Harry Potter and the Unorganized Assembly of the Fiery Bird Type Things

Chapter Three: Harry and the Weasleys (plus Hermione) Go to Diagon Alley to Find That the Plot Has Been Replaced With a Thousand Obvious Cameo Appearances and a Bunch of Rubber Snakes.

Harry: Huh?

VOM: Um...nothing.

VOA: Moving on...Harry continued to ponder ponderous things for the rest of the week. He continuously bumped into walls and doors because he wasn't paying attention.

Harry: Ow!

VOM: Silly Harry. Anywho, Ron was getting tired of having to walk behind Harry and keep redirecting him,

Harry: It's not like he had to.

Ron: You almost fell out a window!

Harry: ...so?

Ron: Six times!

Harry: That many, huh?

Ron: *falls over*

VOM: Ahim! As I was saying, Ron didn't want to follow Harry around anymore so he told him to stop pondering.

Ron: HARRY STOP PONDERING!

Harry: Huh?

Ron: I SAID STOP PONDERING!

Harry: Oh. Okay.

VOA: Mr. Weasley informed them all that they (the Weasleys...plus Harry and Hermione) were going to Diagon Alley the next day. And there was much rejoicing.

Cast of HP: Yay!

VOM: So they all hopped in the fireplace and made sure Harry stopped pondering long enough to say Diagon Alley right and TADA! there they were.

VOA: And Harry successfully made it there this time.

VO(both): *applaud*

Harry: Thank you, I try.

VOM: They decided it would be best to stop in Flourish and Blotts first to pick up their books. But in front of the store they were stopped by a couple of short, furry, shoeless, ridiculously cute mushroom salesmen.

Mushroom Salesman #1: Would ya like to buy some genuine Hobbitton shrooms?

Mushroom Salesman #2: They're shroomilicious!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: Um...

Gred and Forge: Okay!

VOA: Gred and Forge proceeded to purchase several mushrooms before the group entered the book store.

Gred and Forge: Yay!

Mushroom Salesmen: Yay!

VOM: Hey, two comedic duos in the same chapter!

VOA: I think we'll find quite a bit of that this chapter.

VO(both): Yay!

VOM: So everybody went in and found that it was a lot more crowded than usual.

Ron: Ugh, second year flashback...

Hermione: I wonder if Draco Malfoy and his father will randomly attack us again.

VOM: I hope not, he's really ugly.

Harry: Because that's exactly how I want to start my visit to Diagon Alley.

VOA: Really?

Harry: No, that was sarcasm.

VO(both): Oooooooooooooooooh.

VOM <(Derek Zoolander)>: Oh well now you're just making up words.

VOA: HA!

Cast of HP <(cast of Monty Python and the Holy Grail)>: GET ON WITH IT!!

VOA: Right. So...in fact, there was a book signing going on. In the back of the shop, seated at and standing around a desk covered with books, was a very unusual group of people, even by wizarding standards.

VOM: It was a greasy dude with a crown and a broken sword, a really tall guy with a beard, wearing all white and a funny hat and passing out buttons, a pretty girl with long hair, pointy ears and a frappuccino, two more small, furry, shoeless, absolutely adorable little guys, and a really really really really ridiculously good looking tall blonde dude, also with pointy ears.

Hermionie: *gasp*

Harry: What?

Hermione: It's...it's...it's...it's...

Ron: It's.....

Harry: Complete thoughts, Hermione.

Ron: Wow, she must be really out of it.

VOA: Hermione proceeded to leave them behind and run to the table where the book signing was being held. She pulled out a copy of a very large book and started saying random things to the people behind the table.

Hermione: These are my absolute FAVORITE books, I can't believe I'm actually meeting you, you're even prettier in person, is that a frappuccino?

Girl with frappuccino: ...Yes.

Hermione: Wow, you people are so cool!!!!

VOM: Harry and Ron stared at her in blank confusion.

Harry and Ron: *stare in blank confusion*

VOM: ...like that.

VOA: The crowds of wizards and witches seemed, on the whole, to have no idea who these characters were, but were nevertheless purchasing signed copies of a number of books that were apparently written about them.

VOM: Probably because they just radiate loveable-ness!

Mrs. Weasley: Here, why don't you run along and I'll get your books.

VOA: So Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Gred and Forge went back outside, waving to the cute mushroom salesmen.

Hermione: *gasps and points* Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh, they're--theyre--

Ron: Hey, what's over there?

Hermione: *glare*

VOM: Ron was referencing a store that they had never seen before, which appeared to be selling candy.

Ginny: I don't know, it looks sort of suspicious.... *blink* Is that sign in Japanese?

VOA: Maybe...

VOM: Just then, who should appear but Lee Jordan!

Lee: Hey Fred! Hey George!

Gred: Uh, no. I'm Gred, Lee, and he's Forge.

Lee: Ahuh. So which one of you is which?

Gred: You mean you can't tell?

Forge: Honestly man, you call yourself our best friend?

Lee: Ha, ha.

