The Magical Twenty-Six

Snape wanted to gally a Gryffindor. This was not uncommon of Severus, seeing as how he made Neville Longbottom shit his pants on a regular basis. Snape accomplished this by punching Longbottom in the armpit. Okay, that's not how he did it. Snape only had to look at the boy.

But anyway, Snape wanted to scare one certain Gryffindor. He wanted to scare Harry James Potter, the boy who lived. Snape could not get used to the boy prancing around bragging. Why he remembered just yesterday...

"Snape."

"..."

"Snape!"

"..."

"SNAPE!"

"Can't you see I'm ignoring you, Potter?"

"Snape, guess what!?"

"What is it now, Potter?"

"I'm the boy who lived and you aren't! Take that!"

Oh, it made Severus sick to his stomach. Oh so sick.

All this barf-like sickness to Snape's stomach made him realize that he needed to make a plan.

So he made several, just in case that he failed on the first try.

That was highly unlikely, seeing as how Severus was a Class-A genius.

And so it began.

Day One

Snape dressed up as a dementor. Harry potter punched him in his abnormally large nose.

Day Two

Snape dressed up as Harry's father. Harry peed himself with glee and hugged Snape tightly. Snape's robes, unfortunately, were not love proof, so they caught on fire.

Day Three

Snape dressed up as Neville Longbottom's grandmother. Harry Potter laughed and Colin Creevey took pictures.

Well... Snape thought she was scary...

Day Four

Snape hid himself in a box in the Gryffindor tower. He waited patiently for Harry Potter to open the box. Unfortunately, Hermione Granger opened it. She hit Snape with her book, which was of course, very large, just like her hair.

Days Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Etc.

MISSION: FAILED.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Three

"I give up!" Snape told Harry Potter. "I've been trying for weeks to scare you senseless. But it's just not working." Severus began to sob.

Harry Potter laughed in his cocky condescending way. Wait, no, my mistake, that was Draco Malfoy. Scratch that.

Harry Potter laughed as if he were the boy who lived.

"Who do you think you are," Snape asked, "the boy who lived?"

Harry thought for a moment. "Why yes! I am!" Harry laughed at Snape some more. "You couldn't scare me! Not ever!"

"I know I could!" Snape protested.

"Prove it," challenged Harry. "Scare the shit out of me! I guarantee you will fail."

Snape thought for a moment. "Voldemort's behind you!"

"EEEEK!" shrieked Ron, who keeled over and died.

"Great," sighed Harry in an emo-like manner. "Now I'm going to have to buy a new sidekick. HA! You couldn't scare me!"

"Don't you care that I killed Ron?"

"No, those Weasleys only cost three Knuts apiece."

"Well, they certainly are in abundance," Snape agreed.

"That's beside the point! Scare me, you fool!"

Snape thought for a moment. He then had an epiphany. He looked at Harry, smirked and said, "Dumbledore is gay."

"WTF!?" screamed Harry. He shit his pants and ran around screaming for a moment. Snape smirked. "Ohh! That's why my butt hole hurt!"

Snape was victorious.

Severus and Harry walked out of the hallway, neither of them thought about Ron.

Neither did the rest of the school.

Not even Hermione.

...Or Professor Trelawney.

Two Thousand, Two Hundred, and Fifty-Nine Days Later

Molly Weasley counted her children's heads. "Didn't I used to have one more?" she asked.

Everyone looked around. "Yeah... Wasn't his name Rolf?"

Everyone thought for a moment, then shrugged.

"Oh well."