Harry Potter and the Brotherhood of the Besotted

Chapter 4: I Mustn't Do Anything Foolish

The first Gryffindor Ron spotted in the library was Seamus, who for some reason was reading a copy of Witch Vogue. Then Ron saw Hermione at a table near the window, virtually obscured by the pile of enormous books in front of her. The books were leather bound and, even by Hogwarts' standards, quite arcane-looking. They had titles like Remarkable Potions of Obscurity Unearthed and Long Lost Brews of Antiquity. However, to Ron's surprise, Hermione wasn't reading these books, but held a lime green paperback up to her nose. The book had a Restricted Section stamp on the spine, and on its cover was a picture of a glamorous, blonde witch who was winking. The book's title was Bewitch Your Way to a Better Love Life.

"So, you've figured it out then?" Ron asked as he pulled Hermione's paperback out of her hands.

Hermione seemed startled by Ron's arrival and her eyes were glittering strangely. "Ron," she whispered in an agitated voice, "it's a love potion! Quite a weird one, too. There are all sorts of ingredients that aren't in any of the books - St Vitus Bean pods, powdered narwhal horn - I haven't sorted out half of it. But really Ron, what are we going to do? We'll all be expelled!"

Ron shook his head and reflected that, even though Hermione Granger was a smart girl, she could be pretty silly at times. "Expel the whole of fifth year?" he asked incredulously. "Doesn't that seem a trifle unlikely? And have you forgotten that it was that idiot Snape who forced us to drink the rotten stuff in the first place?"

"I wish you wouldn't talk about Professor Snape like that," said Hermione quietly. "I'm sure he'd never wish us any harm."

Ron snorted. Of all the people in the world who wished Ron harm, Ron knew that Snape was definitely high on the list. However, he didn't get a chance to contradict Hermione because she was talking again at a frantic pace. "Its not just expulsion that's a problem Ron," she said. "Do you have any idea how foolishly we might behave? What if we lose control? I couldn't stand the embarrassment, people laughing at me, it would be unbearable."

Ron couldn't understand her point at all. Living in the happy chaos of the Burrow, where people laughed at you and with you all day, Ron didn't see what the fuss was about. Then he recalled that Hermione was an only child. She hadn't grown up with brothers who slipped Canary Creams into your porridge, turned your teddy bear into a spider or put Leg-Locker curses on you when you were walking down the stairs.

"Well, if we're all in the same boat it won't be that bad will it?" Ron reassured her, trying for a while to set aside his own revulsion for what must lay ahead. "Among a whole grade full of love-sick fools, you'll be just about invisible."

"Invisible?" said Hermione strangely. "Yes, invisible, that's it! But I mustn't do anything foolish. I must be in control." She clasped her hands so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

Ron looked worriedly at his friend. She had always been a bit mental, but this was different. He wondered if this is what Snape had meant when he advised the class to take an antidote. "Er, Hermione, are you feeling all right?" he asked.

"No. That is, yes." She shook, then nodded her head and her wayward brown hair flew in all directions. "I mustn't do anything foolish though. He's a worthy foe, he's faced this sort of thing before. But, if I'm invisible, then I can stay in control." She seemed to be talking only to herself now, and Ron was certain she was unwell.

"You'd better go to the hospital wing," counselled Ron, "just to be sure."

"The hospital wing!" cried Hermione brightly, as though she had just solved some particularly complex arithmancy puzzle. "That's it! The dispensary will have it!" With these words, she jumped up from her chair and hurried from the library, muttering to herself and wringing her hands.

Ron wondered if he should follow her, then thought better of it. At least once she took the antidote she'd be back to normal. He hoped she did take the antidote - the thought of Hermione doing anything to reduce her marks on an exam was hard to entertain. He hoped she hadn't merely run off because she'd come up with one of her crazy schemes.

