Siofra and Company

Two very good-looking boys were standing in the hall, surrounded by a crowd of girls, who were either clamoring for their attention or watching them with rapturous expressions.

"Honestly," Kiara said exasperatedly. "Look at those girls!"

"Could the harlots be any less subtle?" Siofra muttered.

"Siofra!" called the shorter of the two, as he raised a hand in greeting.

"Con!" Siofra rushed to hug her brother. They bore a slight resemblance to each other, and were on good terms...most of the time.

"Neil!" Kiara said, and hugged her brother as well.

Con and Neil made an interesting pair. Con was shorter, but what he lacked in height, he made up in confidence. Loud and obnoxious, he was always the center of attention, making snarky comments that put Draco Malfoy to shame. Neil was tall, and almost constantly wore the scowl that Siofra suspected they teach classes on at Marine boot camp. That scowl masked a wicked sense of humor that showed itself at odd moments, especially when he was around Con.

Con was an Irish lightning bolt. Always in movement, whether it be a tap of the foot or a gesture of the hands. Neil was quiet and steady, what the enraptured teenage girls called tall, dark and mysterious. The author would like to take this moment to laugh hysterically at the enraptured teenage girls.

"How did you guys get here?" Brianna asked, as she, Seren and Alaina pushed their way through the crowd of love-struck teenagers.

"I don't know," Con said. "We were just thinking about where you guys could be, when we disappeared."

"Yeah, it was like magic or something," Neil added.

Siofra rolled her eyes. "Hello, Neil! This is Hogwarts! As in, the Potterverse!"

Kiara noticed that the crowd was watching them eagerly. "Clear off, you lot!" she said, in a threatening voice. As Kiara was rather tall and dangerous looking, no one disobeyed.

"What is the Potterverse?" Con asked, when they were alone in the hall.

"Harry Potter!" Brianna said exasperatedly.

"Oh, God no!" Neil said with feeling.

"Hey, don't knock Harry Potter," Siofra scolded. Neil rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything.

"Con, you have to help me," Kiara said.

"What do you need?" Con asked.

"Siofra," Kiara said dramatically, "has been talking to a boy!"

Con rounded on his little sister. "Siofra! What have I told you about boys!"

Siofra sighed, and recited in a monotone, "Boys are scum and they only want one thing."

"Exactly!" Con said. "Now, after I've made that perfectly clear, why do you persist in talking to them!"

"Not just any boy," Kiara said, and Siofra shot her a dirty look. "She's been talking, and flirting, with Draco Malfoy!"

Con's eyes widened. "You are hereby confined to your room until further notice."

"Shove it," Siofra said. "I have class."

"Class?" Con said.

"Yes, as in, I'm going to be late for Potions if you don't leave me alone."

"What are we supposed to do until you guys get out of class?" Neil asked.

Kiara eyed the crowd of girls that had begun to reform around the two boys. "I suggest running for your lives," she advised.

"Our lives?" Neil said.

"Or, at least, your virtue," Siofra said.

There seems to be a shortage of cute guys at Hogwarts. As of the moment, the only cute guys that could be seen at the school were Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley (Who was practically married to Hermione anyway, so he didn't count), Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Blaise Zabini, and Michael Corner.

Six guys (Five, if you don't count Ron), and over a hundred girls. You do the math.

Con and Neil did the math and quickly ran the other direction, whilst Siofra and her band of merry men...women...her band of merry comrades tried to hold off the stampede. They didn't last long, but at least gave the boys a bit of a head start.

As the throng of crazed, hormonal teen girls chased after the two nineteen-year-olds, the Company fell into the floor laughing. All except Seren, that is. She glared darkly at the retreating horde, muttering something along the lines of, "...Neil's mine...hands off...dirty hoes..."

"Aw, cut them some slack, Seren," Siofra said reasonably. "They can't help it."

"Sure they can," Seren replied.

"Think about it, Seren," Siofra draped an arm across Seren's shoulders. An amazing feat for a girl of five-foot-one, but Siofra managed somehow. "Con and Neil are amazingly good-looking. You, my dear friend, have been immunized to this phenomenon by prolonged exposure, but those poor girls got the full blast all at once."

"Not to mention the fact that it was both of them," Kiara added. "That doubles the effect."

Seren was not consoled by these words, and continued to mutter threateningly about what was going to happen to anyone who so much as looked at Neil. Siofra didn't quite catch it, but was sure it had something to do with a pair of pliers, a hot poker, and a pair of deranged gerbils.

"Come on," Brianna said, interrupting Seren's detailed description of what exactly she'd tear out with the aforementioned pair of pliers. "We're going to be late for Potions."

