Harry Potter and the Unorganized Assembly of the Fiery Bird Type Things

Chapter Two: Harry Goes to the Burrow and Sees Ron and Hermione and the Rest of the Weasleys and Tries to Make Something Different Happen Plot-Wise

Voice Over Mako-chan: Harry spent quite some time counting the hours until the Weasleys' arrival...

Harry: ....five, six, seven, eight....

Voice Over Ami-chan: But it eventually got boring and he decided to go to bed. Since it was late.

Harry: ...nine, ten....It's late. I think I'll go to bed.

VOM: Suddenly, it was the next day.

*rooster crows*

Harry: Wow, that was fast.

VOA: We decided we didn't want to wait a whole eight hours for you to wake up. *Ahem* Harry got up and got dressed and went downstairs to make breakfast before the Dursleys told him to, since he was trying to stay on their good side for the day, if that was at all possible. The last time the Weasleys had come to pick him up, it hadn't been pretty.

Harry: How are they getting here this time?

VOM: *Maaaagic.*

Harry:..........................................

VOM: Funny, in most stories that works.

VOA: Harry had apparently forgotten all about his evil dream from the previous night.

Harry: Oh yeah....oh well. I'm spending the remainder of the summer in a houseful of fully-grown wizards (and witch), one of whom is a Ministry official. I'm going to assume that I am safe until I am proven incorrect.

VO(both):..............................

VOA: That might not be the best plan...

Harry: Why - do you know something I don't?

VOA: Not yet. It's only Chapter 2. But you never know.

VOM: We're totally making this up as we go along.

Harry: Oh. Okay.

VOM: Then it was miraculously five minutes to the unspecified time at which the Weasleys were supposed to arrive.

Harry: That was convenient.

VOA: Harry had already packed the night before.

Harry: It's not like I had anything better to do.

VOM: Hedwig was going to meet him at the Burrow, since he had no idea how he was getting there or whether or not she would be able to come along with him, being that she was an owl. Not a pig.

Harry: We've established that.

VOA: Remember Harry, the beans...

VOM: He went downstairs.

Harry: Was I upstairs?

VOA: Downstairs, to the living room, where his Muggle relatives were pacing anxiously, undoubtedly concerned about how the Weasleys were planning to arrive this time.

Harry: How are they getting here?

VOM: Just then, there was a random pop. Pop!

VOA: ...Accompanied by none other than Mr. Weasley.

VOM: He can Apparate, you know.

VOA: I knew.

VOM: Me too.

Mr. Weasley: Hello there, Harry! Hello there, nasty!Muggles.

Harry: Hi.

Vernon: What did you call us?!

Mr. Weasley: Mind if I nick some of your plugs? How about batteries, got any batteries around?

Petunia: *sputter blubber gape*

Mr. Weasley: Right, then... Got your trunk, Harry?

Harry: Yep.

VOA: Mr. Weasley reached into his pocket and pulled out a familiar-looking striped box with several pointed flaps at the top and thrust it towards Harry. It was half full of many tiny beans in all colors of the rainbow.

Harry: BEANS?! ACK!!!!

VOM: Muahahaha!!!

VOA: T.T' I'm beginning to regret the G-rating. This could get violent.

Mr. Weasley: Relax Harry, it's just a Portkey.

Harry: Oh, so I don't have to eat them then?

Mr. Weasley: Nooo....

Harry: Okay!

Frodo: Cool!

Everyone: ........

VOM: Ahehehe...*shoves Frodo back into the nowhere pocket*

VOA: So Harry grabbed his trunk and the edge of the Portkey and prepared to get the heck outta there.

Harry: Sayonara, suckers!

Mr. Weasley: Bai bai, nasty!Muggles!

VOA: And then everything was spinny and voila! they were in the Burrow. Harry was on the floor.

VOM: And Ron was there! Yaaaay! And Gred and Forge!! Yaaaaay! And Hermione and Bill and Charlie, yaaaaaay! And Mrs. Weasley, yaaaaay! And Crookshanks and Pig and Hedwig and Errol, yaaa--

Harry: OK!!! Enough already!!

