The Amazing Illegal Wonder Potion

Chapter 13

Ginny makes a deal

"Alohomora," said Sirius.

"Hello, Sirius," said Ginny, who was sitting on Buckbeak's bed and flipping through the pages of Nanny Ogg's Seekret Resupee.

Sirius started so badly, he had to grab the doorframe to steady himself. Then he reached for his wand.

"Hey - wait!" shouted Ginny. "Before you Obliviate me, you should know that I know something you'd really like to know!"

Sirius tightened his grip on the wand. "What?" he asked sharply.

"Well..." said Ginny and paused. "I can tell you who is the only virgin in this house."

Sirius smiled grimly. "Nice try, Ginny. But there are only four females in this house. Disturbing though this is, I already know that you and Hermione aren't virgins. Narcissa had quite a reputation at school, there's no way she's a virgin. And as for your mum... Well, she's given birth to seven kids, that says it all, really."

"Ah, Sirius, but who says it has to be a female virgin?"

There was a very dramatic pause as there always is when something utterly obvious, which nevertheless nobody has thought of, is revealed.

Sirius, however, still had his doubts. "Ginny, are you absolutely sure about this?" he asked desperately.

"Well no, not absolutely, not until we try it out. But I looked through a lot of books. It has to be a human virgin, they're pretty clear on that. But I never found any book that said it had to be a female. I think everyone just assumes it has to be female, 'cause of course it was always girls that were used in the Dark Ages. That's patriarchy for you."

"I... I never even considered that," said Sirius weakly. Then his eyes lit up with an eager light. "So? Who is it?"

"Uh-uh, not so fast. We're going to make a deal."

***

Lucius the Horny Goat was feeling distinctly less horny, and more terrified, than he had when he had first arrived in this strange house. Back then, all that was required of him was to piss into a bucket, and after that he was left alone to chew whatever he wanted. It had been quite a pleasant existence.

Now, however, things had taken a turn for the worse.

Twice now, he had been taken down to the dungeon.

On the first occasion, the man with the greasy hair had mostly ignored him.

The second time, however, things had gone differently.

It had started out innocently enough: Lucius had retreated into a corner, where he remembered finding some tasty old newspapers, and the greasy-haired man had set about his meal. All was going well until some time afterwards, when the man looked over at Lucius, and suddenly went very still.

"Aren't you a pretty fellow," he said. Lucius didn't understand what this meant, but animal instinct told him that something was amiss. He began to back away, but the wall was behind him. The greasy-haired man approached slowly. "Here, goat. Good goat..."

Lucius didn't wait to find out what this meant. Instead he charged, stabbing the man's shins with his horns. The man was not seriously hurt, but a moment of pain was all the time that Lucius needed to run past him and up the dungeon stairs, bleating in terror. The man was close behind, shouting, "Wait, goat! Wait for me, beautiful!"

Lucius didn't even notice running past the dark-haired man who had taken him to this house, and a red-haired girl. But when the prey and the hunter had passed, the man and the girl turned to each other and cheered.

***

Hermione was having a dilemma. After witnessing Professor Snape's "I Believe in Miracles" striptease, she had not only stopped having a crush on him, but had also begun to doubt whether she would be able to continue studying Potions. The mere mention of Snape's name was now enough to send her into convulsions, and the sight of him had already made her vomit twice. It was no wonder the man was bitter - anyone with plumbing like that (Hermione retched) would be bound to hate the world and everyone in it.

But Hermione didn't want to drop Potions. How could she? It was such an important and fascinating subject!

So painful was her inner battle, that Hermione decided she could not stand to live like this, and opened her Potions textbook to Chapter 13, which was entitled "Poisons". (She had been reading the book in her spare time from reading her Transfiguration textbook, Arithmancy notes, "The Complete Account of the Ministry of Magic", "Hogwarts, A History" and "War and Peace". Well, you had to have some light reading).

Hermione was just contemplating which was the most complex potion with which she could kill herself, when Ginny came into the room. Hermione quickly closed the testbook.

"Hey Hermione, I brought hot chocolate. You've been looking a bit down lately."

"Firewhisky would've been better, but thanks."

She took the steaming cup from Ginny, and began to drink.

In fact, the hot chocolate was remarkably good, and it really did make her feel better. She could feel the warmth of it spreading through to her toes, and on its heels was a wonderful sense of contentment and well-being. "Wow!" she exclaimed, looking up at Ginny. "This is really good! What did you put in it?"

Ginny sat down next to her, brushing her beautiful fiery curls out of her face. "It's a secret," she said, and smiled her sweet little smile with its perfect little white teeth and her beautiful lips.

She is such a wonderful friend, thought Hermione. Why didn't I ever see it before?

"Ginny..." she murmured, suddenly blushing. "Ginny, I..."

"It's okay," said Ginny, drawing her close. "You don't need to say anything."

Needless to say, what followed were several hours of hot, steamy, lesbian action. But I won't dwell on the details - anyone who is interested in that sort of thing can just as easily draw the picture for themselves.

Let's just say there were strawberries involved. And champagne. Oh yeah, and a bubble bath.

And chocolate, of course. Lots of chocolate.