Your First Year Wet Himself

Chapter 9

Harry woke up like a swimmer comes out of the water, reluctantly, the depths of sleep still washing over him as he slowly, reluctantly surfaced to the land of the living. Or he would have, at least, if he hadn't hazily opened his eyes to find Draco perched on his chest, face inches from his own.

"ARRRRRRRRRRG!!" Harry yelped and hurled himself to his feet, momentum propelling him into a near by tree, on which he leaned, panting. "WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?"

"Just trying to see if you were awake is all," Draco drawled in an almost bored tone. Harry's heart had begun to stop beating its frantic cadence on his complaining ribs, and he placed a hand over it, as if to reassure. As his breathing came in less desperate gasps, and the color began to return to his face, he raised his eyes to meet his offenders, and glared.

"Don't DO that," he complained, still short of breath, "it's bloody terrifying."

"Noted," Draco said, rolling his eyes and giving the impression he really couldn't care less whether Harry died of a heart attack before he killed the Dark Lord or not. He tramped over to the bag of groceries, pulling out a wilting loaf of bread and looking skeptically at a still haggard looking Harry.

"Breakfast?" he said, amusement softening the lace of sarcasm in his voice.

"Lovely, isn't it?" Harry smiled sadly "But we can't afford anything else; the money has to last us for weeks, maybe even months. Trust me, next Tuesday when you're eating bugs it will look more appealing." Harry yawned suddenly, turning his head up to the sky as his did so. His eyes widened, and he froze mid-yawn, hair splayed out in all directions.

"Draco!" he yelped again, "What time is it?" The sun was not, as he had previously thought, in the easterly side of the sky, it was dangerously close to the west, as if it was... setting? Draco calmly looked at his watch.

"Half past six, why do you ask?" He looked mildly amused at Harry's gasp of disbelief.

"In the... in... in the night?" Harry stuttered, "But, why didn't you wake me.... We lost an entire day!! We're no closer to Ginny than yesterday!" He flailed his arms violently, causing several birds to squawk in protest and fly away from where they had been peacefully resting in the branches of the surrounding trees. His eyes glared menacingly, or at least as menacingly as one can look from behind coke-bottle glasses.

"I did try and wake you up," Draco said, "but you bit me." He said, a bit unbelievingly and a bit more disgustedly, as his held up a poorly bandaged hand. He pouted. "It hurt."

"It's useless to try and move on tonight. I suppose," Harry thought out loud, ignoring Draco's whimpers of pain and demands for sympathy. Instead, he turned to Draco and grinned. "Get dressed" he ordered as he did the same. Draco complied hesitantly, a bit scared to go anywhere near The Boy With The Vicious Fish-And-Draco-Eating Mouth.

"Why?" Draco drawled, managing to sound completely normal despite the fact he was in the middle of an unknown forest with Harry Potter in his underwear. A situation many were faced with and could relate, of course.

"We're going into town," Harry said, his voices overly full of cheer with a hint of danger.

Draco whimpered. Then he figured he did that a bit much and that he should think of something new to do when he was scared. Whimpering couldn't be very manly, could it? And of course, he wanted to be very manly for Ginny. This was why he tried all the creams, potions, pills and exercises, and also why he had to try explaining to Madam Pomfrey how he had managed to sprain that while simultaneously managing to develop a very nasty looking rash in areas he generally didn't display to the public. Except when stupid Harry Potter kicked him out of the Quidditch shed.

~*~

Town was a bit of a strong name for the group of tiny shops, clustered around one dirt road. All of them were dark and appeared to be closed.

"Great nightlife this place has. Great choice Potter," Draco mumbled, and reached over to slap his companion. Harry ducked, as they rounded the corner, he pointed to a large building at the end of the street, which was brightly lit and the sounds of music, laughter and fun spilled out into the night.

"Karaoke Night," Harry said with a smile.

"What's a karaoke?" Draco asked.

"You'll see." Draco was a bit frightened. Wonder Boy was looking especially devious, more so than he even looked, and he was a Slytherin! Yes, something was definitely up. They pushed open the door, and were assaulted by loud, loud singing and cheering. Harry turned to Draco and screamed over the music,

"I DARE YOU TO SING THE NEXT SONG!"

"I DON'T SING!" Draco screamed back.

