Ronnie's in the Bathroom

Ronnie's in the bathroom .... Or so Lavender Brown was told. But he was taking a long time, and Lavender of course, desperate for a quick snog, could take it no longer. She, bravely, as she was scared of those fountain things in the boys' bathrooms, kicked the door open.

Ronnie was in the bathroom all right .... And he was with Hermione Granger. Oh, but no, no, no. She could not be upset. No, she could. No, wait, she wouldn't. But to be left for Granger .... What a letdown. But of course .... She knew it was going to happen.... Or so Ron would believe.

"I knew this would happen," Lavender said dramatically. "Stupid girl, chase after Longbottom or something. He's been in love for you for ages. And Ronald Weasley, we are over. I foresaw this, of course, because I am seer. I follow in the footsteps of Professor Trelawney."

And she looked dreamily to the ceiling.

"Not much of a seer then, eh?" Hermione snapped back, and she and Ron burst into laughing.

"How dare you! I sense misfortune ahead Ronald!" Lavender said and stormed out of the bathroom.

******

Meanwhile ....

Ginny Weasley wanted to kill her brother. She had been very, very close with Dean to going ... well, you know where. And then, of course, as she walked into the boy's bathroom that lovely evening with Dean she heard Dean say, "Oh dear, Ronnie's in the bathroom!" And a fight between two men began. Can you guess?

And so Ginny returned to the Gryffindor common room in very bad spirits. She slammed her things onto a table, making as much noise as she possibly could for the fun of it. And then she saw another girl doing the same attention-seeking activity. It was Ron's girlfriend, and she stormed over to Ginny.

"You better tell your bloody brother to stay away from me!" she yelled.

"What the hell? Don't yell at me! But ... what did he do?" Ginny asked curiously.

"Cheated on me with the know-it-all Hermione Granger!" Lavender yelled angrily.

"That bitch, I never liked her anyway," Ginny said, trying to make Lavender feel better for whatever reason.

"Aren't you best friends with her?" Lavender asked suspiciously, momentarily stopping her anger.

"Like that means anything," Ginny said, and Lavender continued looking at her suspiciously so Ginny changed the subject. "Ron caught me and Dean in the bathroom and got into a fight with him."

"Your brother is an asshole," Lavender said, but she didn't sound so angry. "Let's get back at him."

"Hmm," said Ginny. "I think I know just how!"

****

Ron was in the Great Hall when Ginny and Lavender, his current two least favorite people, ran to him.

"Oh, Ron, what was I thinking?" asked Ginny innocently. "Dating Dean, I mean."

"And I, Ron, I always knew you liked Hermione," said Lavender in an identical innocent voice. "How dare I seduce you?"

"Well, yes, you're both definitely right," Ron said awkwardly and shocked.

Hermione looked over at them. She grabbed Ron by the arm.

"What are you doing talking to her? You're going back to her, aren't you?" Hermione burst into tears.

"Of course not. She just came over here," Ron said slowly and carefully.

"Yes, of course, that's how it begins!" Hermione said dramatically. "Ginny, what are you doing with her?"

"Is she talking to me?" Ginny asked Lavender, really not sure why she was being mean to Hermione.

"Now, Ginny is mad at me!" Hermione exclaimed, and she ran out crying. Ron followed her.

"NOW!" Lavender yelled, and Ginny remembered why she had to be mean to Hermione.

Ginny and Lavender followed Ron very, very carefully as Hermione was long gone. That girl could run. Ginny had never seen her go like that ... Err, well, maybe she had. But it enhances the suspense, doesn't it?

No boys (and some girls), there is NO pun intended.

Anyway, they had to wait till Ron was at a very particular place. And as he crosses that particular hall, Ginny and Lavender smiled to themselves. They knew they would get vengeance! Ron had no right to treat such respectable young women as themselves like that. And he certainly had no right to deny Lavender a very nice snog indeed.

"Ready, Lavender?" Ginny asked rather evilly, in a voice unknown to herself that she even felt a bit taken back by.

Lavender failed to notice the too evil voice.

"Of course I am," Lavender said, in a voice very like her own. And as Ginny scurried forward, Lavender pulled Ginny back. "There might be some cute boys in there, hang on."

And Lavender took some eyeliner out of her pocket. Ginny looked at her oddly, and then shrugged.

"You have such pretty eyes, and you don't make them shine," said Lavender. She applied it to Ginny. And then she did her own. And then Lavender took out some lipstick. "Quickly, now, we don't have all day! Dunno why you wanted to put on makeup!"

And Ginny for a moment, decided she might know why Ron had decided to cheat on this girl, but Ginny smiled sheepishly.

"I was joking," Lavender said to Ginny, as though questioning her sanity, and mentioned something very rude about redheads!

"Okay, let's go! We need to get in there before Ron comes out!" Ginny pulled Lavender up.

Together, they scurried into the boys' bathroom that Ron had entered. Ron always went to the bathroom when he was pissed.

Ron had just entered a stall. Their plan would go absolutely perfectly. Ginny grabbed Lavender's hand and they tiptoed over to the stall. If they could just go very carefully, Ron wouldn't even notice. And so they did. But not without a commotion.

Ginny approached the stall door and kicked it open in a martial arts style Lavender was somehow sure Ginny had never been capable of before. But what Lavender saw did surprise her a bit. Ron had no pants off and well ... She could not remember a particular thing being so big before, but perhaps it was different now because he had it in his hand perhaps.

Lavender screamed. "God, Ron, looking good are we not?" she said, sounding excited.

"That ... Is ... My .... Brother," Ginny said, actually sounding normal. But Ginny could not waste time.

Ginny followed the plan. She did the quickest spell work she could muster. Ron became a bit limp afterwards after a gasp.

"Good idea, Ginny! We can do what we want with him now!" Lavender sounded as though Christmas had arrived early.

"Yeah, err, my way," Ginny said, smiling a bit.

"Yuck! He's your brother!" Lavender responded, looking as though she was disgusted.

Ginny simply shook her head sadly. "The plan, you idiot."

Lavender looked as though she had just come out of a trance. Together they grabbed Ron, who was limping and unable of real speech at the moment and shoved his head down the toilet.

"REVENGE!" the two young women screamed together.

But something happened that threw their brilliant plan a bit off. A voice was calling.

"Darling! Ronald, is that you?" It was Hermione, who had came in. "Are you in here?"

But Lavender did not look worried at all. She was smiling at Ginny. She called out to Hermione in a rather sardonic tone.

"Ronnie's in the bathroom."