Sisters; Can't Live With Them, Can't Prank Without Them

Not what I expected

"Really?" said Lucy.

"'Fraid so," said Lione.

"What have you been in?" Gregory asked.

"Ever seen Cecila?" said Frank, smugly.

"No," we chorused.

"I played the brother in Space Witch."

"Sorry."

"What about Hags," he said, sounding as if he was becoming ever more desperate. "You must have seen Hags."

"I did," said Lucy. "But you weren't in it."

"Oh come on! I played the second police officer."

"What was your name?"

"I wasn't important enough to be given a name..."

"Sorry."

He sighed. "Well..." he said reluctantly. "I was in a Cheese's every purpose store advert."

"Oh yeah!" cried the other three. "If you want worms and snails,

We got it,

If you want bricks and nails,

We got it,

If you need anything,

We got iiiiiiit!

You'll never guess what we don't have,

Cheese!"

"That's where I recognised your voice from!"

"Oh I loved that advert!"

"That was so cool."

"Cool!" cried Frank, appalled. "Cool! That advert was humiliating! Me! A serious actor! Reduced to singing on the radio. About Cheese!"

"Actually about everything except cheese-"

"Oh it was shaming! I couldn't hold my head high around proper theatrical societies again!"

"Then why did you do it?"

"Because it paid, okay? I was completely skint and I needed the money badly. Some of us have to eat you know. It won't turn up magically on the plate in front of you for life. Face it. One day you lot will understand."

"So if you're an actor, why did you get a job here?"

"Yeah? And why did you give the great big speech about having gone to teacher training college?"

"Because I did. I trained to be a teacher before I discovered my true calling in the theatre. Then I got down on my luck and was threatened with an eviction so Dumbledore offered me the position of Charms professor. You see I had been very good at Charms when I was at Hogwarts. So I was going to come here and take over easily but then I heard about what happened at the end of last year and it gave me an idea. I could put on an act. An evil act. But you all fell for it, didn't you?" he looked immensely pleased about this. "You thought I was an evil Muggle hater, didn't you? Tell me you did. I worked really hard to find out who all the Muggle-borns were and what they looked like so I could give them all evil glares." He was beginning to sound like a child telling his mother excitedly what he did at school that day. "It was really authentic, wasn't it? I mean completely convincing. I've still got the talent, haven't I? Maybe some director could hear about my work and offer me a job. I could be a villain in a drama. I'd be good at dramatics. Or maybe I could be in a dark comedy. Or a soap! I could be a great soap star. All those girls with my face on a poster in their room. Kissing it before they go to sleep..."

A dreamy look had come across his face. Lucy and Lione were trying desperately not to laugh.

"So..." I said, still having trouble believing what he was saying. "You're not a bad guy?"

"Well..." he said reluctantly. "Technically no. Not really. That doesn't mean I couldn't become one you know!" He leaned over and muttered to me. "Chicks always go crazy for the bad guys." he stood up straight again. "But I'm not really allowed to do anything anymore. What with being a teacher and all but," he put his hand on his chest, "I'm still a prankster at heart."

He shot Lione and Lucy a deep glare as they couldn't hold it in any more and literally fell about laughing.

"So what's with the dogs?" Gregory asked.

"Oh they're just some old buddies of mine," said Frank.

"Wahey!" The dogs called out obligingly.

"Okay," said Gregory. "So you're just... boring."

"Well I wouldn't say I was-"

"Well you're not evil, are you? Barely interesting. But, admittedly, a little weird."

"I'll have you know I-"

"Nothing to see here," said Gregory, climbing in to the tunnel. "Come on guys, lets leave him alone."

We followed Gregory through the tunnel, hearing Professor Dee follow us.

"Hold on!" he called after us.

We ignored him and when we got out the other end we simply left the office coolly and walked in to the corridor where we were set upon by Katrina Summers.

"Jo-" she started. "Jame- Jus- Joh- Melanie's Brother!"

"I have a name you know," I said pointedly.

"Really, Melanie's Brother?" said Gregory. "You do? Why I had no idea. Did you know Lione?"

"I had no idea," said Lione. "Melanie's Brother, are you sure you have a name? Because I've never heard it, Melanie's Brother. What about you Lucy?"

"I thought it was Melanie's Brother," said Lucy. "I really liked it. It's original."

I growled. They grinned.

"You all know my name is Joseph," I said between clenched teeth.

"It doesn't matter!" cried Katrina.

"It does to me," I said. "I don't go around calling you 'Melanie's friend'. You should at least learn my name-"

"Melanie's missing!"

This time I did freeze. "What?"

"She's vanished. I've looked everywhere for her. No one's seen her since this morning. I'm really worried about her. This isn't like her."

I reacted with what I like to call breakneck speed. It certainly resulted in someone's neck getting hurt. Namely that of Professor Dee as I sped in to his office, shoved him against the wall and held my elbow pressed in to his throat.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

"What?" he gasped.

