The MST About Seals

HARRY: What are we doing here?

HERMIONE: I don't know.

RON: *Gasps* Hermione doesn't know something?! What is this world coming to?!

HERMIONE: *Hits Ron over the head*

GINNY: Stop fighting, you two. We have more important things to do!

HARRY: Like what?

GINNY: Like figuring out why we are here.

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: You are here to read a book.

HARRY: Who in Merlin's name are you?

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: I am Siofra. Well, I would be, except I am just a mysterious voice.

GINNY: Oh.

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: I shall explain what's going on, now. You see, I am the author of this fic...

HARRY: Yeah, we know.

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: What?

GINNY: Yeah, we've done this before. We read one of the Harry Potter books and make snarky comments.

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: Oh.

HERMIONE: So, which book are we reading?

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

HARRY: Do you mean Sirius?

DRACO: No, she means my father.

RON: How did you get here?

DRACO: I don't know.

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE: I brought him here! You guys and assorted others will read Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.

HERMIONE: Assorted others?

VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE (HEREAFTER REFERRED TO AS VTCFEANAO): Yes. I shall bring others in to lighten the mood, so to speak.

GINNY: Well then, let's get cracking!

EVERYONE MINUS GINNY: Cracking?

GINNY: Sod off.

HERMIONE: *Picks up the book* I'll start.

Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways.

DRACO: You can say that again.

HARRY: Shut up, Malfoy!

DRACO: Make me.

HARRY: *Jumps on Draco, begins to beat him up*

DRACO: Ouch! My beautiful nose! *starts hitting Harry*

VTCFEANAO: Hey! Knock it off, you two!

*Harry and Draco continue to beat each other up*

VTCFEANAO: Hey! I said quit it!

*Harry and Draco are still beating each other up*

VTCFEANAO: Fred! George!

FRED AND GEORGE: *Appear* Yes, oh great mysterious voice?

VTCFEANAO: Do you guys have anything that I could use to stop them? A Weasley Wizarding Wheezes product, perhaps?

*Harry and Draco are still fighting, in case you were wondering*

FRED: I have just the thing! *Holds out big canvas bag*

RON: What are those?

GEORGE: Weasley's Fabulous No-Heat, Wet-Start Lightning Bolts!

VTCFEANAO: Wicked! Give them to me!

FRED: *Hands over wicked lightning bolts*

VTCFEANAO: *Throws lighting bolts at Harry and Draco* I said...KNOCK IT OFF!

HARRY: *Coughs smoke* Okay already! Stop throwing stuff at us!

DRACO: *Looks slightly singed* Yeah, you're messing up my hair!

EVERYONE MINUS DRACO: *rolls their eyes*

VTCFEANAO: Hey! They work! Thanks, Fred and George!

FRED AND GEORGE: You're welcome! *leave*

VTCFEANAO: Okay, you lot, back to reading!

HERMIONE: *picks up book again*

For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. For another, he really wanted to do his homework but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night.

RON: You want to do your homework, mate? *Shakes head incredulously*

HARRY: *Smiles sheepishly* Sometimes....

DRACO: Professor Snape does my homework for me.

RON: I knew it!

And he also happened to be a wizard.

SEAMUS: *Sarcastically* No kidding?!

EVERYONE ELSE: Seamus!

SEAMUS: Hey, guys!

GINNY: What are you doing here?

VTCFEANAO: I brought him here. He's an "assorted other."

EVERYONE: Oh.

It was nearly midnight, and he was lying on his stomach in bed, the blankets drawn right over his head like a tent, a flashlight in one hand and a large leather bound book (A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot) propped open against the pillow.

EVERYONE (MINUS HERMIONE, OF COURSE): I hate that book!

Harry moved the tip of his eagle-feather quill down the page, frowning as he looked for something that would help him write his essay, "Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless--discuss."

SEAMUS: I didn't write that essay. Professor Binns never even noticed!

RON: I should try that sometime.

HERMIONE: Ron! You had better not try it. You'll fail all your NEWTS!

EVERYONE MINUS HERMIONE: Who cares?

The quill paused at the top of a likely looking paragraph. Harry pushed his round glasses up on the bridge of his nose, moved his flashlight closer to the book, and read:

VTCFEANAO: You can skip this part, it's boring.

HERMIONE: But it may be important to the plot!

VTCFEANAO: *Zaps Hermione with a lightning bolt* I SAID SKIP IT!

HERMIONE: *looking fried* Fine, whatever.

VTCFEANAO: Okay, start reading...here.

Harry was particularly keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment,

HARRY: You can say that again.

DRACO: Aw! Scared of the Muggles, are you Potter?

RON: Leave Harry alone, Malfoy!

DRACO: Make me.

*Ron jumps on Draco and starts beating him up*

HERMIONE: You'd think they would have learned.

VTCFEANAO: *Zaps Ron and Draco with lightning bolts* Apparently not.

SEAMUS: You're a little trigger happy, don't you think?

VTCFEANAO: I AM THE VOICE THAT COMES FROM EVERYWHERE AND NOWHERE AT ONCE! I CAN DO WHATEVER I PLEASE! *Zaps Seamus with lightning bolts*

SEAMUS: *coughs smoke*

DEAN: That was really cool!

