Y Nireidi Chanddi

Y Nireidi Chanddi

Chapter 2: The Arrival, The Sorting, The Classes (In That Order)

Alexis and Hannah made sure to get to the front of the train early, so that they could be the first ones off. They didn't tend to like people and liked crowds even less.

When the doors finally opened, they rushed out, keeping their ears perked for the sound of Hagrid's voice, which they knew would soon be filling the air. They didn't have to wait long, and they then followed the rest of the mob down a steep, narrow path, bordered by thick trees on either side. When everyone else turned a bend and was immediately dumbfounded by the sight of the giant castle that was Hogwarts, Hannah and Alexis pushed on, muttering under their breaths, "It's only a model".

As they pulled ahead of the others, nearing the lake, they were startled when someone jumped out of the bushes right in front of them. They couldn't get a good look at him, but they were pretty sure that it was a him. He wore dark green robes and a top hat that matched. He quickly pushed an object into each of their hands, then swept off his hat in a swift bow, then took a few steps to the left and disappeared.

"Uh, okay," said Hannah, "That was weird."

"Oh, yes," said Alexis, "In comparison to all the other things that have happened today that have just been so normal."

"Shut up or I'll push you into the lake when we get out there."

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh, yes I would!"

"Oh, no you wouldn't, because if you did, I would pull you in with me."

"Spoil sport,"

"Prat,"

"Bitch,"

"Slut,"

"One who had a Hello Kitty lunchbox until they were twelve,"

"You promised you would never speak of that!"

"If you wanted me to pass up such good blackmail material, you shouldn't have told me."

This priceless bonding moment between two closest of friends was interrupted by the arrival of the other students, and they were pushed along towards the boats on the lake. It was only after they were in the boats and on their way across the lake that they had a chance to really look at what was in their hands.

"They're wands," Alexis said.

"Yeah," replied Hannah, "I noticed that. Unless they're really nice looking sticks."

"Ugh!" Alexis cringed, "I did not need that visual!"

"Ugh!" Hannah responded in turn and punched Alexis in the arm for making her think of that image.

Alexis then punched Hannah back.

Hannah hit Alexis over the head.

Alexis pulled Hannah's hair.

No one is really sure what happened next, but somehow, they both ended up in the lake. As did several other innocent bystanders. And since they were eleven-years-old, the bystanders really were innocent.

When they were inside and relatively dry, Alexis came to a realization.

"Wait a minute, some creepy guy randomly came up to us and gave us wands."

"Well, I don't know exactly how creepy you'd call him, basically anyone would look creepy in that lighting, we really can't hold it against him."

"He gave us wands."

"Yes, you mentioned that. And I was there."

"You idiot!" Alexis finally snapped, "Do you really think it's a good idea to use wands some guy, some stranger, just put in our hands and said 'here'? In fact, he didn't even have the courtesy to say 'here', he just put them in our hands and left!"

"Well, he did bow, that was kind of chivalrous."

"A: chivalry is a Gryffindor trait. B: just because a man is chivalrous, doesn't mean he isn't evil."

"So, you don't think we should use the wands?"

"This is the problem. I. Don't. Know. We need the wands, being here without wands would be rather conspicuous. However, I would rather be conspicuous than blown up."

"I think most people would agree with you on that account."

"You're not helping."

"All right, Alexis, calm down. Well, let's think about it. If someone wanted to kill us, there are much easier ways to do it than rigging a wand. Also, there are much better ways of convincing us to use the wands than, as you said, handing them to us and not saying 'here'."

"Ya know, I don't think he purposefully didn't say 'here', as if it was a forbidden word and he would burst into flames and be torn limb from limb by wild horses."

"At the same time?"

"Yes."

"Well, that's a lovely image."

"Back to the point?"

"What was it again?"

"Wands. If we use them, will we die?" Alexis summarized.

"Oh, right. Going back to my first point, why would anyone want to kill us in the first place?"

"Besides the obvious?"

"That we're annoying and quite possibly evil?"

"Right. I have no idea. Maybe we did something wrong and that's why we ended up in a book."

"So, this is a punishment? That doesn't make any sense. We could have way too much fun here."

"So, it's probably an accident of some kind. But if that's the case, how did the creepy guy in green know that we were here to give us wands?"

"Maybe he's an entity."

"A wha?"

"An entity. Like, Q."

"I'm assuming you mean from Star Trek and not from James Bond? Cause otherwise that doesn't make sense. That's quite possible, after all, we're in Harry Potter, why can't we have entities?"

"Yes, why can't we have entities!"

Alexis pouted, "I wanna be an entity," she said in a tiny baby voice.

"I know, dear," Hannah said, patting her on the head, "But there are certain requirements for that sort of thing, like power and intelligence."

