Knights of Hogwarts

The Ducks were silent for about two minutes. Then, Harry suggested that they hold minstrel auditions. They decided to make a contest out of it, called Hogwarts Idols: Search for Minstrels. (Kind of like American Idol.) The Hogwarts students would improvise for three judges, and the judges would pick five minstrels for Ron. Harry appointed Hermione, Ron, and himself as the judges.

"Next!" ordered Harry.

A kid that looked no older than twelve years old walked up to the judges´ table. He was wearing a Scottish kilt and a tye dye T-shirt. He was carrying a set of bagpipes. When he arrived at the judges´ table, he played his own atrocious version of "Happy Birthday."

"Well, what do you think?" asked the kid, eager.

Hermione faked a smile, and said, "If you work harder, perhaps you could get better." Harry and Ron looked at her. She pretended not to notice them, and sustained her phony smile.

Ron said, "You´re killing me, man. You´re killing me. He sighed. "I´m gonna have to say no to this one, man." He leaned back in his chair. "What do you think, Sim- I mean, Harry?"

Harry stretched. Then, he said, "That was absolutely dreadful. I believe that you may be the worst musician in the world. I thought that my ears were going to start bleeding for a minute, there. Have you considered getting lessons? Hell, have you thought about getting a lobotomy? Because why the hell would someone who sucks as much as you even think about auditioning?"

The kid burst into tears, and ran out of the room. Harry sighed, then said, "Next!"

The judges heard many hopeful students. Some students were very talented, which others were not. Some couldn´t even clap their hands to the beat of a song, they were THAT bad. Anywho, after about six hours of listening, five minstrels were chosen.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Harry, "After hearing all of you, two of my knights and I have come to a conclusion. I wish that I could have chosen all of you, but I can only choose five of you to be my knight´s mistrels."

"No you don´t!" shouted a fifth year student, who suddenly stood up. "You´re only saying that so we won´t get mad!"

"Yeah, you´re right," said Harry. "I´m only saying that to kiss ass. Now please, can I continue?"

The infuriated fifth year student sat back down, pouting. Hermione kicked Ron on his shins to keep him from laughing. Meanwhile, the anxious crowd groaned.

"Thank you." said Harry. "On a lighter note, we have decided that the following five contestants shall become Sir Ronald´s minstrels." He cleared his throat. "Drum roll, please."

Ron and Hermione banged their fingers against the table.

"Padma Patil!" An Indian girl holding a set of bagpipes jumped up, and hurried toward the judges´ table.

"Cho Chang!" The Ravenclaw seeker got up, picked up her mini bongo set, and walked toward Padma.

"Justin Finch- Fletchley!" The Hufflepuff boy picked up his banjo and ran toward the judges´ table, grinning.

"Millicent Bullstrode!" the Slytherin girl, who greatly resembled a pug, shook her maracas as she made her way toward the judges table. She looked very smug.

"And last, but certainly not least, Severus Snape!" The potions master walked toward the judges´ table. He was still flapping his arms like a chicken and doing his high step walk. However, instead of singing about meatloaf, he was singing about the wall. (The author points up.)

"Okay, these five young talented musicians are the winners of this contest," said Ron. "So, go away! All of you! Shoo! Shoo!"

All of the students that didn´t win the contest ran away immediately, shouting "Run away! Run away!"

"Well, that was easy." stated Ron, who looked very pleased with himself, because he was able to made such a huge crowd disappear almost instantly.