The Potions lesson was punctuated frequently by the sound of running footsteps, accompanied by girlish squeals of laughter from the horde and screams of terror from Con and Neil.

This did nothing to improve the already sour mood of Professor Snape. As usual, Snape was partial to the Slytherins and insulting to the Gryffindors. The author would like to take this moment to say that yes, she does know that it's sixth year. Yes, she does know that this would be Advanced Potions, and not everyone would be in it. She'd also like to say that she doesn't give a rip.

Siofra would like to take this moment to say, "cough, cough, plot hole, cough, cough."

The author would like to point and say, "Look, there's Draco Malfoy!"

Siofra would like to say, "Where?!"

The author would like to laugh, because Draco really isn't there. Siofra would like to say that this is Potions, Draco is too there. The author would like to say damn, Siofra got the last word.

Siofra winked at Draco, and he winked back. He set up his cauldron next to hers, getting dark stares from Kiara, Blaise and Snape.

"What's up, Draco?" Siofra asked as she got out the ingredients that she would need.

"I was just noticing that--"

The sound of dozens of feet running through the hall, interspersed with screams of terror and girlish squeals, drowned out his words.

"Sorry, Draco, didn't quite catch that," Siofra said.

"I said, I was just noticing that--"

"Siofra!" Kiara called.

"One second, Kiara! Go on, Draco."

"I said, I was just noticing that--"

"Draco!" Blaise yelled. Siofra and Draco turned on the unsuspecting Slytherin.

"We are trying to have a conversation, here!" Siofra said angrily.

"Oh, did I interrupt?" Blaise said innocently.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, you did," Draco said.

"Good," Blaise replied maliciously. He exchanged a high five with Kiara.

"You two are sick and twisted," Siofra observed.

Amidst their argument, Potions class ended. Snape did not assign them homework, mainly because the author cannot be bogged down with forcing her main characters to do homework.

"Is that the last class?" Alaina asked.

Siofra checked her schedule again. "Yup," she said. "Let's go back to the common room."

"What about Con and Neil?" Kiara said indignantly.

"They'll find their way," Siofra said, shrugging her shoulders.

Seren turned to Siofra angrily. "You just want to see them suffer!"

"Of course I do!" Siofra replied with a laugh.

"Come on, we're finding them, and we're doing it now!" Seren said, and headed off down the hall, followed by the other girls.

"Hey!" Siofra called after them. "I'm supposed to be the leader!"

The author would like to inform Siofra that she likes Seren better than Siofra. Siofra would like to hit the author. The author would like to say that Siofra cannot hit her, because she is just an omnipotent being.

Siofra would like to say that if the author is omnipotent, could she tell Siofra where her brothers were? The author would like to point out that Neil isn't actually Siofra's brother. Siofra would like to say that it doesn't really matter. The author says whatever, the boys are in the Great Hall, eating. Siofra would like to say that's no big surprise.

"Wait!" Siofra called after her friends. "I know where they are!"

"Really?" Seren asked, hurrying back down the hall. "How?"

"I'm psychic," Siofra informed her.

The other girls rolled their eyes as one.

"Where are they?" Kiara asked.

"I'll show you," Siofra said, not wanting to lose her newfound leadership status.

She led them to the Great Hall, where they found the boys. They were eating, or at least attempting to. They were hindered by the close proximity of a few dozen girls too stubborn to give up the chase.

"Get out of the way, get out of the way!" Siofra called, pushing indiscriminately at the throng. She could practically smell the hormones.

"Come on, you two," she said when she reached her brothers. The author would like to point out that Neil is not really...Siofra would like to tell the author to get over it already.

"Why?" Con said. "We're eating." He gestured at his plate.

"I'll nick you something from the kitchens," Siofra said. She kept the crowd at bay with a few well placed death glares. "That way, you can eat in peace, away from the horde."

"Why are we still here?" came Brianna's voice, as she made her way through the crowd.

"The boys are hungry," Siofra said with disdain, transferring her glare to her brothers. Siofra would like to inform the author that if said author says one word...the author refrains from mentioning the actual blood relationship between Siofra and Neil. Siofra would like to point out that she just mentioned it. The author begs forgiveness.

"Get up, you idiots," Brianna said. The boys did so, with a promptness that had Siofra eyeing Brianna with a new respect.

"How'd you get them to do that?" Siofra asked with wonder.

"We like her better," Neil said.

Siofra stuck her tongue out at Neil.

"Come on then," Kiara said, throwing her own death glares at the crowd. Grumbling, the crowd returned to their respective house tables. Siofra groaned when quite a few of them sat down at the Gryffindor table.

