Dumbledore and the Insidious Plot

In Hogwarts..

"There you go, that should do it." Dumpty gave a potion he had invented to Remus.

"How are you feeling, Remus?" Dumpty asked after a few minutes.

"Fine. I'm fine, thank you." Remus looked pale.

"So you have your memory back?"

"Yes, I think so. What was in that potion? I haven't ever drank nothing like it."

"Well, the ingredients were: Salamander's eye, a one cup of coffee, the sorting hat, my finger nail and erm.. something Severus gave," Dumpty answered.

"What was it? Blood?"

"Well not exactly. Although it was something that 'came' out of him. Let's just say that I used the 'kinky stuff-box' to get it."

"Oh my god!" The image of Dumpty and Severus getting it on was too much for poor Remus and he ran for the nearest bin but it wasn't a bin at all. It was Dumpty's pensieve.

"Oh my," Dumpty sighed.

Voldie's Lair...

"I have a plan," Voldie announced.

"We will have a party and Harry Potter and his boyfriend will be our guests of honour. But the evil part is that there will be no one else besides them in here! Mwuahahahaa!" Voldie continued by laughing evilly.

"But Lord Voldie the Evil maniac how are we going to kill them?" asked Wormtail.

"First we drug them then we use these." Voldie took two objects from his pocket.

"What the hell are we going to do with a bag of salted peanuts and a fork?"

"We force both of them to commit suicide with this fork and we can eat peanuts while watching them," Voldie replied to Wormtail's stupid question.

Wormtail rolled his eyes.

"Maybe I should go and get Lucius here. Maybe he had some better ideas," Wormtail said finally.

"No, he mustn't know that we are going to kill his precious little heir. Aha!" Voldie suddenly yelped.

"What if Lucius murders his own son and Potter commits a suicide," Voldie stated.

"That is an excellent idea, Lord Voldie the Evil maniac," Wormtail smiled to his master.

Back To Hogwarts..

After cleaning the pensieve Remus had left and Dumpty took his diary and started to write.

Good morning my dearest diary,

This week has been splendid.

A year ago I hocked Harry and Draco up and now I'm almost getting Remus and Severus together.

I have been, with Lucius, scheming and now it looks like it's working.

I haven't shown all my cards yet.

Not even to Lucius.

Remus knows a little about this but he doesn't know why I make him do all those things.

Severus however doesn't have a clue.

Personally I don't like him that much.

He's like a bat.

He always appears from only god knows where.

He always has something to discuss with me.

Sometimes he disturbs me when I'm taking a bath and playing with my rubber ducks.

Most of the times he wants to talk about Remus.

But when I mentioned it to him, he fell silent and has been sulking ever since.

This happened twenty years ago.

But now I must hurry, I have an Order meeting in an hour.

Sincerely yours,

Albus Percival Wulfric Brian 'Dumpty' Dumbledore