Making No Sense Whatsoever

"How's Ron doing?" asked Harry as they waited outside for class to begin.

"He should be out of the hospital wing soon. I wonder how he managed to hit himself with his own hex? He claims it rebounded off that 'review button' he's always on about."

"But it's hardly the first time he's hexed himself is it? You have to remember Herm, when it comes to casting spells, Ron has all the accuracy of a suicidal squirrel." The door to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom opened and they trundled in miserably. They were sure that they had another pointless lesson with Dr. Evil in store. At first it seemed as if they were right. Standing at the front of the class was the eccentric teacher himself. He was leaning on a wooden crate and looking especially pleased with himself.

"Alright settle down children, today we're going to learn about clones. Useful things clones, the only problem is they come out at 1/8 your size. Yeah, slight setback. Anyway, in this crate there's one I made earlier ..." He paused, waiting for them to start laughing. Harry leaned forward in his seat.

"We're 16 years old, we haven't watched Blue Peter in years, loser." Neville slowly removed his beloved Blue Peter badge, a sheepish look spread across his face. Suddenly, the crate shuddered and the front panel fell down. A small person emerged from the box, but he didn't look anything like Dr. Evil. If anything, he looked like a baby with a rather squashed head. He was wearing tiny little wizarding robes and carrying a laser gun in his hand. He seemed to have the manner of an evil Rex Harrison.

"You're not Mini Me!" exclaimed Dr. Evil.

"Actually Dr. Evil, it's your mortal enemy, Stewie. We have met for the last time!" Without another word, the tiny tot disintegrated Dr. Evil with his laser gun. Replacing the gun for a small wand, he levitated himself onto the desk. "Good afternoon boys and girls. I am your new teacher, Professor Griffin. Today we shall begin training you in the more advanced Dark Arts so that you can assist me in taking over the world. Now I know that some of you are not as skilled as the others. Sadly when the fighting starts you will be used as decoys but your children's children will know you fell for a noble cause."

"Oh great, another megalomaniac with plans of world domination ..." groaned Harry. Hermione wasn't listening, in fact none of the girls in the class were. They were all staring starry eyed at Professor Griffin. In one girly gush they cooed,

"Aaaawwww! He's soooo cute!" As one they rushed up to the new Professor. Hermione got there first and scooped him up. The rest of the girls crowded around her and pinched his cheeks and jabbered about how adorable he was.

"No! Damn and blast you all, put me down! What the deuce are you doing?" shouted Professor Griffin as he struggled against them. Harry was amazed at how easily girls were won over by babies; he also made a mental note of that for later. Finally Professor Griffin gave up. "Fine, screw it! I'll take over the world myself and to hell with all of you! Ah, now I've gone and soiled myself, are you happy now?" The girls only cooed more and fought over who would get to change him. Meanwhile, Ron was lying in a bed in the hospital wing. He was in a full body cast, barely able to move at all. Turning his head slightly (it was one of the few things he could do), he saw something on the floor by his bed.

"Oh no, it's the review button! It's come back to finish me off! Madam Pomfrey! Madam Pomfrey!"