Uh Oh, You're Me

Ron woke up after a very uncomfortable night. He felt like he had been wearing a nappy. A very...thick...nappy. He just didn't get how Ginny could handle this. He got up and changed into some of Ginny's clothes. He had gotten far too good at making his outfits match. To tell you the truth, it was quite disturbing.

He came down the stairs to the common room. He had just started setting up a chessboard so he could play himself when he heard Hermione come down.

"You wanna play?" Ron asked.

"Sure," said Hermione, sitting down across from Ron. She smiled at him and, as he always did, Ron melted a bit inside.

"Hold on," Ron said suddenly. "I just remembered that I have to brush my hair!" He got up and started heading towards the dormitory when he tripped and fell on his stomach. "Oof! Stupid tiny legs!" he yelled. Hermione gave him a look, and then came over to help him. She began sitting him up when she stopped.

"Um, Ginny?" Hermione said. "You've got a code red."

Ron looked at her, clueless. "Code red?"

"Yes!" Hermione replied. "You know what I mean!"

Ron continued to stare up at her, a blank expression on his face.

"Oh for goodness sakes!" Hermione said, obviously frustrated. She leaned in on Ron's ear and said, "You're leaking through."

Ron thought for a second, and then realized what she meant.

"Oh god, I hate this!" Ron screamed.

Just then, Ginny came running down the stairs.

"I want NOTHING to do with you, Lavender!" Ginny was yelling.

Lavender seemed like she was about to cry. "Ronnie...please! It took all the courage I had to admit that I like you. Don't deny that you feel the same way."

Lavender began walking towards Ginny, arms outstretched. Ron could see and feel Hermione getting tense, as though she were radiating anger. Suddenly, Hermione ran up and jumped on Lavender like a lion jumps on a zebra, screaming bloody murder.

"Get away from him you crazy b-!" Hermione yelled, knocking Lavender to the floor.

"What are you doing?" Lavender shrieked with equal anger. "He's MINE!"

Lavender grabbed Hermione's hair and started ripping at it. Hermione started screeching in pain and grabbed Lavender's hair as well, then slapped her. Lavender let go of Hermione's hair and fell to the floor in surprise. She put her hand to her face and saw her fingers had some blood on them. She looked at Hermione's hand and noticed that she had a ring on.

"See this ring?" Hermione said with triumph. "Ron gave me this! Who knew it would be so useful?"

Lavender got up once more and started clawing at Hermione's face, arms, and hair...anything she could reach. But Hermione had had it. She sat up straight and punched Lavender cold. Then she stood, looking dignified, and walked back to where Ron was sitting. Ron's jaw hung open.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ron went for a walk around the castle to clear his head. He was just thinking about how sexy Hermione looked with her cheeks glowing from rage, and her hair all over the place when he felt an unpleasant feeling. Someone had a hand clamped on his arse. Very tightly. He spun around, breaking the person's grip.

There was Malfoy, standing behind him.

"Hey, there Ginny," he said smoothly, raising his eyebrows. "You're looking quite nice today."

"Since when have you been allowed to call me 'Ginny'?" Ron asked, clenching his fists.

"What, just because we broke up I can't call you by your first name?" Malfoy said, tugging at Ron's waist. "Why did we ever break up anyway? Who's crazy idea was it?"

"Oh yes, I went out with you," Ron scoffed. "Like I would be mad enough to do that."

"Don't pretend you don't remember," Malfoy said. "You can't forget a Malfoy's lovin'!"

"'Lovin''?" Ron asked, mortified. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Stop playing dumb," Malfoy said. "You're just trying to act like you don't know what I'm talking about so that you can avoid admitting the truth."

"Oh is that so?" asked Ron, who was beginning to panic from the thought of Ginny and Malfoy together. No...they can't have gone out...no. Of course not. Malfoy was just trying to get into his pants. That was the oddest thought he had ever had. Oh no, I'm changing mentally into a girl as well!

"Come on Ginny, I know you," Malfoy continued, drawing closer.

Ron backed away several steps. "Um, I don't think you have the right Ginny, because she...I mean I...would never date a Malfoy. That's ridiculous, I'm sorry."

"What makes you think I'm fooled by that?" Malfoy said walking Ron into the wall. He took a few strands of flaming hair and tucked them behind her ear. "Listen, there's only one Ginny in this school, and that's you. Trust me, I know all the girls."

