Big Beard is watching me

"The first person to be voted out of the big brother house will be..."

There was silence throughout the house. The housemates were so tense you could have played Greensleeves on them.

"...Padma."

Ginny sprung to her feet.

"No! Unfair! It has to be a bad vote! I demand a recount."

"Padma," Rita Skeeter's prim voice echoed through the building again. "You have one hour to pack up and leave the Big Brother house."

"Nooooooooooooooooo!!!" screamed Ginny dramatically.

"Sit down, Ginny," said Padma, "And shut up. Although I appreciate your heartfelt sympathies. It's all right. I'll go."

She got up and went to walk into her bedroom. Then she paused, and spun around.

"You know what? No. I may have to go but I'm not going to go quietly. 'Cos you know why I'm going? Because I'm not a Gryffindor, that's why. Everyone just loves the Gryffindors - and what about Ravenclaw? No. We're just forgotten. A stupid house to fill up the gap in the founders. But we're not stupid, Miss smarty-pants Granger," Padma rounded on Hermione, "But you are. You think you're so smart with your top marks in every class but if you're so smart, why aren't you a Ravenclaw? Eh? Smart arse. That's all we are. Smart, fair and impartial

"And you Slytherins are just as bad. You love yourselves more than anything. And you're so proud of your high Slytherin Death Eater count. You think you're all slick and evil but you're all talk and no bite. You couldn't do anything because you're all scared. You run around in masks and waving wands. Ever heard of a gun?

"And you, Cho Chang. The only reason I'm out instead of you is because the viewers want sex. And if you leave the probability of anyone doing it drops three hundred and fifty points.

"Fred and George, you're not twins. Parvati and I have watched you and you know what? You sicken us. You make us want to vomit just through your existence. This primary school cutesy stuff is why neither of you have a girlfriend.

"And Blaise. The only reason you're still in is because people are curious about your gender. Take your pick, freak. Or at least sleep with Ron or something. It's the only way he'll ever get any action.

"Harry Potter. You're the worst of all. You think you're so great, don't you? Saviour of the world. Captain scarlet and Mighty Mouse all rolled in to one. Well guess what - you're not. You're a sad pathetic loser with delusions of grandeur. You're not powerful, you're not smart, you're not 'The key to defeating the dark lord'. You were just an ugly baby in the wrong place at the wrong time. You'll never save the day and, trust me; you'll never get the girl.

"Have I missed anyone out?"

There was silence as everyone stared at her. Ginny reddened; praying silently that no one would draw attention to her. Draco put his hand in the air. Padma seemed to try to saw it off with the power of her glare.

"Yes," she spoke through gritted teeth.

"Was that Slytherin comment specifically aimed at me? Because you did Blaise but not me."

"Fine, it was aimed at you. Anyone else?"

The housemates found themselves involuntarily shaking their heads.

"Good."

She turned on her heel and walked out. Only then did the others dare turn to look at each other and breath.

"Stress," Fred breathed.

Blaise merely called Padma something nasty enough for Draco to say,

"Now hold on."

"Well she did insult he- hi- Blaise." Cho put in.

"She insulted everyone," said Draco.

"She took getting thrown out really hard," said Ron, immensely relieved she had left.

"Maybe she should have had one of George's bananas," Cho suggested.

"You didn't have any and you stayed in," Blaise snapped.

Cho blushed. "I may have had one or two..."

"For Cho has-"

Fred clamped his hand over his twin's mouth. "I think I speak for everybody here when I say - Finish that sentence and we will kill you."

"With a hammer," Harry put in.

"And a blunt axe," Hermione added.

George shook off his brother's hand. "How blunt?"

"I don't know," said Hermione, "Want to test it?"

***

The next day, the Saturday after Padma made her big walk out of the house, it rained. Hermione, Ron and Harry sat by the window acknowledging it with misery. Then a lone cheerful voice filled the house.

"Oh the weather outside is frightful," Ginny grabbed the doorframe and swung herself out of her bedroom. "But the fire is so delightful.

So when there's no place to go,

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"

The trio turned and glared at Ginny for her cheerfulness. Ginny merely smiled at them and danced out in to the sitting room.

"I don't care what the weather man says,

if the weather man says it's raining,

You'll never hear me complaining,

I'm certain the sun will shine!"

"Ginny," Ron appealed to his sister. "You were miserable yesterday. Why are you so happy today?"

"Summer time," Ginny sang by way of explanation. "And the living is easy.

Fish are jumping,

Come on Ron. We're in the Big Brother house! Be happy.

