Harry Potter and the Unorganized Assembly of the Fiery Bird Type Things

Before we begin, let's meet the authors/voice-overs!

Voice Over Mako-chan: Suilad!

Voice Over Ami-chan: Hello friends!

That's enough of that.

Chapter One: Harry Wakes Up Because he Saw Voldie in a Dream and that Made his Head Hurt....Again.

Voice Over Mako-chan: *in a very bad British accent* Harry Potter woke up at the Dursleys'. There he was. At the Dursley's. Awake. Oh, and his head hurt.

Harry: Owwie.

VOM: It hurt because....um....he had another one of those dream things. Yeah, that's it...

Voice Over Ami-chan: *in a not quite as bad but still not very good British accent* As we have learned from the previous installments of the series, Harry's dreams are often premonitions of evil activity happening in an undisclosed location at that very moment.

Harry: Err...

VOM: And he saw Voldie. Aaah!

Harry: Aaah!

VOA: T.T' Something like that.

VOM: And he said scary evil things. And there was a dude....Wormtongue?

Grima: Wormtail, you blustering idiot.

VOM: Temper, temper! Yeah, Wormtail was there. Peter! See, I know stuff. Peter. Wormtail. He was there. With Voldie. Saying scary evil things. In the dream.

Harry: Get on with it already!!

VOM: Alright, alright! Sheesh! *grumbles* Diva...

VOA: And we thought I was a drama queen...

Harry: What was that?

VOM: Nothing, nothing... So Harry...sent a letter to Sirius. His godfather. You need to specify stuff like that in the beginning of the book in case your readers are idiots.

VOA: Oh dear...Mako, you never insult the readers in the first chapter. If you want them to continue reading, you have to wait until at least the fifth chapter, because at that point they're too curious to put it down in indignation.

VOM: Oh. Oops.

Harry: Dear Sirius....I had a dream. My head hurts. Thought you should know. Bye. P.S. Is it just me or does this letter look a bit familiar? *shrug*

VOM: Then the evil Dursleys banged on his door and yelled at him and stuff and told him to get up and make breakfast and while he was at it drop dead.

Harry: Well that wasn't very nice.

VOA: Harry reluctantly got dressed, pondering what hexes he would use on his aunt, uncle, and cousin as soon as he was of age.

VOM: Muahaha. Then he went downstairs and made breakfast but he didn't drop dead, just to spite them.

Harry: In your face!

VOA: The Dursleys were not very upset at this because, at the very least, they would have someone to make breakfast tomorrow.

Vernon: That's OK. We're not very upset at this because, at the very least, we have someone to make breakfast tomorrow.

Harry: Darn.

VOM: So after breakfast he went back to his room because he obviously didn't feel like hanging out.

Harry: It's not like I have anywhere else to go.

VOM: And then he got hit in the head with a pig. Wait, scratch that....

VOA: An owl (not a pig) whose name is Pig (but is actually Pigwidgeon, with Pig as a nickname), the owl of his friend Ron, who is not a pig either. Or an owl, for that matter.

Harry: Yes, most of my friends are indeed human. Except Sirius, he's sometimes human. And Remus is a werewolf. I talked to a snake once. Or twice. Snakes really aren't mean, like everyone assumes. The few I've spoken to were quite pleasant.

VOA: Could we focus please?

Harry: Erm...sorry.

VOM: So Harry grabbed the pig...or whatever...and pulled a letter off of its leg. Don't ask me how it was on there in the first place, that thing has really scrawny legs for a pig.

Harry: It's an ancient secret of the Hungarian lizard gods.

VO(Both):...................................

Harry:.....Who just happen to be friendly with the wizarding population. Wow, Ron has really bad handwriting.

VOM:.....Erm, yes. The letter was, not surprisingly, from Ron. Who, by his signature, really does have bad handwriting. But that's OK.

Harry: Can I read the letter now?

VOA: ....If you must. *grumbles* Always has to be in charge, can't let the voice-overs do their job...

Harry: "Dear Harry, happy birthday!"

VOM: Oh, and it was his birthday.

VO(both): Lalalalalala, Happy, happy, happy, happy birthday Harry!

Harry: Uh, thanks.

VOM: No problem.

