Shades of Lavender

Chapter nine: Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

She couldn't believe it. It was unbelievable, that was why.

And possibly the most awkward love triangle she had ever been a part of - including the time when her and Heather Spinster had been madly in love with Charlie McAllister when they were ten.

Parvati was standing by the fireplace, making small talk with her father. Parvati, whose face was pale. Parvati, who looked like she was going to throw up onto the carpet. Parvati, who had just overheard the entire conversation.

Zacharias was hidden in a corner and, as far as Lavender was concerned, he could bloody well stay there.

"And how are your family?" her dad was saying, completely oblivious to the less-than-relaxed air in the room. Men.

"They're fine thanks," Parvati replied. Her tone was polite, but cold. "I just popped over for a second to give Lavender her Christmas present but we've got rellies over so I should go." She handed Lavender a box, and left as quickly as she had come.

"Are you going to open it?" her dad asked.

"I might open it by myself," she replied, trying to keep her hands still. "I'll be upstairs if you need me." She didn't look at Zacharias.

She took the stairs two at a time, grabbed a blanket from her unmade bed and hid under her desk. Her safe space. It always had been. She looked at the box. Pink shimmery paper and silver ribbon. Parvati-paper.

And it was then that she realised just how much she missed Parvati. Not as a crush, an infatuation. But as a best friend, confidante. Not that the love was gone but it had dimmed and Lavender could see how ridiculous and futile it was. I mean, you only had to look at Parvati and understand that she liked boys. It was in the way she danced, laughed, did her hair.

Parvati was never going to be Lavender's and she hated it but she had to move on.

She fidgeted with the ribbon until it fell off the parcel, coiling around her wrist, serpent-like. The pink paper, glossy and smooth, unwrapped itself. Parvati was such a show off of a gift wrapper.

It was a box, wrapped with a ream of parchment. A letter.

Dear Lavender,

I am a horrible person. And I know you are probably desperately upset right now but please forgive me. Perhaps we can shop for the other half of this present before we go back to school?

All my love,

Parvati

P.S. I really did like Harry then.

She couldn't seem to cry and it frightened her. But her hands shook when she opened the box.

Purple. Glittering. Subtle. Beautiful.

It was a pendant, purple and silver. All it was missing was the perfect chain. The missing link, Lavender thought, laughing.

She knew what she had to do. It was just she was afraid to do it.

She had a shower.

The hot water, the steam and the eucalyptus shower gel cleared her brain and made her realise what a stupid idea popping over to see Parvati would be. Parvati was her best friend, she realised, and she knew her far too well. She would currently be in her room, eating away at her supply of chocolate and writing angsty poetry, whilst proclaiming to all and sundry that her life was over.

That girl was such a drama queen.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you decent?"

"Yeah," Lavender called out. Then, she realised that she wasn't. "Shit, wait, no!"

Too late. "I'm leaving now," Zacharias said, popping his head around the door. He heard the rushing water too late. "Fuck, Lavender!" he cried, averting his eyes. "That's not decent."

Despite herself and her extreme mortification, Lavender had to laugh. "I did swear after that," she yelled from the safety of the shower cubicle. "You should know me better than to take what I say as true."

"Idiot."

"Nice to know you too."

"So, we're broken up, are we?" Zacharias' voice was hesitant.

"Yeah," Lavender replied. "It was fun while it lasted but it was never going to work out longterm."

"We can still be friends, right?"

"I don't know. I think I've got other friendships that I have to patch up first." Someone had to be brisk and if he wasn't going to do it, she'd have to.

"Well, I'll see you around, I guess. Thanks for having me."

"It was a pleasure, Zacharias," Lavender replied. "I'd come out to say goodbye but you'd probably be scarred for life."

"Probably," he agreed.

"See you."

"Bye." She could hear him turn to go and then he said something that, because of the water, she couldn't quite make out. She was certain that he didn't say 'I love you'.

But then she asked herself, why would he say 'I glove you'?

*

She spent the last few days of the holidays watching movies and wandering the streets of Muggle-London, looking at shoes and accessories.

It just wasn't the same without Parvati. But she was too scared to contact her.

The worst thing, she thought, would be the knowledge that Parvati didn't love her, never had, and was repulsed by the entire concept.

So it was with a heavy heart and an even heavier trunk that Lavender boarded the Hogwarts Express to return to Hogwarts. Fortunately, her father had dropped her off in plenty of time so she was able to grab a compartment to herself.

Unfortunately, Harry, Ron and Hermione decided that they'd move in on her compartment.

"How are you, Lavender?" Hermione asked sympathetically. Lavender was going to snap at her and tell her to stop being so pitying, until she realised that it really was quite pitiful that she was in a six-person compartment all by herself.

"I'm good thanks. How were your holidays?"

"Oh, brilliant," Hermione gushed. This was odd because Hermione never gushed. "We went to Ron's and it was just so nice!"

