The Alternative to Loneliness

Ch. 10

Wanting to Disappear

Luna found Colin, once again, hiding in a closet. This time, he was lying on the floor curled into the fetal position. She didn't ask why he was laying that way; she just lay down behind him and hugged his back to her chest, curling around him.

Colin closed his eyes and tried to think only of Luna. That's all he wanted to do for the rest of his life. He didn't even want to photograph anymore, because every time he picked up his camera, he always pictured Harry in that shower or in that bed. And from the way things were going, he had a feeling that was all he would be doing until the day he died.

Luna had started playing with his shirt, tracing around his buttons and making little shapes on his chest. Colin sighed and started to relax, then turned around and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, holding her as tightly as he dared. He needed to know that she was here, that it was Luna and not Harry or Draco. His dreams had gotten worse since Harry had threatened him two days ago. Now he was picturing Draco as well. And not just at night. Sometimes he dozed off in class because he hadn't been sleeping well and his dreams would start up again. Sometimes he would just stare into space and those thoughts would start through his head, the images flashing in his mind's eye. He had no peace. Only when he was with Luna did it ever start to let up.

"Luna?" he whispered.

"Yes Colin?"

His cheeks suddenly grew hot against hers as he said, "Can I...well...may I...see you?"

She pulled away and leaned back, lighting her wand. Colin's cheeks went a deeper shade of pink. "Erm...I meant...can I see...just you? And nothing else?"

Luna looked into his eyes. "Do you mean that you don't want to see my clothing?"

He nodded, glad that she had understood. He didn't want to say the words. She handed her wand to him and then sat up so that she could use both her hands.

Colin watched, mesmerized, as Luna removed each piece of clothing and set it beside her. Her skin was so white, it practically glowed in the wandlight. He had never seen so much of her before. He had felt things under her clothing, but seeing was another thing entirely.

When she had removed the last tiny bit of clothing, revealing the last tiny bit of skin, she placed her hand on his, which had begun to shake. "Colin?"

"Y--yes?" he said, aware that his voice came out in a squeak.

She leaned closer to him, the light shifting over her skin. "May I see just you?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came out. Instead, he nodded and raised his shaking hand to his shirt, where he tried desperately to work the buttons loose. Luna set her wand down and placed her hand over his. He took his hands away and looked at her face as she took up the task of unwrapping him.

Every time a bit of him was uncovered, he could feel the cool air prickle across his skin and thought about the breeze as her soft hair. Every time, it made something deep down reach up for her. After she removed each piece of clothing, she ran her fingertips over his skin. Her hands were cool and smooth against his warm skin. He was surprised to find that the more of his skin touched the air, the warmer he became until there was nothing left on him and his skin was feverishly hot.

Luna leaned back and picked up her wand again, then held it between them. He looked at her and she looked at him and for a few long moments, that's all they did. Then she leaned forward and kissed him, pressing her front to his and gently pushing him back to lay on the cool stone floor of the closet. He was aware of her hands and of her legs and of her chest and every other part of her against every part of him.

He put his hands against her bare back and was surprised by how hot her skin was and how cool his hands. He closed his eyes and felt along her curves, committing them to his memory, creating a photograph of them in his mind. It was such a wonderful feeling, being here and being like this with her. He wanted to feel her everywhere.

After countless dizzying minutes lying there, kissing and touching and holding each other, Luna raised up and he felt the cool air rush between them, making goose-pimples raise on his skin. He tried not to look disappointed, but knew he must as inside, he wanted to feel her on top of him again. She fidgeted for a few moments, hovering inches above him, swaying with her hair as she adjusted. Then she lowered herself again, wrapping around him with a soft, comforting warmth.

As they moved together, he no longer noticed anything aside from Luna. Whether they were in a closet or in a bed or on the soft loam of the Divination classroom, he didn't know and he didn't care. And whether there were people out there in the world that had made him do things that had scarred him for life, he didn't think about it. It was just Luna and her love and the rush of sensations she made him feel.

A feeling like an intense burst of magic overtook them and they held onto each other tight, as if they were afraid they'd get pulled apart. Then the feeling died away and they rolled onto their sides, still holding each other as the magic faded into a lazy afterglow.

Then Colin fell asleep, his head rested on Luna's shoulder. It was the first bit of real sleep he'd had in several weeks. He only dreamt a little, but it wasn't Harry or Draco this time. It was Luna's hair and her curves and her smile, and it made him relax.

When he awoke, his head was still on her shoulder and she was looking at him. He took his hand off her stomach and rubbed at his eyes. "How long was I asleep?"

"Oh, I don't know. I think it was a very long time, but I didn't notice. I am glad you were able to sleep."

He laid his head back down on her shoulder and sighed. "Thank you. I know it was rude to do, people seem to think it is, at least, right after...erm...they...have sex."

She ran her small fingers through his hair and smiled. "Oh, but you needed sleep. I could tell. Did you sleep well?"

He nodded and closed his eyes again. "I haven't really slept in weeks."

Her cheek leaned against his forehead and they both sighed. "Ginny said that you kept falling asleep during class, and that you look sick when you wake up."

"Do I?"

