A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

the sixth installment of

A Sackful of Holiday Horsefeathers

is brought to you by

Mrs. Skower's All-Purpose Magical Mess Remover

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Hermione was sobbing at Professor McGonagall's desk in her Transfiguration classroom. McGonagall set a box of tissues upon the table and waited for the girl to discover them herself.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," sobbed Hermione.

"There's nothing wrong with you, dear," assured McGonagall.

"But Harry and Ron don't understand me at all. They never did."

"You must have some female friends you can count on," said McGonagall.

"Only Ginny," lamented Hermione. "She's a good friend, she really is, but I wish that Harry and Ron would understand me more. And they're making such a big deal about Draco Malfoy, and we got in trouble last night, and he's never going to talk to me again!" she screeched.

McGonagall winced as the vibrations hit her eardrums. She said, "Don't worry about that, Hermione. Nobody else in the school knows except for the three of you. Dumbledore and I won't tell anyone--"

"But Draco knows!" moaned the girl. "Oh, I wish that things would go back to the way they were--the way they used to be, before Draco--before Draco--before he kissed me!"

McGonagall could hardly imagine why the two young people would want to kiss each other. They'd been enemies for the last four years--ever since they met each other! "I don't understand, Hermione. You and Draco are like oil and water."

"I don't understand it, either!" wailed Hermione. "But I suddenly saw this other side of him, and he's cute now, and we played Quidditch together!" She grabbed a tissue and blew her nose.

"Would you really like things to go back to the way they were?" asked McGonagall. "I mean, think about it. Would you really want to hate Malfoy again? And would you really want him to think about you in that old light?"

Hermione shook her head. "No, no, anything but that..."

"Then relax today and don't say anything you might regret in the future," advised McGonagall. "Once the two of you calm down, you and Draco will be friends again--"

Hermione began to sob, "No, we won't..."

"Yes, you will," said McGonagall. Why the hell was she saying this? Draco was no proper suitor for the intelligent, yet sensitive Hermione. McGonagall sighed. She knew what she had to do to calm the girl down. "Things like this happen all the time. If you're good friends, and if you're meant to be together, then there's nothing to worry about. So if you just calm down and treat him with respect, then there's no reason why you two shouldn't patch things up." Whatever those 'things' were...

Hermione smiled a little. "Thanks, Professor. I'll try to relax. I--I guess I'm over reacting." She brushed away a tear streaming down her cheek.

"That's all right," said McGonagall. "Keep the tissues, it's my gift to you. We have to express our emotions, or else we'll go crazy. It's no good to bottle anything up."

Hermione nodded, sniffling.

McGonagall said, "I'm glad you decided to talk to me. If you don't remember anything else from Transfigurations class, I want you to remember that no boy is worth suffering for. Not a single one. If a boy makes you miserable, then there's obviously something wrong with him, and he needs to be tossed aside. But for your sake, and Draco's, I hope he's not one of the rotten ones."

"Thank you," said Hermione.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus Snape let the reptile slither across his shoulders. Its scales were surprisingly smooth and cool to the touch. It was beautiful.

One of the serpent's heads coiled around Snape's neck, and he was alarmed at how exciting it felt to have a snake's body touching his flesh. It was almost a guilty pleasure. The other two heads were hissing serenely as Snape held the Runespoor in his hands. They were letting him pet their black and orange body. They liked him.

Draco was eyeing the snake with envy. "Can I hold it?" he asked.

"Not yet," said the professor, thinking of a name for his new pet. How would Sebastian sound? Hmmm... Not edgy enough. What about Avril?

He asked the sales person, or rather, the sales vampire, "It's a girl, right?"

"Yes," answered the pale, slender man.

"Thank you," said Snape. It would have to be a girl, or else it wouldn't lay any eggs. "Malfoy, how do you like the name 'Avril'?"

"For the snake?" asked Draco.

"No, for your future daughter with Hermione Granger," snapped Snape.

"Oh, well, I haven't thought about a name for her yet," Draco began. He then realized that Snape was being sarcastic, and he tried to recover from his slip-up. "Ha, ha. Just kidding. I knew you meant the snake. Yeah, Avril is an awesome name. Very edgy."

"That's exactly what I thought," said Professor Snape, giving his protégé an odd look. Could it be that the boy had actually fallen for that Mudblood Granger? If so, he was in worse straits than Snape himself.

"I'd like to take her home today," Snape told the sales vamp.

"Do you need a carrier?" offered the vamp. "Or a dozen mice?"

"How much would it all come to?" asked Snape.

"We have a sale today. It's only twelve Galleons for the Runespoor, an extra seven Sickles for the carrier and mice," said the vamp. He licked his lips; Slytherin wizards were always appetizing to him.

Fortunately, Professor Snape didn't notice that his neck was being ogled. He went about his business as usual. "I'll take everything for 12 G 7 S." It was a good price.

