Siege of the Sues

By this point, Wormtail had realized that his station as commander of the girls was largely ceremonial. Mione had taken over commanding most of them at Hogwarts, and the Malfoy twins were far more intelligent than he had ever thought any Malfoy could be. He was pretty much biding his time back at Voldemort's manor, along with a few girls who had declined to go to Hogwarts with the rest. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that they insisted on painting his toenails purple.

"So tell us about when you went to Hogwarts," said one of the girls sitting at his feet.

"Me? Oh, it's not too interesting, really. I pretty much just ran around with my friends and helped them play pranks on people, stuff like that."

"Who were your friends?" the girl pressed.

"Well, two of them are dead now. Their names were James, Sirius, and--" He was cut off by a sudden squealing from all the girls.

"You were friends with them?" the first girl asked incredulously. "There's no way!"

"What do you mean?" Wormtail asked suspiciously.

"Because, like, they were so bish, and you're so...There's no way!"

Before Wormtail could respond to this, the door to the war room burst open and Bellatrix strode in. She quickly took in the situation--squealing girls, Wormtail with cotton balls between his toes--and frowned. "I thought you were supposed to be commanding this lot."

"Oh, I am." Wormtail stood up quickly, smudging the polish. "We've got Hogwarts completely infiltrated."

"Have you?" Bellatrix raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah. There's Sues everywhere. Remember Kayla Renee? You wouldn't believe who she's related to! Oh, and the Malfoy twins, they're absolutely wonderful. Wait until I tell you what they're doing!"

"Whatever they're doing," Bellatrix snarled, "It had better make up for the fact that I just saw the Dark Lord himself parading through the streets of Muggle London in broad daylight with a winged thing wearing a pink t-shirt that says 'Daddy's Little Devil' across the front!"

"Uh...well, you know, Muggles can't see the wings, and--"

"I don't care!" Bellatrix pounded on the table with her fist, scattering lipstick and glittery eyeshadow across the floor. "You let one of them exert her execreble influence over our master! I knew you were an idiot, Wormtail, but even you should be able to see what these things can do!"

"I know, I know, I..." Something struck him as wrong. "What were you doing in Muggle London, anyways?"

Bellatrix's expression changed as her face reddened. "Well, one of them did suggest I get some bondage gear, and it seemed like a good idea at the time," she admitted. "I managed to shake off the urge once I was actually in the store, but..." She trailed off, toying with a jeweled hair clip.

"See?" Wormtail mustered up the best triumphant smirk he could. "Even you're not immune to their effects!"

"Shut up, Wormtail."

"Okay."

"We're baaaaaack!" another voice called from the hallway. Wormtail and Bellatrix turned to see Voldemort and Keira walking up, loaded down with shopping bags. Keira did indeed have the pink t-shirt, and Voldemort was now wearing a shirt proclaiming himself to be the world's best dad.

Bellatrix groaned as the other girls ran up to exclaim over Keira's purchases. "I'm going to go gouge my eyes out now." One of the girls screamed as Keira brought out her new pet, a giant venemous tarantula that was apparently named Snookums. "And cut off my ears," Bellatrix called as she quickly walked down the hallway.

"So how are things going, Wormtail?" Voldemort murmured.

Wormtail rubbed his hands together with glee, something he'd always seen evil henchmen do in books but had never had the opportunity to do himself. "Very well, my Lord, very well indeed..."