It's Hard to be Perky when You're a Malfoy

Diagon Alley

When we arrived at Diagon Alley with Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione and my weird cousin Simon, Gregory was disappointed to find Laura alone at the Leaky Cauldron. Disappointed wasn't the right word. Heart broken was more like it. He was confused as well, since quite a few people had come up to him and shook his hand for no reason. Laura explained that her dad had had to run off so we all went shopping, dragging a close-to-tears Gregory behind us. I tell a lie; Gregory wasn't really close to tears. He simply made a few comments about how he didn't really care about meeting Harry Potter and asked Laura why she had just sniggered and shook his hand.

First stop was Madam Malkin's robes. Simon needed his uniform and Gregory needed a new one, having successfully grown out of his old one. Not to mention the fact that all of us needed dress robes. I asked Laura why as we were measured up but she was as mysterious as always. I asked Hermione but she wouldn't tell me. Ron looked like he was dying to tell me but Hermione dragged him off before he could get the chance. Next we did a tour of the potion and cauldron shops while we topped up our supplies. Finally Hermione and Ron took Simon off to Ollivanders to get his wand while we went to Flourish and Blotts to get all our books. I was shocked to see Laura pick a Euphonology book off the shelf.

"You're doing Euphonology?" I asked.

"No," said Laura. "They were out of the book when Sammy came in so he asked me to pick it up. Bit heavy, isn't it?"

"It comes with a whole ton of sheet music," I told her. "So Samuel's taking it?"

"Yep. So are Robert and Anya. You won't be on your own."

"That's a relief," I admitted.

"But I don't think anyone else is taking Muggle studies."

"Oh."

"I hear it's always a small group. You'll probably be combined with all the other houses."

"Hopefully there won't be too many Slytherins."

"I hear that only two Slytherins have taken it in the last three years."

"Knowing my luck," I said. "They'll probably all be in my class."

She smiled and looked around in time to see Gregory try and sneak his Arithmancy book off the shelf.

"You're really doing it then?" she said.

"Yes," said Gregory.

"You're going to die come OWL time."

"You don't know that," he snapped. "You don't know me."

He stormed off to the counter to pay for the books.

Ron appeared at the door. "Ready yet?" he asked.

Laura and I smiled and lined up to pay for our books. Gregory, having already paid, came up to him stuffing his books into a paper bag.

"How many new subjects are you taking?" I heard Ron ask him jokily.

"Three," Gregory replied stubbornly.

"You're going to die come OWL time," Ron told him.

***

We arrived back at the burrow just as panic was setting loose. Everyone was rushing around grabbing towels, clothes and all sorts of things. My Grandad, an odd old man with a permanent vague expression on his face, was wondering around with a lamp in his hands for some reason. In the living room George and Tara were sitting on the sofa. George was holding his wife's hand and saying "Breath," repeatedly.

"I am breathing," Tara protested "That's how I'm staying alive."

Ron dropped his packages. "Good Merlin."

"Is she having the babies?" Hermione asked.

In response Tara screwed up her face and said. "Here comes another one."

Hermione tapped Ron's arm. "Go help her then."

"I'm not that type of healer."

"Every healer knows about babies."

"Not me!"

"Oh for crying out loud!" Hermione ran forwards and took Tara's other hand. "It's all right," she told her. "Just breathe."

"The next person who tells me to breath is going to get my fist into their nose!" Tara yelled.

"Hormones," said Ron, knowingly. "I'll er... I'll go see what everyone else is doing."

He left and Simon wandered out after him. Gregory and I were just left standing there, staring helplessly.

"A car's coming," George told his sister-in-law. "Mum's just packing everything."

"I need to call my mum," Tara told him.

"Already done," George assured her. "She'll probably be at Mungos before us."

Grandad wandered in, looked at Tara curiously then realisation seemed to strike. He offered her the lamp. Hermione, Tara and George stared at him.

"Why does she need a lamp, dad?" George asked.

"I just thought she might want to read in bed," said Grandad.

Hermione took it and smiled assuringly. Grandad wandered out again.

"Potty," said George. "Completely potty."

My Grandma stuck her head in the door. "Car's here."

"Finally," said George, helping Tara up.

"Are we coming?" Gregory asked.

"Of course," said Tara. "But it'll be a wait. These things don't just pop out, you know. Unfortunately."

***

Now I could go into a long description of our wait. The conversations we had with the other children waiting (all of them younger than Gregory and I). The Anguish, the suspense and all sorts of other, actually, boring things we felt or did. Instead I think I should tell you what exactly is going on. Something I really should have put much earlier. This is the first time I've done something like this so you'll have to bare with me.