Lavender raised an eyebrow at Ron, who was blushing, and Harry, who looked faintly bemused. "She's been like this since Christmas," Harry explained. "Can't think why," he continued, smirking at Ron, who was now the colour of his unattractive maroon jersey.

"Still with Ginny?" Lavender asked, and Harry grinned at her. She hadn't realised how easy it was to be friendly. With Parvati around she hadn't needed anyone else from Gryffindor.

It lapsed into silence shortly after that and Lavender realised how easy it was for situations to become incredibly awkward. Harry excused himself, to go and see Ginny, Lavender presumed. And Ron left to go and talk to Katie Bell, the Quidditch captain, about their game against Hufflepuff. Lavender was left with Hermione.

"How was having Zacharias over for Christmas?" Hermione asked.

"Wha-how did you know that?" Lavender was certain that she hadn't said anything. Bloody Hermione and her knowing-everything-ness.

"Lisa Turpin told me that you two were sleeping together. You're not, right?"

Lavender laughed hollowly. "Zachie and I aren't anything."

Hermione's arm was around Lavender's shoulder in an instant. "Oh, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine. Actually, there's something ... it'd be nice to tell someone." Lavender took a deep breath. Hermione wasn't the best person to talk to about hair and makeup and pets dying (Lavender still hadn't forgiven her for the Binky incident. Honestly, who would?) but when it came down to the really serious issues, she always had the answer.

"Zacharias was my cover."

"Your cover?" Hermione looked confused. Then, her eyes brightened. "Oh! So you're gay?"

Lavender almost laughed. Hermione had that expression on her face that she got when she'd just solved a problem in Potions. "No, bi. Not that it makes that much of a difference really since the object of my affections is Parvati."

"That explains a lot actually. You look...looked at Parvati like she was the only thing in the room. And she didn't exactly send smouldering glances in your direction."

Had she really been that obvious? Honestly. It was a relief to tell someone optionally, but Hermione was so businesslike, detached. "Problem is, Parvati came by over Christmas while I was arguing with Zacharias about her."

"Oh. Big problem."

"Precisely."

Hermione chewed her bottom lip. "I know you probably don't want to hear this but I think you should talk to her."

"Talk to her?" Lavender stared. "Wizards hate anything unconventional. She won't talk to me."

"You were her friend first," Hermione said gently. "Just try her."

Ron returned at this point and the conversation came to an abrupt halt. Hermione kept shooting Lavender meaningful looks, which she chose to ignore. The rest of the trip was relatively uneventful. Well, Harry got in a fight with Malfoy outside their carriage but that was more entertainment than anything else. Especially when Harry pulled a chunk of hair from Malfoy's head.

Malfoy was not impressed.

Lavender, shockingly, skipped dinner. She couldn't handle the Great Hall and besides, she wasn't hungry. Just the thought of food made her feel nauseous.

It seemed that Dean'd had the same idea. He was sitting in the Common Room, staring discontentedly into the fire and sketching. He looked up when she came in and hurriedly covered his sketch pad. "Hey," he said, hesitantly.

Lavender remembered that the last time she had spoken to him, it hadn't been pleasant. "Hey you."

"Skipping dinner?"

"Yeah. There are people I don't want to see right now."

"I think we're avoiding the same person." Dean smiled wanly and began to sketch again.

Lavender perched on one of the chairs. "She dump you?"

"Blunt as ever, Lav," Dean said. "She said it wouldn't be right. Said she still had feelings for someone else." Dean looked over at her and she was astonished at how much pain was in his eyes.

"She doesn't deserve you."

"For someone who used to be her best friend, you're certainly her greatest critic."

"We...aren't friends anymore," Lavender replied stiffly.

Dean shook his head. "It's so stupid. She really misses you. I'm surprised she didn't come to make amends over the holidays."

Yeah, odd that, Lavender thought. "We're not talking about me. We're discussing your love life."

"What love life?"

"Well..." Lavender tried to think of something to say. "It's hard, eh."

"You're telling me," Dean said. He kept looking her up and down.

"Are you drawing me, Dean?" Lavender asked curiously.

"Why would I do that?" he asked, scribbling furiously.

"You tell me," she replied, leaping up and peering over his shoulder. He was too quick for her, however, and closed his sketch pad before she could see anything.

"Nuh uh. My work is private."

"You suck."

"No, that would be Seamus."

"I'm sorry. I don't understand." Lavender stared at him. Did he mean what she thought he meant?

"Seamus is gay, Lav. Everyone knows that."

"I didn't."

"Clearly." Dean was so calm. The sort of bloke who was never caught out, blushing or crying or throwing a tantrum.

"But I thought he was dating that Ravenclaw."

"Lisa and him broke up over the holidays."

"'Tis the season to break, it would appear," Lavender said, still slightly shellshocked. "When did you find out?"

"We're best mates, Lav. You don't neglect to tell them these sorts of things." He seemed surprised at her reaction.

"Do you think that he would have told you if it was you that he loved?"

