Half Blood Prince The Musical

Scene 13: Astronomy Tower

(Curtains go up. Harry enters stage right and stops centre stage. Spotlight.)

Harry: (singing) During the interval much has happened,

While you bought your drinks and ice-creams,

These events are dark and mysterious

And all is not as it seems.

While walking back from Hogsmeade village

Poor, poor Katie Bell was cursed,

I believe Draco was behind it

But those theories have been dispersed.

I've just come from a meeting with Dumbledore,

Observing Voldemort as a child,

That old man's riddles are giving me a headache,

Which is by no means mild!

And now I await Draco here in the tower,

What I can find out, we shall see,

Because until he confesses

He'll get no loving from me!

(Enter Draco stage left. He and Harry embrace and sit on a bench.)

Draco: I wasn't sure if you'd be coming tonight.

Harry: I can't stay away from you. You know that ...

Draco: Harry, do you ever think about what you're going to do after you leave school?

Harry: Go to Brighton.

Draco: I'm sorry?

Harry: Don't you know? Brighton is pretty much the gay capital of Britain. I plan to get a place there once I leave school. Why do you ask?

Draco: Because I don't know what I'm going to do after school is over. I don't even know what I'll be doing after this year ...oh, don't listen to me. It's not important. What is important is you, me, here and now ...

(Draco goes for the grope, Harry expertly dodges his hands.)

Harry: Draco, do you know anything about what happened to Katie?

Draco: No ...nothing ...

Harry: You're not telling me the truth. I can tell when you're lying. You smirk.

Draco: I smirk all the time.

Harry: Well, this is a special kind of smirk that you only do when you're lying. I know you had something to do with Katie getting cursed. I want to know what it is you're doing, otherwise there'll be no hanky panky.

Draco: This wasn't the impression you gave me earlier.

Harry: Meaning what, exactly?

(Enter Fleur with her guitar. Before she can sing one word, security wizards run on from backstage. Fleur takes a swipe at one of them with her guitar and then legs it. Security guards follow.)

Harry: Anyway ...meaning what exactly?

Draco: Meaning you're a cock-tease!

Harry: How dare you! I really care about you, Draco! Here I am, trying to help you and all you want me for is sex! What kind of boy do you think I am? You can have your ring back, I don't want it!

(Harry pulls a ring off his finger and throws it on the floor. He then storms out stage right.)

Draco: Harry! Don't go! Harry!

(Music starts.)

HARRY

Draco: Stranded in the tower

Branded ... an ass

What will they say,

Monday in class?

Harry, can't you see

I'm in misery?

At first there was ease

Now you're a tease

There's no action for me

Love has flown

All alone

I sit and wonder why-y-y-y

Oh why, you left me,

Oh Harry

Oh Harry baby!

Someday, when Ho-o-ogwarts is done

Somehow, someway

Our two worlds will be one

In Brighton forever and ever we will be

Oh, please say you'll stay, oh Harry

(Draco speaks this next verse. He's also sitting on a swing. Don't ask why there's a swing in the Astronomy tower, there just is one.)

Harry, you hurt me real bad

You know it's true

But, baby, you gotta believe me when I say

I'm horny without you

(Sung)

Love has flown all alone

I sit, I wonder why-y-y-y, oh why

You left me, oh Harry

Harry, Harry, why-y-y-y (spoken) oh Harry.

(Once applause dies down, Draco gets off the swing and picks up the ring Harry threw down earlier.)

Draco: Hang on a second, this isn't my ring ...

(Blackout. Curtains close.)

Scene 14:Unlocked Classroom

(Enter Harry stage left.)

Harry: (Singing) So now Draco and I are no longer dating,

Things have not quite been the same,

At least now I can concentrate

On helping Ron with his game.

I boosted his confidence greatly,

He thought I'd tampered with his drink,

Hermione took exception to it all

So now they're not talking ...or so I think.

(Spotlight comes up on Hermione, sitting on the teacher's desk with birds twittering around her head.)

Hermione: Harry, who died and made you the narrator?

Harry: Stop complaining, you've got your own musical number coming up, haven't you?

Hermione: Ron seems to be enjoying the celebrations.

(Enter Ron and Lavender.)

Harry: He's not the only one.

Lavender: Oops!

(Exit Lavender.)

Ron: Hi, Harry. Wondered where you'd got to!

Harry: So ...you and Lavender?

Ron: Yeah ...which is as well as to say ...yeah ...

Hermione: How can you stand all that giggling though?

Ron: Harry, will you please tell Hermione that I happen to like Lavender's giggling?

Harry: Ron says that he likes Lavender's giggling.

Hermione: Harry, will you tell Ronald that his girlfriend sounds like a hyena on helium?

Harry: Your girlfriend sounds like a hyena on helium.

Ron: Hermione, will you please tell Harry that at least Lavender doesn't cry whenever I kiss her.

Hermione: Ron, it's me you're not speaking to, not Harry!

Ron: Harry, please tell Hermione that I'm well aware of that.

Harry: You know what? Screw the pair of you.

(Exit Harry through the door. Awkward pause.)

Hermione: Seriously, Ron, it's obvious to everyone with eyes that you and I are made for each other. Besides, Lavender is so ...well, soppy. Wouldn't you rather have a girlfriend with a brain in her head?

(Music starts. The birds around Hermione's head flutter down to form her back-up singers. Hermione and birds take up rather seductive stances.)

DON'TCHA

Hermione: Ronald ...
Birds ...
Are you ready?
Let's dance ...

Ronald ...
I know you like me
I know you do
That's why now you've won the match
She's all over you
I know you want me
That's plain to see

Even the fans can see it
They know you should be dating me.

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was smart like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was bright like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was sharp like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was brainy like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

Now don't you know?
It's not about looks
Because if it isn't love
It just isn't enough to leave my books
Lets keep it neutral
You have to play fair
See, you know how I care
But I know she won't want to share.

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was smart like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was bright like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was sharp like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was brainy like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?

I know she likes you
So I understand
I'm going crazy without you
You could be my own man,
It's meant to be
Obviously
So dump the chump and date me!

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was smart like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was bright like me?
Don't cha?
Don't cha?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was sharp like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was brainy like me?
Don't cha?

Don't cha?

(Applause and all that. Ron swallows hard, made nervous by the revelation that Hermione can be sexy when she wants to.)

Ron: Um ...not really.

Hermione: Oppugno!

(The birds fly at Ron. Hermione storms out the door.)

Ron: Not the face! Not the face! Aah! Not down there either!

(Curtains draw.)