VOA: So Gred and Forge went off with Lee and the trio plus Ginny was left to visit the suspicious candy store.

VOM: And so they did. When they went in, they were greeted by the apparent shop owners...

Apparent Shop Owners: IRASSHAIMASE!!!!

VOM: ...and a giant bottle of sake!

Giant Bottle of Sake: Ha-ro.

Harry: Um...

VOM: There was also a girl seated behind the counter who looked like she could have been a Weasley herself, but apparently she had not noticed the customers entering because she was busy staring out the window in the direction of the bookshop entrance.

VOA: One of the apparent shop owners was dressed in a blue kimono, with long brown hair, wearing a fake grey beard and large black hat. She looked like no one in particular...

Ron: Why are you wearing a beard?

Apparent Shop Owner #1: Why, what are you speaking of child?

Ron: Um..nevermind.

VOM: The other was tall, wearing a green dragon print hapi coat and geta, with short brown hair, elf ears, and a set of huge fake glasses with a plastic nose and black moustache attached. She also looked like no one in particular.

Apparent Shop Owner #2: Hello everyone! *waves and grins* Hi Ronniekins!!

Ron: Wha?!

Apparent Shop Owner #2: I am Ma--- er.. *sweatdrop* Annunathien Greenleaf! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Present cast of HP: .......................

Apparent Shop Owner #1: Smooth, Annunathien.

Annunathien: Heheheh..

Apparent Shop Owner #1: Greetings children! I am Iravarien.

Giant Bottle of Sake: I'm Rei. *shrugs as much as one can while wearing a giant bottle of sake* They don't know me.

Iravarien: SHH!

Annunathien: Then why are you wearing a giant bottle of sake?

Iravarien: SHHH!!!

Rei: You tryin' to get crazy with us, eh? Don't you know I'm loco? *tries to spin hair but fails due to giant bottle*

Iravarien: Hansel, he's so hot right now. Hansel.

Present cast of HP: ...............................

Annunathien: So, can we interest you in anything? Perhaps some.....BEANS?!

Harry: AAAAAAAH! *falls over*

Hermione, Ron and Ginny: *stare*

Ginny: What is it with him and beans?

Shop Owners: I dunno...

VO(both): *maniacal giggle*

Red-head behind counter: *snaps out of trance* Oh, hi! Hey wow look who it is! Hahaha... hi! I'm Lisa. Haha...okay... Sorry, hahahahaha... Okay, sorry, hahaha.. so do you want to buy some candy?

Ron: Um...those look fun. *points to a display of small, round, blue, individually wrapped candies, being continuously spewed into a bowl by an enchanted, explosive giant soda bottle*

Ginny: That sign's in Japanese too!

Annunathien: It says 'Ramune: it's not Muggle, it's Japanese!'

Hermione: So we noticed. *ponders the use of the word "spew"*

The Thing That Just Threw Up: Spew.

VOM: You do know nobody is going to get that.

VOA: You think they're getting any of this?

VOM: Um.. probably not.

Rei: *busies herself drinking very refreshing lime water* It's very refreshing!

Lisa: Don't you want to buy some chocolate???? Haha, sorry... I mean... hahaha... sorry, okay... you want some Ramune?

Ron: Uh...sure.

Harry: *stares at a particularly threatening looking Bertie Bott's Every-Flavor Beans stand* *gulp* I could probably use some chocolate.

Lisa: Haha yay!

Rei: *nudges Harry* Don't you want some...tea?! It's good for you!

Annunathien: TEA IS GOOD FOR YOU!

Rei: *points to the word sake on her* See? TEA!

Harry: Um... okay.

VOM: So they purchased some Ramune, chocolate and tea. Harry later discovered a small complementary bag of beans with his chocolate.

Harry: Hey, what's thi-AH!

Annunathien: They're good! See? *eats a bean*

Iravarien: What flavor?

Annunathien: I think it's umbrella. Not bad.

Hermione: If you don't want them, I'll have them.

Harry: Okay.

VOA: They exited the shop and headed further down the alley.

VOM: At which point the shop owners were seen racing across the street, followed closely by Lisa and a giant bottle of sake.

Annunathien: Leggy!!!

Lisa: Pippin!!

Rei: Aragorn!! Frappuccino!!!

Iravarien: ......Everybody!!

VOA: Much glomping ensued.

VOM: They're so kawaii!!! Especially Leggy! ^_^ Hahaha

VOA: SO! Harry and Co. decided then that they were going to visit the pet shop.... Because it's convenient for the plot.

Harry: Hey, let's visit the Magical Menagerie.

Ron: Why?

Harry: Because the voice-overs said so.

VO(both): *smile*

VOM: And so they went. And go they did. They proceeded then to go....Yes.

VOA: ...thank you for that.

VOM: Anytime.

VOA: So inside there was the witch that had looked at that...evil....thing...poor Ron used to carry around in his pocket.

VOM: He was a rat poser!

Pet Shop Witch: Hello there. Anything I can help you with?

Harry: We're just here because the voice-overs said so.