At which point Alexis stamped on her foot.

Hannah let out a 'sss', followed by a very deliberate 'ow'.

Alexis ignored her. "So, in summary," she continued, "It is highly unlikely that the wands are a device with which to murder us, simply because we're not worth the trouble."

"Well, if you say it like that, it's rather insulting."

"Yes, but we'll be alive."

"Oh, yeah, right, that's a good thing."

"Generally."

"So, we're using the wands?"

"Yep, if we die, we can always haunt him from beyond the grave."

"I am so reassured."

"I'm glad."

"Catzaw, Alexis!" McGonagall called out.

While Hannah and Alexis had been distracted, they had all walked into the school and up onto the sorting platform.

"Catzaw, Alexis!" McGonagall called out. For the forth time.

Hermione touched Alexis on the shoulder, "That's you!"

"No, really?" Alexis replied sarcastically, "And, don't touch me, I'm not a touchy feely sort of person."

With that, she turned around, sauntered over to the stool, snatched the hat from McGonagall, and put it on her own head. She would be damned if she let some teacher put a hat on her head, as if she was an imbecile and not capable of it herself.

The hat was on her head for a good while, before it's seam opened and it shouted out, "SLYTHERIN!"

It took a few moments for people to realize that the muggle-born American had been sorted into Slytherin. This was unusual. Ah, hell, this was damn well unheard of!

Alexis, however, only smiled and said to herself, "Oh, yes, that was so surprising." And then sauntered over to the Slytherin table where she took a seat next to a one Draco Malfoy.

It was a while later that they called out, "Lorevin, Hannah!"

Hannah toyed with the idea of flashing the teacher's table as she walked by, but then realized that there was nothing to see, and decided to saunter suggestively instead. And, as with Alexis, the sorting hat pondered for a few minutes before putting her in Slytherin. And, as with Alexis, there was silence.

Hannah walked towards the Slytherin table, stopped half way there, turned and swept a bow towards the Gryffindors and blew a kiss to the teacher's table before sitting on the other side of Draco Malfoy. This way, the two girls were effectively squishing him. This was not unintentional.

Hannah and Alexis spent the remainder of the feast talking over Draco.

"I cannot believe we missed the sorting hat song," Hannah complained, "And we didn't even notice."

"I know!" replied Alexis, "And I was planning on singing along, too!"

Hannah sighed dramatically, "It's so unfair."

"And it's all your fault," Alexis said in a long, suffering sort of way.

"How is it all my fault?"

"Uh, let me get back to you one that."

"Such impeccable logic."

"Isn't it, though?"

"Worthy of a Slytherin."

"Ah, yes, the 'I'm always right and you're always wrong' mentality."

"Precisely."

"I like that kind of logic. Very Miles."

At which point Draco interjected, "Very who?"

"Whom," they said in unison.

"What?" Draco replied.

"Very whom, not who."

"But, it is who."

"We know, but whenever anyone says 'who', you have to say 'whom'. And, we just like to be contrary," Hannah explained.

"Right," Draco said.

"To answer your question," Alexis continued.

"What question?"

"'Very who?', that was your question."

"Oh."

"Very Miles. As in, Miles Naismith Vorkosigan."

"And, who is Miles Naismith Vorkosigan?"

"That's...complicated."

"What's the short version?"

"Eh," Hannah whined, "We don't like the short version."

"Well, what is the short version?" Draco insisted, exasperation creeping up on him.

Note to self, he thought, Never ask them anything ever again.

"He's a character in a book," replied Alexis.

"That is so depressing that he isn't real," Hannah said.

"I know," Alexis agreed, then said to Draco, "We try not to think about that."

They're insane. Draco realized. Absolutely, off the wall, bonkers.

Dinner progressed. Then it ended. Everyone was led to their respective dorms.

"The password," said the Slytherin prefect, "Is 'bloody corpse'."

"Oh, that's pleasant," murmured Hannah, of course, she somehow managed to murmur without lowering her voice at all, so everyone heard. The prefect scowled in their general direction. Hannah smiled broadly back.

"Why," Alexis asked Hannah, "Do you always seem to smile at the people who don't seem to like you?"

"I'm envisioning all the wonderfully horrible fantasies I'm going to do to them."

"Going to do to them? That sounds rather optimistic, do you really think you'll get the chance?"

"Oh, I'll get the chance all right. I'll make the chance."

"You frighten me," Alexis said, perfectly deadpan; it was a much-repeated phrase.

"Glad to be of service," Hannah replied cheerfully.

By the end of the evening, the Slytherins knew to stay far away from those bloody Americans.

It was about a week later, when the first year Slytherins had their first potions class. Alexis and Hannah couldn't stop smiling.