And the cotton is high!"

"Someone got out on the right side of the bed today," moaned Draco, rubbing his eye as he came out of the boy's bedroom.

"Someone," said Cho, darkly, emerging from the girl's bedroom. "Didn't go to bed at all."

"Count yourself lucky," said George as the twins followed Draco out.

"What do you mean?" Draco asked.

"You talk in your sleep."

"I do not!"

"You do," agreed Fred.

George hung his head back and let his tongue loll out. "Kill all humans," he groaned, "Kill all humans."

Draco's cheek twitched in a snarl.

"Where's Blaise?" Ginny asked, changing the subject.

"Getting the task," Blaise replied, coming up behind her. "And you're really going to love this one, Ginger."

Harry closed his eyes in foreboding. "Oh no," he moaned, "It involves singing, doesn't it?"

Blaise stared at Harry. "Yeah."

Ginny punched the air. "Yes!" she cried, "Let's go fly a kite,

Up to the highest height,

Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring!

Up where the air is clear,

Up to the atmosphere,

Let's all go

Fly a kite!"

"We have to watch the film 'The Lion King'," Blaise glanced up from reading the card. "If you groan at that then you're going to love this bit. Then we have to put on a musical production of it using the songs from the movie with a full cast including Narrator, Simba, Nala, Scar, Timone, Pumba, Zazu and two hyenas."

The others gaped at Blaise.

"You're joking."

Blaise handed the card to Hermione for proof. As she read it and reread it the pain on her face increased.

"Oh no," she muttered, passing it to Ron.

The card had to be passed round the entire group before anyone would completely believe it.

"Great," said Ron, "A Disney film. We're going to have to dress up like Rabbits and sing."

Ginny stared at him. "It's called The Lion King and you think we're all going to be rabbits."

"Let's just put this film on and get it over and done with," said Cho, "We can argue about animals later."

***

[MUCH DISNEY LATER]

***

As the last chords of the Elton John song rang out over the credits the TV screen was turned off. It took another full minute for all the housemates to get their jaws back to normal after hanging wide open for the last hour. Still then there was a lot of disbelieving blinking. Even Hermione had abandoned her note taking after the bizarre Toucan bird had been squashed by a hippo after all the animals formed a pyramid to celebrate the lion wanting to be king. Fred was the first to speak - sort of.

"Urgle," he suggested.

"Um..." George added to the argument.

"Ditter," Ginny struggled out.

"Zesur," Harry put in, determined not to be left out.

Ron uttered the first sensical words.

"What the...?"

"How did the monkey know?" Cho whined desperately, "Gotta be an old monkey. How'd it have the stick and read the stars and... and..."

She had to be led away by a kind person, namely Fred.

Draco shook his head slightly, coming to his sentences.

"You know," he mused, "No matter how many times I see that movie I still can't believe Scar didn't win."

"Oh I can," said Blaise, "He was stupid. He should have organised work camps or something."

"Make sure the gazelle didn't leave," Draco added.

"Killed Simba good and outright."

"Hired better hyenas."

"Killed Nala."

"And how come he had all those lionesses and didn't sleep with one of them?"

"Oh that was in the sequel. He already had a mate and a whole ton of kids."

"Oh yeah."

"I liked the guilt trip though."

"Very effective."

"When you two have finished discussing how to take over the world-" Hermione started.

"You've seen the sequel!" Ron burst out, "How could you stand it."

"Oh Disney is standard viewing for us," Blaise told them.

"Death Eater torture technique?" Harry asked.

"No," said Draco, "Investment. Walt Disney was a wizard. A dark wizard and all. My family helped write half the early songs."

"Oh my gosh," cried Ginny, throwing herself at Draco's side. "Beauty and the beast? Everybody wants to be a cat? Somewhere I belong? Where the people are? A whole new world?"

"I can show you the world, " Draco sang. "Shining shimmering splendid,

Tell me princess now when did you last let your heart decide?"

Ginny smiled and sighed happily. Ron glared daggers at the pair.

"Anyway," Hermione coughed.

"So you're saying you know all the words," said Cho.

"Well, yeah."

"Great," said Cho, tossing Hermione's notepad at him. "Write them down."

***

"I want to be Pumba," said George, "And oh the shame!

Thought of changing my name!"

"I'll be Timone," said Fred.

He opened his mouth to say something else but was hindered by the fact that Ginny had her hand over it.

"Please don't sing," she said, "Yet."

"Well I want to be Scar," said Draco, "He's such a cool bloke."

"Lion," Cho corrected.