I pressed harder. "Tell me where she is!"

In the corner of my eye I could see Gregory, Lione, Lucy and Katrina had followed me in and were standing there with their mouths hanging open.

"Who?" Frank croaked.

"Melanie!"

He made a few squeaky noises that I couldn't discern. A little voice awoke in the back of my brain and started to panic. I'm actually attacking a grown up! What am I doing? I'm going to get in sooo much trouble here.

Lione echoed it. "He's actually attacking a teacher!"

"You're not a teacher," I said, ignoring everything (including common sense it seemed). "You're an actor. Now tell me where my sister is or I'll squeeze your last breath out of you with my bare fingers."

I don't even know how to do that! What am I saying? I've gone completely mad, haven't I? This is me, gone insane. There's nothing for it, I'll have to buy a straight jacket tomorrow and ask the nice men in white coats to take me away.

So it's true. I am at my funniest under pressure.

"I don't know," he said. "I saw her this morning going towards the forest. That's all."

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" I demanded.

"Joseph," Gregory reasoned. "He's not evil. We just found that out. Let the guy down."

I backed away slowly. Frank rubbed at his neck.

This is it, I thought. This is where he hits me. He's not a teacher, he won't get in trouble for it. Say bye bye nose.

"When did you see her?" I asked.

"Before lunch," he said. "I shot her a well prepared dark glare but she just ignored me. She looked a little preoccupied to tell you the truth."

"So it wasn't you doing all those kidnappings?"

"What? No..."

"Then what are we doing here?!"

I dashed out the door, barely noticing whether the others followed or not. When I did here their footsteps I came to the sudden stop. The others, with perfect comic timing, skidded and bumped in to my back. I turned to Katrina.

"Are you Muggle-born?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied.

"Then you'd better stay here. Let's go."

Away we went and we managed to get halfway down the green before I stopped again.

"Er..." I said, my bravado melting away. "Do any of you know how to get in to the forest?"

"What do you mean?" asked Lucy. "You just walk in there, don't you? Go in-between two trees and voila, you're in a forest."

"Do you really want to go in there without using a proper path?" said Lione. "Do you have any idea what kind of creatures live in there? You've heard the rumours abut werewolves, haven't you?" Lucy nodded. "Well there's worse."

"What kind of worse?" Lucy asked, nervously.

"Monsters of the dark," Lione replied in almost a whisper. The shade of a nearby hedge caught her face in a certain way giving it a terrible look. "Creatures that go bump in the night."

Lucy's bottom lip was quivering.

"And huge snakes that could take your head off just like that!" Gregory cried delightedly, stretching his arms wide to show just how big this figment of his imagination was.

"There aren't any snakes like that in England," said Lione, rolling her eyes and moving back in to the light so she didn't look so frightening.

"But there are magical ones," Gregory protested. "Huge ones! That can levitate your head off your body just like that!"

We stared at him. "Those don't even exist."

"They might..."

"Can people remember my sister is in there right now? Possibly in mortal danger?"

"Probably getting eaten by the snakes..." Gregory mumbled.

"Gregory!" Lione and Lucy snapped.

"Please," I said. "Thank you. Now does anyone know where the path is?"

Lione and Lucy looked at me blankly. Gregory mumbled something.

"What was that?" I asked, feeling like a nursery school teacher as I said it.

"Mumble mumble mumble mum mumble mum..."

"Sorry?"

"Might know where the path is."

"Finally!" cried Lione. "Something useful! It's okay people, he has a point."

"Don't see why warning about the killer snakes isn't useful," Gregory muttered.

"Can you lead the way?" Lucy asked, politely.

"Okay," said Gregory clearly, taking the lead. "But if you see anything slither, try not to step on it."

We got a little further before our next stop. By then we were getting close to the forest and I was just starting to feel the panic. My sister had gone missing. She had gone in to the forest, which was out of bounds for very good reasons. I knew students were occasionally sent in there on a detention but they followed the paths and were always always with Hagrid and/ or his dog Curry. We were going to use the path because we didn't really want to mysteriously vanish only to be found later and even then only our hats thank you very much. But who knows what Melanie had done. She could have wandered in there randomly. Were we going to find her hat? Was she wearing a hat? Why was she going there in the first place? Was she under a spell? Was she being led? Was she meeting someone? Was it really Melanie?

Why was it Melanie instead of Caitlyn? For months I had been expecting to hear word of my sister going missing and I had received it. But... Melanie? The possibility of her going missing hadn't even crossed my mind. I guess I always worried about Caitlyn more because she was so much younger than me rather than just a year like Mel. But I had been having all those dreams... I was completely confused. Caitlyn was safe and Browen wasn't evil. Something was wrong with the world. It wasn't acting like I expected it to. If Lione had been able to read my thoughts at the moment I'm certain she would have said something along the lines of "It never does".

What she actually said was, "Stop."

