The Tough Guide to Harry Potter

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Early Education varies widely between even Potterians of the same region. Education is vital to tourists wishing to be in Slytherin House. It is extremely important to the nobleSlytherin. NobleSlytherins will have had a classical education. Filled with Latin, Greek, and French. This serves to reinforce the general impression that Slytherin House has been trapped somewhere in the 18^th century (See Beds). Members of other houses are not so fortunate (at least in Hermione Granger’s opinion). They will know the three R’s and not much else.See childhoods, Draco Malfoy and Severus Snape

Evil exists in active and passive varieties in HPFH. Thus death eaters, Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy, andEvil Draco possess a wickedness that will express itself at all available opportunities in the form of rape, kidnapping, torture, and brainwashing. Concerned tourists should relax in the knowledge that evil is used by tour guides as a rather rough way of building character. They definitely hold to the adage that suffering is good for the soul. And don’t worry too much as only certain Potterians are allowed to die. See Ron Weasley, Harry Potter, Dumbledore, Percy Weasley, and Voldemort

Exchange Student/New student are inevitably female and have lead interesting lives. They will be beautiful, talented, charming, witty, and have a mysterious and rare magical gift. They will win over one of the many boys. They are similar to Defense Against Dark Arts teachers in that they primarily exist as a cure for Female Characters, Lack thereof.

Exile happens after Voldemort dies. It is almost always self-inflicted and lasts about 5 years. Tourists will only experience it indirectly as it applies to limited number of canon Potterians. Tour guides have evidentially decided exile to live as a muggle is a necessary stage in the recovery process. It is incredibly irritating/upsetting for those left behind. But they will welcome the returning exile with open arms. This will also lead to romance and pregnancy. See Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione

Eyes are the single most defining characteristic of a person in HPFH. You can tell that someone will be taking little to no part in the action if your tour guide neglects to describe them ocularely. Tourists should keep a list of the common and pertinent eye colors to avoid social gaffes.

Harry Potter’s eyes are emerald green. Just as they should be.

Hermione Granger’s are foody. They will be cinnamon or chocolate. This also applies to her hair.

Draco Malfoy’s eyes have temperature, color, and/or metallurgical value. They will be frigid/cold/ icy, gray/lavender/colorless, or mercury/silver/tempered steel. But they can also be all of these together.

Remus Lupin’s take on almost any shade but they MUST be unusual. The most frequent are golden, yellow, smoky gray, purple (note from Rugi: Huh?), or deep blue.

Ron Weasley has sleepy blue eyes.

Severus Snape has black eyes. But everybody knows that. So your tour guides have decided to be more descriptive. You will be barraged by a veritable thesaurus of ways of saying "black." An exhaustive list would be impossible but we will endeavor to touch on the most common ones. Onyx, slate, beetle black, raven, midnight, darkly reflective mirrors (Note from Rugi again: Is this a color? We couldn’t tell), and shadowy.

Original Characters will have exceptional eyes. And place no limits on the colors. Tourists are advised not to gawp.