Lionsnake Manor

Lionsnake Manor

*

Afraid and Alone

*

Draco sighed as he ran yet another scanning charm on the unmoving form in front of him. He had promised less than a month, but it had already been a month and a half. His husbands were all getting rather anxious, especially Remus, who hadn't been exactly stabile mentally or emotionally to begin with. In fact, Draco was afraid that all the stress would cause Remus to give birth prematurely. And, even though the baby was in theory developed enough to survive being born right then, Draco suspected that with the Dark Plague and the baby being so small it couldn't be saved, should that happen.

The mere thought made his heart ache. He might not be the baby's biological father, but that hardly mattered; all the unborn children were his just as well as they were the children of any of his husbands. Also, all this brought back memories of losing the one child he'd been carrying. Biting his lower lip, he then forced such thoughts out of his mind, determined to concentrate solely on his patient for the time being.

Finally the blond sighed again, running a hand through his hair, a habit he had picked from Harry. Physically, Severus was fine -- well, at least as fine as he could be, considering that he would never be able to walk again; he'd be lucky if he ever even got the feel back to his legs. This, of course, made the mediwizard worry. Not much was actually known about the Dark Plague. What if Severus never woke up again?

Just as he turned around to go to tell his other husbands the news -- or, rather, the lack thereof -- a slight movement along the border on his field of vision caught his attention. Spinning around, he stared at his patient as if to force him to wake up by sheer force of will. And just then, Severus stirred a bit. As Draco leant forward, looking for any kind of sign for the man being finally awake, the obsidian eyes were opened.

"Severus!" Draco exclaimed, just about managing to restrain himself so as not to immediately crush the Potions Master in a fierce hug. "At last you're awake! Oh, you had us so worried for a while!"

"...Draco?" muttered Severus, his voice creaking for not having been used in a while. "What happened?"

"Well, you should know that better than well," huffed the blond. "You damn fool deliberately took the counter-potion to the Dark Plague antidote, after all! Now you've been out for a good three months; everybody's been out of their mind with worry! Especially Remus, you know. He's been freaking out because he's sure that not only is the Dark Plague going to kill you, but Albus as well!"

"...Albus?" echoed the darkhaired man, raising an eyebrow. "I doubt you're talking about Dumbledore."

"Oh, of course not," Draco huffed. "You see, while you were out, we agreed on the names for the babies -- well, at least to most of them. Harry's kids will be Lily Narcissa and James Anthony, and Remus' will be called Albus Nathaniel. You get to give the second names to Sirius' kids; their first names will be Mirabelle and Cassiopeia." Seeing Severus' expression, he chuckled weakly. "Yeah, Sirius thought of them himself."

"I see... I'll have to think about it, though." With a bit of a grimace, Severus tried to push himself up into a sitting position, but failed. Sighing, he sank back to the bed. "...Hey, Draco?" he asked then, looking half confused, half irritated. "Why exactly can't I feel my legs at all? Did you cut them or something?"

Now, the blond bit his lip, unsure about what to say. Sure, as a mediwizard, he was supposed to be able to deal with situations such as this one, but it hit a bit too close to home. This was Severus, one of the five men he loved more than anything. It'd been hard enough to tell their other husbands; how could he ever tell Severus, the I'm-perfectly-in-control-and-can-do-anything-I-wish Severus this news?

However, from his lack of answer, Severus seemed to understand what was the matter. He wasn't exactly uneducated on the subject of the Dark Plague, having been the one to create an antidote for it; in fact, he might know even more about it than the blond mediwizard. He certainly knew that damages to the spinal cord or other parts of the nervous system were more a rule than an exception among the surviving victims.

"So. I can't walk... probably ever again, I take it." Sighing, Severus shook his head. "Ah, well. I guess that this time, the blame definitely does lie on me... nobody else."

"I'd like to tell you otherwise, but if I'm to be honest, I can't," Draco said. "Yes, Severus, this is all your own fault. However, I really don't think you have any reason to punish yourself for this; your injuries are certainly enough. And, my love, if you ever do anything like that again, I swear I'll kill you myself rather than let you do such things to yourself!" The last bit was practically shouted.

"I know, I know," muttered Severus, wincing a bit at the blond's furious tone. "And I suppose I can't expect you to understand... you or any of the others, for that matter. Although I did have my... reasons... I hardly think you would see them the way I do."

"Well, that just works to prove that they're not reasons, they're excuses," Draco snapped. "Now, lie still for a moment. And, honestly, if you dare to even move your finger... I'll make sure you regret it."

"Wait!" Severus exclaimed, his eyes flying wide. "Where are you going?" He looked almost fearful.

"Why, I was going to tell the others that you're awake," Draco replied, frowning a bit. "Why so?"

"Please... don't leave," Severus asked him quietly. "Or at least let me come with you. I... I don't want to be alone right now." Draco was startled by the uncharacteristic fear and weakness in the other man's voice.

"Severus?" he asked carefully. "Severus, love, what is wrong with you? You're clearly not all right."

To this, the Potions Master sighed. "You see... to you, I might have appeared unconscious, but my mind was still awake," he said quietly. "I didn't hear or see anything... it was only rarely that I managed to fall asleep. So, I've spent the last months more or less awake, alone inside my mind. And... I don't want it. Not anymore." As he raised to Draco the eyes he had lowered just a moment before, there were tears shining in them. "I can make no promises," he whispered. "But I... I don't want to die, not anymore. I don't want to hurt myself, either. And I don't want to be that alone... not ever again."

