Dumbledore and the Insidious Plot

~Chapter twelve~

The End Draws Near

"That old fox. I should have known," Voldie said, smiling sadly.

Dumpty's funeral was in session and Voldie was giving a speech at the grave.

"I must say how much I admired Albus. He was always so kind and loving father figure to me. I'm gonna miss him so much." Voldie dissolved into tears. Lucius hugged him near, speaking a few gentle words into his ear.

"After everything that has happened, I'll forgive him that he drove me and Draco together, even when he knew that we are brothers," Harry said. "I'm thanking God that I didn't have to see Dumpty naked last night. It would have been very disturbing last memory of him."

Some other people also said a few funny words to respect the memory of the Headmaster. All were eager to get inside from the freezing cold weather to hear Dumpty's last will.

They all gathered in the Great Hall to hear what the old goat had decided.

James got the honour to read it aloud since he was Dumpty's brother.

James cleared his throat.

The will of Albus Percival Wulfric Brian 'Dumpty' Dumbledore.

1. I want to give half of my money to James Potter, who must use it to buy himself a new pair of under pants.

2. The other half must be divided between all the Hogwarts students(that makes 0.001 Knuts per person)

3. Remus must marry Severus because you have to respect my will, you little piece of...you can kiss my...!

4. Voldie's baby must be named after me.

(Voldie cursed.)

5. Please, Sirius, don't tell them how you are still alive. I know that the veil was actually a shower curtain and the voices that could be heard were really a moans of people who were having orgies. It's just too embarrassing.

6. I want to give Fawkes, if that blasted bird is still alive, to my dear friend Lucius, so that f*cking bird can annoy him as much as it annoyed me. Warning: it burns to touch it. Normally it wouldn't but it's so old and grumpy nowadays.

7. And finally I want to give my precious sandals to my beloved son and friend Voldie

I hope you all are having fun dancing on my grave, so I must spoil it with an announcement.

I am Jesus.

Sincerely yours,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian 'Dumpty the Old Goat' Dumbledore

"Well, that was interesting, wasn't it?" James stated, putting the paper away.

"Is it true what Dumpty said? You were having sex for the past few years?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Sirius answered. "I just couldn't leave. They tied me up in a bed if I tried."

They talked about the things Dumpty wanted them to do, and they all agreed that his demands were not impossible, but stupid.

So, Lucius and Voldie got married and named their son Hector Albus Wolfric Voldemort Malfoy.

Draco stayed with Sirius and they also got married after a few years.

Harry lived alone. He started to use sex 'n' drugs 'n' rock 'n' roll as his motto. He died of a drug overdose.

Remus and Severus also got married and lived in a small cottage somewhere in the Forbidden forest. Nobody saw them since.

James lived with Lucius and Voldie, getting married to Wormtail, who was baby sitting Voldie and Lucius' son. How James was alive was never solved.

Everyone, who were alive, lived their lives happily ever after.

The End