Siofra and Company

As requested by Missy Black, here is a list of the Original Characters:

Siofra: Sort of the main character. Obsessed Potterholic and self proclaimed Slytherin. Motto: Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

Kiara: Siofra's best friend of twelve years. A funny girl who likes to ride horses and make fun of Siofra's Potterholic tendencies, although she has a weakness for Draco/Hermione fanfiction.

Brianna: Kiara's older sister, (Though, for the sake of this fic, she's the same age as the rest of the girls), funny as all get out, and resident reader of everything she can get her hands on. The only other OC who's read the HP series.

Alaina: Another friend, who also likes horses. She's funny, and is probably the most Hufflepuff-ish of the bunch. In a totally Cedric Diggory kind of way.

Seren: Alaina's sister, the prettiest of the bunch. Likes to tell Siofra that she's weird every chance she gets.

I shall be updating this list, as more OC's will be involved in the making of this fic. Sorry to confuse you, but I promise that it's important!

So, Siofra and Co. headed up to the castle, followed closely by Harry Potter and Co., and watched by Draco Malfoy and Co. The author would like to take this time to tell the Readers and Co. not to insult the "and Co." parts. The author loves them.

"Okay, question," Seren said, walking beside Siofra. "Who was that hot blonde guy?"

"No way, Seren," Siofra said warningly. "Draco Malfoy is mine."

"That's Draco Malfoy?" Alaina said incredulously. "He's...wow...."

"I know," Siofra said. "And you guys made fun of my obsession with him. I will tell him that you said he was a homo."

"Hey!" Alaina said. "That's not fair! I never said that!"

"Malfoy doesn't know that," Siofra said, grinning evilly. "Besides," she continued, in a reasonable tone of voice. "I'll let you have Seamus."

Kiara gasped. "You'd give up the hot Irish dude, just for Draco Malfoy? Who is evil, by the way."

"Yeah," Siofra said. "Did you not see Draco Malfoy? I'd give up my right arm for Draco Malfoy!" She said this with much feeling, and her friends decided that she was crazy.

"Well," Seren said, looking excited. "Who do I get?"

"No one," Siofra said.

"Why not?" Seren asked angrily.

"Excuse me, but you've got a boyfriend."

"He's not technically my boyfriend," Seren said. "Is he?"

"I never really thought about the technicalities of it," Siofra thought. "But I suppose that he is."

"Well, fine then," Seren said.

"Hey!" Kiara interrupted. "May I remind you that you two are talking about my brother?"

"Okay," Siofra said, eyeing Kiara evilly. "Let's talk about Seren's brother. I think he likes you, Kiara."

Kiara blushed, before denying it vehemently. Siofra and Kiara argued about the poor guy all the way up to the castle. They were still arguing as they walked through the door.

"He does too!"

"No he doesn't!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"Does not!"

"Excuse me, girls," said Professor McGonagall (looking like Maggie Smith). "What are you doing here?"

"Um, it's a long story, Professor," Siofra said.

"Yeah," Brianna agreed. "Way too long, and we have to see Dumbledore."

Professor McGonagall raised an eyebrow. "Alright then, come with me."

"How out of character," Siofra pointed out. "She'd ask us a bunch of questions and then reluctantly agree to let us see Dumbledore." The author would like to tell Siofra to mind her business, because the author has no time for such foolishness. Siofra would like to stick out her tongue at the author.

Dumbledore met them halfway up the staircase. He always seemed to know when there was trouble afoot.

"Girls," he said, nodding to them. "I've been expecting you."

"You have?" Siofra and McGonagall asked in unison.

"Yes. I've been looking at a certain silver instrument in my office, and it told me that someone had been transported from an alternate universe."

"Oh," Siofra said, with a snarky grin. "Then it's a good thing Harry didn't break that one last year, huh?"

Dumbledore smiled. "Well, until I can figure out a way to get you back to your own universe, you'll have to attend Hogwarts."

Siofra would have liked to ask why they couldn't just rent rooms at the Leaky Cauldron and play around, but the author prevented her. It is important to the plot that they stay at Hogwarts. Siofra would like to take a moment to say PLOT HOLE.

"So," Brianna asked excitedly. "Are we going to be sorted?"