"Dunno," Dean said. "I'd like to think he'd be able to. Anyway, it's not like it's a huge deal. He likes boys. I like girls. Sometimes," he added wryly, "I think he's got the better end of the deal."

So Lavender told him everything.

"You'll have to talk to her."

"But how," she wailed.

"Just how you told me," Dean said simply. "Except," he added with a smirk, "less of the angst would go down a treat."

Lavender smiled. "I'm a teenager. I'm supposed to angst."

"Never thought you'd be one to conform to stereotypes," Dean said, grinning.

"Can I see the sketch now?" He'd been drawing the same picture since the start of their conversation and she was insanely jealous.

"No! Now bugger off and go to bed," Dean said, closing his sketchbook and heading for the stairs.

Lavender followed and she didn't hear the others come to bed.

*

The weeks that followed were the busiest and most stress-filled in Lavender's life. It probably would have been more fun with Parvati or Zacharias but she had come to the unfortunate conclusion that she was a wimp; she had been avoiding them both since Christmas.

She was working hard in all her classes, save Divination, which she simply didn't go to. Trelawney didn't seem to notice. And her grades had taken a huge leap. She even got an 'Exceeds Expectations' in Potions, given to her by Snape wearing the sourest expression possible. She imagined that he suspected her for the loss of the picture of Professor Delacour.

It would have been amusing if he had asked her about it, but that would have gone against Snape's very nature.

They were studying Ageing Potions that day and were scribbling down notes. Lavender's scrawl had become almost unreadable and she was having difficulty concentrating in the musky classroom. However, there was definitely something wrong with the sentence, 'if taken incorrectly, the potion upsets the natural bodily rthym.'

"Sir, I think you've mispelt 'rhythm'," Lavender said, raising her hand. "There's a 'y' before the 't', not after it."

Snape glared and, if Lavender listened closely, she could hear Parvati trying not to giggle. "Five points from Gryffindor for your insolence, Miss Brown," Snape said, eyes gleaming with vindictive pleasure.

Lavender shrugged. "Sure, okay."

Snape bristled.

*

It was in Transfiguration when Lavender discovered that she had truly gone insane.

Professor McGonagall was dictating to them, delving into Greek art to talk about Animagus. "It is believed that the Satyrs, worshipers of Dionysus, were animagi, transformed incorrectly. As we can see on this pot by the Lydos Painter, the Satyrs are depicted, both with animal characteristics but also mean statures and large phalluses, which show their mutancy."

Lavender raised her hand. "Please Professor, what are phalluses?"

Hermione groaned and Lavender could almost see her rolling her eyes. The rest of the class, however, seemed to think it was a valid point.

"They're...um, well," Professor McGonagall said, looking harassed. "Penises." Was that a pink tinge in her cheeks?

"Oh," Lavender said. Then, "How do you spell it?"

The class erupted. Professor McGonagall pretended that she didn't see Lavender raising her hand after that.

It was the sort of thing she would have done with Parvati. And Lavender missed her so much.

She was going to have to talk to her.

*

This was easier said than done apparently. When all Lavender had wanted to do was avoid her, Parvati was everywhere. Now with desperation mounting, Parvati had disappeared.

"For the last time, I don't know where she is," Padma snapped. Lavender realised that Padma probably wasn't feeling too friendly towards her and backed away slowly.

"Haven't seen her," Dean said, shaking his head. "You're leaving this a bit late though."

"Haven't seen her but she'll be in Divination today," Seamus said, grinning. "You should come. I'll make myself scarce if you promise that you'll shag on one of those pouffy cushion things."

Lavender wondered why she had ever told Seamus anything as she traipsed up to the Divination classroom.

She peered timidly around the door. Parvati's back was to her and Seamus was conspicuous by his absence. Lavender coughed. "Seamus?" Parvati asked, peering around.

"Me, Parvati," Lavender said hesitantly, feeling her lower lip tremble.

Parvati jumped. "Lav?"

"Yeah."

There was silence. Lavender was bad with silences. She always ended up saying something inane. "So, I used to be in love with you."

Things like that.

"Used to?" Parvati laughed hollowly. "I don't know whether to be confused or insulted."

"Yeah." Lavender sat down next to her and put her hand on the table to stop it shaking. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"That you're gay?"

"That I'm bi."

"Ah." Parvati thought for a moment. "I see."

She was relatively calm. Although Lavender supposed that she'd had a lot of time to think about it. "I'm...I'm..." Lavender stuttered.

Parvati's hand reached hers and the heat from her palms made the shaking in Lavender's hands tingle to a stop. And then Parvati was hugging her, hugging her so hard that she thought she'd never be able to breathe and felt strangely light-headed and as if she could do anything she wanted to do.

"I've missed you so much, Crayola," Parvati murmured.

"Ditto," Lavender whispered back.

"Wait," Parvati let go of her. "This doesn't turn you on, does it?" And she began to laugh. Hysterical happy laughter.

Lavender couldn't help but join in.