I Dream of Fandom

Part Three: The Ravenclaws (or Cho and some other people)

Cho Chang was crying. As Cho did this often (prompting certain parties to make references to hosepipes) no one took notice at first. Finally, after her wails grew so loud that the walls began to shake, someone thought to ask her what was wrong.

"Everyone hates me," Cho said, tears glistening on her cheeks. She spoiled what could have been a perfect moment of angst by blowing her nose loudly on the sleeve of her robe.

Suddenly taking a look around her, Cho realised that there were only some pale and ghostly shapes hovering nearby. "Cedric?"

"Sorry to disappoint," said Lisa Turpin, stepping out from the shadows. "It's only your poor neglected Housemates."

"Oh." Cho resumed her misery.

"Why are you crying?" asked Padma Patil, the only one besides Cho who had any substance.

"I was dreaming of the fandom again," Cho cried becoming slightly hysterical. "I died a horrible, painful death!"

There was a collective groan among the half-present Ravenclaws. Michael Corner and Anthony Goldstein stepped closer to comfort her, but found that they were unable to get with in a metre of her. Cho abruptly stopped crying and looked at them.

"What is the matter with all of you?"

"Oh, don't mind them," Padma said, taking a seat next to Cho. "They've been dreaming of the fandom too, except that as far as those nutty Muggles are concerned, they don't have any set personalities, or even one common appearance! Thank goodness my twin sister's a Gryffindor."

"What?" Cho repeated, more confused than ever.

"We're having identity issues," Mandy Brocklehurst explained.

"That's because half of you didn't exist for four years," said Roger Davies, stepping out of his dormitory, looking fairly solid with the also solidified Terry Boot trailing behind him. "Thank goodness for Quidditch, I say."

"It doesn't matter," Cho sobbed, tears pouring like a faucet. "They all hate me. They torture me in my dreams! I'm afraid to go to sleep!"

"Not all of them," Roger replied sensibly. "I know of at least two dreams I've had where you and I were dating. If anyone was getting tortured there, it was me."

"At least they know what you look like," said Lisa bitterly. "Every time I dream, I never know what colour hair I'm going to have."

"You're a rather popular figure, Lisa," Michael commented. "I've heard some of the Gryffindors talking about dreaming of you."

"Right, except that they don't even know who I am! I've been with Harry Potter, Dean Thomas, and...and...Neville Longbottom and they still couldn't point me out in a crowd of Ravenclaws! All I am to those people is a name and House."

She looked as though she might join Cho in crying, and Padma attempted to lighten the mood.

"Be grateful, you two. I'm one of those lucky females Ron Weasley gets foisted off on whenever one of the authors needs to get him out of the way."

"And I'm only used when a random female Hufflepuff needs a Charms tutor," Terry sighed. "Face it, we're just not as popular as the Gryffindors or Slytherins. It's as if the whole world revolves around them."

"That's not fair!" cried Marietta Edgecomb. "Just because I'm not a Gryffindor doesn't mean they should ignore me."

Everyone ignored her. A dreamy voice from behind one of the chairs floated into the conversation. Everyone turned to look at Luna Lovegood who was sitting with her feet in the air and her head hanging upside-down over the edge of her seat.

"Obviously these dreams are part of a plot to ruin the minds of Britain's youth," Luna mused. "However I don't find my dreams all that disturbing. They've only started recently, of course, but I've found that on the whole they're quite tame. Although I do find the ones where I proposition Draco Malfoy rather strange--even for me."

Mandy looked at her in amazement. "You've been having these dreams too?"

"Certainly. Doesn't everyone?"

"Not me," said Marietta. Cho began to cry again.

"Amazing, isn't it," Anthony said, yawning and stretching out in on of the high-backed brocade chairs that sat around their fireplace, "how they use us when all they know is our names? Until this year I didn't start having those dreams, and now they use me every time they need a random Ravenclaw."

Cho was threatening to flood the common room and Lisa's lower lip was quivering, so the other Ravenclaws donned their life-vests. They weren't the smartest House in Hogwarts for nothing.

"And not everyone hates you, Cho," Michael said. "I know of lots of instances where you're portrayed in a favourable light."

"Oh really? Name one." Cho folded her arms and glared at him. Michael was hard-pressed to actually think of an instance.

"Well, I really haven't had any dreams, they didn't know I existed for four years. But don't you get paired with Harry Potter a lot?"

"And Ron Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Roger, Percy Weasley..." Cho sighed. "It never ends well with Harry. But don't these people understand anything? My boyfriend just died for Merlin's sake!"

The other Ravenclaws flinched; Cho was going into a Cedric rant.

"I'm only human!" she wailed. "I'm confused, so what if I cry! So what if I don't know what to do? So what!"

"Er, Cho?" It was Orla Quirke. You may not remember her, but she was Sorted into Ravenclaw last year. She doesn't have a personality either. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

"How can you sleep?" Cho cried. "Don't you have these dreams!"

"Who me?" Orla looked astonished. "Um, not very often. I was pretty evil in one once, but it was just a dream."

"Just a dream?" Cho repeated. The other Ravenclaws flinched. "I get labelled a horrible bitch, and break Harry's heart into a million pieces while seducing Ron Weasley, then go off and shag his older brother Charlie, and it's just a dream?"

"A bad dream?" Orla quavered.

"Defamation of character!" shouted Cho, causing the common room to quake again. "I am not a whiny, soppy, cold-hearted, scarlet woman with enormous mood swings!"

"Um, Cho?" ventured Terry Boot.

"WHAT?"

"Yes you are."

Cho stared at him in shock for a moment.

"Oh." Cho smiled and began walking towards her dormitory. "Well, good night then."

"Good night, Cho," the other Ravenclaws chorused.

"Say, Lisa?"

"Yes, Terry?" Lisa replied as they all walked back to their beds.

"What colour is your hair?"

Lisa paused. "I have no idea any more."

"Oh, okay. Well, good night."

And the Ravenclaws all fell fast asleep. They dreamt of Arithmancy tutoring, DA meetings, and snogging random people in broom cupboards.