VOA: I predict that you will taste a very nasty!bean in the near future, Mr. Potter. A very nasty!bean, indeed.

VOM: Pottah!

Harry: Err...

Bill: Didn't we tell you not to mess with the voice-overs?

Charlie: These title characters are so stubborn...

Harry: Heyy...

Ron: Hi!

Hermione: Hi!

Ginny: *cough* Umm, hi..

Gred: Yo!

Forge: What is up, my homie?

Gred: Word to ya godfatha.

Harry: I'll tell Sirius you said so....Why are you spelling their names Gred and Forge?

VOM: 'Cuz we can. 'Cept I don't know which one's which.

VOA: There will be time to figure that out later.

Harry: Hang on...*counts the Weasleys* Are we missing someone?

Ginny: Percy's at work...again.

Harry: Work...who's he working for?

Hermione: Yes, didn't his boss die in the last book?

Charlie: He was reassigned. He has Bagman's job now.

Hermione: Percy is the head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports?!

VOM: Didn't see that coming, didja?

Harry: It's impossible!

Hermione: It's unreasonable!

Ginny: It's funny 'cuz it's true! *giggle*

Charlie: He was determined to stay with the Ministry out of respect for the late Mr. Crouch, and since Bagman ran off into the woods or whatever and Fudge was too busy to look for someone new to head the department, he stuck Percy with the job.

Harry: Wouldn't it make more sense to give the job to someone already in the department?

VOA: Shhhh! The plot is very fragile....

Ginny: Of course, there are a lot more important things than Quidditch going on in the Ministry right now, and Percy doesn't get a lot of work.

Ron: He'll regret staying with the Ministry now he's got to write a report on Snitches that are half an ounce too heavy.

Hermione: ...That sounds really boring. This coming from a person who reads "Hogwarts: A History" repeatedly as a hobby.

Harry: Ya, why do you do that?

Hermione: It supports my intellectual, work-oriented persona.

VOA: Moving on to something slightly more relevant...

Harry: Oh. So your father's not with the Ministry anymore, then?

Forge: What, you think he'd keep working under that prat Fudge?

Gred: The Ministry's gone to the Nifflers. How else would Percy end up head of Magical Games and Sports?

Harry: Good point.

Bill: Dad's in the Order now, but I'm sure you know all about it.

Harry: Why does everyone always assume that?

VOM: Um, can I cut in on the chatter? Yes, very nice dialogue here, almost making it sound like there's a plot, very good, must be some magic trick involved there... but you're starting to lose the funny!

VOA: Or have you forgotten the title already? There is no Order, there is an Unorganized Assembly.

Charlie: Do we really have to call it that?

VOM: Not if you give me a dragon.

Charlie: Umm....

VOM: Got any purple ones? With yellowish trim?? And dragonfly sidekicks???

VOA: Calm yourself, Mako.

VOM: Sorry, got a little carried away there. *huggles Spyro!plushie*

VOA: I guess for our purposes you can refer to it as the Order of the Phoenix; it's shorter to type.

Bill and Charlie: Cool.

Frodo: Cool!

VOA: *hits Frodo with a newspaper*

Frodo: Waaaaah!!!!!!

VOA: *huggles Frodo* It doesn't mean I don't still love you.

VOM: I love you too, Frodo!

Legolas: .....You do?

VOM: *glomps Leggy: Not that way, silly! <3

HP People: "..........................................................."

Harry: Umm, excuse me?! What the heck is the Order of the Phoenix?!

Bill: Oh, you're not supposed to find out yet. Forget I said anything.

Harry: Ugh!!!

VOM: Good grief!

Ron: We've been trying to squeeze it out of them all summer. They're not talking.

Harry: You just love doing that, don't you?

Bill & Charlie: *beam*

VOA: Just then, a post owl arrived with copies of the Daily Prophet.