Draco bit his lip. In all the years he had known his beloved Potions Master, he had never seen him so... vulnerable. There was no way he could leave this wrecked man alone now, not with the pain he saw in the obsidian eyes. Sighing a bit, he raised his fingers to his pendant. "Hello, everyone," he said then, trying to maintain as calm a tone as possible. "Come here at once. Severus has finally decided to grace us with his presence in the world of living!" Even though he let go of the pendant soon, that didn't stop him from hearing the delighted responses. A tiny smile tugged at his lips. Yes, they did all love Severus so very much.

However, he did find himself wondering as he watched the silently sobbing man who looked extremely grateful at not having been left alone for five minutes. And what he wondered about was, could even their combined love be able to bring Severus back together?

*

"Severus!" exclaimed Harry as he threw open the door to the room his ill husband had been lying for the last few months. "You really are awake! For a moment I thought Draco had decided to pull some sick prank on us!" Tears of happiness shone in the pregnant man's eyes as he ran over and hugged Severus.

"Now, now, Harry," Severus admonished him gently. "You should know better than to think such a thing about our beloved Draco." He seemed a bit awkward but very happy as he hugged Harry back.

Any further discussion was interrupted as the door was again opened. This time the ones to burst through were Remus and Lucius, obviously in hurry to again be with the husband they hadn't been allowed to even see for quite some time. The others had at least had the opportunity of seeing Severus, unconscious as he may have been; Remus and Lucius, however, had had to avoid him in fear of catching the disease as well. Now they were finally allowed to see him, and did that make them happy.

"You stupid, stupid idiot," Remus sobbed, hugging the darkhaired Potions Master tightly as his body shook with hormone-induced sobs. "Don't you ever dare to do anything like that again! I was sick with worry!"

"I'm sorry, Remus," Severus sighed, awkwardly petting the pregnant werewolf's hair. "Although I can't promise not to do anything stupid ever again, I do not want to harm myself at the moment."

"Well, I guess that's the best we can get," Lucius sighed, coming to Severus' side as well. Reaching out a hand to caress the smooth, pale cheek, he then murmured, "You had us all so very worried, Severus."

"I'm not worth your worry," sighed the man lying on the bed. "You'd be better off without me." Seeing their half shocked, half stern expressions, he managed to actually summon a tiny smirk to his face. "Don't worry. Although I do think you'd do better without me, I am not going to do anything about the matter." Rising a hand to touch Lucius' hand still on his cheek, he added quietly, "I will not hurt myself... not again."

The other men exchanged concerned glances, while Draco just watched on sadly. No, they were definitely not used to seeing Severus vulnerable. Sad at times, yes, even broken, but not this... fragile.

And just then the door was opened once again, letting in the last Lionsnakes, one born and two unborn. "Severus!" exclaimed Sirius, on his husband's bedside in a flash. "You damned bastard, I absolutely hate you! I hate you so much, you don't have even a vague idea of how much I hate you!" A sob escaping from his lips, he then wrapped his arms around the pale man's neck, placing tiny kisses all over his face. "If you ever do something like that again, I'll kill you myself to see that the job isn't left unfinished," he muttered. "I need you here, alive, to take care of our kids and name them and be okay!"

A hint of a smirk curled the corner of Severus' lips. "Well, it'd be easier to name them... if I knew what family name you've agreed on," he said, still having a bit of trouble with his speech. "I do not believe that you've decided to make them all Lupin-Potter-Snape-Malfoy-Blacks."

"Well, no," admitted Harry, managing to summon a small smile. "We agreed to all change our name to Lionsnake. That's not only fitting together with the Manor, but also much more practical than the original."

"I like that," Severus commented shortly. "So, do give me a minute to think... will you?" And, as they waited patiently for a minute, he thought. Then he said, "Mirabelle Lisa Lionsnake doesn't sound too bad... does it?" They all shook their heads no. So, Severus then continued, "And as for Cassiopeia... Minerva." At their surprised expressions, he smirked. "Oh, drop it. I can't wait to see Minerva's expression... when she hears I've named our daughter that. She's more than deserved a bit of a startle after all these years."

Draco smirked a bit. "A true Slytherin through and through, aren't you?" he said then affectionately.

"Yes, indeed," Severus agreed. "However, this true Slytherin would now like to... rest a bit."

Agreeing with this, the others all started to move towards the door to let him rest in peace, although they all seemed rather reluctant to leave. Draco casted a worried glance at Severus, who seemed to be fighting with himself so as not to beg them to stay after all. Coming to a decision, Draco grasped Lucius' sleeve.

"Hey, Lucius?" he asked. "Would you mind staying a bit? I don't think Severus should be left unattended at this point, but I really need to take care of something." His eyes begged the other blond to agree.

Lucius fortunately caught his hidden message and simply nodded, returning to Severus' bedside. The elder blond did notice Severus' relieved expression at this, wondering just what was wrong with the darkhaired Potions Master. Well, he was certainly going to find out.

Draco, on his own part, herded his three pregnant husbands into the nearest sitting rooms. "Listen to me, now," he said then. "It appears that while outwardly unconscious, Severus' mind was mostly conscious of the time he spent ill. However, he could not receive any information from the outside world, and was thus practically left alone in darkness for all those months. As you can guess, he's still pretty shaken and does not want to be alone. Right after waking up he was still shaken enough to tell this to me. Some time during your visit, however, he put his mask back on, trying not to show that he feared the thought of loneliness." Taking a glance at each of the other men, seeing their worried and concerned expressions, Draco then continued, "That is why I asked Lucius to stay. I think that out of us all, he has the best chances of getting Severus to open up to him; after all, he's the only one Severus has ever told even nearly everything. So, anyway, let's see to it that Severus is never left alone, okay? He was -- he was afraid. And that scares me."

Sirius, Remus, and Harry all nodded in response, all very serious. The Severus they knew was never afraid, of anything. A Severus afraid of being alone was something unimaginable.

But, even so, they were going to do their best to ensure that he wouldn't have any reason to be afraid.

***