Harry: "I didn't send you a present because Pig's a stupid whinging git and he couldn't carry it. Mom says we can pick you up tomorrow it that's ok with your family. Or if it isn't. Say, does this letter look a bit familiar to you?" T.T'

VO(both): *exasperated sigh*

Harry: What are you sighing about? You're the ones writing this junk.

VOA: Hey, that was uncalled for.

VOM: Remember, we decide what flavor of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans you get.

Harry: ...duly noted. "See you tomorrow, Ron. PS My brothers asked me to remind you - don't mess with the voice overs. They control what flavor of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans you get." T.T'

VOA: See, they know!

VOM: They will join us when we rule the universe. Muahaha! Why do I keep doing that?

VOA: Perhaps a psychiatric professional could tell you.

Harry: Hello?! This is about me, remember? Harry Potter and the Unorganized Assembly of Fire Bird Thing - oh, whatever!!!

VOM: Touchy, touchy! Remember the beans...

VOA: Always remember the beans. You'll avoid many unfortunate flavors if you let us handle the voice-overing....Should we have some plot soon?

VOM: Couldn't hurt.

Harry: Hmm...I should probably pretend to ask the Dursleys if I can go, so it doesn't come as a surprise to them when they have to cook their own breakfast.

VOM: Harry went downstairs to pretend to ask the Dursleys if he could go, so it at least wouldn't come as a surprise to them when they had to cook their own breakfast.

Harry: I'm going to the Burrow. Sod off or I'll sic my uncle on you.

VOA: Godfather, Harry. Sirius is your godfather - you're in the process of threatening your uncle.

Harry: Oh that's right....It's those bloody beans! Stop threatening me and maybe I'll get my lines right!

VOM: Relax, scar boy. You leave us alone, we'll leave you alone.

Harry: Can I go write to Ron now?

VOA: Please.

VOM: So Harry, completely ignoring the fact that his relatives were still sputtering and turning various shades of purple and hadn't yet responded to him, went to his room to write the letter. And he sat down at his desk, to write the letter. And he took out a bottle of ink and a quill, to write the letter. And he--

Harry: *interrupts Mako* "Dear Ron, It's OK. The Muggles said I could go, more or less. Although I'd suggest not coming through the fireplace this year. Uncle Vernon still complains about the "ruddy mess it left." How's that?

VOM: Beans, Harry.

Harry: *gulp*

VOA: Very nice. Don't forget to sign it.

Harry: "See you tomorrow, Harry."

VOA: When Harry turned to attach the letter to Pig (which is still the name of the owl, not an actual pig), he found that he and Hedwig were having a bit of a power struggle over the perch in Hedwig's cage. Hedwig had Pig in a headlock and Pig was pecking incessantly at Hedwig's feet, if you can imagine that.

VOM: I can! Hehehe!

Harry: Stop that! I'm sending both of you out today, and I need you to not tear each other to shreds!

VOM: Harry sent both owls out with their respective letters. He quickly cleaned up the pile of feathers beneath the cage.

VOA: As he looked out his window at the owls, he was hit in the head with several more fluffy, flying objects. Which were not pigs, but in fact, more owls.

VOM: Excellent observation.

VOA: Why, thank you.

VOM: The fluffy, flying objects that were not pigs but owls came bearing more birthday greetings for Harry. One from Hermione, one from Hagrid, and one from the rest of the Weasley family, each complete with a cake.

Harry: Mmm, cake....did I seriously just say that?

VO(both): Yis.

VOA: Harry read each of the letters, acknowledging how good it felt to have people who care about you.

Harry: It feels good to have people who care about you.

VOM: He decided not to send letters back, as he would be seeing most of them tomorrow. At the Burrow. After the Weasleys pick him up. Not by Floo powder this time.

VOA: ...Right.

Harry: I wonder how they are getting here?

VOM: The Weasleys were probably pondering the same thing.

VOA: Since Mr. Weasley's flying car was still running wild in the forest, it stood to reason that they wouldn't be trying that as a method of transportation.

Harry: Is there going to be anything in this chapter that didn't happen in the last book?

VOA: Patience, child.

VOM: There are lots of differences! You're fifteen, the Weasleys aren't going to use Floo powder to pick you up...

Harry: *raises an eyebrow*

VOM: ...Point taken.

VOA: Harry hurried to pack his things, counting the hours until the Weasleys would arrive.

Harry: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,...