My name is Lucy Malfoy and the family around me are the Weasleys. Among them is Gregory, one of my best friends. You see before I was born my Mum, Ginny, married someone her family didn't approve of. So much so that they cut her out of the family, and substantially, my brother and myself as well. It got so bad that when I went to Hogwarts Gregory was just horrible to me; pulling all sorts of pranks on me and making out that I was worth less than him just because of my dad. Luckily my other best friends Lione Davies and Joseph Bower put an end to that and we're all a tight-knit group now - even if Gregory's family was slightly appalled at his being friends with me. And even though Gregory still refused to accept that my brother Colubra (a Slytherin) was also his cousin. But the year before the day I met my two new baby cousins for the first time it all changed. Mysteriously my parents vanished. I would have had nowhere to go if my Weasley family hadn't taken me in. Although I did get the feeling from some people that I really wasn't wanted there. And to tell the truth I did tend to stick out like a sore thumb. Almost all of the family had bright red hair compared to my rather dull brown hair. Although I do always contest that there is a hint of red...

"Gregory, Simon, Lucy," It was my grandma. "You can come in now. Someone wants to see you."

I was a little nervous as we entered, slowly and quietly. There was Tara sitting in her bed surrounded by the whole family holding two little babies in her arms. Simon and Gregory edged closer, both looking terrified. I hung back feeling out of place. Tara wasn't having any of it. She smiled at me.

"Do you want to hold one?" she asked.

I nodded. Grandma lifted one out of Tara's arms and put them into mine. It felt odd, and so light. The baby moved gently in my arms then rested still. I could feel a tiny heartbeat.

"We still need names," said Tara.

George looked down at his child in his arms. "She doesn't look like a Georgia," he commented.

I glanced up from my tiny cousin's sweet face. "Are they both girls?" I asked.

Tara laughed gently. "Yes." She turned to her husband. "I told you so."

"How about April," George suggested.

"Why?" Gregory asked. "It's August."

"Exactly," said George, rocking the newly named little girl. "No one would be expecting it."

"April then," said Tara. "And how about-"

"Holly," I interrupted quietly. "She looks like a Holly."

"April and Holly," mused Tara. "I like it."

***

The rest of the holidays went sleeplessly. Babies are loud, especially two of them. One crying would set off the other and you would have to find out which one actually wanted something. I was always willing to help out and Tara declared me an 'angel'. I was really good with them and they quickly became my two favourite cousins (Gregory doesn't come close). Gregory however was scared of them. This is heightened by the fact that when they got out of hospital for the first time and Gregory held Holly she threw up right in his face. He sulked for days, screwing his face up in disgust every time he saw the babies and glaring constantly at the two new 'Holly' and 'April' hands on the clock in the kitchen. That clock fascinated me. Gregory had a watch that worked on the same principle except it only had four hands. This one was HUGE! Well it had be to contain the dozens of hands that could be used to monitor any member of the Weasley family, whether they be at school, home, visiting, work or in mortal peril. I was on there. A hand bearing my name had mysteriously appeared early in my stay. There was an unsettling sight in the form of one particular half hand that looked like it had been broken off. I easily guessed who had been there.

By the time the first of September rolled around I was actually not looking forward to gong back to Hogwarts and be deprived of the babies. That day was mayhem. Not only was Gregory running around packing his bag (an hour before we had to leave - a new record I'd guess) but Tara and George were getting ready to go as well - their piping had finally been fixed. Luckily I was fully packed so I babysat the twins while everyone else ran around like headless chickens. Grandad kept coming in the kitchen and insisting that I should take a plug with me. I turned him down as gently as possible, then, when he managed to slip it to Holly's hands, swiftly confiscated it before it ended up in her mouth. Gregory's dad turned up to take us to King's cross just as Gregory, finally finished, collapsed in the kitchen.

"Ready to go?" he asked chirpily.

His son glared at him. I giggled.

"Yes," I said.

"Good." my Uncle picked something off the floor and handed it to me. "Is this your Arithmancy book, Lucy?" he asked.

"No," I told him. "It's Gregory's."

Gregory's dad frowned. "I thought you were taking care of magical creatures and Divination."

"And Arithmancy."

"You're going to die come OWL time."

When we arrived at the train station Lione was outside with her parents and their dog, Benny. I almost gawped when I saw her. Gregory did. She had changed so much! She had let her hair grow and somehow managed to put a wave in it. Her ears were pierced and she just looked so... grown up. She looked up at us as we approached.

"Hey guys," she said. "I just thought I'd get in some last minute training before I left." she indicated the dog. "Mum and dad are entering him in an agility contest and I've been getting him ready."

"What can he do?" Gregory asked, dumbly.

Lione turned back to Benny. "Sit!" she commanded.

Benny wagged his tail.

"Sit!"

Benny barked happily.

"Sit!"

Benny jumped up at her. Lione sighed.

Gregory laughed. "And you're entering him in a contest?!" He laughed even harder.

"Oh well," said Lione. "Shall we go in?" she picked up her case. "Bye Mum, bye Dad. Back-flip, Benny."

Gregory's mouth fell open as Benny did exactly that. I laughed.

"Bye Mr and Mrs Davies," I said, following Lione in.

Joseph was just inside, sitting on a bench underneath a board depicting arrival and departure times doing the number puzzle in the back of the metro. That is to say the board was depicting the arrival and departure times and Joseph was doing the number puzzle. Not anything else...

