26 Limericks

Author's note: These were first posted on my Livejournal, one a day during Advent 2008. They were written for the amusement of my friends, many of whom are slash fans - but the occasional nods in that direction are comments on fandom rather than the characters themselves.

I hope they make you smile!

26 Limericks
~ by Chthonia ~

There was a young wizard named Harry
Who had quite a burden to carry.
But when he'd saved the day
And was ready to play
His creatrix insisted he marry.

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There was a young wizard called Ron
Who constantly felt put upon
But he (not his friend)
Got the girl in the end
Though sometimes she did rabbit on.

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There was a young witch called Hermione
Whose name I can't rhyme for the life of me.
I'm sure that she could
But not that she would:
Far too silly for busy Hermione.

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There once was a wizard called Lucius
Whose ethics weren't those of Confucius.
When his plans went awry
Into fury he'd fly
And we'd very much hope he'd not see us.

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Beedle - a Bard without peer -
Told stories we're eager to hear.
But when telling of brothers
Then Ron, among others,
Wished Beedle had been far more clear.

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There was a young witch named Merope
Whose life was decidedly ropey.
So she mixed up a potion
To induce devotion
But when it went wrong she went mopey.

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The childhood of Sirius Black
Was such that for nothing he'd lack
Except maybe love
So when push came to shove
He refused to do what was expected.

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Wizards who preen and are vain
Are frankly a bit of a pain
So no tears did we shed
When Gilderoy fled
But was made to go first down the drain.

---

The acid-green quill of Ms Skeeter
Tore to shreds all those folk who did meet her.
But clever Miss Granger
Contained the danger
In a glass jar of less than a litre.

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Peeves was a naughty has-been:
He mocked and played pranks and was mean.
But the students and staff
Were to have the last laugh:
In the movies he'll never be seen.

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Young Lily thought Snape had good aims
And she hated to hear him called names.
Well, we all know their history
Except for one mystery:
How the heck did she end up with James?

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There was a young man called Tobias
As rigid as 'puff Zacharias.
He married a witch
Though her skills made him twitch:
Perhaps he'd been raised to be pious?

---

Dolores, she liked to wear pink
And use pens that required no ink.
She taunted her prey
But when she heard 'Neigh'
She'd panic and run to the sink.

---

The Hogwarts' gamekeeper was hairy
And liked to breed beasts that were scary.
He tried for romance
In Olympe's lacy pants
But (sensibly so) she was wary.

---

The Weasley lass with the long hair
Was, for two books, barely there.
But to all those who bleat
At her chest-monster feat:
It is Jo's word that goes, and so there!

---

Betrayal amid war and tension
Is almost beyond comprehension.
Fearing to linger,
Pete bit off his finger
And left his old friend in detention.

---

Dobby was really annoying
Especially when sharp pain enjoying.
He bounced round with glee
When he was set free
But he still felt he needed employing.

---

His friends offered Remus their trust
(And, according to fanfic, their lust).
But though he learned magic
His life was quite tragic
And to kill him off-page was unjust.

---

This is my tribute to Luna
Without whom there'd be a lacuna.
She thinks there's a plot
To have all Snorkacks shot
And to fill their hind legs with baked tuna.

---

Minerva, she tried to be firm.
(Or at least, she did during term.)
Her only wee vice:
She liked to chase mice,
Which sometimes made new students squirm.

---

Bellatrix had a mad cackle
And a taste for the knife and the shackle.
She pursued the Dark Lord –
We don't know if she scored
Or if a Horcrux had taken his tackle.

---

There were some who thought Neville a joke,
Who spoiled every spell that he spoke.
But his passion was fierce,
And his epic sword-pierce
Helped throw off Lord Voldemort's yoke.

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Young Tom was a master of lies
And liked to cause poor orphans' cries.
When Dumbledore came
He knew he'd find fame -
But did he really want weird snakey eyes?

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Old Albus had secrets to hide
In nobody would he confide
Some fans thought him wily
But then went all smiley
When his gay love could not be denied.

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Young Draco, he thought himself bad
Though he couldn't live up to his dad.
But his fans couldn't care less
If he ends up hair-less
So long as he lusts for a lad.

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Arthur, he likes to be jolly
When not nagged at by wobbly wife Molly.
When time comes for Yule,
He grins like a fool
And puts up the tinsel and holly.

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Jo's saga of black, grey and white
Spawned a fandom in which I delight.
I hope that my wiles
Have given you smiles
But for now I will bid you good night.