Ron and look at the cast list."

Smiling, they both walked off, leaving the chaos of the Hufflepuff backstage Common room.

"What do you think he means by 'Ten Sickle'? Does it mean that said Hooker costs ten sickles? Or does it just mean that she has ten sickles to her name?"

Ron had been driving Harry and Hermione crazy all morning. It was the day after the fashion show, and after a good night's sleep, the whole school seemed to know what had happened. Malfoy was sitting at the Slytherin table, basking among his usual admirers.

"Ron, can you just let it go? You remember what happens in the musical, don't you?" Hermione asked.

Ron shook his head. "Nope."

"You mean, you were so stoned that you don't remember?" Harry asked.

"Nope. I was blind drunk, too."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. "Now that I think about it, I don't exactly remember what happened, either. Hermione, do you remember?"

"Well, of course I do! OBVIOUSLY it's the story of Pip Vance and Esmerelda, you know, the two destined for love and-"

"Hey Harry! Don't look now, but Malfoy is staring at you. But don't look up," Ron interrupted. Hermione made a superior know-it-all noise, and Harry, of course, looked. Malfoy saw that he had been spotted, and returned to eating his breakfast.

"Harry! I said 'don't look now!' Doesn't that automatically say not to look?" Ron asked, annoyed.

"Well, Ron, maybe you shouldn't have said that. It seems that any time anyone says that, it's inevitable. Someone's gonna look," Harry began.

Hermione made another noise and opened a book.

"Hermione, what are you so nervous about?" Ron asked.

"What do you mean?" she asked, in the shrill voice that automatically told them that something was indeed wrong.

"Well, for one thing, that book you're 'reading' is upside-down." Ron pointed at the book, which she flipped over, embarrassed.

"For your information, Ron, I just happen to be... well, I'm nervous about the casting list! I mean, when we checked last night, it wasn't up, and-"

"Yeah," retorted Harry. "And that note that Snape left for all the hopefuls was so... I don't know, inspiring."

Hermione and Ron laughed. The night before, they had ventured down to the dungeons to check if the cast list was posted, as Snape said he would do. There was a piece of paper attached to the dungeon door, and they approached it with caution and excitement. Even Ron had been excited. They had to lean very close to the paper in order to read the tiny writing, because the dungeon was so dark.

Dear students of Hogwarts who thought that the cast list would be posted by now.

It's not. You are quite imbecilic to think that I, Severus Snape the Potions Master, would actually post the cast list merely hours after the auditions had ended. I suppose certain members of certain houses cough*notslytherin*cough, just haven't the sort of patience, even for a task as menial as waiting a simple day or twelve to pass.

Please allow me and my assistant director a day to fight like animals over who we think should be cast in the lead roles, and I promise you, as much as I hate this, I will make you brats happy by posting the damned cast list.

Have an awful day,

Severus Snape, Potions Master at the "esteemed" school of magic, Hogwarts.

"Well, in his defense, his vocabulary is impeccable!" Hermione had said. The letter suddenly warped into a mouth uncanny to that of a howler, stuck out a red tongue, blew a raspberry, spattering them with ink, and burst into flame. A new piece of parchment immediately appeared, and Snape's spidery scrawl flourished a new script, identical to the one that had just incinerated.

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to wait, then," Ron said, finished reminiscing about the day before.

Hermione smiled. "I don't think we'll have to wait twelve days, as Snape's letter implies. I'm sure that we'll be hearing from him in a few days."

Ron elbowed Harry again. "Harry! Malfoy's looking again! Act nonchalant!"

"Do you even know the connotation of 'nonchalant', Ron?" asked Hermione, being bossy again.

"I used it correctly, didn't I? And what's 'connotation' mean?" Ron asked. Hermione opened her mouth to answer, but not before Ron stopped her. "I know. Don't even start it, Hermione." Hermione crossed her arms, staring at her uneaten breakfast. Ron looked over at Harry with a "I can't believe her today" look. Harry grinned and looked back to Malfoy. Malfoy finally caught his eye, and gestured to the Great Doors. Clearly he was signaling to meet in the hall. Harry stood up, as did Malfoy.

"I think Malfoy wants to see me in the Great Hall," Harry said, gulping. Normally, when Malfoy wanted to talk to Harry in private, it wasn't what one would call a normal and pleasant conversation.

Ron looked alarmed. "What do you think it's about? Could it be a casting issue?"

"Dunno," Harry shrugged.

Hermione looked at him apprehensively. "Well, good luck, then."

"Er, thanks."

Harry entered the Great Hall, looking around to see if anyone was loitering. He quickly realized that only him and Malfoy were in the room. This was the first time they had actually gotten a chance to talk alone together since the first night Harry had seen Ten Sickle Hooker. To put it frankly, he was a bit nervous about being alone with Malfoy.

"Er, hey Malfoy."

"Howdy, Harry! Like my cowboy boots?"

Malfoy lifted up his robes to reveal silver cowboy boots with red stars embroidered on them. He smiled a strangely innocent grin and held his arms wide open, inviting Harry into a hug as if they hadn't seen each other in ages. Harry reluctantly hugged Malfoy, heaving a sigh of relief that the room was empty. Just then, a couple of first year Gryffindors walked by, giving nervous giggles at the sight of two sixth years hugging. Malfoy glared at them, and they scarpered. They broke their embrace, and Harry shoved his hands into his robe pockets. "So, uh, what's up Malfoy?"

