Rating:: PG-13
House:: Riddikulus
Genres:: Humor Parody
Era:: Multiple Eras
Spoilers:: Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Stats:: Published: 07/25/2002

Updated: 08/25/2002

Words: 4,872

Chapters: 8

Hits: 8,003

MTV Diary: Harry Potter Style

Allykat

Story Summary:: The characters of Harry Potter have decided to take part in a special season of MTV Diary. Watch as the chosen few reveal secrets, goof off, and make fools out of themselves.

MTV Diary 06

Chapter Summary:: In which Neville finds his turn for MTV Diary. Follow his every move and listen to an embarassing memory or two. Fifth in the series.

Posted:: 08/04/2002

Hits:: 590

Author's Note:: None...but the text in bold is narration by Neville.

NEVILLE: You think you know...(long pause) but you have no idea. (pause) This is the diary of Neville Longbottom.

(Screen reads: Neville: The Clumsiest Boy in all the Land)

~~~~~

October 10^th, 1994. I'm afraid that I am going to fail in all my classes this year. Potions is a given for me failing, and so is Transfiguration...

(Scene: Herbology greenhouse)

SPROUT: Now, when you water a Snicklesmurf, be sure not to wear blue....aah, Neville... (shakes her head, and then goes on teaching.) Snicklesmurfs have it in their nature to attack Smurfs, which are blue.... (Neville is stuck in a Venus flytrap)

And I thought that I was good in Herbology...maybe it's just because I get hurt a lot...

NEVILLE: I could use some help.... somebody? I'm in pain...

LAVENDER: I'd help you, but I just did my nails.

PARVATI: Same here. Sorry, Neville.

Everybody is so mean to me...especially Draco Malfoy. I have never, ever done anything to him. Besides insult him that one time in first year, that is.

(Scene: Great Hall. Neville is eating cereal, Wizard-O's to be exact.)

NEVILLE: Oh, what yummy cereal!!

(Draco Malfoy suddenly appears and dunks him into his bowl of cereal.)

HERMIONE: Draco! Was that a nice thing to do?

DRACO: Damn straight, yeah.

HERMIONE: Language!

NEVILLE: Some help over here?

*****COMMERCIAL BREAK*******

(Hermione steps out from behind that very familiar SPEW curtain) HERMIONE: Please join SPEW! Save the House-Elves! Only 2 knuts! Call toll-free at 1-800-SPEW-YOU! The next person to call gets some free lessons in chess from the great Ronald Weasley, and an autographed POSTER of Harry Potter! Plus, you'll receive Hogwarts: A History and Quidditch Through The Ages.

RON: (from backstage) When did I agree to that? And Ronald? I never agreed to be called Ronald.

HARRY: (From backstage) Hermione...I'm going to kill you.

DOBBY: (backstage) Dobby is thinking that Hermione will never get any SPEW members.

HERMIONE: (undertone) Shut up, Dobby! (Regular Sound level) Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU to join.

(On her way off screen, Hermione knocks over a stack of books and some stage lights.)

HERMIONE: Ouch.

*******************************

October 11^th,1994. I'm watching the Gryffindor Quidditch team practice. It's funny, since there won't be any games this year. But it reminds me of when I tried out for Quidditch last year.

(Scene: Quidditch Pitch, trials 1993.)

WOOD: If you want to be on this team...you have to EARN it. You have to eat, sleep, and BREATHE Quidditch. Quidditch must be your life! You must not put anything before Quidditch...and you have to be like me!

NEVILLE: Aaaaaah.....

(Neville has suddenly shot up in the air on his broom)

NEVILLE: I.....can't......stop.......it.......

FRED: Don't worry Neville.

GEORGE: Yah, we'll save you!

(Fred and George hit a bludger at Neville. It hits him hard in the stomach.)

NEVILLE: Oomph.

(Neville falls and lands on Seamus Finnigan)

SEAMUS: Oy, me bloody 'ead.

WOOD: How dare you interrupt my wonderful speech about Quidditch?

ALICIA: Why don't you two go down to the Hospital Wing?

SEAMUS: Alright. I'll bring 'im down.

I have to go write a letter to Gram. Have a wonderful day.