Harry: Hey, that reminds me...

VOM: Harry and Ron looked meaningfully at Hermione while the other Weasleys looked confused.

Ron: Harry, why don't we bring your bags upstairs?

Harry: Good idea.

Hermione: I'll come with you.

Ginny: Oh come on! They've already used that one!

VOM: Silence, child!

Ginny: I'm one year younger than you. I don't think you're really qualified to call me "child."

VOA: Fine, fine... follow them then.

Ginny: Thank you.

VOM: So Ginny, determined to get herself a major part in the plot, followed the Conspiratorial Three to Ron's room to find out what they were (badly) hiding this time.

Ron: Ginny, what are you doing here?!

Ginny: Helping Harry with his luggage. *holds up Hedwig's cage*

VOM: Somebody say Luggage?

The Luggage: *snaps lid threateningly*

VOA: T.T' Moving on...

Hermione: Alright, Ginny's supposed to get a bigger part in this book anyway. Just don't tell anybody about this!

Ron: Oh, don't worry, she will.

Ginny: Shut it, Ron!

Hermione: Rita Skeeter is an unregistered Animagus. That's how she was snooping around last year to get her stories. At the end of the year I finally found her.

VOA: Hermione then held up a glass jar containing a partially-eaten leaf and a very annoyed beetle.

Ginny: That's Rita Skeeter?!

Hermione: *nods*

Harry: So you still have her then?

Hermione: With everything that's going on now, the last thing we need is the magical community getting their news from *her*.

Ron: Good point.

Harry: What exactly is going on?

VOM: As usual, Harry had missed out on the goings on in the magical world since school ended. The Dursleys were particularly annoying like that.

VOA: Indeed.

Harry: Tell me about it.

VOM: Well, the Dursleys don't like anything magical so they won't allow one of those wizarding wireless things in their house or have the Daily Prophet delivered...

Harry: .......

VOA: This is true.

Ron: Well, if you think back to the end of the fourth book, you'd recall that You-Know-Who is no longer a pathetic blob of evilness.

Hermione: You would think that he would remember Voldemort's re-rising.

VOA: Ginny and Ron cringed and covered their ears, in true Ron Weasley-fashion.

Ron and Ginny: Don't say it!!

Hermione: Other than the problems with the Ministry and the whole mysterious Order thing, everyone is obviously upset. It doesn't help that Fudge is being such an idiot and telling everyone that it didn't really happen, that just makes people confused on top of everything.

Ginny: I still can't believe you have Rita Skeeter in that jar.

VOM: It would appear that Hermione does receive the Daily Prophet.

Hermione: I subscribed last year, remember?

Harry: Oh yeah...

VOA: At that moment, Mr. Weasley walked by the room. He appeared to be studying some batteries.

Mr. Weasley: Harry, remind me to thank your aunt and uncle for these batteries.

Harry: ...Did they give them to you?

Mr. Weasley: No, I stole them.

Harry: Oh, okay.

Mr. Weasley: By the way, the four of you should go downstairs. It's almost time for dinner.

VOM: Mr. Weasley continued down the hall while Ron, Ginny, Harry, and Hermione went downstairs.

Hermione: I saved some of the old Prophets if you want to read them after dinner.

Harry: Groovy.

VOM: HA!

Harry: You did that on purpose, didn't you?

VOA: Maybe.

VOM: So the four of them joined the other Weasleys and ate dinner. Because that's what you do when it's time for dinner.

VOA: Harry continued to ponder ponderous things for the rest of the night.

VOM: His ponderous ponderings turned even ponderinglyer when he found a Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Bean badly concealed in his smashed potatoes, at which time he squealed and fell out of his chair.

VO(both): *SNORT* *giggle*

Harry: It's not funny!!

VOA: The Weasleys (plus Hermione) all paused and stared at him for precisely five seconds before continuing with their eating and conversing.

VOM: Harry carefully picked the bean out of his smashed potatoes and continued to ponder.

Harry: *ponder*