Big Beard is watching me

"The next person out of the Big Brother house is..." Rita Skeeter paused in that very annoying, dramatic way television show hosts always do when they want to build up suspense and keep your rapt attention. But just end up leaving you wanting to slaughter them with something large, heavy and blunt. "...Cho."

In the house there was a moan of sympathy from Hermione and Ginny. Fred and George kindly patted Cho gently on the back.

"Cho, you have exactly one hour to say your goodbyes and leave the Big Brother house. Rita out."

Harry, who had been sitting on his chair in a state of frozen shock for the last minute, threw himself forward, landing on his knees on the floor. His hands raised themselves to his collar and he ripped his T-shirt in two.

"My love! My love!" he shouted up to the ceiling. "The chariots of Big Brother and their horsemen! You are gone!"

He burst into tears and wandered away wearing a rather bemused expression. The other housemates looked at each other.

"Er..." said Ron, tentatively. "Where's he going?"

"Judging by the reference," Hermione said slowly. "He's gone to find some ashes to rub into his hair."

George shook his head disbelievingly. He turned to his sister.

"Ginny," he said kindly. "Close your mouth."

Ginny, who had been sitting with her mouth wide open and a rather pleased expression on her face, promptly shut her mouth. Draco gaped at her.

"You didn't -" he gaped, "That can't have - you're not telling me that - urgh!"

He grabbed his hand away from her and stomped off. Ginny leaned down to pick up one of the discarded strips of cloth that used to be Harry's T-shirt then suddenly realised what she was doing.

"No," she said, heading after Draco. "Wait!"

Blaise turned to Cho and smiled. "Another week, another Ravenclaw." Blaise said before returning to Blaise's own single room.

Ron looked around slyly then headed off to follow the Slytherin.

"You know," mused George, "If everyone's busy..."

With a devious grin at each other, the Weasley twins departed.

Hermione stared in to space for a second. "I'm the only sane one left," suddenly she turned and clung to Cho like a small child. "Please don't leave!"

***

Blaise, Fred, George, Ginny, Draco (who still wasn't talking to Ginny), Hermione and Ron gathered at the door to wish Cho goodbye. Harry still hadn't reappeared and Ron, who had set out to find him after Blaise had slammed a door in his face, claimed that there was nowhere Harry could be in the house unless he had found a way to defy gravity and hide in the only direction Ron hadn't looked - up. He suggested that perhaps Harry was outside waiting to kidnap Cho or something.

As Cho said farewell to every housemate in turn, Fred leaned forward and kissed her softly, yet romantically, on the cheek. Suddenly, as if by Science (it couldn't have been magic - that was banned), Harry appeared - running and pouncing onto Fred's back. Fred very gently toppled backwards, pinning Harry to the ground under the weight of his back. The other housemates simply stared at them.

Harry struggled out from under Fred and scrambled to his feet.

"Gik'tol!" he demanded, pointing determinedly at Fred.

Fred glanced at George, who shrugged. He looked back at Harry.

"Eh?"

"Gik'tol!"

"Ah," said Fred knowingly. "So that is a word and not a hairball. And I was going to suggest a very good dietary control expert. Nevertheless it doesn't answer my original question of 'eh?'"

"Whoa," said Ron, "I've never heard Fred speak so fancy."

Everyone except his brother and sister ignored him. George and Ginny nodded in agreement.

"Hang on," said Blaise, "Say it again, Harry."

"Gik'tol," repeated Harry as if it was obvious.

"Ah," said Blaise, nodding. "I thought so. That, Fred, is the Klingon fight to the death. He's demanding that you two battle to the death, probably for Cho's honour."

They all turned to look at Cho who glanced around at them, shocked.

"That's right," said Harry, "We must do gik'tol for Cho's honour. Whoever wins gets her."

"Hang on," Ginny interrupted, "Are you saying that Harry is a Trekkie?"

Blaise shrugged.

"Eww," chorused the definite girls (as in girls who absolutely certainly are girls).

"What is this about, Harry?" Fred asked

"You stole my girlfriend!" Harry accused, dramatically.

"What girlfriend?"

"Yeah," said Ron, "I thought this was about Cho?"

Ginny clopped her youngest brother round the back of the head.

"All I did was kiss her," Fred reasoned.

"Aha!" cried Harry hysterically. "You admit it!"

"He's too dense to get it," said Draco, "You're gonna have to kill him, Weasley."

"Watch out or you'll be next, Malfoy," Harry warned.

"Hey," said Draco, backing off. "I didn't touch your ugly girlfriend."

"Leave Cho alone, Malfoy," Fred growled.

"Shut up, road kill face," said Harry.

"Right! That's it!"