When they entered the classroom, it was practically empty and there were many choices of where to sit.

"How 'bout up front?" Hannah suggested.

"Up front is good," Alexis consented, and they began to make their way to two seats next to each other. Front and center.

"On top is good, too," Hannah said reflectively.

"And, how is this relevant to our current conversation?"

"And, how does the relevance of something either of us might say have any relevance to any conversation we have ever had?"

Alexis stared deep into Hannah's eyes for several seconds, before saying quite precisely and deliberately, as one might speak to someone who was mentally disabled, "What?"

Hannah was interrupted from answering this rhetorical question by the slamming of the door as Professor Severus Snape glided through the doorway. Yes, he glided. Think Bene Gesserit, but with a serious attitude.

"There will be little foolish wand waving or silly incantations in this class. I don't expect many of you to understand the beauty of the softly simmering cauldron with its shimmering fumes, the delicate power of liquids that creep through human veins, bewitching the mind, ensnaring the senses. However, for those who have the... predisposition, I can teach you how to bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death, what the hell are you doing?"

This last part was directed towards the two girls sitting in the front row, without a single change in fluctuation, who had been mouthing the potions master's speech perfectly.

"I don't remember that being in the script," Alexis commented.

"There's a reason for that," Hannah replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Um," Alexis said, turning towards the glaring professor.

After a moment, he replied, "Is that all you have to say? 'Um'?"

"Yep, that's basically it."

"Charming."

"Aren't I?"

"We!" Hannah butted in, "Aren't we!"

"I don't have to do everything with you!"

"Yes you do."

"Why?"

"Because I'm your friend. And I will hurt you."

"Interesting combination, that, 'I am your friend, I will hurt you.'"

"It's tough love."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"I can't have what helps me sleep at night. That's why I'm staring dreamily at the potions master."

"Who is standing right in front of us, well within hearing range."

"Precisely. Oh, damn."

This entire exchange was watched with fascination by everyone in the room. Some of them watched with the kind of fascination spawned from sick amusement, like that of watching an ant try to crawl up the side of a glass and keep on falling down. Others watched with the kind of fascination spawned from horror, the kind like driving past a car accident. A very big, gruesome car accident. The kind where you can see blood on the windshield.

"Ten points from Gryffindor," Snape said.

"But," Harry sputtered, "They're in Slytherin!"

Snape stopped. He'd forgotten about that. Damnation.

The 'damnation' was basically the sentiment of all the teachers in response to these two new pupils.

The first transfiguration class was somewhat less eventful than the potions. In other words, it was boring. Boring as hell.

After Professor McGonagall had introduced herself and set everyone on their first assignment, turning a match into a needle, Hannah and Alexis first made their presence known.

Alexis raised her hand. I would like to say attentively, but that would be a lie.

"Yes, Ms. Catzaw?" McGonagall said sternly.

"Um, look," Alexis said, "I know you're just trying to get us warmed up and all, but I don't even want to think about the kind of situation I'd have to be in to be forced to turn a match into a needle."

"As you said, Ms. Catzaw," McGonagall replied, "You are just warming up."

"Yeah, well, that's the point. I don't need to warm up. I don't want to warm up. I'm already a hunk a burnin' love. Can we get started already?" Hannah said.

McGonagall glared sternly.

"I take that as a no," Alexis continued, "Fine. That's just...fine." And she set to work, however, as soon as the professor was out of hearing range, she murmured to Hannah, "Dear gods, if she's not a cold-hearted vicious bitch who hasn't had a shag in years."

History of Magic was a bit more interesting. Huh, I wonder if anyone's ever said that before.

Professor Binns was droning on, and on, and on, and on. And on. Alexis and Hannah were contemplating suicide, or murder, interchangeably. Though, murder was difficult, considering that Professor Binns was already dead. They found this most annoying. As Hannah was quietly banging her head against her desk, Alexis began fiddling with her parchment. It began to take shape. When it was finished, she looked at it thoughtfully and then threw it at Professor Binns. The paper airplane went right through his forehead.

"Yes!" Alexis shouted, standing up with her arms in a v-shape above her head and her hands balled into triumphant fists. This brought Hannah out of her reverie, she looked up wearily.

"Five points if it goes through his stomach, ten if you get it through his head!" Alexis continued, in reminiscence of Moaning Myrtle in year two, oblivious to the strange looks she was receiving and Professor Binns' confusion.

Hannah looked around at the faces in the classroom. "If you're waiting for her to feel embarrassed," she advised them, "I suggest you pull up a pillow and a blanket, and your preferred stuffed animal."

Alexis didn't notice this. She was too busy dancing around the room with her arms above her head shouting, "I win, I win, I win!"

Hannah looked over at her friend, smiled, and went back to sleep.