Pet Shop Witch: Ahuh. Well, how about these lovely little snakes?

VOM: The witch pointed to a glass tank and Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny looked at an unspecified number of tiny snakes laying inside.

VOA: The snakes didn't seem very..lively, so Harry reached in and picked one up.

Harry: These snakes are rubber!!

Pet Shop Witch: No they're not... they're... they're just resting!

Harry: Look, matey, I know rubber snakes when I see them, and I'm looking at them right now.

Pet Shop Witch: No no, they're not rubber, they're restin'! Remarkable snakes, idn't they? Beautiful scaleage.

Harry: Scaleage don't enter into it. They're rubber.

Pet Shop Witch: No no no, not rubber, they're just resting!

Harry: All right then, if they're restin', I'll wake them up! (shouting at the tank) 'Ello, ickle snakies!! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...*witch hits tank*

Pet Shop Witch: There, they moved!

Harry: No, they didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Pet Shop Witch: I never!!

Harry: Yes, you did!

Pet Shop Witch: I never, never did anything...

Harry: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO SNAKIES!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

Rubber snakes: *leap into the air and form a line-dance in the tank*

Harry:...........

Answering machine: I'm sorry, the voice-overs are unavailable. They have fallen out of their chairs and are laughing hysterically. Please call back or leave a message at the beep. *BEEP*

Ron: You ok there? You were kinda... freaking out for a minute...

Harry: ...Those snakes were line-dancing...

Rubber snakes: thhhhhhhhhhhhh thhhh spit thhhhhhhhh nerk spit thhh

Harry: Yes you were, I saw you!

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny: *blank stare*

Harry: Well they were!

Ginny: I think Harry's lost it...

Harry: But...but...line-dancing...?

Hermione: He really has lost it.

Ron: You should buy the snakes.

Harry: Why would I want to buy rubber snakes that may or may not line-dance?

Ron: Just think - instead of the Boy Who Lived you can be the Guy With the Snakes.

Hermione: Okaaay... and they can tell you not to walk out of windows and stuff.

Ron: That too!

Harry: Hey, can I buy those snakes?

Pet Shop Witch: Surely.

VOA: *regains her composure and sits down again* So Harry bought the snakes. As they were leaving the Magical Menagerie, the door opened and a man with a dog on a leash entered.

Harry: Hey, is that---

Annunathien: *bursts through the door* LUPIN! *glomp*

Iravarien: *bursts through the door* SIRIUS! *glomps the large black dog that may or may not be a wizard fugitive*

All: *stare at dog*

Dog: Uh...woof.

Pet Shop Witch: Hey, did you just call that dog Sirius? As in Sirius Black?

Iravarien: ...No. I said "serious" as in "Are you serious? Is that Lupin and his...dog?"

Pet Shop Witch: *looks suspicious* Are you sure?

Iravarien: Yes.

Pet Shop Witch: When's the last time you checked?

Iravarien: Just now.

Pet Shop Witch: How do you check for something like that?

Iravarien: I just make sure I still have legs.

Pet Shop Witch: Oh. Okay!

Lupin: Hello everyone! Hi Mako and Ami!

Annunathien and Iravarien: Ark...

Ron: Hey...

Giant Bottle of Sake (a.k.a. Rei) and Lisa: *burst through the door* <(a la Cast of Holy Grail)> Run away! Run away! Your secret ideminies have been discovered!

Annunathien and Iravarien: Run away! Run away!

VOM: And run away they did.

Harry: Hey wait a minute...

VOA: Yiiiiiiiiisum?

Harry: How can you be there *points to two girls being chased by angry mob of wizards and witches for no apparent reason* and there *points...upward*

VOM: *Maaaaaaagiiiiiiiiic...*

Harry: *sweatdrop*

VOM: Oh wait...I forgot. That doesn't work in this story.

VOA: We're voice-overs. We're disembodied voices.

VOM: Or maybe we're just an illusion...

VOA: There is no spoon, ya know.

Cast of HP: .............................

VOM: You people have no sense of wonder.

VOA: Tough crowd.

Harry: So then...how...

VOA: Hey, don't contradict us.

VOM: If we want to be in the story, we can be! Is that a problem, Pottah?

Harry: Um...

VOA: *back in narration mode* Just then, a rain-like shower of beans fell upon them.

Harry: AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! *fjing!plop*

VOM: The rubber snakes randomly appeared and began line-dancing around Harry's head.

Rubber snakes: Thhhhhhhhhhhhhhh spit thhhhhhh thh thhhhh nerk thhhhhhhhhhhhhhh spit spit thhhhhhhhh spit.

VOM: Translation please, Harry?

Harry: *voice is muffled, as he is still lying on the ground after fjing!plop-ing.* They said "We're daaaaaaaaaaancin' in the beeeeeeeeeeeeans"

VO(both): We're daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaancin' in the beeeeeeeeeans!

VOA: What a glorious feeling...

VOM: We're cheeeeeeeeeesing again...

VO(both): La la la la la...la la la la la...

The End.

Lupin: You guys are so silly...