MTV Diary: Harry Potter Style

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(Scene: A huge mob of 'Harry-fanatics' chases Harry across the Quidditch pitch)

HARRY: Ron! Help me!!! I'm going to die!!!

RON: Sorry, I don't like the attention.

(Harry gets dragged in, and appears to be drowning)

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SNAPE: Weasley, Potter, twenty points from Gryffindor!

HARRY: (undertone)What in the bloody hell did I do now?

HERMIONE: (whispering) You fool, watch your language. You don't want to get expelled, do you?

RON: I don't mean to be rude, Professor, but why did you take so many points away from Gryffindor.

SNAPE: Because you showed up for class!

RON: Ok, just checking...

HARRY: (undertone) Smarmy old bas---

HERMIONE: Watch your language, Harry..

RON: Damn him, that son-of-a-bi--

HERMIONE: Shut your trap, you potty mouth!

RON: Then flush me, if you want me to shut up!

**************CM BREAK**********

(Hermione steps out...yet again, with a desperate look on her face)

HERMIONE: Please...I beg you... join SPEW! Only one sickle to join! Call 1-800-SPEW-YOU today!

(Hermione steps back, harriedly, and trips, knocking down the lights and the curtain. A group of technicians and house elves are chatting behind where the curtains were. A house-elf gets knocked out by a light, and all the elves but Dobby run out after Hermione.)

DOBBY: Dobby is thinking that nobody is going to join SPEW.

RANDOM TECHNICIAN: Dobby is thinking correctly. Why doesn't she just give it up? Nobody wants to join SPEW.

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(Scene: Gryffindor Table, at dinnertime in the Great Hall)

RON: I know! We can enchant some rabid woodchucks to follow them!

HARRY: What about a pie-throwing spell?

DEAN: Or you can do the good-ol' Muggle shaving cream thingy...

(Harry, Hermione, and Lavender gasp)

SEAMUS: What's shaving cream?

RON: (Blank, confused _expression on face) Tell me more about this.... shaving cream trick.

SEAMUS: No, really, what's shaving cream?

LAVENDER: (proceeds to explain to Seamus about what shaving cream is.)

DEAN: (whispers in Ron's ear how to perform the trick)

(Scene: Ron is sneaking out of the Slytherin fourth-year dorm, with a smile on his face. He seems to make it out, until we see Filch catch him)

FILCH: Detention for you! (to Mrs. Norris) We've had a good night, my sweet! Why don't we celebrate, eh, little missy?

<< Stupid Dean and his stupid trick. I've got detention for a month, scrubbing bed pans! Which, I'm late for now! See-ya! I hope whoever-the-hell's after me does a bloody brilliant job! Better not be Malfoy...he's a pain in the arse. >>