Uh Oh, You're Me

When Ron awoke the next morning he was still unhappy with Ginny, but he figured he would have to make up with her. He didn't want to think bout the sort of damage she could inflict on his life.

He hurried down the stairs and found Ginny sitting in front of the fire reading a book. He shook his head; she was being very out of character for him. He doesn't read. As he came close enough to read the title he almost cried. She wasn't reading just any book...it was a romance. She must've been trying to ruin his life by reading that out in the open. He walked up quickly and snatched it out of her hand.

"Ginny are you mad?" he asked, horrified. "Look at the title! 'Love is Lovely to my Love'. What in the name of Merlin is that supposed to mean? That can't be a real book! Now Ginny, I know you're angry with me-"

"I'm not angry," Ginny said, taking back her book and re-opening it. "What's the matter with reading an innocent book?"

"Ginny," Ron said, eyes bulging as he read over her shoulder, "these lines are NOT innocent!"

"Well nothing you read will be completely clean," replied Ginny earnestly. "Not that you would know since you never read."

Ron shook his head. "Ginny, please, just don't read that in public places! It'll make me seem...well...um..." he struggled to find a word that he didn't mind his sister hearing.

"Oh, I know it'll make you look like a fa-" Ginny started, but Ron cupped a hand to her mouth.

"You WILL NOT say that word!" Ron looked as though he was about to suffer a nervous breakdown.

"Don't you tell me what to do," Ginny said.

"Please, Gin, just don't read that in public," Ron pleaded. "That's all I ask."

"Admit you're a hot head," she said, not looking up from the book.

"What?" Ron spluttered, bewildered. "What does that have to do with weather or not you read the book?"

"Just say it Ron, it's not so bad," Ginny said just as calmly.

"Ginny, this is stupid," Ron said through gritted teeth. "I'm not a hot head, it's a ridiculous name. We went through this last night, remember?"

"Oh Ron," Ginny sighed. She shook her head in a superior manner that reminded Ron very much of Percy. "Why must you be so stubborn?"

Ron heard movement upstairs and began panicking. Ginny waved the book menacingly.

"Ron?" Harry's voice called. "Ron, you down there?"

"Sure am," Ginny replied. She raised here eyebrows at Ron. "Well?"

Footsteps were heard on the stairs.

"Ginny, please!" Ron made a grab for the book but Ginny pulled it out of his grasp. Harry was still descending the stairs.

"Say it," Ginny said. "Say it and I'll give you the book."

Ron heard Harry reach the final step. "Okay, I'm a hot head!" he hissed in a rush. Ginny handed over the book.

"See, now that wasn't so hard," Ginny said, laughter in her eyes.

Ron reddened and sat down next to Ginny on the couch.

"Ah, you're both here!" said Harry jovially, sitting between Ron and Ginny. He put his arm around Ron and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Ron suppressed a shudder.

Ginny looked up and smiled warmly at Harry.

"Er...Ron, you're not still mad that Ginny and I are a couple, are you?" Harry asked carefully.

"Of course not, Harry," Ginny blushed slightly and Ron decided he better change the subject before Harry got the wrong idea.

"Thank you so much Ron!" Harry said, shaking Ginny's hand for a moment. "Er...could you leave Ginny and me for a bit? I want to have a word with her..."

Ginny's face fell. "Sure, Harry...I'll leave you guys." She got up and walked away.

Harry turned to Ron and grinned. "It's just you and me," he said, scooting closer to Ron. Ron gave a nervous smile.

"Wh-whuddya know..." Ron said, trying to seem calm.

"Ginny, we need to get Ron and Hermione together," Harry said abruptly.

Ron tried not to grin and blush. "I think so too."

"Soon."

Ron paused. "How soon?"

"As soon as possible," said Harry as though this was obvious.

"We can't do that! Not for a while!" Ron sat straight up. If Ginny kissed Hermione...that would be wrong. Especially if Ginny kissed Hermione before Ron could. He would never be able to kiss Hermione without thinking about the fact that his sister's mouth has been in the same place. Wait, he's kissed Harry. His sister's mouth has been in the same place. Not only had he kissed his best friend (ew) but his sister has kissed him too (ew EW). Throw out toothbrush, burn everything Harry touched, use entire bottle of mouthwash, find psychiatrist....

Harry looked confused. "Why not?"

"They're...not ready," Ron said, hoping that made enough sense for Harry.

Unfortunately it didn't. "Of course they're ready!" Harry said incredulously. "They're nutters about each other!"

"Well," Ron began, thinking fast, "er...Ron's not ready, even if Hermione is. I want to see them together as much as the next guy, but Ron just hasn't been himself lately-" ("I've noticed," Harry mumbled) "-and rushing him into this wouldn't be a good idea at the time. Trust me."

"Are you sure this is right?" Harry asked wearily. Ron nodded. "Okay then, Gin, you know best." Harry kissed Ron's forehead and got up. "I'm going to take a shower. See you soon."

Ron watched him go then decided to take a shower himself. When he got to the bathroom he felt something trickle down his leg. He pulled up his skirt. He saw that it was blood. He ran into one of the stalls and pulled down the underpants. They were covered in blood. He screamed like a banshee and quickly pulled them back up, running down the stairs. He ran smack into Harry.

"Ginny what's wrong?" Harry said, eyes wide. "I heard you scream-"

"Harry! I'm dying!" Ron yelled. "Blood...blood! So much blood!"

Harry looked panicked. "What do you mean?"

"I'm bleeding to death!" Ron wailed, clutching Harry's arms. "Tell Hermione Ron loves her!"

"Where?" Harry said in a high-pitched voice. "Where is this blood?"

"Right here!" Ron said without thinking, and he pulled up his skirt to show Harry his underwear.

Harry was staring at the underwear when Ron heard Ginny let out a strangled cry.

"GINNY!" she screamed. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?"

She ran over and pulled down Ron's skirt. "Harry, you shut your eyes!"

Harry kept them wide open in shock, but Ginny didn't notice.

"Ron, I'm dying! I'm bleeding! Where is it coming from? I'm scared!" Ron shrieked.

"You're coming with me," Ginny growled, grabbing Ron's arm and dragging him up into the nearest girl's bathroom. Harry just kept staring. Great one for emergencies.

Ginny flung open a stall door and shoved Ron on the toilet. "Exactly what caused you to flash my knickers to Harry?"

"Your knickers are covered in blood!" Ron said.

"Let me see," Ginny ordered.

Ron pulled up his skirt for the third time in the past five minutes. Ginny looked at it and then began to laugh.

"What's funny about this?" Ron screeched, eyes popping.

"Y-you-you're truly a...woman...now!" Ginny said between gasps, clutching her sides.

Ron looked at her, eyebrows knitted in confusion. "What's that suppose to..." Then, suddenly, a memory of a conversation with his father in the kitchen during the summer after second year came to him. A conversation about certain "facts of life". He figured it out. He had started Ginny's...er...womanly...er...monthly...occasion...thing. He never realized how truly horrible it is. Girls really get the raw end. Poor Ginny. Poor Hermione. And now poor Ron.

Ginny explained how to use, as she puts it, "the sacred stuff" and left Ron to fumble with it. He forgot all about the shower, and decided he needed a hug.