"We'll never get any peace with them around!" Siofra sighed.

"We'll have to live," Kiara said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Come on then, up to the common room," Brianna said with authority. Con jumped up and, taking the lead, headed out of the Great Hall. Siofra followed him with a smirk. Sure enough, he stopped in the entrance hall, looking confused.

"Which way is the common room?" he said, turning to Siofra.

"I'll show you," she said, smiling archly as she led her band of merry comrades up the staircase. She was most definitely not letting her brother take her status of "leader and main character" away from her, cunning and manipulative though Con might be.

She groaned again as she climbed the fifth staircase.

Coming up beside her, Kiara looked at her questioningly. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing at all," Siofra said sarcastically, shaking her head. "I'm going stir-crazy! If I don't find a computer and get to write my stories, I think I'm going to explode!"

"Oh," Kiara said. "What about Hogsmeade? Couldn't you go to Hogsmeade and see if they have a computer?"

Siofra pondered this for a moment. "Maybe it's far enough away from Hogwarts...."

"There's no sense in not trying," Kiara said.

"Well, better now than never!" Siofra said, her happiness restored at the prospect of a blank screen and a mind full of ideas.

"It's almost nine, you crazy harlot," Kiara said.

"So?" Siofra shrugged her shoulders. "And stop saying harlot. That's my word!"

"You still can't go anywhere," Kiara pointed out.

"Who's going to stop me?"

"A teacher, a prefect, the Head Boy or Girl, just to name a few."

"They won't stop me," Siofra said nonchalantly. She turned around and headed back down towards the entrance hall.

"What's going on?" Brianna asked.

"Change of plans," Kiara said. Ignoring Siofra's cry of, "P.D. Yerf! Riley Snave! I love you!" she took her sister aside.

"Siofra's dying for a computer. We're going to see if they have one in Hogsmeade."

"I'm coming with you," Brianna said without hesitation.

"You have to take the rest of them to the common room!" Kiara protested.

"Con! Neil! Come here!" Brianna said. Grabbing them both by the arm, she gave them detailed directions to the common room.

"Can you find it?" she asked when she had finished.

"Yes," Con said confidently. "Of course we can."

"Con, you think you can do anything," Kiara said scathingly.

"And have I ever been wrong?" Con asked, in a maddeningly smug way.

"No," Kiara said, although it pained her to admit it.

"Come on!" Siofra cried, in annoyingly good spirits.

"Don't stop on the way," Brianna advised. She looked around anxiously. "The horde may find you yet."

Shuddering, the boys nodded. Motioning for Alaina and Seren to follow them, they headed towards the next staircase.

"Are you two coming, or what?" Siofra asked.

The three of them headed down to the entrance hall. As they were walking towards the door, they were apprehended by none other than Professor Snape himself.

"Where do you three think you're going?" said Snape smoothly.

A look of calm control on her face, Siofra whipped out her wand and pointed it at Snape.

"Merlin help me, Snape," she said in a cold voice. "Give me a reason to curse you into oblivion, and I swear that I will do it."

Snape looked taken aback. No student had dared to challenge his authority, before now.

"Miss Mahoney, you may find that you will regret this," he said.

"I highly doubt that, you greasy-haired git," Siofra said.

Snape was painfully aware that he had left his wand in his office. A startlingly out of character move for him, but the author likes to see him squirm.

"Leave, before I take a page out of Ginny Weasley's book and put the Bat Bogey hex on you."

Snape walked away, muttering under his breath about insolent teenage girls.

"That's CRAZED LUNATIC to you, Snape!" Siofra shouted after him, her usual snarky grin returning.

Kiara and Brianna just stared at her.

"Are you sure you're not in Slytherin?" Kiara asked.

"Do I look like I'm in Slytherin?" Siofra questioned, her eyebrows raised.

"Um, would you like me to answer that truthfully?" Kiara said.

"Callete, antes que te callo," Siofra said as she walked out the door.

"I hate it when she talks in Spanish," Kiara said, following her out onto the grounds.

*

They arrived in Hogsmeade, and found a convenient computer inside the Three Broomsticks. No, the computer wasn't there before, but the author has decided to show Siofra some mercy.

Logging on to www.astronomytower.org, Siofra checked her mail and found that she had a message from Lady Ria.

"Dammit woman! I always read your fics quite by accident then realise its YOU!!! WHY DO I ALWAYS READ YOUR FICS?!?!?!?!?! Nice on, by the way..."

Siofra smiled. "I love Lady Ria," she said, grinning. "She makes me laugh. She and katicle..."

"You love them more than you love me!" Kiara cried, from the computer console next to her.