"I suppose," Dumbledore said. "You'll need a place to sleep, and we'll have to decide who gets your house points."

"Or," said Brianna, "in Siofra's case, which house gets points taken away from it."

Siofra stuck her tongue out at Brianna.

Professor McGonagall led the girls back to where the first years were waiting. Siofra smiled maliciously at the first years.

"Hey," she whispered to a particularly anxious child. "Did you know that we have to do all sorts of magic to be sorted? If we can't do it, they'll send us home."

"Siofra!" scolded Kiara. "That was not nice!" Kiara turned to the child. "You have to try on a tatty hat, that's all."

"Spoil sport," Siofra muttered. The first years (plus Siofra and Co.) were taken into the Great Hall. There were whispers as they passed the tables, probably because of the older girls walking down with the first years. They didn't notice Siofra, as she was so short she blended in with the first years. Siofra would like to tell the author that that was harsh.

As they watched the others being sorted, Siofra and Brianna gazed excitedly around.

"Oh, look! There's Seamus Finnigan!" Siofra cooed, pointing at a boy with Devon Murray's chin.

"And there's Dean!" Brianna whispered, indicating a black boy with Alfie Enoch's nose.

"Brianna, I think I've died and gone to heaven!" Siofra said. "Ron and Hermione...they're sitting next to each other! Squee!" Of course, she pronounced it skuh-WEE.

"Oh, there's Colin Creevey!" Brianna pointed to a boy who was holding a camera.

"And there's Dennis," Siofra said. "I love Dennis with a passion!"

"Yeah, Siofra," Kiara said, leaning over to them. "You love everything with a passion!"

"I do say that a lot, don't I?" Siofra said musingly. "Oh well, I love that phrase with a passion!"

"Funny," Kiara said, looking as if she could strangle her best friend. Just then, Professor McGonagall started reading names. Apparently, she had just given some sort of speech, but the girls hadn't been listening.

They listened as she went through the A's, the B's, and so forth, until she got to the D's.

"Davis, Alaina," McGonagall said.

Alaina went up and put on the hat. A full two minutes later, the hat shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!" and Alaina went to sit down with Harry Potter and Co.

The hat took one minute to sort Seren, and thirty seconds each to sort Kiara and Brianna. The result was the same, and they all joined the Gryffindor table.

When McGonagall called, "Mahoney, Siofra," Siofra unhesitatingly marched up and shoved the hat down on her head, but not before her friends caught a glimpse of a very Malfoy-ish smirk.

"Oh, what have we here?" asked a small voice that Siofra knew to be the Sorting Hat itself.

"Cunning, ambition, maliciousness, snarkiness, a blatant disregard for the rules..." said the voice. "I think you'll do well in Slytherin."

Not so fast, Siofra thought at the hat.

"What, my Slytherin-ish friend?" asked the voice.

I want to go into Gryffindor, with my friends, Siofra thought.

"That only works for Harry Potter," the Sorting Hat said, in an annoyed voice.

If you don't put me in Gryffindor, I'll sneak into Dumbledore's office and burn you to a crisp, Siofra informed the hat.

"Oh, well..." the hat stuttered. "In that case, better be GRYFFINDOR!"

Siofra took off the hat with a snarky grin, and went over to join her friends.

"Good one," Brianna said in an undertone. "I thought for sure that you'd be in Slytherin."

Siofra just smiled a knowing smile and turned to Dumbledore, who had begun to speak.

"I know that I should offer you words of encouragement at this hour, when we all know that Lord Voldemort-" here, most of the students shuddered, "-has returned. But the author is too lazy to type them, so you'll have to encourage each other. But know this! If you guys don't stop raggin' on my man, Potter, I'll send y'all all straight to detention!"

"Did Dumbledore just speak with a southern accent?" Kiara asked.

"Did he just use the word 'raggin'' in an actual sentence?" Brianna asked.

"Did Dumbledore just say 'y'all?'" Neville asked.

"Oh...Merlin," Siofra breathed. "This is bad. Voldemort-" here Ron gave a shudder, and Hermione slapped him on the head. Siofra resisted the urge to squee, and continued. "Voldemort has been drugging Dumbledore!"

"How do you figure this?" asked Alaina.

"Would Dumbledore ever speak in a southern accent?" Siofra retorted.

