Harry Potter and the Adventures of Randomland

Harry and Ron were enjoying a swim in the lake when they spotted Malfoy walking down from the castle...

And to their surprise, he was followed by an angry looking Snape. Curious, Ginny and Luna stood up and followed Snape.

"Potter, Weasley! Over here, now!" yelled the Potions master.

Blushing slightly, Harry and Ginny walked over to Slughorn, holding hands.

Slughorn smiled at the two of them and questioned, "Are you two ready for this year's Ball?"

Ron looked thunderstruck, and glanced at Harry, who was equally stunned. "What ball?"

Harry replied, "What do you mean, 'what ball?' It's only the biggest thing to happen in Hogwarts since the... the last Yule Ball."

"Well, yes," Ron replied, "I just needed to know the name of it so I could ask Hermione to it."

"Oh, Ron!" exclaimed Hermione. "Did you really want to go to the circus with me?"

"Of course, Hermione. You've always said that you like animals," Ron blushed.

"But a HIPPOGRIFF?! Honestly, Ron, couldn't you have just gotten me a nice book for my birthday?"

"Well, sure, but you always said that riding Buck... er, Witherwings was the most fun you'd had in your entire life," replied Ron.

"Well, yes," Harry replied, "but you've got to see- I was exaggerating. The most fun was snogging your sister...OUCH! Just kidding!"

"But I don' even 'ave a sister," said Hagrid, blinking in confusion.

"Well, Hagrid, she's a human. Your half-sister," Ron said, making wild gestures.

"An' how does tha' affect you takin' her to the ball?" growled Hagrid menacingly.

"Well, you see, Hagrid... she might be in danger if I take her to the ball," Harry stuttered.

"Why, is someone gonna shoot 'er or something? Well, that ain't right," he decided, crossing his arms.

"Someone else shooting her, not me," Harry said.

"Someone shot my sister?" asked Fred, running in breathlessly.

"No, Fred, they were just talking about her being shot." George explained, walking out from behind the castle. "So far, I don't think anyone's done any real shooting, yet."

"Oh, well...wait...how are they planning to shoot her? Using one of our fantabulous new products?"

"No, a Muggle invention. It's called a gun," Harry said patiently as the twins looked at each other and raised an eyebrow as if they were facing a mirror.

"Lucky they're so unreliable then!" said Fred as they looked at the bullet hole.

A squirrel jumped out of a bush and shook its head at the group. "You people are insane."

"Us insane! You're a squirrel that can talk!"

"And what's wrong with that?" sniffed Lavender, pouting slightly. "You're just jealous because you didn't get transfigured into one too!"

"No," Parvarti smirked, "I got turned into a peacock - much prettier."

"This isn't about Animagi! We were talking about who is planning to shoot our sister!" exclaimed Fred incredulously.

"No one is planning to shoot your bloody sister!" yelled Harry. "We were discussing a hypothetical situation!"

"Jeez, Harry, don't get your knickers in a knot," said George calmly. "Is Snape not giving you any, or what?"

"He isn't giving me any Potions lessons," said Harry, looking tense.

"We aren't talking about Potions lessons, Harry. Or Occlumency lessons, either," Fred said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively while looking at his brother, who smirked.

"Well, of course he isn't. Harry isn't with Snape!" Hermione exclaimed, causing Harry to look away and blush, revealing the exact opposite.

"Well," Harry said, looking down, "with some shampoo he actually cleans up real nice."

"Harry, are you sure you're feeling okay? This is Snape we're talking about here!"

Harry nodded shyly at Ron's exclamation.

"I was just saying..." he muttered, shuffling his feet.

"Well, mind what you say," Mrs. Weasley said sternly to Ron.

"I'm not the one who wants to bugger Snape, mum!"

Harry blushed some more.

"Harry, you didn't!" Ron quickly paled.

"Of course not!" replied Harry. "Well, not Snape..."

"Well, then, who do you like?" asked Ron.