Rating:
PG-13
House:
Riddikulus
Genres:
Humor Parody
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Chamber of Secrets Prizoner of Azkaban Goblet of Fire
Stats:
Published: 07/25/2002
Updated: 08/25/2002
Words: 4,872
Chapters: 8
Hits: 8,003

MTV Diary: Harry Potter Style

Allykat

Story Summary:
The characters of Harry Potter have decided to take part in a special season of MTV Diary. Watch as the chosen few reveal secrets, goof off, and make fools out of themselves.

MTV Diary 05

Chapter Summary:
The characters of Harry Potter have decided to do a special season of MTV Diary. It's Dudley's turn.
Posted:
08/04/2002
Hits:
565

------------

DUDLEY: You think you know... but you have NO idea. This is the diary of Dudley Dursley

(Screen appears: reads Dudley Dursley: The Largest Creature to Ever Roam the Land)

****************

September 1st, 1994. Smeltings Academy. 

I love Smeltings so much!! Everybody is so nice to me here! I am one of the most popular and well-liked kid in the whole school. Everyone talks about how cool I am.

(Scene: Marching band bus)

TROMBONE PLAYER: God, that Dudley Dursley is bloody fat!!

DRUMMER: I'll say!! 'E sat on me snare drum the other day and snapped it in half!! And he says it was my fault, and that I should purchase me-self a new one.

FLUTIST: Talk about a face only your mum would love!

CLARINETIST: Well, I feel sorry for him!!

FLUTIST: Why should you? He's a prat.

CLARINETIST: 'Cause he's the fattest boy in this whole bloody school!!

TRUMPET PLAYER: Don't you mean in the whole world?

< marks in all of my classes. >>

(Scene: Headmaster's office.)

MR. GOOBER: Mr Evil-Knickers, I'm going to have to fail that Dudley Dursley in Social Sciences.

MR HOOSBUTSTINCS: I have to fail him in his English class.

MR EVIL-KNICKERS: Again? Mr. Gray-White and Mr. Laurence both failed him already...

---COMMERCIAL BREAK---

(Hermione steps out from behind that oh-so-familiar black curtain.)

HERMIONE: Please join SPEW! Save the House-Elves!! Only three knuts! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU! The first 100 callers get an autographed picture of Harry Potter, as well as copies of Quidditch Through The Ages and Hogwarts: A History.

HARRY: (From backstage) Hey! I don't remember agreeing to that.

Hermione...

HERMIONE: Again, call 1-800-SPEW-YOU! It's toll free and for a good cause!

(Ron runs onstage crazily, shouting and waving his hands.)

RON: Just call and join so she'll shut up--

HERMIONE: Please call the toll free number!

-----

<>

(Scene: Dudley in his bathroom)

DUDLEY: I'm so sex-ay!!!

(Scene: Dudley in his dorm room)

DUDLEY: Duh......

< nearly all of my Mummy's priceless valuables.>>

(Scene: The Dursleys house. Dudley has just broken a priceless vase, rough-housing with his friends and playing baseball indoors.)

DUDLEY: Mummy, Harry broke your priceless vase!!

PIERS: Yes that's right. I saw him do it with my own two eyes.

(Harry is not in the room, rather he is at Hogwarts)

PETUNIA: You poor darling? Did that horrible...thing harm you at all, Dudders?

VERNON: That nasty boy!! He will be punished.

DUDLEY: Can I have a new DVD/CD burner for my computer?

VERNON: Of course you can, Dudley. You are such a good boy!

< astounding grade point average, lirt with the ladies, and show off my sex-ay body at the Teletubby on Ice/Blue's Clues on Ice double feature! Hopefully Steve will be there...not that Joe guy. Steve's such a hottie.>>