"All right. Just a moment." The vamp went into the backroom to get the supplies. Meanwhile, Snape was still playing with Avril. Draco didn't know how the professor would manage to tear himself away from her. Eventually, he would have to place her in the carrier to smuggle her into Hogwarts.

But until then, Snape took the creature everywhere. Avril quickly turned out to be a chick magnet in Knockturn Alley. For instance, there was a cute waitress at The Hound of Baskerville's Steak and Bar who gave Snape her owling address. She thought he looked hot with a serpent draped around his neck. She also thought he was rich, but Snape wasn't about to split hairs. He had the address memorized within ten seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were four individuals in the Gryffindor Common Room. Ginny and her new friend Elizabeth were practicing Tae Kwon Do moves, and Ron and Harry were sitting in front of the fire discussing their latest plan.

"Harry!" cried Ron. "I have an idea!"

"I'm listening," said Harry.

"Why don't we use your Invisibility Cloak to spy on Malfoy?" suggested Ron.

"That's bloody brilliant!" cried Harry. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"Because I thought of it first," said Ron.

Harry nodded. "Where is Malfoy?"

"I don't know," said Ron. "Let's put on the cloak and find him! Maybe he's with Hermione right now! We'll catch him in the act--"

"Are you sure we want to?" said Harry.

"Oh, not that act! But whatever he's doing, we'll catch him at it!" said Ron.

Ginny, having finished her ten roundhouse kicks, informed Ron that Hermione was in the Transfigurations classroom. "She went to speak to Professor McGonagall," said Ginny. "If you want to find her, that's probably where she'll be."

"Oh, Ginny!" said Ron, forgetting that she was in the room. "I--I meant to ask you a question, but you flew away this morning, and--"

"I know. I meant to do that," said Ginny quickly. "You're annoying lately."

"Where were you last night?" Ron demanded.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," said Ginny. "That's none of your business."

"Why do you have to be so ornery?" Ron grumbled.

"I'm allowed to. I'm the little sister." Ginny smiled at him, doing a double knife hand strike in his direction. Elizabeth clutched her blue flannel scarf and laughed at them in amusement. She wasn't used to hanging out with Ron and Ginny, or Gryffindors at all, for that matter. She was a 6th year Hufflepuff, and she liked to spend a lot of time alone. When she did go out, though, she enjoyed herself immensely. Harry Potter's dormitory seemed to have the most fun of all the dorms she'd been in.

Ron glowered at Ginny and returned to whispering with Harry. "So we'll take the Invisibility Cloak and use it to spy on Hermione in Transfigurations."

"That's brilliant!" said Harry again. "Because we'll find out more that way! She won't tell us anything if she knows we're there, but we can hear her talking to McGonagall!"

"Exactly!" said Ron. Harry scrambled up to his room and unlocked his trunk. Two minutes later, he and Ron were exiting the common room under the shroud of invisibility.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Draco looked up from his scrumptious T-bone steak. He and his professor were sitting at a table by the window, eating lunch amidst the rustic atmosphere of The Hound of Baskerville's Steak and Bar.

"Professor Snape?" the boy said furtively.

"Yes?" muttered Snape, hastily swallowing his mouthful of mashed potatoes.

"I'm afraid I've done something wrong," said Draco quietly.

Snape set down his fork. "What do you mean, 'wrong?'"

"I...I'm afraid I took too much of that larghe vedute serum," Draco admitted.

"What do you mean, 'too much?'"

"Just like I said: too much. Remember how the instructions said not to take more than two servings a day?" asked Draco.

"Yes, I know the directions," said Professor Snape, who didn't need to be reminded how to handle his own potions.

"Well, I sort of overdosed. I didn't mean to, but after I accidentally gave some to Hermione, everything--just--spiraled downward from there," said Draco.

Snape gave him a long, stern look. "Don't tell me you've used it all up," he said.

"Oh, no," said Draco. "That's not it. I still have a lot left. But Hermione--and Ginny--I let them have some."

"Well, what's the problem?" asked Snape.

Draco said earnestly, "I think I'm addicted."

Snape shook his head. "You're not addicted.

"But I love it!" cried Draco.

"There is no way for you to become physically, mentally, or in any other way addicted to Larghe Vedute Serum," said Professor Snape. "The addictive properties of opium disappear when mixed with whale blubber."

"Really?" said Draco.

"Yes. The only reason the directions warn against taking too much is to ensure that nobody runs off to join some alien-worshipping cult, or gets suckered into a get-rich-quick scheme, or decides to give all his money away to some half-assed charity."

"Oh," replied Draco.

Snape concluded, "If you genuinely love being on Larghe Vedute Serum, then the only thing you're addicted to is being open-minded."

"Oh," said Draco again. He was even more confused now than he had been five minutes ago.

"There's no reason why you should have to stop using it," said Snape. "The ingredients are relatively inexpensive, and it's very simple to make."

