It's Hard to be Perky when You're a Malfoy

Jane's revenge

"Get out."

"Look, Weasley."

"I said get out."

Two young men stood in an office facing each other. One was tall to the point of gangly with bright red hair and freckles. He was wearing lime green healer's robes. The other wore pale grey robes that matched his eyes and had his hair pasted slickly back. They both looked familiar but wrong somehow.

"Ginny has had our baby," continued the blond man - my father - sounding as if his careful calm was about to snap. "She's right upstairs. I can't believe you won't even visit."

"Well I don't want to see your spawn - I'm sorry if you don't understand that," my uncle Ron retorted.

It was the voices that told me who they were.

"Spawn? Weasley this is your sister and your nephew."

"She stopped being my sister when she married you, so I have no connection with that thing you call a kid."

"Haven't you heard? There's this new thing just been invented. It's called blood."

"Only self righteous Slytherin families like yours, Malfoy, care about blood."

"Oh I see. So your family's perfect because you cast out your only girl, of course."

"She is no longer the little girl who was my sister."

"No, she's a grown up woman who can think for herself and got thrown out of her own family for falling in love."

"She could never be in love with you! You manipulated her, you warped her mind and you polluted her with that thing upstairs. You took her from us, we didn't throw her out."

"You know what, fine. I didn't want to ask you anyway. In fact I would be perfectly happy never to see you again in our whole lives. But Ginny wanted you to come. And I love her. So I came. And if you are just going to prove how much of an idiot you are then I'm not going to bother."

He turned to walk out.

Ron looked as though he was fighting internally with his self then burst out, "What's his name?" just as my father reached the door.

"Colubra," my father said without turning so Ron couldn't see the slight smile.

Ron snorted. "Just like you to name it that. He's a right little Malfoy junior. Glad I won't get to meet him."

My father walked out, slamming the door behind him.

"He must have kicked himself," I said.

Gregory and Joseph looked at me. Gregory looked amused, Joseph looked angry.

"What?" Joseph asked.

"My uncle," I told hem. "When he found out it was my mum who named him, not my father."

Now they both looked worried. I realised that although my first comment might have fitted into the conversation without my realising, my explanation certainly didn't. They hadn't seen what I'd seen.

"Sorry," I said. "Random thought. What were we talking about?"

***

We weren't in the tower when Lione came home but we could guess what happened. We'd piled all her presents and post on her bed and it looked like she'd gone for the cards first. Two or three were sat propped up on her trunk when I walked in. She was sat on her bed holding several sheets of paper in her hand loosely so she could see every one. Her family tree was open on the floor. She was white as a ghost. I sat down next to her.

"I-" she stammered. "She- er- there- there was a letter- and- it- I- they- it-"

I took the papers from her and she sagged visibly. They were cut-outs from a newspaper - arrest reports or articles on various Death Eaters.

'The Daily Prophet has discovered that even before the beginning of the war the Death Eater, Barty Crouch Jr, son of ex-minister for international relations Barty Crouch Snr, infiltrated Hogwarts in the guise of Auror, then teacher, Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody. The Daily Prophet demands to know why this was kept from the public...'

'After three months of tireless search Aurors finally caught up with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange. Once cornered Mrs Lestrange vowed she would not be taken alive but was finally arrested at quarter past eleven in Norwich last night.'

'Narcissa Malfoy'- I dropped the paper in shock. Lione, seeing my horrified look, turned around and buried her face in her duvet. I glanced down at the tapestry on the floor, wondering why it was out. Lione didn't usually habitually browse it. She knew it off by heart anyway (not by choice, she would often point out). I looked at it more often. A name caught my eye - Rookwood. I looked back at the reports. There was a Rookwood there as well, killed in a fight with Aurors. Harpy, there was another one. Apart from Malfoy all the names on the reports were on her family tree. I realised now why she had turned away. She was ashamed. People always accused her of having a Death Eater grandfather which she always denied. Even though there was no report of a Lazaro here her little name on the tree was almost surrounded by the names of Death Eaters. Some that appear briefly then vanish without her being related to the criminal at all, others closer to home whose children or grandchildren joined the few names accompanying hers at the bottom of the line

I looked over at Lee. I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell her that she wasn't the sum of her family. To say that what they were doesn't define who she is. That their being Death Eaters doesn't even mean that her grandfather's one. That it was probably a cruel joke from Jane Jordan. Jane Jordan's revenge... That one of the worst, Bellatrix Lestrange, who to her was just a surname she was related to by marriage, was my own Great Aunt. That half the names here were related to me as well. But I couldn't. I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't say anything. I just sat there silently. So Lione didn't get any reassurance from me. So instead of being comforted, instead of any bonding or anything she jumped up and yelled the first thing I'd ever heard her say in Italian, which was a pity considering what it meant.

