Remus Lupin's Diary

January 2^nd 10:55am Mmm... hot sweaty scrummy sex with Sirius last night, still can't sit down though, which could be a problem at Order meeting tomorrow. Dumbledore is a frigging sadist, couldn't he put a hold on saving the world until we've all slept off the toxins he knows we ingest over the festive season?

January 3^rd 9:07am Have just been woken up by Siri telling me we're late for the meeting and that I'm still shedding pink glitter. Not sure about the last one, could be a dastardly plot to get me to join him in the shower. Will stop messing about writing in diary and do so.

6:23pm Oh God... where to start? We arrived at Hogwarts later than planned, partly because of this morning's in-shower antics and partly because Sirius insisted we went by motorcycle. Honestly I never thought I'd say this, but I miss using Floo powder. It's probably better not to have it around the house though, after a certain drunken animagus tried to snort it.

So, unfortunately we arrived just as McGonagall and Dumbledore were walking into the meeting. When the cherub in the painting asked for the password, I found out why the poor thing looked so scandalised.

Dumbledore: ~lecherous grin~ "Hmm... what was the password again my dear?"

McGonagall: ~giggle~ "Maple syrup."

We may all be world-saving Order members now, but they were my teachers! Teachers should NOT have sex lives. Wait, maybe my mind's in the gutter and Dumbledore really does like maple syrup...on...pancakes...or ice cream...and other types of food and food only...Needing mental soap here.

Where was I? Oh yes, Dumbledore reminded me and Sirius to come in as we were both rooted to the spot by the implications of what we had heard. Then the meeting began, pretty uneventfully really. Well, as uneventfully as Phoenix meetings can be, ie. Arthur showed us his plans as to how rubber ducks can be utilized as an effective anti-Death Eater weapon, Moody was screaming 'Vigilance' at people indiscriminately and every red-blooded wizard's tongue was lolling out because of Poppy in her nurse's uniform. I swear Peter has a fetish. I should tell Skye. Maybe she already knows. Eew, receiving images! Am now officially Remus Lupin of the Technicolor Imagination, signing off to go look for the mental soap. Again.

6:33pm Where was I? Now, not there... BEFORE the images? Oh yes, the meeting. Partway through said meeting Dumbledore excused himself and left. Sirius and I both looked at McGonagall, but she didn't follow so I thought no more of it. That was until he came back, leading a dark figure into the room. (I'm not being dramatic, the figure really was dressed all in black. Just like his school days. Though ~I~ am not going to accuse him of being the only one who enjoyed wearing Black at Hogwarts. Tee hee. Sometimes Technicolor is a good thing.)

Anyway, when we realised exactly who Dumbledore had just brought to our top-secret members-only Order meeting, chaos erupted. There was something akin to a small explosion from Sirius's part of the table when he began throwing curse words the way Harry throws his food. Though the food is usually aimed at me, and Sirius's words were aimed at (dum dum dum!) Severus Snape, a.k.a. 'The Greasy Git', 'That snakey bastard' and 'Voted most likely to become a follower of an evil megalomaniac and try to kill us all for tormenting him throughout the entirety of his schooldays.'

All things/pet names considered, am actually quite surprised how kind the years have been to him...Hmm...and why was I not informed when Snape decided to make up for the fashion faux pas that was his schooldays and start wearing leather trousers?

Dumbledore told us that Snape had volunteered to become a double agent for the Order, and that he was on our side so no unforgivable curses were to be used. You can imagine the disappointment, and we made it known too. Though we had to shut up when reminded by Dumbledore that it wasn't compulsory for him to pay us for being part of the Order. The manipulative bastard. As to be expected, there were still rebellious mutterings from Sirius's corner of the table.

Corner? The table doesn't have corners. Except for Dumbledore's part of it. You see, Dumbledore decided that we should have a round table, as all the order members are equal. But he then came to the conclusion that he was far more equal than all of us, and therefore the table that we have is rather pointy and teardrop-shaped. I refuse to think about Dumbledore and tables. Dumbledore's reading list: Animal Farm, Tales of King Arthur and the Kama Sutra.

Why can I not stay on track for more than a few lines? I only seem happy when rambling on about things that wouldn't be out of place in a game of trivial pursuit, or pondering the sex lives of my teachers and/or best friends.

Sometimes trying not to think about Dumbledore and tables can be like trying not to think of a pink elephant.

The amazing imagination of Remus Lupin, now in Technicolor AND surround sound.