GINNY: Another "assorted person," I suppose?

VTCFEANAO: Yup. *Puts down her lightning bolts*

EVERYONE: *sighs in relief*

VTCFEANAO: Dean, would you like to read now?

DEAN: Sure! *under his breath* If I don't, you'll zap me.

Harry was particularly keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment, as they were already in an especially bad mood with him, all because he'd received a telephone call from a fellow wizard one week into the school vacation.

HERMIONE: *Glares at Ron*

Ron Weasley,

RON: That's me!

who was one of Harry's best friends at Hogwarts.

RON: One of Harry's best friends? I am Harry's best friend!

HERMIONE: What about me, you prat?

RON: Oh yeah!

HERMIONE: *Glares at Ron*

VTCFEANAO: *Sighs romantically*

DEAN: Where was I? Oh yeah....

came from a whole family of wizards.

RON AND GINNY: A big family of wizards!

This meant that he knew a lot of things Harry didn't, but had never used a telephone before.

RON: So sue me!

HARRY: *Gets a lawyer and sues Ron*

RON: I was joking!

HARRY: Oh, sorry mate.

Most unluckily, it had been Uncle Vernon who had answered the call. "Vernon Dursley speaking." Harry, who happened to be in the room at the time, froze as he heard Ron's answer.

HERMIONE: *Glares at Ron*

"HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I--WANT--TO--TALK--TO--HARRY--POTTER!"

HERMIONE: *Glares at Ron*

EVERYONE MINUS HERMIONE AND RON: *Sniggers*

VTCFEANAO: *Sighs romantically*

Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.

HERMIONE: *Glares at Ron*

RON: Well, how was I supposed to know how to talk in a fellytone?

HERMIONE: If you weren't sure how to use the telephone, you should have called me!

RON: So now I can't do anything unless I tell you?

VTCFEANAO: *Sighs romantically*

GINNY: What's with all the sighs, Mysterious Voice?

VTCFEANAO: Call me Siofra.

GINNY: Okay, what's with all the sighs, Siofra?

VTCFEANAO: I'll tell you! Come here!

GINNY: I can't, you're a Mysterious Voice!

*Suddenly, a fifteen year old girl appears*

VTCFEANAO (CALL HER SIOFRA): Here! *whispers in Ginny's ear*

GINNY: *Grins wickedly and looks at Hermione and Ron*

HERMIONE AND RON: *Cringe*

*The girl disappears*

VTCFEANAO (CALL HER SIOFRA): Read on, Dean!

DEAN: I don't want to read anymore!

VTCFEANAO (CALL HER SIOFRA): Fine! Hey, Voldemort, come read!

*Voldemort appears*

EVERYONE: *Gasps*

VTCFEANAO (HEREAFTER KNOWN AS SIOFRA): Oops.

VOLDEMORT: I'm going to kill you all! MUAHAHAHA!

SEAMUS: Siofra! Make him disappear!

SIOFRA: ...

HARRY: Um, Siofra? It didn't work.

SIOFRA: I'm trying, dadgummit!

EVERYONE: Dadgummit?

SIOFRA: It's a Texas thing.

EVERYONE: Oh.

RON: Why is he still here?

SIOFRA: I can't make him go away!

VOLDEMORT: That's right! Now I'm going to kill you all!

SIOFRA: *Zaps him with a lightning bolt*

VOLDEMORT: Ouch! That hurt!

HARRY, DRACO, RON, SEAMUS AND HERMIONE: *Nod their heads in agreement*

SIOFRA: *Zaps Voldemort again* Whee! This is fun!

VOLDEMORT: Knock it off!

*Suddenly, the same fifteen year old girl as before appears*

SIOFRA: Hey! How did I get down here?

VOLDEMORT: I pulled you down here. Can't have you zapping me when I'm trying to kill Harry Potter. Now you can't get back up.

SIOFRA: *Scrunches her eyes in concentration* *stops and gives Voldemort a death glare* He's right.

HARRY: What do we do now?

VOLDEMORT: I kill you. That's what we do now.

HARRY: I was afraid you'd say that.

VOLDEMORT: *Walks toward Harry, his wand outstretched*

HERMIONE: Oh! What are we going to do?

SIOFRA: Wait!

VOLDEMORT: *Stops walking and looks at Siofra* What?

SIOFRA: I just had a brilliant plan.

VOLDEMORT: Oh, okay then. Go ahead.

SIOFRA: Thanks. *Takes a deep breath* HELP!!

RON: That's your big plan? Call for help?

SIOFRA: *Grins wickedly* Just wait....

RON: But what is calling for help going to do?

HERMIONE: I agree! That's of absolutely no use to us!

SIOFRA: Just wait, okay?

*Suddenly, six very hot, very buff dudes bust through the window*

EVERYONE: *looks in astonishment at Siofra*

SIOFRA: *Smiles smugly* Told you so.

HERMIONE: You can't apparate at Hogwarts.

FIRST DUDE: We didn't. We flew a stealth helicopter onto the Astronomy tower, then rappelled down here.

HERMIONE: But that's impossible!