She kicked her trunk sending the cards flying, screamed with rage, kicked her bed then spun around on one foot for a while because she had ran out of things to kick.

"I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna." She made a violent gesture with her arms. "That little- how dare she! How dare! I'm gonna- I've-" she looked at her watch. "I've gotta go but... but she'll... Gaargh!" she marched towards the door. "I'll make her pay. Make her pay. Make," she stopped, walked back, picked up her wand and marched towards the door again. "She'll see. I'll-" She stopped at the door and waved her wand threateningly. "Bad things... very bad things..." Sparks shot out of the wand and I reeled over backwards to hide behind the bed. "Very bad," Lione muttered, finally going out the door.

I poked my head over the top of the bed to check that she was gone. "Happy Birthday...?"

***

Lione showed up at dinner calmer and accompanied by McGonagall for some reason. I guessed McGonagall had caught her trying to break into the Slytherin common room or attempting to single-handedly destroy the school using only her foot. As Lione sat down next to us I realised she was still muttering very quietly under her breath.

"Calm down, anything I can do, backwards, not good enough, ha! Couldn't even, stupid Jane - I'll show her. I'll grr..."

"So not wholly sane yet then?" said Gregory.

"Subtle," said Joseph.

"Hey," protested Gregory. "I spent ages rigging up that thing and now it's all gone to waste."

"I take it I have to stand back when opening my presents," said Lione.

"No," said Gregory, moodily. "It'll have worn off by now."

"Mine won't," Joseph put in casually, gulping a mouthful of potatoes. Lione looked at him, impressed. "Oh," he added. "But standing back will only make it worse."

"I'll look forward to that."

"It's not going to mess up our dormitory again?" I asked. "It took ages after my birthday."

"Well..." he said, thinking. "Let's just say it won't be as bad as Gregory's birthday surprise."

"Aw yeah," we chorused, all smiling dreamily.

"So," said Gregory as if talking about the weather, "Revenge?"

"Oh yes."

"Or study," Joseph suggested. Gregory, Lione and I gasped simultaneously. Joseph smiled. "Well the exams are coming up. And then the task after that." We all stared, Joseph shrugged. "I just don't want any revenge on Jane's part possibly causing us all to fail-" we all groaned "-just before our OWL year."

"I hate OWLs," I grumbled. "It's too much work and it's so hard and when are we ever going to use any of the stuff we're even tested on or if we are then we're hardly going to have to do it in test conditions with someone breathing down our neck and where's the stink bomb creation test? I mean-"

"After OWLs," Lione interrupted. "Fine... We'll let her sit and rot for a while instead. Now if someone can calm down Lucy."

"I'm calm."

"You're ranting like Gregory."

I widened my eyes. "Oh no! What's happening to me?"

"Ha ha," put in Gregory dryly. "Wait... ooh!" he added suddenly. "No. Yes! I- no... Ye- no. Yes! Yes I've had an idea!"

"Did it hurt?"

"Yes! I mean- what?"

"What's your idea?" Joseph prompted.

"We," said Gregory, building up the drama. "Don't do anything to Jane."

"Wow," said Lione. "What an idea we all just had just now before that you were clearly not paying attention to."

"No, no, no," said Gregory, looking excited. "We don't do anything."

He grinned at us. We exchanged concerned looks.

"Except!" he raised a finger dramatically, we waited impatiently. "Talk," he finished, smiling proudly.

We waited again. Gregory just smiled at us. We looked around at each other.

"He's cracked," said Lee

"Now you notice," said Joseph.

I laughed.

"It'll scare the hobnobs out of her!"

Lione mouthed 'hobnobs' at Joseph and I.

"Oh for crying out loud!" cried Gregory, "Isn't anybody going to ask me what we're going to talk about?"

"Cheese?" suggested Joseph.

"Cheese?" checked Lione.

"It was the first thing that came to mind." Joseph shrugged. "I just wanted to get in first for once."

"We talk about costumes!" Asher cut in, waving his arms expressively. "And fake blood, and oh how wonderful it'll be! And that even freaked me out and where we can get live rats."

"But we're not doing anything-"

"Exactly!"