"Dang skippy," Siofra said. "They review my stories."

"I do too!"

"Not like them, you don't," Siofra argued.

"Fine, love them more than the girl you've known for twelve years. Twelve years, Siofra! Have I meant nothing to you?!"

"Haven't we gone over this already?" Siofra asked in a bored voice.

"Where in Merlin's name are we?" came a new voice, as two people entered the pub.

Siofra turned from her computer, raising her eyebrows at the two unknown girls.

"Is this the right place?" asked the second girl.

"It looks really familiar..." said the first girl.

"It's the Three Broomsticks," Siofra said helpfully.

"The...oh Merlin, Katy!" said the first girl in a dazed voice. "We were right!"

"Yeah, we were! Go us!" said the girl called Katy.

"Yeah," said the first girl.

"Oh!" said Katy, catching sight of Siofra. "Are you Hermione?!"

Siofra frowned. Everyone always said she looked like Hermione. The author would like to point out that she does look like Hermione. Siofra would like to say that's beside the point.

"No, I'm Siofra," Siofra said. "This is Kiara."

Katy's eyes widened in recognition. "Siofra the Elf?"

"Yes," Siofra said.

"I'm katicle!" Katy said.

"No way!" Siofra cried, looking distinctly happier than she had looked moments before.

"I'm Ria," said the other girl.

"Hey!" Siofra said, extending her hand. Ria took it and shook it.

"What brings you two to the Potterverse?"

"We came to help you," Katy explained.

"Help me with what?" Siofra asked.

"Getting home," Katy said.

"Oh," Siofra said.

"We figured out how you people keep appearing here," Ria said.

"Really?" Kiara asked.

"Yup," Ria said, nodding her head smugly.

"Here's how it works," Katy began. "What happens is--"

BANG.

"What was that?" Kiara said.

"Let's go see," Siofra said.

"Hey! Where in the hell are we?!" came an angry voice. "OW!"

"I don't know," said another voice. "How's your toe?"

"I stubbed it!" said the first voice.

Siofra suddenly gave a peal of laughter and ran outside. Recognizing the two voices, Kiara followed her. Ria and Katy just looked at each other.

"Why not?" Ria said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I agree," Katy said, nodding her head. They both ran for the door, and walked outside just as Siofra and Kiara were hugging the two girls that had appeared.

"Deirdre," Siofra said. "I thought I recognized your angry voice."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Siofra's older sister in a threatening tone.

"Nothing, nothing," Siofra said innocently.

"Where are we?" asked the other girl, Anwen.

"The Potterverse," Kiara said.

"What?!" the two girls asked at once.

"Harry Potter," Siofra explained. Then her eyes went all misty again. "Draco Malfoy...."

Deirdre snorted with laughter. "Oh no, how's poor Draco putting up with Siofra, anyway?"

Kiara gave a disdainful huff. "They've hit it off pretty well."

"Oh, if Con were here..." said an amused Deirdre.

"He is," Siofra said happily. "But he's too busy fighting off the mob to worry about who I snog."

"The mob?" Anwen asked.

"Ria, Katy!" Siofra called. "Might as well come out here as stand in the doorway eavesdropping!"

"We weren't eavesdropping," Katy said, as she and Ria walked out. "We were taking our time getting out here."

"Yeah," Ria said. "There's a difference."

"The mob?" Anwen said again.

"The great big Hormonal Horde!" Siofra explained with relish. "Teenage girls have been chasing Con and Neil around all day long."

"Oh, no," Deirdre said. "Both of them are here?"

"Yeah," Kiara said.

"That just intensifies the problem," Deirdre moaned.

"That's what I said," Siofra said approvingly, nodding her head.

"Who are Con and Neil?" Katy asked.

"My brothers," Siofra answered. Siofra would like to warn the author...Not a word, dear Siofra, not a word.

"Well, what are we doing about getting home?" Anwen asked.

"We weren't really doing anything," Siofra said. "And then Katy and Ria came and were going to tell us how we got here."

"That was a completely confusing statement," Ria said. "If I was your beta, I could fix that."

"If you were my beta," Siofra retorted, "I'd have mad twincest in the corridors!"

Ria smiled evilly. "What do you guys have against twincest?"

"Aside from the fact that it's sick and wrong?" Katy inquired.

"Weren't you two going to tell us how we got here?" Kiara asked.

"Oh yeah!" Katy and Ria exclaimed as one.

"Wait, don't tell us yet!" Siofra exclaimed.

"Why not?" Ria asked.

"Because the author needs a cliffhanger," Siofra said knowingly.

"Oooohhhh," Ria said, in an understanding voice.