"Good point," Alaina agreed.

"So, what are we going to do about it?" Harry asked.

"Well," Siofra said, as if she'd had ages to figure out an answer. "I reckon that we should sneak into his office and have a look around. If we see anything suspicious, we can take it to McGonagall." She grinned evilly. "If we see anything inappropriate, we can use it as blackmail."

Harry and Co. looked at her in astonishment.

"You know what?" said Neville. "You should have been in Slytherin."

Siofra sighed wistfully and glanced at Draco. "Yeah, I should have."

"So, why aren't you?" Harry asked eagerly. "The Sorting Hat didn't put me in Slytherin because I asked it not to. Why didn't it put you in Slytherin?"

"None of your business, Potter," Siofra said serenely.

"The Sorting Hat almost put you in Slytherin?" Ron asked Harry incredulously, inching slowly away from him. "Really?"

"Yes, but it ended up putting me in Gryffindor, so what's the problem?" asked Harry.

"The Sorting Hat was going to put me in Ravenclaw," said Hermione.

Siofra jumped, making the first in a long line of crazed Good Ship related comments. "But then you said, 'Hey! Put me in Gryffindor with that hot redhead!' and the Sorting Hat, seeing that you were meant for each other, agreed!"

Hermione and Ron glanced at each other, and edged discreetly in opposite directions.

"Siofra, you're embarrassing them!" Kiara scolded. "Besides, everyone knows that it's not true. Leather and Libraries forever!"

"Shut up about that, you dimwit," Siofra said angrily. "That ship has so many holes in it that one more shipper would sink it."

"Why are they talking about boats?" Hermione asked Brianna.

"You don't want to know," Brianna told her.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Siofra," Kiara retorted. "At least it's more plausible than the Fire and Ice!"

"Not hardly!" Siofra said. "Fire and Ice has a lot more possibility of happening, especially when you take the Good Ship into account!"

"I'm not taking the Good Ship into account!" Kiara said. "I don't ship the Good Ship!"

"That's because you're an imbecile," Siofra informed her. "Everyone knows that you can't sink the Good Ship."

"Why can't you?" Kiara asked hotly.

"Because it's so canon!" cried Siofra happily.

"It's not that canon," grumbled Kiara. "I still ship the Leather and Libraries!"

Siofra glared at Hermione and Ginny, before muttering something that sounded distinctly like, "Stay away from my Slytherin, you good-for-nothing vandals."

Kiara couldn't help herself, she snickered loudly. "Did you just use the word 'vandal' in an actual sentence?"

Siofra stuck her tongue out at Kiara, glowering menacingly.

"At least I don't hide my Slytherin-ish side behind that awful Hufflepuff demeanor," she spat.

Kiara gasped. "I know you didn't just call me a Slytherin and a Hufflepuff."

Siofra grinned cheekily. "You say Slytherin like it's an insult or something."

"To the ones of us with a shred of moral decency, it is an insult," said Kiara.

"That leaves me out, then," Siofra shrugged.

"Excuse me," said a voice from over Siofra's shoulder. The others gaped at whoever was standing behind her, and Siofra understood why when she turned around.

"Why in Merlin's name are you talking to a bunch of Gryffindors?" Siofra asked Draco.

"To tell you two to shut your respective traps," Draco informed her. "Some of us are trying to eat in peace, here."

"Oh, Malfoy," Siofra said, in a saccharine sweet voice. "Why don't you shove it?"

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Where exactly would you-"

"STOP!" a voice interrupted him. Everyone in the Great Hall looked around, but no one saw who had spoken.

"HEY! It's me, the author!" said the voice. "Draco, keep your dirty thoughts and barely disguised innuendo to yourself. There are children in the audience!"

"Um, okay," Draco said.

"Oh, and that goes double for you, Seamus Finnigan," the voice said sternly.

"Ma'am, yes ma'am!" cried Seamus.

"Alright, carry on, then!" said the voice happily.

"Stupid voice won't let me make a snarky comment," muttered Draco. "Why she wants the dumb fic to be PG is beyond me..."

"If you have nothing else to say," Siofra told Draco, "you can go back to the Slytherin table."

Instead of leaving, Draco leaned over to speak in her ear. "Don't think you've seen the last of me, Siofra Mahoney," he said threateningly.

