The Wizard of Black

For quite a while, Lily walked down the yellow brick road. Occasionally, she would look at the little emerald time-turner that hung around her neck, wondering what on earth it did. Still, it was a pleasant journey because there were plenty of cheery flowers and a few little cottages as she exited House-Elf Land. But the road was quiet and uneventful except for blue birds chirping, until she reached a fork in the road.

Lily stopped and peered down both roads, trying to decide which way to go, when she noticed that a stag had come out was standing still on the road on the right, staring right at her. It would have been quite majestic looking had it not been staring at Lily with wide-eyes.

Because she really did have a love for animals, she slowly approached it. Every step she took toward the stag was a cautious one.

"It's all right," said Lily softly. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just think that you should get back onto the grass before someone comes along and runs over you..."

Yet the stag did nothing. It continued to stare at her with its wide, unblinking eyes.

When she was about three feet away from the stag, Lily gave up and decided that she'd just go on the other road. She turned her back and had only walked a few steps when a male voice called, "Wait! Don't go!"

Lily sharply turned around, looking all over for the source of the voice. But there was no one there except for herself and the stag. Words began to form in her head, and she started laughing before she said them.

"I'm going to sound crazy, asking an animal a question..." Lily began, laughing. She looked at the stag. "It's just...did you say something?"

And Lily was very surprised when the stag answered back, "Yes. I did."

Lily stared at the stag, looking completely lost. "No. No, you can't have."

The stag looked as if it had grinned. "Oh yes, I have."

"I definitely know I'm not in London anymore..." Lily muttered to herself, though it came out quite loud.

The stag said nothing, though it continued to grin and stare at her.

"So, not that I mind, or it's my place to ask, but what are you doing in the middle of the road?" asked Lily.

"I dunno," said the stag. "I felt like it. Generally, I live around here. It's not too bad."

"No, it isn't. It's really quite beautiful."

"And so are you," sighed the stag softly.

Lily had not heard what the stag had said.

"Pardon me?"

"Oh, I said, er... how are you?"

"I'm all right. It's just that I'm lost right now. You see, my name is Lily Evans, and I suddenly woke up to find myself in my house that dropped on a witch in House-Elf Land and now I'm walking down the yellow brick road to get to the Ebony City to see the Wizard of Black."

"Interesting," said the stag, who seemed to still be listening to the part where Lily had said her name. "That's a very pretty name."

"Thank you," said Lily, though a bit uncertain. It was very odd to have a stag talk to you and compliment your name. "What is yours?"

"I dunno," said the stag again. "Some person called me 'James' a long time ago, so I guess I just call myself that. It sounded kind of cool."

"That's not a bad name at all," said Lily. She looked away from James to look down the roads again. Sadly, they both looked rather identical. "Well, being that you've lived here, you must know the roads here pretty well."

"Yep," said James happily.

"Could you tell me which one I should go down?"

"Sure!" he said.

James turned around and looked one way, and then the other. Then he looked to the other road and back again. His inspecting seemed to go on for several minutes until finally, James gave an answer.

"I dunno."

Lily could sometimes be a bit of an impatient type when stressed, and she really wanted to get home. And now she had met a talking stag who had decided his name was James and stared at her stupidly and didn't have clear answers. It was beginning to get on her nerves.

"What do you mean you don't know?" she asked. "You must have at least some idea! And even if you didn't, you could at least say it in some way that doesn't sound like you're an idiot."

"Oh... I'm very, very sorry," said James, walking closer to her. "It's just... I haven't got a brain."

"Don't be silly. You must have one," soothed Lily. Though, if he didn't have one, she thought, it would really explain why he was acting like such an idiot.

"I really don't," continued James, his head nodding down, which made Lily back away a little so she would not get poked by his long antlers. "Oh, sorry," he said, as he noticed this and put his head back up. "I'm just a stupid git. I can never think straight or get stuff right, and I can't believe that I thought you could... well, I can't think, so never mind."

Lily patted James briefly on the head. She couldn't help it. "Well, what would you do if you could think? If you had a brain?"

Again, James took a while before answering. He stared around for a few seconds, and then suddenly began to sing.

