Dudley's Diary:1996

Dudley's Diary: 1996

by AineRose

December 22^nd, 1996

Breakfast: Bacon and eggs, Pudding.

Lunch: Pizza and chips

Dinner: Roast beef, roast potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, carrots (yuck!)

Desert: Apple tart and ice-cream.

Supper: Steak and kidney pie

Tea: Tea, biscuits.

Sweets: None! How am I supposed to live with only this much to eat every day? How will I survive? How will I stay fit for my boxing championship next month?! I'm going to die! They want to kill me!

Dear Diary,

It's really not funny. Having a cousin who could kill you at any given moment. Who lives in your house, and disrupts the whole family, and makes us shameful. Lots of stupid people in Privet Drive (that's where my house is) say:

"Oh Dudley, he's just a boy!"

OR

"What has he ever done to you?"

OR

"He's only half your size."

Did any of them have a pig's tail coming out of their bottom? No! But I know. He killed an evil wizard, didn't he, when he was only one. When I asked my mum about that, she got really angry, and sent me to bed without supper. I couldn't believe it! I thought I was going to starve to death!

It's Christmas, so he's gone and Dad works late. I was watching telly when I smelt Mum's gorgeous baking. Mum's been acting weird, too. All jumpy and nervous. Something to do with what happened to me and Harry last year, and that guy who killed his parent's or something. I'm not sure- I wasn't really listening. But I do know that Mum's really scared. And when Mum's stressed or scared she always bakes. Cookies and flapjacks and cakes and tarts and puddings- so it's not all that bad!

Anyway, I was sitting at the table, watching telly and sampling a pear tart. It was lovely- with icing sugar sprinkled on top and little bits of apples mixed in, Mum knows what I like! So there I was, watching telly, and this guy called David Black or something came on. He's a magician that everyone watches on telly but when Mum saw it she went ballistic. Harry says he doesn't even do real m**** and here Mum is going mad. She gets all angry and sad at then same time. I didn't know what to do! My tart was finished but there were some cupcakes there and I moved on to those. Anyway, Mum calmed down but I think she was still mad. I kept thinking of magic and I realised I really wanted to know more about it. If they don't do card tricks what do they do?

I said this to Mum and she went redder than dad. Then she burst into tears. Turns out it was Harry's mum's birthday that day. How was I supposed to know? I haven't even seen her! I wonder what it's like for Harry, not knowing what your own mum looks like.

I think I must have said that last bit out loud 'cause mum went up into the attic and got all these pictures and showed them to me. They weren't of Harry's mum though, they were of mum and dad's wedding and stuff. There was one of Harry's mum though, at Mum's some family party, or wedding. She was really smashing looking, with curly red hair and big eyes. She had a better figure than mum. The man beside her looked exactly like Harry. He had glasses and messy hair but he didn't have a big, ugly scar. Hey, I just realised something! If my mum is Harry's Aunt then am I Harry's mum's Uncle?

Mum says I should do a good deed everyday of Christmas so I'm gonna give Harry that picture for a Christmas present. It will be quite easy because that bird of his comes every year, looking for presents. I don't think he knows though, because he never says anything about not getting anything. I think Mum's getting him something, too. I saw her buying woollen socks last week, and my shoe size is way bigger than Harry's.

Dudley

PS Mum's just told me that Harry's Mum is actually my Aunt! Does that make me her husband's (Harry's dad's) niece?

Dudley,

I'm not exactly sure what compelled you to send me this photograph but thanks. It means a lot to me. To answer your question, yes I know what my parents look like because one of their old friends gave me a photo album with all their pictures in it. This is the first stationary one though! I've decided to ignore the bits you said about my mum-she's my Mum! And your Aunt! Like I said, thanks, and thanks to Aunt Petunia for the socks and hat. Tell her it can get quite cold here (somewhere in Scotland) and my cloak isn't warm enough. Enclosed is a bag of Pumpkin Pasties. Don't worry, they're not magical, and they won't jinx you or anything- they're just sweets! Don't be afraid of Hedwig, she won't hurt you if you don't insult her!

Merry Christmas,

Harry.

Compelled: to compel.

1: to drive or urge forcefully or irresistibly
2: to cause to do or occur by overwhelming pressure

Photograph: a picture or likeness obtained by photography

Stationary: adjective
1: fixed in a station, course, or mode: Immobile
2: unchanging in condition

Scotland: Usage: geographical name
Country N Great Britain; a division of United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland.

Enclosed: 1a (1): to close in: surround

(2): to fence off (common land) for individual use b: to hold in: confine
2: to include along with something else in a parcel or envelope