As he turned to leave, Kiara distinctly heard her obviously deranged friend sigh, "Is that a promise?"

Kiara promptly smacked Siofra over the head. "Siofra, you're a flaming idiot."

"I am not!" Siofra cried indignantly. "Oh wait, I chose to be friends with you. Maybe I am a flaming idiot."

Kiara's jaw dropped, and everyone else laughed.

"That was harsh," Kiara said.

"You know, some people think that we can't keep up this banter throughout the entire fic," Siofra said conversationally.

"No way!" Kiara scoffed. "We've been doing this for twelve years."

"That's what I said."

"When do we get our course schedules?" Brianna asked.

Siofra closed her eyes for a moment. "Tomorrow at breakfast," she answered.

Harry Potter and Co.'s jaws dropped.

"How does she know that?" Neville asked.

"I'm psychic," Siofra said knowingly. "Neville, you broke your wrist flying a broomstick when you were eleven."

Neville's jaw dropped again. "You really are psychic!"

"Oh, that was a lucky guess," Hermione said.

"Hermione," Siofra said, and Hermione cringed. "I know the deepest desire of your heart."

"No one knows the deepest desire of my heart," Hermione said.

"Oh yes I do!" Siofra chanted. Then she leaned over and whispered in Hermione's ear. The author has no idea how she did this, as Hermione was sitting a few seats down from Siofra on the opposite side of the table, but she managed somehow.

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Maybe you are psychic."

Siofra grinned smugly, and turned to Kiara. "As I said before, the Good Ship sails ever on, into the sunset."

"I don't think you said that before," Kiara pointed out.

"Well I'm flipping saying it now!" Siofra cried. She started to hum "Weasley is Our King" under her breath, although the author has no idea how she knew the tune.

After Dumbledore dismissed them, the students headed up to their dormitories. Siofra caught Draco's eye and dropped him a wink. He winked back, and blew her a kiss. Then she shook herself, and realized that Malfoy's do not blow kisses. It had been her rampant imagination. But he did wink.

Hermione gave the Fat Lady the password (Orange Crush), and the ten teenagers crawled through the portrait hole.

Siofra sat down, smiling at Harry and Ginny. This was rather hard to do at the same time, because they weren't sitting anywhere near each other.

"Did you hear the password?" Siofra asked Kiara.

"Yeah, Orange Crush," Kiara answered. "So what?"

"But, the Orange Crush is my favorite ship!"

"I thought the Good Ship was your favorite ship," said Kiara.

"Oh yeah!"

"Okay, what's with the boats?!" Hermione asked.

"Um, we own yachts," Siofra said. "All our friends own yachts, also. We are just debating which one we like the best."

"I think you're lying," Hermione said.

"She is," Kiara assured her. "She's lying through the skin of her teeth."

"Do teeth even have skin?" Siofra wondered.

"No, I don't think so," Kiara answered.

"Okay, Siofra," said Ginny accusingly. "What's up with you and Malfoy?"

"What do you mean?" Siofra asked.

"He never comes over to the Gryffindor table," Ginny said.

"Maybe he had a change of heart, realized that his entire way of life was wrong, and denounced his Death Eater father!" Siofra cried hopefully.

"Yeah, and my cat went to the moon yesterday," Kiara said.

Siofra gave her a dirty look. "Crazy wench."

"Draco Malfoy obsessed freak!" Kiara shot back.

"Hufflepuff duffer!"

"Torturer of small animals!"

"Filthy harlot!"

"Enough," Brianna said. "You're scaring the others."

The two girls stuck their tongues out at each other, and then realized that Harry Potter and Co. were staring at them with incredulous looks.

"You two row worse than Hermione and Ron," Harry said. A thought struck him, and he eyed the two of them in apprehension. "You guys aren't gay, are you?"

Siofra and Co. burst out laughing.

"No," Kiara said. "I assure you, we are not gay. Siofra loves Malfoy too much to be gay."

"What's the matter, Potter?" Siofra asked wickedly. "Are you a homophobe or something?"

"Yes, if you must know, I am a homophobe!" Harry exclaimed.

"Take that, Guns and Handcuffs!" Siofra shouted.

"Why is she talking to inanimate objects?" Ginny inquired of Seren.

"I have no idea..."