"I could wile away the hours

Conferrin' with the flowers

Consultin' with the rain

And my head I'd be scratchin'

While my thoughts were busy hatchin'

If I only had a brain."

Lily realized that not only was it strange to see a stag talk and name himself James, but it was also very strange to see a stag sing. Yet, he seemed almost human, and his voice wasn't that bad. It almost seemed kind of romantic to her. Except for the part where she was in some crazy place, so thinking that James wasn't that bad was some crazy thought she was having. Maybe she needed a brain too.

James, however, appeared to be enjoying the song very much. In fact, he looked proud of himself for even coming up with the words suddenly.

"I'd unravel any riddle

For any individ'le
In trouble or in pain."

"With the thoughts you'd be thinkin'

You could be another Lincoln
If you only had a brain," Lily found herself adding.

"Who's Lincoln?" James asked blankly, losing his song.

"Never mind," she said quickly. James appeared to shrug, and continued his song. He had even started kind of galloping along to it.

"Oh, I would tell you why
The ocean's near the shore
I could think of things I never thunk before
And then I'd sit and think some more!

I would not be just a nuffin'
My head all full of stuffin'
My heart all full of pain
I would dance and be merry
Life would be a ding-a-derry
If I only had a brain!"

James suddenly stopped singing.

"What's wrong?" asked Lily.

"I have some more words, but I can't remember them."

"Oh, that's all right. What you did was great. You don't ne-"

"Wait, I remember them now!" interrupted James and he continued.

"Oh, I would tell you why

The ocean's near the shore

I could think of things I'd never thought before"

"And then you'd sit and think some more!" added Lily.

He nodded.

"Gosh, it would be awful pleasin'

To reason out the reason

For things I can't explain

Then perhaps I'd deserve ya

And be even worthy 'erve ya...

If I only had a brain!"

James looked at Lily, and then flopped down and sighed. "Oh, if I only had a brain!

Lily clapped for him. She wasn't even sure that what she had just seen was real. "Who says you haven't got a brain? I don't know anyone in London who would think a stag who can talk and sing didn't have a brain." She paused. "Then again, they'd probably think I'm crazy."

"You're too pretty to be crazy," James blurted out. "I mean, er, what's London?"

Ignoring what James had just said to her (and hoping that it was just a result of him not having a brain), Lily answered his question. "London is where I live, and I'm going to the Ebony City to see the the Wizard of Black so I can try and get back there."

"So you're going to see a Wizard?" James asked.

Lily nodded.

"Can I come with you?" asked James. A little too quickly. "I mean... if this Wizard can get you back to London, then don't you think he could get me some brains?"

"I suppose he could," Lily said. "And if he didn't, then at least you'd have a bit of an adventure."

She stopped. What was she doing? Did she really want this...idiot to come with her?

"But wait...maybe you better not come. There's a witch mad at me, and she might go after you too."

James laughed. "A witch? I'm not scared of any witch. I'm not scared of anything!" He straightened himself, and stood as majestically as possible.

Lily raised an eyebrow at him.

He looked slightly embarrassed. "I'd fight anything if it would help you get back to London. Look, I won't be any trouble, because I can't think, which is why I won't get you into trouble. I hope. Well, what I mean is, will you let me come with you?"

"I will," Lily said before she could stop herself. That dumb stag...it was manipulating her!

"Hurray! We're off to see a Wizard!" James jumped up and accidentally poked Lily with his antlers.

"Ow!" Lily frowned. "You're not starting off very well."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! It was just an accident." He shook his head a bit, and tried to give Lily the most charming smile that a stag could manage. He didn't want Lily to dislike him. "I'll try hard. Really, I will." Nodding his head, he added, "To Black?"

"To Black," Lily agreed, and stepped beside him on the path they were on.

Together, they skipped off down the Yellow Brick Road.

"We're off to see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Black!
We hear he is a Whiz of a Wiz
If ever a Wiz there was!
If ever, oh ever, a Wiz there was
The Wizard of Black is one because
Because, because, because, because, because
Because of the wonderful things he does!
We're off the see the Wizard
The Wonderful Wizard of Black!"