The two boys started to circle each other. The other housemates stood and stared.

"Cho, could you please leave the Big Brother house," said Big Brother for the fourth time.

"Er, Cho," prompted Hermione, "Shouldn't you be leaving?"

"Two boys have never fought over me before," Cho told her, "No way am I leaving now."

"I've seen this show before," said Ginny, "There are gigantic wide screen TV's out there."

"Really?" squeaked Cho eagerly.

She picked up her case and dashed out. Harry and Fred were still circling. Meanwhile, Ginny slipped away from the group and into the diary room.

"Hello, Ginny," came the voice of Big Brother.

"Hello, Big Brother."

"What can we do for you?"

"Well I was wondering... Since they're out there gik'toling or whatever, couldn't we all bet on which one is going to win and make that our weekly challenge?"

"This week's challenge has already been picked, Ginny."

"Oh, come on! They're going to beat each other to a pulp anyway. Why can't we make something out of it?"

"Big Brother does not feel that encouraging fights is the right thing to do."

"Yeah, right, sure. But think what it will do for your ratings!"

There was a clatter and a shout outside and Ginny raced back out in to the main room. The two boys were now running very fast in circles while having each other in a headlock. Fred stopped suddenly and charged. Harry made a muffled 'oof' sound as he was slammed against a wall. He leaned down hard on Fred's neck but Fred stood up suddenly and sent Harry flying. Harry -kicked out at Fred and hit the back of his shins. Fred cried out and tried to elbow Harry in the stomach. Harry used his feet to glide along the floor and miss Fred on his way down, and then he kicked Fred in the head. The crowd 'ooh'ed. Fred scrambled along the floor and seized Harry's leg and pulled. Harry came sliding along the ground and Fred punched him in the nose. Harry's knee went up and Fred suddenly went very white. The audience groaned sympathetically. Fred rolled and fell on his back next to Harry on the floor. Both boys lay there panting for a while.

"Give... in..." Harry breathed.

"Never," rasped Fred.

"Right," said Harry.

He attempted to scramble to his feet but failed half way up and fell face down. His nose slammed against the floor and he cried out in agony.

"Stop... it... Harry," said Fred, "All... I did... was... kiss... her. I... didn't... know... there... was... anything...between... the two... of... you." Fred swallowed and continued at his normal pace of speaking. "But if you really like her, I'll back off."

Harry raised his head slightly to look at his red headed foe. "Really?"

"No."

Fred grabbed Harry's head and hit it against the floor. After the resounding thud there was complete silence.

"You've killed him!" Ron gasped, horrified.

"Well done, smart arse," said Blaise, "There's our last chance of defeating you-know-who out the window."

"He's not dead," said Hermione, who was checking Harry's pulse just in case. "But he could be really hurt."

"Smooth move, Weasley," Draco snorted.

"He kicked him in the balls!" George put forward.

"Oh yeah," said Ron, kicking his best friend slightly.

"Er... Ron?" said Hermione cautiously.

"Yes?" Ron looked up at her without stopping kicking Harry.

Hermione opened her mouth to complain but faltered. She looked over at Ginny desperately. Ginny shrugged and joined with her brother to kick the Boy Who Lived.

***

"It was a moment of weakness! He was my girlhood crush! He saved me in a cave once! Of course I was glad he took his shirt off! Wouldn't you be if your boyhood crush took her shirt off?" Draco turned and raised his eyes at Ginny. "OK, bad example."

It was Saturday and Ginny and Draco were fighting again. Harry was in his bed recovering from his fight the day before and the other housemates were watching the Gryffindor and Slytherin squabble like it was a TV talk show.

"All I'm saying," Ginny protested, "Is that I don't like Harry. Not in that way. Why would I? I mean, ew."

"Oh, please," cried Draco, "I saw your face. It took all my pride to even think I liked a Gryffindor, all my self-confidence to go for a Weasley. I am not going after a girl who has the hots for Harry Potter. I do have my dignity left."

"But I don't like Potter!"

"He's a Trekkie," Blaise prompted.

"Yeah," said Ginny, "He's a stupid, geeky, ugly bloke with an ego so bloated you could use him to fly around the world in eighty days. He ignored me when I did like him but now I don't so definitely nothing will happen. But when you held my hand on eviction night-"

"Hold on," said Ron, jumping to his feet. "You held her hand?"

"She looked nervous," said Draco, shrugging. He smiled at Ginny. "And I suppose you did squeeze back..."

Ginny smiled and blushed.

"You squeezed back!" Ron turned to accuse his sister.

"Ron," said George, "Sit down."