"That's what she said. And she said that Harry pulled you into a room alone two days ago. Did he try to seduce you?"

Colin tried not to groan at the memory of what had happened. "No," he answered. "He threatened me."

"Oh, did he?" She didn't sound very shocked, but she seldom did as it was. "Was it because of the pictures you took for Draco?"

"A little, I guess. He told me to take the same kind of pictures for him of Draco as I took for Draco of him."

She took her hands from his hair and started tracing over his eyebrows and down his nose and all over his face as she spoke. "You mean pictures of Draco in the air and asleep in his room and pleasuring himself in the shower."

"Yes, but I don't know how I'm going to do it. Harry didn't know about me taking pictures for people and I was really careful and he still found out. But Draco might expect that I might take pictures and he's a Slytherin and I don't know how to get into his common room and I just know he's going to catch me."

"I can help you."

He blinked. Luna could help him? How? "Do you mean like adjust the lighting or something?"

"I know spells that make you appear as if you are part of the background. And I know all the passwords to everything."

"How do you know that?!"

"Well, I collect them, you see," she said, now running her finger over one of his ear lobes. "There are many things to learn that aren't in books, and I become curious to know more. So I collect passwords and I go places and learn things. Draco Malfoy has his own room with his own shower."

Colin was floored. Nobody got their own room. But that really wasn't the point. He would have never thought that of Luna, but then Luna never did what people thought she did. Still, to collect all the passwords to every room in the castle was something he never would have thought even of the Weasley twins.

"That would help a great deal," he agreed. "But what's this spell you were talking about? It sounds tricky."

"It is called the disillusionment charm," she explained. "And it feels like an ice cube on your head melting down over you. Then you look just like what is behind you or in front of you. It makes you a chameleon."

He was silent as they lay on the stone floor and Luna continued to trace over him with her small finger. Even if he didn't want to be doing this, Luna's spell and her knowledge of passwords made him feel a lot better about this. Maybe Draco wouldn't kill him. And maybe if he didn't get the pictures, he could keep Harry from finding and hexing him, as well.

He wrapped his free arm around her and hugged her tight. "Will you teach me?"

~*~^~*~

"Think of your head as an egg," Luna instructed.

Colin scratched his head. "An egg?"

She nodded. "Yes, an egg that is cooked and you are going to eat for breakfast with salt."

"Scrambled? Because it already feels scrambled."

"Oh no, not scrambled. It is still in the shell, soft-boiled."

Colin scratched his head again, wondering how this was going to help him learn the disillusionment charm. "Alright."

"Now your wand is the spoon," she continued, "and you will bring your spoon smartly down upon your egg to crack it!"

"I have to crack my head open?!"

Luna shook her, looking alarmed. "Oh no, you had better not, or you will have done it wrong!"

"Oh."

"Now of course you remember the spell words that I had told you before."

As if he could forget them! His mind had latched onto them as if they were a life preserver. "Yes, I remember."

"Oh that's very good, Colin. Now you know the words and the wand-movement!" She picked up her own wand and held it in front of her. "Before you do the spell, you must imagine that your skin is like a very quick chameleon. That no matter what you are in front of, your skin will change to exactly what it would look like as if you were not there. Here, I will show you on myself."

She stood in front of him in the closet, lit by a small enchanted globe of light on the floor. The lighting glowed up, casting shadows along her skin and showing curves that he had somehow missed. He tried not to get distracted by these curves and the fascinating way she looked, but it was very difficult. Inside, he was thinking of all the camera angles he could shoot from.

"Colin, are you looking?"

He nodded, trying to shake himself out of his affected daze. He was looking and that was the problem. "Yes, I'm looking. You can go ahead."

She smiled at him, then raised her wand and brought it down sharp on her head. Colin winced at this. It looked as if it hurt, but she didn't seem to mind. Or...he thought she didn't seem to mind, he couldn't tell anymore, because the most peculiar thing was happening right in front of him. It was as if somebody was pouring liquid eraser on her head and it was drizzling down over her, erasing her as it went along. He watched as it engulfed her belly button, then wiped away her hips, down her thighs and her knees, and now one toe was the only thing left. And then it was gone.

He strained to see her, remembering what she had said about him not actually disappearing or being invisible, just appearing as whatever was behind him. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't see her.

Or maybe he could! There was the faintest hint of movement in front of him and a small snapping sound, and she appeared just as she had gone, starting from her head and drizzling down her body. "It is just like that," she said with a smile. "And now you can try."

Colin wasn't sure about that. She made it look so simple, she even explained it rather well, if it was a bit unorthodox. He took a deep breath and tried to imagine what she had instructed him to. Perhaps if he thought of himself as if he was looking at himself through the viewer of his camera and pictured himself doing the same exact thing that Luna had done, that would help. "Alright, here I go."

As Luna had done, he cracked his wand on the crown of his head and whispered the spell to himself, picturing his body dissolving away. But the feeling of ice melting over him only happened on the front half of him. "Luna, I don't think it's working right!"

He saw her tap her finger on her ear as she looked, then tilted to the side and looked behind him. "Oh, I see. You were only thinking from one side," she said.

"From one side?"