Malfoy frowned. "You know, I hate the name Malfoy. It sounds so, I don't know, sinister. Which is maybe why I'm thinking of getting it permanently changed to Malfoya. But for you, Harry, you can call me whatever-or whenever- you like."

"Thanks, Malfoya."

Malfoya smiled. "You must be wondering what I called you out here for. I only asked you here to assuage your fears- yes, young Harry. Your friends have been chosen for the cast of Ten Sickle Hooker."

Harry couldn't help but smile.

"It took forever for me to convince Sevvy to allow Ronald to even be in it, but yes, both Ron and Hermione have been cast."

Harry gulped. "And... what about me?"

"Well, of course you're in it, Harry darling. Why wouldn't you be in it?" Harry breathed a sigh of relief. "And between you and me, Sevvy simply loved your audition. But God knows he would castrate himself if he found out I told you that."

Harry was inwardly pleased with this statement, but found himself wondering... "Sevvy? As in, Professor Severus Snape?"

"Oh, yes, Severus is an old family friend. In the eighties, him and dad were the best of the best. They loved the muggle band, err, Flock of Pidgeons?"

"Flock of Seagulls," said Harry, ashamed that he had known that. The previous summer had Dudley walking around the house with wicker shoes blue tuxedoes with undershirts and gelled "devil hair", singing songs like "I Ran So Far Away", and "Hungry Like the Wolf." One of his obsessions had been Flock of Seagulls.

"Er, right. They'd never live it down if the Dark Lord found out that they liked muggle music. Of course, now Severus is into that Techno crap, all sorts of Matrix-y music. Weird stuff."

Harry wondered how Snape could possibly have obtained the technology to listen to such modern music, but Malfoy, who began talking again, cut off his thoughts. "Oh, and Sevvy has posted the cast list, so why don't you three go and see who you will become for the next few months." Harry, excited, ran off, but was stopped by Malfoy. "Oh, and Harry. I'm a slave driver when it comes to the Craft of Stage; so don't expect to be treated any better than any other actors. Even if you are my special boy." Malfoy blew a kiss and left.

Harry walked back into the hall to find Hermione and Ron's chairs vacant. He knew immediately that they had been eavesdropping on him and had gone to look at the cast list without him. He began to run down to the dungeons when a bushy brown head flew into his shoulder.

"HARRY! Harry, this is SO exciting! A musical, together, the three of us! AND I'm the lead. I've never been the lead in anything!" Hermione let go of Harry, who was turning blue. Harry looked behind the panting Hermione to see Ron walking, looking indifferent.

"Ron, what parts did you and I get-"

They were all interrupted by a very angry Eloise Midgen, who walked by Hermione and spit at her feet. "I knew you'd get the part of Esmerelda. It's only because you've serviced both Draco and Snape in the past," she cried. Hermione became red with rage and began to hiss like a cat.

"THAT WAS BECAUSE I HAD A DISEASE, YOU COW!" Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs, causing quite a commotion among the boys.

"Hermione! Calm down! She's just jealous because she's not as pretty or as talented as you," Ron said soothingly.

Hermione's face softened. "You really think that, Ron? Oh, you are such a sweet and adorable..." She broke her speech and began making out with him. Harry left them snogging in the hall to go and have a look at what part he had gotten.

He approached Snape's door with caution. Posted on it was a note, similar in style to the one that had been posted the day before.

Dear Students of Hogwarts,

Well, due to an ordinance placed in the school charter by your "wonderful" and "beloved" Headmaster, all of you have made it into our production. Only certain students were sufficient enough to be cast in principal roles, and they are the following.

Hermione Granger, Esmerelda the Hooker

Harry Potter, Pip Vance

Ginny Weasley, Gina the Trick-turner

Dean Thomas, Gaston the French lumberjack

To Be Announced, Stanley, the chimneysweep

Seamus Finnigan, Stumpy Rosebush

Vincent Crabbe, Jet boy

Gregory Goyle, Johnny Joplin

Cho Chang, Hu-Yu Hai Ding

The rest of you- some other roles and stuff.

Director, Severus Snape

Stage Manager/Writer/Producer/Costume maker/Makeup/everything else that "no one else could possible do, Severus."- Draco "Malfoya the Tree" Malfoy

There will be a meeting tomorrow, Monday, after lessons in the dungeon. Be there or be absent, therefore ruining the entire production.

Con-bloodyfreaking-gratulations,

Severus Snape

World's Biggest Genuflection

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. Why was his name at the top of the list after Hermione's?

He had seen Ten Sickle Hooker... or so he had thought. He remembered nothing of all these people, these roles. He remembered Malfoy singing "Hogwarts, Hogwarts" in a very high-pitched voice and high-slitted dress to match... and not much else. He most certainly did not remember anyone other than Draco being in the musical, other than a few can-canning Slytherins. Maybe he shouldn't have smoked all of the weed...

He shrugged it off and set off to the Gryffindor Common Room. He would ask Hermione and Ron. If they were available, that is.