Whose Idea Was This Anyways?

Whose Idea Was This Anyways?

Clive Anderson: Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyways: Wizarding Edition. Today's performers are Sirius Black, Severus Snape, James Potter and Lily Evans."

Audience: (Applauds)

Clive: Before we begin, I have to ask our performers not to use their wands or any potions they may have brought with them.

Severus: Damn.

Clive: Let's begin with Superheroes. This is for all contestants. James is going to be a superhero and his super friends are going to come in the order of Severus, Lily and Sirius and help him solve a world crisis. Now, what superhero should James be?

Audience: Khaki Man! Captain Cowboy! Invisibility Boy!

Clive: We'll go with Captain Cowboy.

James: (Groans)

Clive: We need a crisis for Captain Cowboy.

Audience: War! No more Weird Sisters! Greasy hair!

Clive: I think greasy hair is good enough. So, James, you're Captain Cowboy and you have to solve the greasy hair crisis. Go!

James: Yee-haw! Oh no, there's greasy hair all over the world! I hope my super friends get here soon.

Severus: (Walks in) Sorry I'm late; I had to find a cloak with a hood.

James: Thank goodness you're here, Bunny Rabbit Boy! (Smirks)

Severus: (Glares evilly at James) I expect my fur soaked up the grease anyway. (Starts hopping)

Lily: (Walks in) Sorry I'm late.

Severus: Oh, Miss Monkey!

Lily: (Repeatedly hits Severus) You got any bananas in that cloak?

James: Whoa, girl!

Sirius: (Walks in) I'm here!

Lily: Thank goodness, Hairdresser Man!

Sirius: (Walks over to Severus) Oh my. I see I have my work cut out for me.

James: Can you help us, Hairdresser Man?

Sirius: Yes. I'd suggest washing your hair, Bunny Rabbit Boy. That should take care of the grease. (Leaves)

Severus: (Glares evilly at Sirius)

Lily: I'm going out for lunch. (Leaves)

Severus: I'd better go and wash my hair then. (Leaves)

James: Another crisis solved. Yee-haw!

Clive: (Buzzes them out)

Audience: (Applauds)

Clive: Well, I think they'll hex me if I don't give them any points-

Sirius and James: (Nods)

Clive: So, a thousand points to each contestant for the rest of the night. The next game is The Dating Game, and it's for all four performers. Now, Lily is going to be on a dating game show and she has to choose between Severus, James and Sirius, who will be her bachelors. And she has to guess who or what her bachelors are. If you're ready, Lily, go!

Lily: Bachelor number one, if you were going to use a spell on me, what would it be?

Severus / House Elf: (Speaks in a squeaky voice) Probably Scourgify. 'Cause it's my favorite spell.

Lily: Bachelor number two, same question.

James / Portrait: I'd use the Imperius Curse and I'd make you think of a way to get me out of here. (Looks around)

Lily: Same question, bachelor number three.

Sirius / Voldemort: Avada Kedavra, definitely Avada Kedavra. Because you're a filthy Mudblood.

Lily: (Looks worried) Bachelor number one, if you were going to fix me a drink, what would it be?

Severus / House Elf: Whatever Mistress wanted. (Smiles at Lily)

Lily: Bachelor number two, same question.

James / Portrait: It doesn't matter, you couldn't drink it anyway.

Lily: Bachelor number three?

Sirius / Voldemort: Anything with poison in it. Stupid Mudblood.

Clive: All right, I think you have enough clues. What are they, Lily?

Lily: Er, I think Severus is a Death Eater.

Severus: Idiot.

Clive: No, he was a House Elf.

Lily: Darn. All right, James is a portrait?

Clive: Yes!

Lily: And Sirius is either Voldemort or Severus.

Severus: (Growls)

Lily: I'm going to say Voldemort.

Clive: Correct.

Audience: (Applauds)

Clive: Our next game is World's Worst. So, will all four contestants please come down to the world's worst step? And you'll be giving examples of the world's worst Dark Lord.

Lily: Lord Voldemort.