Ron snorted. "I'm sure that they don't think you're as much of a ladies man as you seem to."

Draco glared hard at Ron and pinned him against the wall with his body. Ron shuddered and struggled but it was no use; Ginny was just too small. Draco started kissing Ron. He felt Draco's tongue thrashing wildly in his mouth and Ron screamed at the top of his lungs. The blood-curdling sound echoed throughout the halls and Draco stopped.

"What did you do that for?" Malfoy yelled. "I'll bet the whole castle heard you!"

"It's the holiday, you dumb f-" Ron began yelling, but Malfoy put a hand over his mouth. He listened intently for a moment, and then turned back to Ron.

"You are a naughty girl," Malfoy said to Ron when he realized the coast was clear. "Maybe you should be whipped into shape." Draco leaned in for another kiss when Ron straightened up and slapped him as hard as he could.

"I'm with Harry! You're just going to have to deal with that!" he screamed. Draco looked disgusted.

"You're with Potter?" he asked, backing away. "I can't believe I put my mouth in the same place as him!"

"Trust me, neither can I," Ron muttered.

"I'm leaving," Draco said. "Tell Potty to play nice."

Without another word Draco swept off down the corridor. Ron stared after him.

"I feel so used," Ron said to himself. "I miss my life!"

He decided to head back to the common room. The corridors just weren't safe for young girls anymore.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ron stepped into the common room and saw it was empty except for Ginny who was sitting in front of the fire. Without a word, Ron walked over to the couch and sat next to her. They watched the flames for a while before Ginny spoke.

"This sucks."

"Yep."

There was another moment of silence before Ginny spoke again.

"Listen, Ron..." she began, "I thought being you would be great. You're really popular, and you have really great friends who care about you. Plus you get to spend a whole bunch of time with Harry..." at that she trailed off and blushed a bit. "But then things started getting weird. Like...Lavender kept stalking me! And Hermione kept looking at me in a very odd way. Then everyone expects me to be so funny and so great at chess...and I'm neither of those things. I miss my old life!"

"Trust me Ginny," Ron replied, "I feel the same way about being you. Everyone wants me to be all quiet and sweet, and when I make a good joke people look at me strangely. There are so many things about girls that I never wanted to know, and that no guy should ever have to go through for any reason ever! In the past week I've had my best friend and my worst enemy try to snog me! I miss my old life too! How can we fix this?"

"I don't know," Ginny said, "but let's hope something happens soon. I'm only a fourth year; I couldn't handle your classes. Wait..." Ginny looked as though she had suddenly thought of something. "You said you had your worst enemy try to snog you. I knew about Harry, who else tried something?"

"D...D..." Ron gulped and shuddered, "Draco Malfoy cornered me in the hall. It was the single most horrifying moment of my life. He..."

"...Grabbed your bum and then started frenching you?" Ginny asked. "Yes, he does that often. He can't handle the fact that I broke up with him for Harry."

Ron gaped at Ginny for a good while. Ginny...Malfoy...both of them...dating...together...broke up...Ginny...Malfoy....

"I feel ill," Ron said. "You...you...you and Malfoy...you and Malfoy?? You dated Malfoy? What the hell were you thinking! How could you date that creature? After what their family is notorious for!"

"I broke up with him," Ginny said, rolling her eyes. "For someone much better, obviously."

"Oh, and that makes it alright, does it?" Ron asked, voice rising. "So you can go around with little ferrets as long as you break up with them later? Think of what his dad and our dad...their history...and you...you date the rat!" Ron pointed an accusing finger. "What's next? I'll find out you're some sort of scarlet woman!"

"I am no scarlet woman!" Ginny said. "And make up your mind, is he a ferret or a rat?"

"What does it matter what kind of rodent he is?" Ron said, eyes bugging. "The point is that you dated him! I was so much happier when I didn't know all this about you!"

"Oh forget it! You make me so angry!" Ginny spat. "If you cared to spend a moment of your precious time to try and get to know me, maybe you wouldn't have had to find out everything the hard way! Maybe my life wouldn't be such a shock to you! You're my brother and ever since you started Hogwarts you've been acting like we've never met!"

Ron stood in stunned silence for a minute. He didn't really know what to say. He had never really thought about it...

"Ginny...I..." Ron began spluttering, but Ginny cut him off.

"Never mind," she said. "I'm just being silly. Let's go to lunch."

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful, but that didn't mean Ron slept easy that night.