"Oh, yeah, that's good, but what about Hermione and Ginny? They have no idea they were using it," said Draco. "I want to tell them. I want to let them in on it, but they might be angry at me."

Snape remarked, "You didn't tell them? Well then, how on earth have they been taking the serum?"

"I, um, may have inadvertently transferred it to them..."

"In English, please, Malfoy."

"I kissed Hermione, after I put the potion on my lips," said Draco. "And I let Ginny ride my broomstick, after I was carrying it, so that's how she first, well, you know. That's how she came in contact with the potion. And then, I injected some of my chocolates with larghe vedute and fed them to Ginny and Hermione at lunch yesterday."

"Well thought out," Professor Snape commended. "I suggest you tell them about your little potion while they're in a state of open-mindedness."

"Oh, I will," said Draco quickly, wondering how and when he would get another opportunity to slip the girls more larghe vedute.

Draco had been having flashbacks all throughout the morning. He was mainly thinking about Friday evening, when he missed the train back home. It had only been two nights ago!

Before we examine Draco's version of how events transpired, let us become acquainted with the recipe for Larghe Vedute Siero, as copied below:

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di Larghe Vedute Siero (or Open-Mindedness Serum)

Ingredients: 2 cups Whale Blubber

1 sprig of Eucalyptus

3 Mint Leaves

9 drops of Nectar from a Snapping Opium Poppy

_ teaspoon of Powdered Fairies' Wings

Step #1.....Melt whale blubber in cauldron until it becomes easy to stir. Lower heat.

Step #2.....Stir in the rest of the ingredients one by one. The mixture should become translucent, with a slight tinge of blue (from the fairies' wings.)

Step #3.....Promptly remove from heat and let stand until the mixture attains a jelly-like firmness. Scoop the serum into any durable container and enjoy. The serum may be taken internally or applied to the skin. It makes an excellent lip balm and moisturizer for dry, chapped skin.

Serving size: Depends on the personality of the individual. For most, a dabbing of the balm upon the lips will induce open-mindedness immediately. For long-lasting open-minded thinking, ingest a tablespoon of the serum once a day, or you may apply the mixture to the lips and hands once daily. It is also effective anywhere else upon the skin's surface.

This serum is highly potent. It cannot be stressed enough that one is not to exceed 2 servings in the course of one day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the evening that Draco missed the train home and ended up kissing Hermione Granger, he only remembered later that night what allowed him to kiss her.

Draco recalled that while he was packing his suitcase, he noticed that his lips were dry from the cold winter. He used the Larghe Vedute Serum on them, because he was in a hurry and didn't feel like searching for his regular chapstick.

He'd inadvertently induced himself into a blissful state of open-mindedness!

'But maybe it's not so bad after all,' Draco thought to himself that first night as he lay in bed. He'd made out with a girl in his dormitory, and that wasn't something to be tossed aside so easily.

But with Hermione Granger! The girl with the Muggle parents!

Draco's mind was troubled. He groped along his bedside table and found the jar of larghe vedute. He convinced himself that just a little more wouldn't hurt. Draco dipped his fingers into the jar and spread it on his hands.

Within seconds, Draco was at peace again. The internal struggle was gone, and Draco went back to having warm, fuzzy thoughts of Hermione Granger. Come to think of it, she was a pretty girl. Draco liked girls with fluffy hair. And Muggles weren't as bad as his father always claimed. Muggles were quite ingenious the way they got along without magic. No wonder Hermione was so smart! Draco smiled and drew the bedclothes around his chin. He liked the minty smell of larghe vedute almost as much as he liked the smell of Hermione's hair. They were beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful...

Draco was soon fast asleep.

When he awoke the next morning, he was wary of meeting everybody in the Grand Hall for breakfast. Hermione had only kissed him back because the larghe vedute serum had got on her lips when he kissed her. That allowed Hermione to clear her mind and see the other side of Draco--the side of him that was cute and quirky and debonair. Surely the potion would have worn off by now, and she would go back to hating him!

But when Draco saw the look on Hermione's face as he sat down to breakfast, he knew that she didn't hate him anymore. Perhaps she had a real change of mind, despite the fact that the larghe vedute serum had worn off. Well, just to be sure, he would have to reapply it whenever he got the chance. He liked it when Hermione didn't automatically dismiss him. If he could keep her open-minded long enough, he could permanently win her over with his natural charms.

These were the memories that kept haunting Draco as he struggled to finish his steak. Until now, he never knew what it felt like to lose one's appetite.

Snape was attempting to feed Avril some of his leftover venison.

"Um, professor?" said Draco. "I don't think deer is natural prey for the Runespoor."

An affronted Avril turned all her three heads away from the leftover meat.

Snape finally gave up. "I suppose she'd rather have a fresh kill, anyway," he said.

.....................to be continued