"Hey," he said looking up. "Where's Gregory?"

Gregory walked in looking dumbfounded. "Did you see that?" he said, dumbly.

"No," said Joseph, swiftly. "Hurry up or we'll miss the train. My Dad and Melanie are already on the platform."

We made our way through the crowds to the signs depicting platforms nine and ten and to the barrier dividing them. Taking it in turn we ran through with our bags and climbed upon the waiting train and just in time. Moments after we sat down the train started to move. We leaned out the windows to wave our goodbyes to the adults standing there until they were out of sight. When we sat down again Lione pulled out a pack of cards and started dealing them out. Joseph and Gregory said no so Lee and I played slam instead. Wizarding Slam is very interesting. The aim of Slam is to get the smallest pile of cards by slapping down on it before your opponent does and shouting Slam. When played with wizarding cards, this is usually followed by an explosion. So really it's a test between how much you want to win and how much you like your eyebrows. Joseph pulled out his metro again and started reading the interesting stories aloud.

"Gilderoy Lockhart is in the news again," he told us.

"Oh not again," Gregory groaned.

"He wandered in to the set of Pop Idol 12 and they persuaded him to sing a song."

"Oh no!"

"And he won."

"How on earth did he manage that?" Lione asked. "I heard him sing once, and he can't."

"When did you hear him sing?" I asked.

"My Grandma and I were at Wimbledon, when he got up and started entertaining the crowd."

"Ouch..." Joseph winced.

"It wasn't even raining..."

"He's bonkers, he is," Gregory declared.

"We weren't even at a tennis match..."

"What was he singing?" I asked, horrified but curious.

"'I'm so pretty', I think."

"You think?"

"It was kind of hard to tell."

"Well they do say Simon Cowell is going a bit deaf recently."

"And that explains Will Young, how?"

The door slid open and Simon (Simon Weasley, not Simon Cowell. But that would be so cool wouldn't it!) popped his head in. He looked at me, Gregory, Lione, Joseph, the ceiling, the window, me again, the floor, Joseph, Lione, Gregory, Lione, Me, the ceiling, the wall, and finally Joseph before leaving again. We sat in a stunned silence. Gregory broke it by groaning and burying his face in his hands.

"What..." was all Lione could manage, pointing vaguely after him.

"Our cousin," I told her. "Simon. Have you noticed his gaze rests on you for exactly two seconds?" Joseph and Lione nodded dumbly. "How does he manage that? Even his dad says he's a bit odd."

"Odd!" cried Gregory "He's evil."

"He's not evil," I contradicted.

"He's certainly not good."

Joseph and Lee relaxed. If Gregory was saying something utterly stupid the world had to be back to normal.

"People don't divide clearly into good and evil categories," said Lione.

"Yes they do," Gregory protested.

"What about babies?" Lione asked. "If they haven't done anything how can you put them, with certainty, into a category?"

"Babies are definitely evil," Gregory affirmed.

Joseph and Lione stared again.

"This is going to be the worst year ever," said Gregory, burying his face again.

"That's exactly what Joseph said last year," Lione reminded him.

"Well not those exact words," said Joseph. "But the sentiment was there."

Joseph has this amazing memory so if he says he didn't use those words then he definitely didn't. He may have missed just one of them out, he's that good.

"How many more times are we going to go through this?" I asked.

"All our other cousins don't live in the country," said Gregory, putting his arms up as if to say 'So it's out of my hands'.

"Starsy," I said, turning to Joseph.

Starsy is Joseph's nickname. We all have nicknames. I'm Air jet, because I talk a lot. Joseph is Starsy because he's obsessed with astronomy. Lione is Kettle because she moves like a snake and snakes hiss and so do snakes... It was either that or Snakey... Gregory is Asher because he has flame red hair and fiery blue eyes. Fire equals ash equals Asher (there's great sophistication in these names).

"Well there's Caitlyn of course," said Joseph. "But as for cousins I've only got one, Jack, and let's just say he's unlikely to be coming to Hogwarts. Besides he's a couple of years older than me and living in Bulgaria."

"I only have one uncle," said Lee. "And he has yet to provide me with a single cousin. So I get to sit here and laugh while the rest of you suffer relative related pains."

"Meanie," said Gregory, glaring.

"True," replied Lione, smiling.

Gregory grunted and rummaged around in his bag for a while. Lione and I went back to our game and Joseph went back to his newspaper. Everything stopped again when Gregory produced his Arithmancy book and started reading it.

"You're not going through with it, are you?" said Joseph, glancing up.

Lione looked back up from the cards. "Arithmancy," she said. "Oh Gregory!"

"You're mad," Joseph added.

"Look," Gregory demanded loudly. "What is the problem with me taking Arithmancy?"

"You're going to die come OWL time," they chorused.

Gregory threw the book across the cabin. "Maybe I shouldn't take it then," he said. "Everyone keeps knocking me about it. Besides, I'll probably be busy, since I'm going to try out for the Quidditch team again."

"They're not having a cup this year," said Lione, absentmindedly while she rearranged her deck.

"What?!"