SECOND DUDE: It's possible for us. We're Navy SEALS, we can do anything!

RON: Seals? You guys don't look like seals.

HERMIONE: They aren't real seals, you git!

SIOFRA AND GINNY: *Sigh romantically*

HERMIONE: *Ignores them* They're Navy SEALS. SEAL stands for SEa, Air and Land. They're special forces.

VOLDEMORT: That's nice and all, but I'm in the middle of something here!

THIRD SEAL: Hey! Green dude! Shut up!

VOLDEMORT: *Sticks out his tongue at the SEAL, but shuts up*

SEAMUS: Well, it's nice to meet you!

FOURTH SEAL: But we haven't been introduced!

HARRY: Oh yeah. Well I'm Harry, that's Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Seamus, Dean and the Voice That...I mean, that's Siofra. Oh, and that green dude is Voldemort.

RON, GINNY, DRACO, SEAMUS AND DEAN: *cringe*

FOURTH SEAL: I'm Tom, that's Daniel...*points at first SEAL, who smiles at them*...Rupert...*Points at second SEAL, who salutes Ginny*...Sean...*points at third seal, who waves*...James...*points at fifth SEAL, who doesn't do anything*...and Oliver. *points at sixth SEAL, who smiles at them*

SIOFRA: This is one wacky MST.

EVERYONE: *stares at Siofra*

GINNY: What's an MST?

SIOFRA: You know, I have no clue what MST actually means.

EVERYONE: *Rolls their eyes*

VOLDEMORT: Hey! I am supposed to be carrying out my evil plan! You guys interrupted me!

JAMES THE SEAL: HEY! GREEN DUDE! SHUT UP!

VOLDEMORT: But....

OLIVER THE SEAL: SHUT UP! I'm warning you, greenie, one more sound....

VOLDEMORT: *Shuts up*

SEAN THE SEAL: Okay, where were we?

RON: I don't think we were anywhere, really.

HERMIONE: Yeah, I don't think so either.

SIOFRA AND GINNY: Hermione just agreed with Ron! SQUEE!

EVERYONE MINUS SIOFRA AND GINNY: *Back away slowly*

DANIEL THE SEAL: *Aside to Harry* Are they...okay?

HARRY: Sometimes I wonder.

SIOFRA: Hey! I heard that! If I had my bag of lightning bolts, I'd zap you so badly you wouldn't be able to walk for a week!

HARRY: Well then, it's a good thing you don't have your lightning bolts.

SIOFRA: *Sticks her tongue out at Harry*

HERMIONE: Stop bickering, you two!

RON: Yeah, we have more important things to do.

RUPERT THE SEAL: Like what?

SEAMUS: Like defeat You-Know-Who!

TOM THE SEAL: No, we don't know who.

HERMIONE: *Points at Voldie* That guy.

JAMES THE SEAL: Oh. What's up with him?

OLIVER THE SEAL: Aside from the fact that he's a very interesting green color.

DEAN: He's evil.

SEAN THE SEAL: So?

RON: So, he killed Harry.

DANIEL THE SEAL: *Looks at Harry* He doesn't look dead to me.

RON: I mean, he's going to kill Harry.

TOM THE SEAL: Has he killed other people?

HERMIONE: Loads and loads of them.

RUPERT THE SEAL: Oh, well we can't have that.

TOM THE SEAL: I agree. *Shoots Voldie in the head with his big-ass submachine gun*

VOLDIE: *Falls on the ground dead*

DRACO: NO! Master! EEK! *falls on the ground crying*

HARRY: Why didn't I think of that?

SEAN THE SEAL: *Knowingly* That's why you aren't a SEAL, mate.

HARRY: Oh. Can I still be an Auror?

RUPERT THE SEAL: A what?

HERMIONE: Never mind. Thanks for your help, guys!

ALL SEALS: You're welcome!

JAMES THE SEAL: We have to be going now.

OLIVER THE SEAL: Yeah, you know...

SEAN THE SEAL: People to save...

RUPERT THE SEAL: Hostages to rescue...

DANIEL THE SEAL: Terrorists to kill...

TOM THE SEAL: Beautiful women to snog...

EVERYONE: *Looks at Tom incredulously*

SEAMUS: Hey, I think I want to be a SEAL!

TOM THE SEAL: It's the uniform, dude. Girls love the uniform.

ALL SEALS: *Jump out the window*

GINNY: *Rushes over to the window, only to find that the SEALS have disappeared* Hey, where'd they go?

SIOFRA: They left.

GINNY: But how?

SIOFRA: They are SEALS, you know.

HARRY: *looks at dead Voldie, with Draco crying over him* What do you think we should do about them?

SIOFRA: *Zaps them* Hey! I got my lightning bolts back! That must mean....

*Siofra disappears*

SIOFRA: YAY! I'm a mysterious voice again! Hang on, that means I can...

*Draco and Voldie disappear*

SIOFRA: Okay, you guys can go now, too!

EVERYONE MINUS SIOFRA: Bye!

EVERYONE MINUS SIOFRA: *Disappears*

*Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is still lying on the ground, open to page four*

SIOFRA: That was the weirdest MST ever.