There was a pause.

"That's the sign of a warped mind," said Kettle.

"I like it," I put in.

"Of course you do," said Starsy. "It's an incredibly likeable plan. Very little input, a whole lot of knee shaking output. And... hobnobs apparently."

"Aren't they a type of biscuit?"

"I thought so..."

We giggled and laughed and occasionally studied our way through to the exams. We bragged and sniggered and whispered about every single random thing that came off the top of our heads. Traffic cones, tree blossom, tissue paper, Gregory even mentioned frog legs at one point which we all went along with when we saw the terrified look on Jane's face. We also made a mental note to actually include frog legs when we got her in the future - there seemed to be an ample supply of them at feasts lately. Which reminds me; I simply cannot describe the look on Gregory's face when we had them at Easter. It wasn't that he was disgusted but that he was afraid to be disgusted by them. Well seeing that Joseph and I just had to dig in immediately, just to get him to try them. They're not bad - taste like turkey, which is odd since everything's supposed to taste like chicken isn't it? But I'm getting off topic here aren't I? Anyhoo one day at the end of the exams Phillip came up to us at Lunch.

"Hey guys I-" He stopped and lowered his voice. "I'm sorry I don't know which one is Anya."

"She's not here," I whispered.

"Oh right." He spoke normally. "I've got a squirrel for you."

"About time," muttered Gregory.

"Well I'm sorry but getting a magical squirrel isn't as simple as plucking one out of a tree you know," Phillip snapped. "There are lots of people who would like one and I did everything I could to get the perfect one this soon and- I'm sorry I'm being snarpy."

"I've never seen you like this before," I noted.

"I'm sorry." He visibly sagged. "It's because my sister is here. She always gets on my nerves and it's really annoying because she's only eight and how can an eight year old tug at your strings so much and-"

"I can see why he and Lucy get along so well," said Lione.

Phillip smiled.

"Have you considered whoopee cushions?" I asked.

"Whoopee cushions?"

"Or flashing hair? That's one of Lee's specialities."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah," put in Gregory. "Sibling rivalry we can definitely help you with."

Phillip grinned. "Cool. Anyway there's a problem. The squirrel will arrive at Hogsmeade post office tonight at seven."

"That's an odd time to arrive."

"Well it is coming here from across the channel. The main point is that it's arriving-"

"Right in the middle of the third task," Lione finished. "So we have to pick him up."

"Yeah."

My mouth fell open "We have to miss the task?"

"Well you could come," he suggested. "And watch."

I glanced at Lione, who was grinning, and at that moment I realised I would never live it down if I didn't go with them. "No," I said carefully. "I think I'd better go and get the squirrel."

"Okay," he said.

I found myself automatically listening carefully to hear if it sounded nonchalant or hurt. I couldn't tell either way.

"I'll see you later then. Wish me luck. Even if you lot do want Robin to win."

"Good luck," we chorused.

He walked away.

"Break a leg!" Gregory called after him.

"Don't win!" Joseph added.

"Make Hogwarts proud!" Lione finished.

They turned back to me. "You could have gone," Gregory said. "We wouldn't have minded."

"Yes I could have gone," I said. "If I wanted to be mocked until my insides turned green I could have gone."

Lione and Joseph were staring into space with disgusted looks on their faces.

"That is an interesting image," said Joseph.

Lione lifted a finger. "I was just about to say that. With the... intestines..."

They both shuddered and tried to look normal again. Considering whom they were, that was pretty much impossible. I stood up.

"Shall we go?"

"Where?" Lee asked.

"Let's just... aargh!"

I stormed off. Lione, Joseph and Gregory jumped to their feet and followed me.

"This isn't healthy, Lucy," Joseph said, "Getting yourself agitated like this. You need to calm down."

"Take a chill pill," Lee put in.

"What's a chill pill?" Gregory asked.

"It's this special Muggle medication that freezes your insides so you have to sit in front of a fire for four hours until you defrost, and then, once you're warmed up again, you feel really relaxed and calm. It's genius really."

"Cool- wait. You're lying aren't you?"

"Every moment."

"Walked into that like a hammer, didn't I?"

"Since when did hammers walk?"

"This conversation is degrading into our usual bouts of insanity."

"What?"

"It's going all weird."

"Ah. Why didn't you just say that then?"

"Because I was attempting to sound intelligent."

"Big mistake."

"I know, I don't know why I bo- aargh!"

At which point Joseph was flattened by a speeding blur.