The Magical Twenty-Six

"Sooooo, Harry," trilled Ron. He was clipping his toenails slowly but surely on the Gryffindor sofa. He had only kicked himself in the face three times so far. "OUCH!" Oops, make that four.

"Yes, Ron?" asked Harry halfheartedly. He was getting tired of Ron's constant "musing." In reality, Ron was just being an annoying git. However, Harry had to put up with it, because he knew Mrs. Weasley would hurt him if he severed the tie between he and Ron's friendship. This is because Mrs. Weasley knew Ron didn't have any other friends than Harry.

"You're my friend."

Harry sighed. "Yes, Ron. I know."

"I love you."

"That's nice...." It was like talking to a three-year-old. He looked over at his "friend" who was still attempting to clip his toenails. Harry began counting to ten in his head.

One...

*Clip*

Two...

*Clip*

Three...

*CRASH*

Suddenly, an owl the size of a good-sized refrigerator projected itself through a window in the Gryffindor tower. The stained glass pane shattered all over the floor.

Now, all this commotion had startled poor little Ronald Weasley, who had just been sitting there minding his own business. Of course he was thinking about how he wished Harry wasn't his friend. The only reason he was friends with the pompous jerk was because Ron's mother, Mrs. Weasley, knew Harry was rich. So, Ron had to stay friends with him in order to get some money.

Anyway, this commotion had startled Ron, who clipped a toenail a little to leniently. This toenail, in return, ricocheted off his foot an into his eye.

"AHH! IT BURNS!" Ron shrieked like a girl. Fortunately, the scraped cornea killed him in a matter of seconds.

"FREE AT LAST!" yelled Harry. He bounded around the room and hopped onto the back of the oversized owl who had given them freedom. They flew gallantly out the broken window. "Now, my tawny friend, we shall go kill all the dumb people in the world!"

"Okay, sir!" The owl saluted and following Harry's orders, he then proceeded to drop Harry into the Black Lake.

Draco Malfoy, who had seen the lake death, thought this was all very peachy. However, he then saw the hungry look in the giant owl's eyes and realized....

"HOLY MOTHER OF GANDHI, THAT OWL'S AFTER SHAKISHA!" screamed Draco. He glanced quickly towards his baby squid, which was giggling and cooing contentedly in her play pen.

Rushing towards the adorably purple squid, Draco made a leap that could have one the Olympics in Beijing. And luckily for him and the author (who actually ADORES Shakisha), he got to her just as the gargantuan bird of prey was swooping down for its dinner.

Grasping the squishy baby in his arms, Draco sprinted back towards the castle, only to realize that he was being chased by the owl! Running with all of his might, the world suddenly went into slow motion.

*Cue Chariots of Fire music*

Draco, running ever so slowly, started up the stone steps. The talons of the owl brushed his back, ripping his robes. After they fell off they revealed a startling pair of Bob the Builder briefs, not boxers.

Thankfully for everyone, the normal speed came back as soon as Draco made it into the castle and shut the door behind him. The suspense was over and he was safe.

Outside on the lawn, the large owl cried silently. He was hungry and wanted a friend. Was a little love too much to ask for?

Then suddenly, he saw her.

The winged gracefulness of her body, her divine bone structure, the beautiful curve of her beak, the sharpness of her talons, the buoyancy of her wings....

She looked at him with piercing red eyes and automatically the owl knew that she was his. They flew off awkwardly into the sunset.

This is how Dumbledore's pterodactyl went missing.