Unfortunately, Ron had more urgent things to do than escort Hermione right now. He had to find his best friend, Harry Potter, and devise a sure fire way of staying away from any lady teachers this weekend. Ron wondered whether a full Body-Bind spell would last long enough.

Seamus was now engrossed in a large book with a picture of a witch in stylish robes on the cover. He didn't even acknowledge Ron's wave as Ron walked past him on the way back to Gryffindor Tower.

"Barley Water," announced Ron to the Fat Lady. After he stepped through the portrait hole, he looked around for Harry. Near the common room fireplace, Dean Thomas and Ginny were arguing.

"No way," said Ginny. "You don't even have a cat. What do you want cat food for?"

"Come on, Ginny," pleaded Dean. "You know I can't get it myself. Can't you go to Hogsmeade for me?"

Ron didn't wish to know what all that fuss was about, so he climbed the stairs to the dormitory. He found his best friend sitting on a window ledge near his bed, sucking on a sugar quill as he worked on a piece of parchment.

"How's it going Harry?" Ron asked. He was relieved to have discovered at least one other person who looked as though they were behaving normally.

"Oh Ron, Ron, Ron, who can say?" Harry replied in an excited whisper. It was the same funny voice that Harry and Ron liked to adopt whenever they were doing their comical impersonations of Professor Trelawney. Ron grinned back, glad that somebody still could share a joke with him.

"There's no homework this weekend. What are you working on?" Ron asked, looking over Harry's shoulder at the parchment.

"A little thing," replied Harry with a sigh, his voice still wavering. "A trifle really. Hardly good enough for one so fair."

Ron chuckled at him. Harry's impersonation of their Divination teacher was getting frightfully good. Then he noticed that Harry's eyes weren't smiling - he looked deadly serious. Ron wondered whether Harry was joking after all.

"Read it please, Ron," implored Harry. "Let me know, in your honest opinion, could this paltry thing be a worthy gift for the most beautiful witch in the world?"

Ron gingerly picked up the parchment, which Harry had inscribed in his neatest writing. It read:

Your Dainty Paw

My heart doth skip a beat! I am enraptured!

In your Transfigurations class my awe,

Needs no excuse, for you my heart hath captured.

Each day I long to hold your dainty paw.

Requite my love and we shall be together,

Visitors to contentment's happy shore.

And we shall walk that blessed beach forever, my hand forever in your dainty paw.

Ron didn't know whether to laugh or vomit. Luckily he was spared the need to comment by Seamus entering the room with the book he had been reading in the library. It was titled A Fashionable Witch's Guide to Dress Making. Seamus started rummaging in his trunk and pulled out, to Ron's amazement, a frilly, black, short nightdress.

"Where did you get that?" Ron exclaimed, his voice traversing two octaves in the course of uttering the last syllable. Seamus didn't appear to be listening as he worked several charms that he read out of the book. The negligee smoked at the edges as it grew a number of dress sizes and then, alarmingly, transformed from black lace to a lurid green and red tartan silk.

"I bought it for Lavender Brown," Seamus eventually answered, "for Valentine's Day."

"I don't think it's going to fit her now," said Ron.

With these words Neville came through the dormitory door, his arms laden with a bushy green plant. "Heather," he said, to nobody in particular. "She deserves a bouquet of beautiful flowers."

"Heather doesn't bloom in winter, Neville," Ron reminded him.

"I can fix that," said Neville. "Professor Sprout taught me a charm. Hope I can remember it." Neville drew out his wand and Ron instinctively ducked for cover. However, after Neville waved his wand, purple flowers did indeed bloom profusely on the plant, with a heady scent that made Ron sneeze.

"It's not for Lavender," Seamus said seriously, who seemed to have suddenly remembered that Ron had been speaking to him. "I've found a better woman than her. One who won't dump me for that evil lizard, Snape."

"Snape!" cried Ron, before letting out another explosive sneeze. Surely the girls weren't expected to fall in love with Snape? He had to find Hermione and make sure she took that antidote.