We stopped obediently. Lione knelt down to examine something in the mud. "A footprint," she said (although I'm completely aware that this is very neat and would be a brilliant plot device if this was a mystery story, I must hasten to point that it is completely true and not inserted for convenience. I would also like to add that since this is Britain and the rain level is, shall we say, high, there is an awful lot of mud around, especially in the middle of a garden where there had been a storm the night before. Therefore the possibility of there being a footprint in the mud increases to a point where it is not just possible but very probable. I would also like to note that this point, though factual, neither makes the story no more interesting nor progresses the action. On that, I will be quiet and continue). "Does Melanie wear shoes from Larkette?"

"Probably..."

"You have no idea what type of shoes your sister wears..."

"No, do you?"

"I don't have a sister."

"So?"

"Eh?"

"What?"

"What?"

We stared at each other for a while.

"Well it looks like size five anyway," Lione dismissed.

"So?" I asked again.

Lione gave me a look. "Your sister wears size five shoes."

"Oh."

I didn't bother to add the 'Really?' aloud but it still seemed to float there. Lione hurried a few more steps, looking at the ground all the way.

"Here's another one," she said. "Come on, she went this way."

Lione pointed towards a slight opening between the thick trees of the forest. It certainly wasn't a path.

"Are you serious?" said Lucy and even I could see her terror.

"I thought we were going for a path," said Gregory. "A sensible route."

Lione snorted. "This coming from you, Mister Let's-go-check-out-that-deadly-corridor-over-there-and-get-everyone-killed."

"I was leading for the sensible path," Gregory explained.

"Ah," said Lione. "Now the world makes sense."

"You can't be serious!" Lucy repeated more severely.

I marched in the direction of Lione's pointing finger. "If Melanie's down there I'm going to find her."

At this point I didn't really care whether they followed or not. They did anyway. I didn't hesitate at the trees but straight through and hesitated on the other side. We lit our wands with the Lumos spell and continued. Here, in the dirt of the forest, there were more footprints. Melanie seemed to be going in a straight line through the forest, only weaving to avoid walking in to a tree. Suddenly, the tracks stopped.

"There aren't any more!" I cried, distraught.

The others looked around.

"It looks scuffed," said Lione. "Like some animal was here."

"You don't think-"

"No," said Lione. "I don't."

"It looks like they were running away from something," said Lucy.

"But... what?"

Gregory wandered a few steps and looked around. "Can anybody else smell someth-aargh!"

The ground beneath Gregory dropped and he flung himself to one side. We rushed forward and stared down at the hole.

"I'm okay," said Gregory, getting to his feet and brushing the leaves off his robe. "I'm fine. All right."

"It's a hole," said Lucy. "Did you see that? It's a hole! What's a hole doing here?"

"I knew I recognised that smell! It's a benba trap."

Lione clasped at Lucy. "There are benbas in here?"

Gregory sniggered. "What? You're not scared of benbas are you?"

"I reserve the right to be scared of benbas. If they weren't dangerous, why would there be traps for them?"

"But benbas are basically large squirrels with scaly beaver tails!"

"And big teeth. And large claws. And they have attacked humans. My Uncle was attacked by them!"

"And did he survive?"

"Yes-"

"Then he probably taunted it. Look! They're only ever dangerous if they get their teeth in to a unicorn, which hardly ever happens. That's why there are traps, because there are unicorns in this forest. We don't want any super benbas around." Lione's eyes were wide with horror, Gregory continued regardless. "That's what I did in my detention with Hagrid, set up benba traps. That was the smell! It attracts benbas but repels other animals. But why are they over here? We dug them over by Hagrid's Hut way. I don't think we came this far over here."

"Maybe they were teleported over here," said Lucy, leaning over the hole and looking in to it."

"You can't teleport a hole."

Lucy dropped a stone down the hole. They didn't hear it hit the bottom. "And you can't have dug this hole." She leaned over. "Hello!"

"Hello?" came the hoarse reply.

Lucy started and wobbled. Gregory and Lione grabbed the back of her robe and pulled her away from the hole. I looked up.

"Hello!" I called.

"Joseph?"

I ran in the direction of her voice, taking a flying leap over the hole. "Melanie! Where are you?"

"Over here!"

"Keep talking! I'm coming."

"I've been hanging on for hours. My fingers are numb. I'm not sure I can hold on anymore."

"Hold on? Hold on to what?"

That was when I saw the other hole. A branch was leaning in to it. Two pale, yet familiar, hands were clutched tightly around it. I skidded on the ground and grabbed them. Melanie looked up at me, hanging. We didn't say anything. I heard the others arrive and a pressure on my legs.

"It's okay," said Lione's voice. "I'm holding onto you so you won't fall in."

"If I get pulled in," I said. "I doubt you could pull both Melanie and me up."

"That's why I'm holding on to her," said Gregory.

"And I'm holding on to Asher." That was Lucy.

"Lucy," I said, slowly. "Who's holding on to you?"

I was answered by a gruff, male voice. "I am."