Remus Lupin's Diary

January 1^st, 1984.

11:31am Yeesh... hangover... ouch. Woke up this morning having drunk myself under the table. Realised this when knocked self out on said table.

Which is why, on the first day of the new year I am sprawled all over the Potter's couch being mothered with cold flannels by Lily and wondering why Peter and Skye just walked past randomly singing 'Jean Genie' at me. And why am I shedding pink glitter? If anyone tells me I should start the new year how I mean to go on, I may scream.

11:55am Ack. James waving his arse suggestively while singing 'New York's a go-go and everything tastes nice...' He's Lily's dammit Remus... Lily's...

12:03am Asked Lily why even she was humming Jean Genie. Found out. She has never been one to mince her words. Apparently at the party last night I refused to get up and sing karaoke. Sirius, cunning marauder that he still is, (pah!) fed me alcohol in order to lower my inhibitions. I ended up in glitter eye make-up and one of Lily's dresses, lap dancing to Jean Genie. Am now torn between joining the Death Eaters out of embarrassment, (at least they get to wear a mask!) or carrying out revenge on Padfoot and then joining the Death Eaters as will have used at least two unforgivable curses and will be on the run.

I'm going to kill Sirius. I'm going to drown him, hang him, draw and quarter him, crucio him, bury him alive, burn him at the stake and THEN kill him. I'm a wizard, I'll find a way to keep him conscious throughout. Just you wait Sirius I'm going to

3:56pm I'm sure I would have. Supposing, of course, that I could have gotten up without passing out. Was trying to compromise by moving into slightly vertical position on the couch when He-who-must-be-AKed came in, threw open the curtains and in his best 'good morning campers' voice said, "Rise and shine Moony baby!"

I screeched something along the lines of "The light! The light it burns!!" and tried to fizzle into a pile of ash on the floor. That would show Sirius. Failed to fizzle into a pile of ash and settled for glaring at him. "I hate you."

"No you don't. Well you obviously didn't last night," he flashed that infuriatingly sexy infuriating grin at me and sat on the couch, squashing my feet in the process.

"Oww! Bastard."

"You love me really."

"Don't."

"If you don't, that was quite a pretence you put on for me last night!" Sirius started to wiggle and sing. "Remus Lupin lives on his back! Remus Lupin loves Sirius Black! He's outrageous, he screams and he moans, Remus Lupin, let yourself go, oh oh!"

I don't know why I did it. Gah. Something about Sirius singing Bowie just gets to me. I kissed him, getting pink glitter all over the guy in the process, and, surprise surprise, passing out. Was carried back to apartment, where, thankfully, I am now in my own bed and have decided to make use of time by making resolutions. Thank the gods they're only enforceable on the 2^nd on January.

My New Year's resolutions

I will not pass out or faint in any way, shape or form. I am NOT girly. Pout, sulk, flounce.

In keeping with above resolution, I will limit my trips to Madame Pomfrey and show that I am a capable Order member who does not get cursed every mission we undertake.

I will make it absolutely clear that I do not tolerate being rescued.

I will not drink so much that I pass out, or do suggestive things to Sirius. In public anyway.

I will do all paperwork BEFORE Order Of The Phoenix meetings, instead of during.

I will not harbour inappropriate thought about other Order members, apart from Sirius.

I will only harbour inappropriate thoughts about Sirius if he gives up this 'free love' crap. He's no hippy, he just wants to be guilt free about fucking everybody.

I will create a happy and healthy relationship with the commitment-phobic disorganized, slobbish, lewd animagus that I have for a roommate.

I will not be paranoid about the Orwellian chaos the year 1984 seems to promise, and will become calm, laid back ice-queen king in order to attract certain animagus.

I WILL NOT BE GIRLY!

I will no longer fantasise about eating whole goats around the full moon, and control my animalistic tendencies.

I will cure my addictions to alcohol, Sirius, carbohydrates, coffee and cigarettes.

Yeah...sure, sure I will.

7:00pm Told Sirius about my decision to cut down on my alcohol intake. And my Sirius...um...intake. He told me that the best way to get rid of temptation was to remove it, and has come back from our kitchen with two bottles of Cava and one bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. I will worry about breaking both resolutions tomorrow, as he looks decidedly dashing with bottles in hand.