"YOU DO NOW!!" Harry shoved Draco forcefully onto the stage, where a grimy looking muggle shoved a microphone into his hands and pointed to a TV on the left side of the stage.

"Lyrics," he said into Draco's ear. "Have fun..."

"Wait!" Draco called him back. "What do I do?"

"SING!" the old man giggled and pointed to the box again as his strode off. Draco curiously examined the large box. Was he to go and pull lyrics out of the box? Obviously not, he thought as the screen flickered to life, nearly scaring him senseless. He watched as words came across the screen. Magic!! he thought. Anything with magic can't be too bad. Music started off behind him, loud Rock & Roll type music, his favorite. He began mumbling the words as they changed color,

"I'm goin out tonight-I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout,"

He wasn't sure what to do with the black stick in his hand (the microphone) so he let it hang by his side. The old man mimed putting it to his mouth, so he did, and nearly jumped out of his skin when his voice boomed across the room.

"No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time"

Draco started to get into his song, swaying his hips a bit and smiled shyly at the crowed. Harry, for some reason, was laughing his head off every time Draco sang another word...was his singing that bad? He had never sung before outside of the shower, but none of his housemates had ever complained. I'll show him. Draco suddenly had the urge to prove to Harry that he could indeed sing with the best of them. He cleared his throat, and burst into song.

"The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

Draco flashed the crowd a fantastic Malfoy smile, women swooned, cat calls were heard, and there was the distinct thump as Harry hyperventilated and passed out onto the floor. No one noticed.

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts"

He threw his head back and forth on each "oh" causing his hair to swish back and forth across his face.

"Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"

At the last line, he slid on his knees across the stage, and winked at a particularly dazed looking girl in the front row. She joined Harry, unconscious on the floor.

"The girls need a break-tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance-we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down"

The noise of the crowd was deafening... Draco ran the length of the front of the stage, slapping hands and was surprised when a particularly ugly girl tried to pull him off. He decided not to do that again.

"The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

Draco was back in the middle of the stage, and feeling kind of warm. He seductively began to unbutton his shirt, planning on really giving the muggles a show.

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style"

The shirt was completely unbuttoned, and his chest was visible. Three women fainted and one burly looking man clutched his chest, gasping for breath. Interesting, Draco thought.

"Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"

He licked his lips on the last line, and at least four more women hit the floor. The gasping man was starting to look a bit purple.

"The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and..."

The shirt came off. He tossed it into the crowd. Resounding thuds were heard all around. Draco lost count of how many.

"Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"

Draco fell to his knees, crawling seductively on the stage, sticking his butt up into the air and looking as thoroughly shaggable as humanly possible. The crowd roared. Harry's head reappeared for just a moment, before catching sight of Draco, and promptly disappearing again. He smiled. More thuds.

"I get totally crazy"

He crawled forward

"Can you feel it?"

His lips were dry. He wet them.

"Come, come, come on baby"

Reaching the end of the stage, he gently cupped a very pretty young woman's face in the palm of his hand, and stared straight into her eyes.

"I feel like a woman"

The slap resounded across the room. His cheek stung and she no longer looked in love with him, she looked angry. He put his hand to his injured face and looked at her with wide eyes.

"That's utterly disgusting," she said, and left.

"Was it something I said?" he called after her, bewildered. Standing, he looked around for Harry. Spotting him sitting at a table in the back, he walked over, slightly disturbed as the muggles reached over to touch him when he walked by. He blew them kisses, and was put out when only a very large man, reminiscent of Vernon Dursley, returned them. He walked faster. When he reached Harry, the other man burst into a fit of giggles once again. His hand gently slapped the side of Draco's face, and his peals of laughter rang across the room.

"That," he gasped, "was utterly brilliant." A bunch of the muggle men had started to close in on them. Draco grabbed Harry's hand and they bolted for the door. Harry regained control of himself, but that stupid smile didn't disappear as the cold night air hit them full on. Draco yelped as it hit his bear chest, but didn't complain for once.

"Harry?" he asked. Harry looked at him expectantly. "Why did she slap me?" Harry giggled.

"It's generally not a turn on to tell a girl you 'feel like a woman' mate, sorry to break it to you." Harry looked about read to burst with laughter again.

"Well what do you know?" Draco huffed, and marched determinedly back down the road leaving Harry standing where he was.

Harry was glad McGonagall had packed him extra underwear, as he began to laugh again.