Ron sat down sulkily. A loud, unpleasant noise ripped through the house. Ron went strawberry red. George grinned evilly. The others sniggered. Draco looked shocked.

"Weasley!" he exclaimed, "You used magic!" he looked impressed. "I'm starting to like this family."

George stood up and took a bow.

"Whoopee spells are banned," Hermione scolded, "Just like all other magic. Big Brother will chuck you out George."

"My dearest Hermione," said George bowing to Hermione theatrically, "'Tis but a Muggle whoopee cushion. Thou need not be concerned. I did not use magic. 'Twould be a shame to leave after thee didst make the place so homely."

He took Hermione's hand and kissed it. Hermione blushed and giggled. Ron's mouth fell open. He couldn't have looked more appalled if Harry came out and did a feather bower dance while only wearing Ginny's bikini top.

"You can't honestly be falling for this!" he cried.

Hermione gave Ron a very lady like elbow in the face.

Meanwhile Draco had been whispering things in Ginny's ear that had caused Ginny to giggle like mad. The two looked up at their audience.

"Er..." said Ginny, "We're going to the Jacuzzi."

They crept away.

Ron stared after them. "Guh!"

"Oh, shut up, Ron," said Blaise, "Come on. I'll get changed and we can go sunbathing outside. It's quite nice out there."

Ron was in such a state of shock that he followed Blaise dimly, right into Blaise's room. Not really noticing Ron was there, Blaise pulled off Blaise's top-

***

[I'm sorry, but due to technical difficulties we do not have the rest of this scene. I'm afraid the camera in Blaise's room shorted out. We cannot tell you what Ron saw but we can tell you that he was very, very shocked.]

***

Ron staggered out of Blaise's room looking rather amazed.

"Wow."

***

"A poem," said Draco, disbelievingly, "Just one poem."

"Yes."

"Doesn't have to be a sonnet or anything."

"No."

"Or a soppy love thing."

"No."

"Just has to rhyme."

"Yes."

Draco rubbed his hands together. "Right. There once was a young man on Venus-"

"It has to be original," Hermione interrupted.

"And about each one of us."

"And have at least two verses."

"Stanzas," Hermione corrected automatically.

"We all have to help."

"And we all have to perform it."

"It has to be good."

"And mention everyone."

"Including Cho and Padma."

Draco collapsed sulkily. "I knew there was a catch."

"Ooh!" cried Ginny, "I know Blaise's. There once was a Slythie called Blaise, whose room was a bit of a maze. You can't open the door for the stuff on the floor, it's messy whatever Blaise says."

"My room is way neater than yours, Ginny Weasley."

"They don't know that," Ginny said simply. "Besides, that's all Hermione's stuff."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not."

"Is, Hermione."

"You stay out of this, Potter. Potter!"

The housemates turned to stare at their previously unconscious friend.

"Ah!" said Ron knowingly. "He isn't dead."

"How about this for Malfoy," said Harry, joining them on the sofa. "There once was a fella called Dracko, who got a great urge for a Taco. He paid with a Sickle, but got in a pickle, when the Muggle thought he was a wacko."

"I like," said Fred, nodding approvingly. "I like a lot."

***

The eight housemates sat nervously on the sofa while they waited for the announcement of final presentation part of the task to begin. Each of them were mumbling the poems they had to remember under their breath. Hermione was looking extra panicky because at the last moment, Harry had fainted again (They weren't quite sure why but Fred had reassured them that it had nothing to do with the saucepan he just happened to be cleaning at the time) so she'd had to memorise his poem as well as her own.

"Are you sure it's all right?" asked Ron. "Having sexual innuendo in my poem?"

"Yeah," said Ginny, going red. It was a poem about her brother after all. "I'm not sure if innuendo is allowed."

"Well that's all right for Cho's poem then." said Draco, "The stuff in there is downright obvious."

"I don't think we should read that," said Fred with such ferocity that it caused everyone in the room to glance nervously at the kitchen cabinets.

"Well it's too late now," said Hermione, "We can't just write a new one."

"I'm just amazed that of all the words rhyming with Cho," said Blaise, "George's mind immediately jumped to that one."

"Yeah," agreed Ginny, "I'm quite worried now."

"Mine is just out of order," protested Blaise.

"Harry wrote that one."

"Oh yeah," mumbled Harry, "Blame it on the unconscious guy."

They stared.

***

Friday rolled around far too fast and soon they were all going about their business with a great deal of tenseness. There was much biting of nails and general pacing. The call from above could not have come sooner for their liking.

"Big Brother housemates, this is Rita..."

A/N: Now it's up to you! There will be a link on the review thread to a thread where you can vote off the person you don't want to continue in the house. Whoever gets the highest amounts of votes is gone.