A Week in the Life of Lord Voldemort

Chapter 2: Hogwarts

When he got on the train, Voldemort tried to think of a fake name, because it wouldn't do to have everybody scream at the sight of him.

"Professor Venerus...no, Prof. Runnel...no, Prof. Rivell...definitely not! How about Professor DiMorte...sounds good! Professor Vollé DiMorte. Sounds almost like Voldemort." He chuckled.

How did he become Lord Voldemort when he doesn't sound like an evil Dark Lord? After he became Lord Voldemort, he was having serious stress problems, and decided to take an anger-management course to help with those problems. After that, he felt much better, and ddn't feel like torturing every living thing in sight. Nobody knew about this, except for the person who cured him and himself, so occasionally he had to act tough and mean, but afterwards he had to beat himself like a house elf to keep from feeling too guilty.

Usually during the day, he would attend meetings, and sometimes he would schedule raids. On weekends, he would relax and have time to himself. Sometimes he would spend an hour writing letters to a certain author (with the first initials of J.K), asking her to stop making him look so evil.

Somehow, Dumbledore knew that Voldemort had gotten a behavioral change, maybe from the fact that the anger management consultant had told him, and let him teach at Hogwarts for a week. Dumbledore thought it would be and educational experience for the students...as well as providing entertainment for a deranged old man like himself.

Soon, Voldemort heard the whistle announcing that the train had arrived at the Hogsmeade Station. He got off, took a carriage to Hogwarts and looked around. 'It hasn't changed,' he thought 'well, not much anyway.'

It was a nice day, considering that it was Scotland. Professor DiMorte reported to the Headmaster and got settled in. He looked at the scheduled "activities" that Snape had left and decided to change what the paper said, thinking that Snape wouldn't mind. Much.

The next day, there were rumors circling about that Professor DiMorte was even worse than Snape, because Snape had recommended him as a competent teacher. To Professor Dumbledore, the whole thing was funny, like everything else is, and he was in a very cheerful mood, handing out lemon drops on Monday before classes started.

Naturally, Voldemort had Gryffindors and Slytherins first period, and so he prepared their lesson for the day. He first hung a sign on the door that said "Please open up umbrellas" in large black letters. Then he proceeded to hang a large cauldron of harmless, but slimy, red and gold goop called ooblek over the door so that when somebody opened the door, the ooblek would splash all over the unfortunate person.

So when the classes started, everybody was early, especially the Gryffindors, because they wanted to make a good impression on the substitute. Harry Potter was the first to come in, and to make a good first impression, he decided to open his umbrella and do what the sign said thinking 'Maybe it's a test?' How fortunate that his umbrella was classified as oversize, because the moment he crossed the threshold of the door with Hermione and Ron, they were greeted by a barrage of red and gold slimy stuff (the ooblek). The professor inside looked pleased by this and he muttered, "Good, good. So some kids do follow instructions these days," to himself.

Harry had no time to ponder this statement as he sat down because more people were coming in, and the majority of them were covered in slime, including Draco Malfoy. Harry laughed at the sight of Draco Malfoy the Slytherin extraordinaire, and avid Gryffindor hater, covered head to toe in red and gold. His cheeks were flushed a reddish pink color, the closest his pale cheeks ever came to red. His hair was plastered to his face and head and his gray eyes were flashing dangerously. They glared at Harry's laughter and then looked up at the desk in the front of the room. He gulped, said nothing, and sat down at his customary seat.

Harry was a little nervous because of all the rumors circulating about the school saying how mean the new teacher was, and how he liked to make potions with other people's body parts. Harry was sure it was probably a rumor. He looked around the room, and saw that most of the other people in the room looked nervous too. He glanced at Ron, who was trying to suppress his giggles, but failing miserably. He looked around the room again and saw why Ron was giggling at once. Half the Gryffindors and most of the Slytherins were covered with a coating of red and gold, and it was starting to dry and turn into some sort of powder that fell harmlessly to the ground after the person shook it off. Harry looked closely and saw that the color stayed in the skin and clothes as bright, if not brighter, then it was before. He glanced at his umbrella and saw that it retained the same red and gold color as many of the students were sporting. A lot of girls were blushing and looking at the Professor, and Harry could kind of see why. The Professor was kind of handsome, with blue eyes, a smiling face, and neat robes of a forest green in the latest fashion. The professor stood up, and cleared his throat, and the class fell silent.