When Voldie Met Barney

Harry skidded along the floor, picking up mud as he fell. His arm shot out, holding his wand threateningly, but it was kicked out of his hand by one of the advancing Death Eaters, sending the stick flying. Before he could dive for it Voldemort flicked his own wand lazily.

"Accio wand."

Harry watched his beloved wand shoot up and land neatly in Lord Voldemort's pale palm.

"Well, Harry," he said. "Looks like this is the end. Rest assured I won't miss you. And know that after I have had the immense pleasure of killing you I will kill all your friends. It is a shame you won't be there to watch Hogwarts fall but what can you do? I will have to do it without you."

"Don't count on it."

What appeared to be a large purple dinosaur with a big grin appeared between Harry and Voldemort.

"Come on Voldemort," coaxed the purple monstrosity. "This isn't very nice. Don't you know killing is naughty? We don't want to be a naughty boy do we? Tommy?"

"Professor Dinosaur!" Harry gasped.

"Who are you?" Voldemort demanded.

"He is Barney the Dinosaur, Master," piped in one of the Death Eaters. "In the previous war I killed a young Muggle family early in the morning. They had this box in the corner and he was in it. He had enslaved several small children to do his will and was forcing them to dance around with them, play foolish games and sings such songs that I was paralysed for weeks afterwards. Be careful, my lord, he is as fiendish as he is purple."

Voldemort looked defiant. "You do not believe I can defeat him? I am the great Lord Voldemort. I rule!"

"Now now," said Barney. "Let's be nice and share."

"Share? Never! I shall defeat you, you... you... maroon... thing."

"Oh come on," said Barney, waving his arms vaguely. "Let's sing a song."

Harry fell to the floor and covered his head with his arms before the dreaded music began.

"I love you, you love me,

We're a happy family,

With a great big hug,

And a kiss from me to you,

Won't you say you love me too?"

Harry peeped out. All the Death Eaters were rolling around on the ground, moaning. Voldemort was the only one standing.

"Ha!" he declared. "You cannot beat me that way!"

"How about a dance?" Barney suggested, jumping around for a short while.

"No chance."

"A game of pretend?"

"Nope."

"We could learn our letters."

"Or not."

"We could learn numbers."

"Already know them."

"Then how about a... group hug!"

Voldemort fell to his knees as the purple monster approached him.

"NOOOOOOOO! Anything but that! Please! Please have mercy! Pl-aaargh gurgle plup."

Harry stayed still for a while; waiting to make sure it was safe. When he finally peeked up the Death Eaters and Professor Dinosaur were gone. All that was left was Voldemort lying very still next to a small sticky pink pile. His brain had literally turned to mush and slipped out his ear.