"Shouldn't Harry be Scar?" said Ron, "After all, he has the scar."

"But he's a good guy," said Draco, "He should be Simba."

"Oh that's not good," said Ginny, "I wanted to be Nala. I love her interlude in Can you feel the Love tonight."

"What about you Blaise?" said Ron deliberately. "What character do you want to be? Zazu? Or would that have a gender problem?"

"What character sings the least?" Blaise asked.

"One of the Hyenas I think."

"I'll be Hyena number two then."

Ron flopped back in his chair. "I'll be Zazu then," he said sulkily.

"Hermione?"

"Well I think," said Hermione, brushing up. "That my talents are best suited as the narrator."

"Er..." Harry said, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," said Ginny, looking concerned. "I mean - two songs."

"So?" asked Hermione, offended. "Harry gets two songs and you lot don't complain."

"But Harry can sing," said Ron, "And you... um... can't."

Hermione laughed. "Oh don't be silly, Ron. You've never heard me sing."

"Actually," said George, "He has. We all have."

"Remember when you stayed round our house when we went to the Quidditch world cup," said Ron, "And you took that shower..."

"Yeah," said Hermione, "So- oh my gosh," she glanced round at the Weasleys and at Harry who were all looking away, embarrassed. "You heard that?"

They nodded. Blaise and Draco sniggered. Even Cho had the decency to look apologetic.

"I'll tell you what," said Cho, "I'll be the Narrator. That way you get to be a hyena, have a speaking bit and sing with Blaise in Be Prepared."

Hermione looked crestfallen but muttered, "Okay."

"Right," said Cho, picking up the notepad. "Let's start practising."

***

"Guess what," cried Fred, running in to the main room with George as Ginny and Harry were practising their duet.

"What?" Ginny asked.

George emptied out the bag he was holding on to the table.

"Costumes!"

Ginny reached over to pick up a pair of golden brown leggings with a tail attached. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at them in disbelief. Harry tried his mane on for size. George plucked his pair of ears from the pile.

"Hah!" Cho laughed, "I'm the narrator! I don't have to wear one."

"Actually..." said Fred handing her a baboon costume along with a long stick.

Cho stared at it. "No way! I have to be the Monkey!"

"What do you think?"

Draco had appeared from Blaise's bedroom accompanied by Hermione and Blaise. He now had a rather realistic looking scar over his left eye. The others stared at him.

"Hermione," George breathed, "I know he's annoying but did you really have to physically injure him?"

"If so," said Fred, "You could have at least called us in to watch."

"It's makeup Dumbo," said Draco, "Blaise helped me put it on. Realistic, no?"

"Blaise!" Ron leapt out from a cupboard and pointed at Blaise accusingly. "You helped him put on makeup! You're a girl!"

"Ron," said George, kindly. "It's a scar. Fred and I have worn fake scars before. Remember that time I told you Fred had fallen off the swing in the back garden and when he ran in with part of his brain showing it nearly gave you a heart attack?"

Fred stared at his youngest brother. "Have you been hiding in that cupboard waiting for Blaise to reveal what sex h- sh- Blaise is?"

"No," said Blaise, "That was why he was hiding in the bathroom this morning."

"So why was he in the cupboard?"

"Because he was hiding in the bathroom this morning."

"I only just managed to unlock it," Ron added, darkly. "Not that any of you heard my calls."

Ginny blushed. "Actually..."

"Here," said Harry, tossing his best friend a beak and a feather headdress. "We've got to do this thing in an hour. Let's get it over with."

"Cho, is that a Monkey costume you're holding?"

George grinned. "Well at least she'll have plenty a-"

***

[MUCH SINGING LATER]

"Congratulations big brother house, you have won this week's challenge."

***

Friday night rolled round and eventually they were all sitting in the main room waiting for Rita to make her announcement. Ginny, sitting on the sofa, felt Draco's hand move in to her's and squeeze it, gently.

Harry was in the kitchen area with Cho.

"You know," he said, "You did look kind of cute in that monkey costume."

Cho glared at him. "Bring it up again and you die."

George had got bored and was teaching Hermione how to juggle apples.

Fred had found Ron in Blaise's bedroom and was demanding to know why he was in there. Ron countered on asking Fred the same question and the two decided to come to a mutual agreement of getting on with whatever they were doing (which, for some reason, required both of them to look in Blaise's underwear drawer) and not mentioning it to anyone else.

Blaise was pacing, unaware of what was happening in Blaise's room.

"Big Brother housemates. This is Rita..."