Sirius: I am Lord Ticklish. (Giggles)

James: I'm Lord John Doe.

Sirius: (Whispers to James) Aren't they all?

Severus: I am Lord of the Butterflies.

Sirius: I'm Lord Tackilashorian, but you can call me Tacky.

Lily: Lord Starfish.

James: I am Lord Cupcake. Fear me!

Clive: (Buzzes them out)

Audience: (Applauds)

Clive: Now, we're going to play Millionaire. Sirius is going to be the host of the show, James will be the contestant, Lily will be his friend in the audience and Severus will be his friend at home. Sirius, go!

Sirius: Welcome all to the Millionaire show. Today our first contestant is James. Now, James, we're going to give you two questions. If you answer the first correctly then you'll win half a million Galleons. If you answer the second correctly then you'll become a millionaire.

James: What if I get both questions wrong?

Sirius: (Smirks) You'd win a date with Severus Snape.

Severus: (Growls)

James: I'll be sure to get them right then.

Sirius: All right. Now, here's your first question. Which founder of Hogwarts is Lord Voldemort related to? A: Godric Gryffindor B: Salazar Slytherin C: Filius Flitwick or D: a chambermaid?

James: This is a tough one. I think I'm going to have to use a lifeline. I'm going to call someone.

Sirius: Okay, who're you calling?

James: I'm calling my, er, second cousin, twice removed. His name's Sevvy.

Severus: Hello?

James: Sevvy, is that you?

Severus: Sure, what do you want?

James: A, B, C, or D?

Severus: D.

Sirius: That's a chambermaid.

Severus: Yeah, I know. (Smirks)

James: I'm going with B: Salazar Slytherin.

Sirius: You aren't going with your cousin's answer?

James: No, I think he's confusing it with Voldemort's pastime.

Sirius: So, B is you final answer?

James: Yes.

Sirius: You have just won half a million Galleons!

Severus: Damn.

James: Yay!

Sirius: Now for your second and final question. What is the main way to get to Hogwarts? A: By boat B: By plane C: By train or D: By magic carpet?

James: I'm afraid I'll have to ask my girlfriend in the audience. Lily, do you know the answer?

Lily: (Glares evilly at James) Yeah, it's A: By boat.

James: All right, I'm going with A.

Sirius: Is that you final answer?

James: (Thinks) Yes.

Sirius: That's correct! First-years arrive at the castle by tiny rowboats.

James: Yes!

Clive: (Buzzes them out)

Audience: (Applauds)

Clive: And our last game tonight will be Questions Only. James and Severus will be on one side and Lily and Sirius will be on the other. We need an important place.

Audience: The Ministry! Honeydukes! Hogwarts!

Clive: Hogwarts is good enough. So, the scene is you're all at Hogwarts, and you can only speak in questions. Go!

Sirius: Am I late for class?

James: Which class?

Sirius: Does it matter?

James: What year are you in?

Sirius: Wasn't I sorted right after you?

James: I don't know. (Laughs)

Clive: (Buzzes James out)

Sirius: Which way to the Astronomy Tower?

Severus: Don't you have a map?

Sirius: (Smirks) Aren't you too old to be here?

Severus: Don't you recognize a teacher when you see one?

Sirius: (Laughs uncontrollably)

Clive: (Buzzes Sirius out)

Lily: Are you a Slytherin?

Severus: Aren't you?

Lily: Do I look like a Slytherin?

Severus: No!

Clive: (Buzzes Severus out)

James: Who's the Headmaster?

Lily: How long have you been going here?

James: How much longer do I have to ask you out before you say yes?

Lily: Do you want to duel?

James: Do you want to go to the infirmary?

Lily: (Laughs)

Clive: (Buzzes Lily out) All right, that's enough. The performers can sit down while I determine who the winner is.

Lily and James and Sirius and Severus: (Sits down)

Lily: This has to be the dumbest thing anyone could've come up with to do on summer break.

Severus: Yeah. Whose idea was this anyways?

Sirius and James: (Look up and start whistling)

The End.