"Yes," she nodded. "You see, you wish to be unseen from every side, so you must think about it from every side. If there is somebody behind you, they can still see you, so you need to think about your body looking exactly like what is in front of you!"

"Er...okay."

"You know colour wheels."

"Yes." What did colour wheels have to do with this?

"You are in the middle of the colour wheel with the white. Red is in front of you and green is behind you. You must make sure that you are not seen by all colours. To red you will look green and to green you will look red. To orange you will look blue and to purple you will look yellow. Do you see?"

Colin nodded and then realized that she couldn't see. "Yes, I see," he said. "Let me try again."

He removed the charm, then brought the image into his head again. This time, when he rapped his head with the wand, he felt the queer feeling all over. Luna looked on, then started to walk around him, looking at him from every angle. Seeing her looking at him like that made him stir and he was very glad he was disillusioned.

When she had come full-circle and was standing in front of him again, she was smiling. "Yes, you have done it. I am very proud of you."

He grinned and raised his wand to take off the charm when her hand found him and stroked him, making him moan and drop his wand to the ground. "But Luna, I'm still disillusioned."

She brought her mouth to his face and just missed his lips by centimeters. "It is perfectly fine. Did you ever wonder what sex is like when you are invisible?"

With that, she raised her wand and brought it sharply to her head. Then she leaned back toward him and kissed him again as she touched him, disappearing a little more with each stroke.

~*~^~*~

The dungeons were freezing the next night. How could the Slytherins live down here, Colin wondered. He checked himself again for what seemed like the thousandth time. Luna had said that the disillusionment was flawless, but he was sure that something would show through and he would be caught.

But so far, three patrols had been by and not one had seen him. Maybe this would work after all! As quietly as he could, he leaned toward the portal and whispered the password Luna had given him. In an instant, the way was opened to him and he crawled through into the green and silver common.

This isn't going to work, he thought. There wasn't a sound as he crept up the stairs to the very top storey. That was where Luna had said Draco Malfoy lived. How does she know that? he wondered. And how does she know his password? Does she spy on him?

He tried to dismiss the thought and continue on. It was no matter how she found out, he reasoned. He was thankful for the information. And besides that, she said that there were so many other things to learn outside books. She only knew because her thirst for knowledge had taken her all throughout the castle.

Finally, the stairs ended. There was the door. Here went.

He put his ear to the door and listened for a long while. No sound. Then he whispered the password to the door and though he couldn't believe it, the door swung open.

Draco Malfoy's bedroom was the most remarkable room Colin had ever been in. He could hardly believe that a student slept here. It looked as though every single item in the room had cost millions of Galleons. Thankful for the silent stone floor, he inched in and moved toward the bed, where the white-blond Slytherin boy was asleep.

The lighting wasn't the best, but it was alright for what he had to do. Before he had set out, he had placed a silencer charm on his camera to dull the clicking of his shutter, but it was still audible if a person really listened. The thought had Colin nervous, but Draco was asleep, he reasoned. A tiny sound like that wouldn't be enough to wake him up.

Draco slept in the nude.

Colin just stood there at the side of the bed, looking down at the older boy and marveling that anybody would be bold enough to sleep naked in school. But then, Draco Malfoy had his own room. Who would notice? Colin raised the camera to his face and then lowered it again. He really didn't want to be here, doing this; he'd rather be in a closet with Luna. But then, he didn't have much choice, did he?

He raised the camera again and adjusted the lens until he accommodated for the lighting. Then he took the first picture and froze.

Malfoy had just opened one eye.

Colin stood there, paralyzed to the spot. He was disillusioned. Draco couldn't see him. If he just stayed still, maybe the Slytherin would chalk it off as a dream and go back to sleep.

"Creevey?"

The younger boy clutched his camera, aware that he was shaking. He tried to hold his breath. He wasn't here, he wasn't here...

"I know you're there."

No, I'm not here. Go back to sleep, I promise I'll leave.

"How ever did you get into my room?"

Colin squeezed his eyes shut.

Draco rolled onto his side and perched himself up on one elbow. Colin tried not to notice that he now had a full-frontal shot of Malfoy. He was a true blond, too, he couldn't help noticing.

"Creevey, there's no point trying to play demiguise with me, I know you're here. Now whatever are you here for I wonder."

"Harry wanted pictures," Colin whispered into the room.

Draco raised his pale eyebrows. "Did he now? What exactly of?"

"Of exactly what I took for you...but of you."

The Slytherin smirked. "I see. And just how did you get...nevermind. I've an idea. Well then, get on with it. Try not to disturb me too much. I've an exam to rest up for."

Colin was floored. "Y--you're not angry? You're not going to hurt me?"

Draco regarded him (or the direction from where Colin was speaking) as if he was being ridiculous. "Come now, Creevey, I'm getting what I wanted. I wanted Harry to pay attention to me and so he is. If it be indirectly, so be it. Now...be a good little flunky and get on with your work. I might even give you a little show for him."

With that, Draco fell back into his mattress and closed his eyes, looking as if he had been asleep all this time. Hardly believing his luck, Colin returned to the work at hand, going through roll after roll of film.